[Music]
damn Knuckles you need to calm the
orchids we weren't even invited haha
don't worry about granddad Manik is my
[ __ ] he'll let us in no doubt about it
if not I'll just beat his ass Knuckles
can you slow down I'm having trouble
keeping up with your ass c'mon Athair
already so close I can smell the hot
dogs from here damn Knuckles you sure
want those wieners in fact if I didn't
know any better I'd think you were gay
just like that [ __ ] Sonic haha I sure
hope you don't try and rape me hey
granddad we don't want another Mexican
to come along and steal them again like
last week did you remember to bring the
lock this time
cool let's go get some barbecue hey mind
these dad are the burgers ready yet you
can bet your ass there boy
bring me your plate this cheeseburger
recipe was invented by my own father he
carefully hand-picked out each and every
ingredient of course he left out the
veggies but cause veggies don't belong
on a hamburger
go now boy feast the pine that was in
lava [ __ ] man I promise you here and
now that it's even better than a Big Mac
from McDonald's
what the [ __ ] do you want hamburger no
you don't you want a salad or beans what
did I [ __ ] stutter [ __ ] woman do not
eat burgers it is not in their nature
why are you lying to me go eat a flower
what the hell's your problem just
because I'm a girl doesn't mean you
should treat me any different everybody
in this world is the same the gender of
a person should not be an excuse to put
somebody else down they are you even
listening to me at all oh I don't listen
to what women have to say because they
are beneath men you may be excused to
leave now before you go do you want to
know an interesting fact hamburgers are
a signature dish of America indeed it is
as American as apple pie Goddamn I love
being American it's so [ __ ] bad-ass
only here in the land of the free and
the home of the brave can understand the
true meaning and greatness of a
[ __ ] hamburger hell yeah really
I heard the hamburger was invented in
Germany back in the 1800s
you shut your mouth [ __ ] boy or do you
want me to shut it for you I am NOT
going to stand here and let you talk
down on the beauty of this wonderful
nation I fought in a lot of wars and
killed people for your sake and as for
you God and candy looking [ __ ] get out
of here before I tell your mommy
Elena is where if Mannix bunks near
Sonia Moretti ma'am in one event that
will equal damn will excuse me
you must be the Hedgehog family aren't
you my name is Athair my great-grandson
Knuckles called me all about your
wonderful family you that old widows
boom oh do you know it was us exactly
well to tell you the truth Knuckles did
kinda mention that Sonic's uncle has a
big ass and spoiler alert you hahaha
kinda do it's very nice to finally meet
you Athair my own kids told us all about
you the great sage of the itch Ignis
that's quite a title you have there
Knuckles also told me how your kids
bully him on a regular basis now
normally I try not to tell people how to
raise their own kids but your demon
children are a menace to society
bullying my sweet Knuckles how do you
think our Savior Jesus Christ feels
looking down on your ugly ugly children
kickings and in other kids faces and
making them eat their poop excuse me
hold the [ __ ] up [ __ ] it's your
great-grandson who's the bully not mine
my kids tell me all the time
how Knuckles pushes them around and
steals their money just last week
Knuckles held my boy Manic down and gave
him the biggest smElliest chunky is beef
stew of the likes of which this world
has never seen
what nonsense my sweet Knuckles is a big
ball of sunshine he would never do such
a thing a fight yet it over here kid
boyo would you kill a seed into what are
you guys telling him
a fair did you already forget about what
I just got done telling you the Hedgehog
family are nothing but a bunch of liars
would you really choose to believe him
over your own great-grandson who loves
you
I'm sorry Knuckles I swear I never
doubted your kindness for a second cool
give me 20 bucks I want to run down to
Walmart and get a video game what $20
but Knuckles I just gave him a $50 bill
this morning
yeah and I spent it give me 20 bucks
well alright but make sure you spend it
wisely this time it's my money I'll
spend it however I want old man
um are you sure that Knuckles isn't
taking advantage of you of course not
that boy just has a unique way of
showing affection well I'm just asking
because my kids don't go around slapping
my ass and if they did they would sure
as hell get their ass beat you might
already know from the strong into the
ground
bed oh right right I had the world
famous song get this Hedgehog
give him a hand of a pool peaches and on
my left I have his grip road maggot this
Hedgehog show this [ __ ] son left you
[Applause]
now what do you say we pick hey Bart
dude ready [ __ ] I don't think
you jury bisected ready [ __ ]
now that's what daddy likes here let's
get this show on the road
[ __ ] you heard the man which
stars those beats crank it all the way
up to 11
you call yourself the fastest thing
alive say you can run faster than a race
cars but why do I only ever see you run
fast when you're going to the chili dog
bar you like to gloat
that's your first rate but how do you
run with all that weight you say you can
can talk the talk you act like you can
walk the walk but [ __ ] you just a fat
guy with a mohawk your fat ass [ __ ] and
that ain't no joke
why don't you bent down end bro what's
wrong why do you look so sad bro why are
all of your jokes about me being fat
you know I'm insecure about my weight
I'm sorry my bro I'll try to cut back on
the fat jokes next time go on bro it's
your turn give me all that you've got
don't hold back
you call yourself a mean green machine
but in reality you're just a walking
green V I'm Yours your rhymes are sick I
mean your rhymes are [ __ ] they belong in
the trash just just like your stupid
jokes
[Music]
perhaps if you worked on your lines as
much as a chili dogs you would actually
be somewhere but I guess that's asking
too much for someone who's so fat that
they need help wiping their own ass
am I right for that walk or what am I
saying you know I'm right I I don't need
help wiping my own ass my bros line tell
you ro you don't have to do this if you
don't want to we can stop if you want
don't you [ __ ] touch me I'm about to
I'm about to wreck your [ __ ] well come
on what are you waiting for [ __ ] turn
the music back on yet that's it those
are some sick beats I love that [ __ ]
I I can't do this anymore not with
everyone laughing at me
turn the music off
bro you don't have to cry anymore it's
over now you can rest this is all your
fault bro we should have never done this
in the first place I'm so embarrassed
don't even try to pin this on me bro
you're the one who signed us up for this
[ __ ] but that doesn't matter
not everybody is cut out for the hip-hop
scene like I am but do you know what you
are cut out for bro
being the leader of the most badass rock
band in the world the sounding
Underground go on bro take the
microphone and we'll give these [ __ ]
the best show of their lives turn the
music hun baby you know the one crank it
up to the Max
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
what were we even thinking coming to
this stupid barbecue Dingo nobody in the
neighborhood even likes us well [ __ ] I
don't know about you but I sure as hell
know what I came here for
look Sleet over there on the table
boiled eggs you know how much I love
that [ __ ]
oh boy just looking at this little [ __ ]
it's getting me excited my butt cheeks
are trembling [ __ ] I think there's even
some sweat running down into my butt
crack I don't think I can help myself
for another second damn there must be
like over a hundred white people here
how much do you want to bet that at
least six of them are planning to shoot
up the place what in God's name was that
thing face
did you just grope my butt cheeks Healy
it wasn't me maybe it was a ghost why do
you do this Dingo you got mustard all
over my us hehehe maybe it was me you'll
never know did you like it though [ __ ]
you know I once ducked 53 boiled eggs up
my ass
why would you waste so many good boiled
eggs by sticking them up your butt to
test the limit of my abilities ah that's
all I take more than that into my ass on
a regular basis fifty three eggs [ __ ]
that's just an average Tuesday for a
Dingo [ __ ] daddy daddy can you buy me a
soccer ball what's that my boy you know
we can't afford to buy real toys for you
to play with here son
have it put a tow we may not have enough
money for a soccer ball but you can't
play with this but don't break it okay
we need to eat for dinner because we are
poor no I hate being poor you're such a
failure daddy you can shove that potato
up your butt I I wish I was living with
mommy at least she has money then I
could buy all the toys I want
go on and play on your own venue little
[ __ ] this potato is all mine and I
just my stick it in my house and you
know what
you'll still eat it tonight [ __ ]
because us all we have
I am so sorry son I'm so sorry that we
are poor yo daddy is trying his best he
relays please forget daddy please
good gracious poor people are so
annoying why don't they just be rich
already so they can quit ruining my
relaxation time yeah well if you ask me
I think it's rich people who are you're
noting once they have all they could
ever need and they still find ways to
complain and whine like babies meanwhile
I'm out here busting my ass just to buy
green beans and frozen mozzarella sticks
maybe if the rich shared some of their
stuff the world would be a more
beautiful place you Goddamn [ __ ] do man
you'd spank your ass like you're my cute
little [ __ ] for you to understand
what's this now you think you're so
tough just because you have beautiful
white skin long majestic blond hair and
big muscles but I know it's all fake
nobody and I mean nobody can be that
perfect dandy oh my God that was my
daddy it's it's okay son daddy's daddy
is just playing a little game
that's all indeed this is a discussion
between men everybody go back to your
party cool do you know why I'm so Masoli
I carry over 200 goldbrick in my coat
pockets everyday each one weighs over
926 pounds but that's not why I'm so
powerful no the real reason comes at
night once the day is done when I'm in
the bedroom with my [ __ ] and I'm
slapping his was with the force of a
trillion Suns I destroy those ass cheeks
every [ __ ] day
you wouldn't believe your eyes however I
ram into that butt crack wait I know who
you are now you're not just some rich
guy you're part levy tell me have you
ever heard of the legend the legend of
the fall of the Sun the one with the
lovers the one where the two [ __ ]
went up into space and had sex or some
[ __ ] well it's true all of it no that
can't be true then how wait it is true I
remember now I was at home watching the
news I just got done taking a huge crap
and on TV there were these two lovers on
a mission to save the world
hey what's that out the window oh my
goodness the Sun really is falling are
we all going to die those lovers have
done it the Sun moved back into orbit
were saved
it's true you're our Savior how please
tell me how I can't repay you
don't worry everybody makes mistakes
here take this this is a bowl of solid
gold it was recently dug up far beneath
the ancient Aztec ruins it's no soccer
ball but I'm sure you don't mind that
huh huh browser I thought you were just
a mean rich guy like the creator of
Minecraft much from Twitter but you're
actually a really cool dude son come
here daddy has a new ball for you to
play with
oh no my son before just broke his
[ __ ] leg hang in there son daddy will
find a way to save your ass somebody
anybody called name one one right now
[Music]
are you the boy's father I'm going to
have to ask you what happened here it
was him over there officer not the fat
one but the one with the big sexy
muscles he gave my son a huge block of
gold telling him to play with it
we got a code banana over here sir
we will give you one chance to cooperate
get down he's not cooperating sir shoot
his pants off he might be concealing a
weapon what the [ __ ]
while your darts arresting me I was the
one who called your ass you were
arrested under the orders of operation
banana do not struggle or I will legally
be told to pop a cap in your ass but why
but even his operation banana code
bananas an acronym it stands for being a
nuisance and inconvenience to sir Bart
levy you have broken this law you [ __ ] it
is for this reason both you and your
family will be executed on the spot
[Applause]
I'm telling you guys my
great-grandfather is a total [ __ ] I can
make that old man do whatever I want if
I tell him to [ __ ] me in the ass he'll
do it
Knuckles are you sure you should be
treating him like that isn't he like
your only family what you don't believe
me that I've got him by the balls how
about I show you I never said that
Knuckles please don't do this he's just
an old man
some prefer you doing good my home
Skelly biscuit Ohio Knuckles I'm doing
wonderful I've been talking with your
friends they're also nice cool cool they
I've been wondering if I could ask you
something actually I guess it's more of
a request final question
oh go ahead Knuckles you can ask me
anything you want I want to see that
cute little ass of yours mind dropping
your pants for a second [ __ ] Knuckles
please not in front of all these people
haha I thought you loved me Athair don't
you want to make your great-grandson
happy pull down your pants [ __ ] oh yeah
now that's the [ __ ] that I like to see
if only you were this obedient all the
time ha ha why are you taking this so
seriously Athair you know I'm only
messing with you
oh yeah and give me $20 I want to go
order a pizza
but Knuckles didn't I just gave you $20
for a video game yet and I spent it give
me $20 come on old man
I know you've got at least 60 left in
your wallet
[Music]
a fight yet that overreacted for your
body you were killed yesterday in foot
excuse me hold the [ __ ] up [ __ ]
it's your great-grandson who's the bully
give me my money [ __ ]
no I'm I'm not giving you money not now
not ever again you don't deserve it
I'll [ __ ] write your [ __ ] [ __ ] I
didn't want to believe the Hedgehog
family that you were just a little bully
I wanted to believe that you were my
innocent little angel I wanted to
believe that you couldn't do anything
wrong but now I see I was wrong
you were taking advantage of me and all
of your friends all this time angels
angels don't do that angels are the
nicest [ __ ] ever that's what the
Bible says do you know why I do this old
man do you know why I keep you on such a
tight leash it's because it's because
everyone else I ever cared about has
left me mommy daddy my grandparents they
all left me and you Athair if I don't
keep treating you like my [ __ ] then
eventually you're going to leave me too
I can't let that happen I can't Knuckles
I'm so sorry
why haven't you told me you were hurting
this much I try Athair I try to tell you
all the time but every day after I come
home after its cooled gyro passed out
drunk on the toilet so I always just
grab a couple frozen burritos from the
freezer and eat them alone upstairs
don't worry Knuckles I promise that I
will never leave you I love you
Athair do you really mean it you're not
lying to me are you because I love you
too you have no idea Athair you mean
everything to me you sweet Redman
of course I mean it Knuckles I may not
have been the best great-grandfather
lately but from here on out I will try
my hardest to make sure you're never sad
again okay
what's everyone standing around for the
summer's just beginning let's dance
everyone
[Music]