Halina are you coming to the office
Christmas party tonight the boss is
going to be there do you think I'll get
a promotion if I slap his [ __ ] ass
cheeks I don't even know who you are do
you think I even give a [ __ ] [ __ ] we've
been working together for like eight
years or some [ __ ] the least you can do
is strike up a conversation once in a
while this office is the only place
where my husband doesn't beat me I'm
sorry I just have three kids at home so
iam usually caught in so much work it's
not easy when one is fat hey speaking of
my kids do you want to see a picture my
daughter is [ __ ] cute look there she
is with the participation trophy they
didn't win so my two boys Sonic and
Manic refused to look at the camera but
she didn't care though she was so happy
to be a part of the team at least the
backlog I put in his [ __ ] pants
God I [ __ ] hate her oh that Hedgehog
talks about his/her stupid pink doctor
every day what a dumb [ __ ]
hey Alena the boss wants to talk with
him when you got the time all right it
must be time for my Christmas bonus oh
no it ain't what do you mean the bus
caught you Alena he called you on camera
stealing pens off of Hernandes desk I
told you this would happen eventually if
you didn't stop Hernandez is a [ __ ]
Mexican he shouldn't even be in this
country in t first play I'm already
paying for their shift with my taxes I'm
only taking back what's mine I know
Alena I know and I agree with you 100%
but you can't just go around stealing
stuff it's against the law
hey you know what
you
um Mr. Luthor you wanted to talk with me
so yes Alima come right and we have much
to discuss
I've been told you have been getting
into fights with your co-workers on a
daily basis not only that I caught you
stealing pens off of one co-workers desk
and amidst all this you don't ever get
any work done and I still get complaints
up the ass from customers what is your
problem
[ __ ] you you miss are very rude all you
talk about is your ugly ass daughter
when you finally brought her here on
take your daughter to work day
she ate Jeremy's burrito clogged two
toilets with her poop and cried when you
wouldn't buy her granola bar from the
vending machine
it's for these reasons that we have to
fire you so long [ __ ] you you can't do
this it's Christmas Eve I didn't even
buy gifts for my kids yet all of the
presents are still sitting in layaway at
Kmart
I can't afford them without my paycheck
get the hell out of my building I
suppose I should leave then it was nice
working here actually no no I'm not
going anywhere you [ __ ] piece of wet
grass I didn't do [ __ ] yer trying to set
me up I would never steal a thing show
me the video prove right here and now
that I did anything at all cause I don't
believe you
[ __ ] okay
just because you were the queen of
Mobius in the past it doesn't mean you
can't put others down now you are just
like the rock band Linkin Park when it
hit the year 2000 and left the 90s
you're washed up nobody likes you
anymore
you're done it's over
[Music]
it'll take you immediate Oh
[Music]
remember kids dead they can't know we're
doing this it has to be a secret tan
[ __ ] oh I'm so excited
you kids are finally going to have it
Ali I bet he has no idea that I'm going
to propose to him tonight at midnight if
it's not too crowded after he says yes I
wonder if he all [ __ ] me like the
[ __ ] over there behind the bookstore to
me do you have the ring ready for when
mommy asks daddy the big question yeah
ha ha
that's the spirit you little
[ __ ]
[Music]
excuse me I'm sorry to bother you but
I'm about to propose to my boyfriend
my kids love him and he's got really big
ass cheeks and well say no more I
completely understand you want me to
record the whole thing leave it to me
babe why are you here I thought I told
you to wait for me at home with a ham
and cheese sandwich oh honey the kids
thought it would be fun to come and walk
you home from work how would that be any
fun for me [ __ ] you know I like heading
straight to the strip club after
cleaning should cover toilets all day
and that's not all my sweet yellow
banana there is another reason we came
down here since it's Christmas I thought
I would make a reservation at a nice
fancy restaurant a fancy restaurant what
you mean like Applebee's but you know I
hate to Applebee's I'd rather go to
[ __ ] Taco Bell come on kids we should
hurry home before dad you get so any
more angry don't turn away from me [ __ ]
[Laughter]
let mommy go right no daddy she didn't
do anything to you yet let mommy go
right now or we're calling the cops
[ __ ] I'm not letting this [ __ ] go until
she learns her place why are you always
doing this [ __ ] stop it dad stop it
[Music]
[Applause]
all right family new game plan were not
going out to eat anymore
instead we're going home and are not
going to waste money at Applebee's babe
the moment we get home I expect to see
your smelly ass in the kitchen make me a
cheeseburger and some french fries with
ketchup son go straight upstairs and
wait for me you'd better be naked by the
time I get up there and my sweet
daughter go clean up the poop in the
bathroom I timed him as the toilet a
little bit
what's taking you so long [ __ ] can't
you see the light is green
some people have places to be on
Christmas you know
[Applause]
[Music]
Elena what's going on we are a local in
legally Levitch Charles we're not going
to believe this [ __ ] Mr. Luthor fired me
today oh I'm so embarrassed
I didn't even get my Christmas paycheck
so the kids aren't even going to get
Christmas presents this year what if the
kids think I'm a failure as a mother
it's okay Elena the kids already know
Leo Refaeli
mom you're home early today kids what
are you still doing awake I thought she
would be aSleet by now waiting for Santa
we were just leaving out Santa's milk
and cookies
did you have fun at work today mama I
accidentally sat on the cookies so they
kind of smell like my ass but they're
still good did you remember to pick up
that bag of beef jerky I asked for [ __ ]
we didn't want to go to bed until you
gave us all a hug you know like you do
every Christmas Eve ha ha ha that's
right well I shouldn't keep you waiting
bring it in everyone
you
now you kids run along upstairs Santa
won't bring any gifts while we're awake
your Uncle Chuck and I will be upstairs
in 10 minutes to read you a bedtime
story
what the hell am I going to do Charles
Sonic Manic and suniye are going to be
so disappointed
when they wake up tomorrow morning and
there are no presents under the tree
maybe I should call dad do you think he
would lend me some money
it is Christmas after all Elena it ought
to agree the one Willie for me that we
all never contacted to Wrigley or Eve
lemon ever again
Charles I've got to do this if I don't
ask him for help my kids won't even have
a Christmas fiNicky remit if only you
talked with him
even better term Suey temprid no since a
orator enosis Ellis rate
well if you think Tony of me [ __ ]
yellow icing out that soon as I do wall
comic rolling back totally for his money
everybody's inset that died 17 years ago
Stowe where he sold me mixed up before
20 books
Charles what the hell did you hang up
for that's it give me the phone I will
talk to him I'll make sure this
son-of-a-bitch gives me all the money
he's got
well you are you
if it ain't Tony of me [ __ ] ily
Scannell Tatsumi the whole comic role in
but totally for his money already since
at that died 17 years ago Stowe where he
sold me mixed up before 20 books
[Music]
if only we knew the richest man on earth
[Music]
that's right Sonic's boyfriend Barker B
is the richest man on earth I bet I
could go to him out of so much money for
all the years he's butt [ __ ] my son
[ __ ] [ __ ]
I don't think I have his phone number
Elena log Sonya left her phone I want a
culture he would see as birth levies
contacting for what are you waiting for
woman guys that rich sonofa which I'm
trying to but I can't find him Sonja
gave everybody these [ __ ] Nicknames
we host K a random number es whatever
entree so me where a
why do I have to spend the night in your
guy's room the last time I slept in your
room
Mindy snuck in in the middle of the
night and you [ __ ] her for like six
hours straight I didn't get any Sleet
you remember what mom said this morning
she wants us to Sleet in the same room
so she can keep a better eye on us
because last year Sonic snuck out of bed
and open all the presents and kept them
for himself
yo Manic Sonia come check it out
it looks like mom and uncle Chuck are
talking to somebody on the phone you're
right my blue bro I wonder who the [ __ ]
they're talking to how about we listen
in on that [ __ ] from up here they won't
suspect a thing if we use the house
phone
hello kids no residence this is a PHA or
the great sage of the Echidna speaking
hi there
this is green Elina the Hedgehog's
mother Merry Christmas
sorry I must have called you by mistake
I meant to call somebody else
Elena even though she H is necessarily
just focus try asking them for money
what's that you want to borrow some
money you don't even have enough to buy
your kids Christmas presents oh my God
I'm so sorry I would give you money but
I just bought Knuckles and Xbox one
what's going on great-grandfather did
you say the Hedgehog family is poor as
[ __ ] hahaha that's [ __ ] sad tell
Sonic he can come watch me play with my
Xbox one horse Knuckles it's wrong to
look down on somebody the cause of their
wealth especially around Christmas come
over here and apologize to the Hedgehog
family over the phone what did you just
say to me [ __ ] and Knuckles the cool
Echidna nobody tells me what to do
Knuckles put down the baseball bat
please don't shove it up my ass again
you'd better apologize or this bat is
going right up your [ __ ] but I show
no mercy for the weak old man fine
I'm I'm sorry Knuckles go play your Xbox
one now okay I apologize it's too late
I'm already too foreign I'm starting to
enjoy this take off
let me try another number
hello this is Mindy's dad what you want
to borrow money by
yes just a little bit the reason is
complicated but I can pay you back next
week yeah that ain't happening
I just bought many like 20 new bikinis I
even bought a really expensive camera to
record that [ __ ] daddy stop getting
distracted I need you to keep your eyes
on the cameras how do I know my boobs
look good if you're not watching this is
my Christmassy card you know oh my God
Mindy shut the [ __ ] up I told you I'm on
the phone
well [ __ ] why the hell are my rivals the
Sonic Underground calling me on
Christmas
what do you [ __ ] want oh [ __ ] it's
dr. Robotnik what do I say should I just
hang up at a yoke elin Elena that man
Marcus robots for a living a mastaba
acid I'm sorry to bother your botnik but
I need some [ __ ] money
I mean you killed a lot of my people and
stole my throne for a while so I deserve
some [ __ ] yet that ain't happening
I just bought Sleet and Dingo like 20
new bikinis I even bought a really
expensive camera to record that [ __ ]
[Music]
it's over it's [ __ ] over Barker B
isn't anywhere on Sonia's contact list
and without that hubby
there won't be a Christmas can you guys
believe this [ __ ] she doesn't care
about us at all what was she thinking
not buying any Christmas presents for us
yet all she ever does is buy groceries
and pays bills and [ __ ] would it kill
her to buy us one video game every once
in a while and [ __ ] I guess I'm not
getting the new Barbie's Dreamhouse like
I asked some Christmas
[Music]
look alive sips the traitor is coming
guess what time it is kids time for your
yearly Christmas bedtime story who wants
to go first
how about you Sonic I know how you love
that Polar Express crap we're not
talking to you
you eggplant and besides the cgi movie
is like a million times better um well
in that case I can go get the DVD from
the living room if you want to watch
that
come on sips it's beddy-bye time what
what's the deal you kids are quieter
than usual what about you Sonia do you
want me to tuck you into bed light last
night no stop it
[Music]
did I do something wrong why won't you
kids talk to me please tell me Jericho
was really for our team a story from
your hockey Tristan mustn't let you Hey
we are yo kids already in bed you aren't
planning to skip oh don t study Janerio
it Boaz no matter he can who sit at the
foot of the Vedas I read it for you get
away from our bunk bed old man that has
[ __ ] stinks
hey he didn't have a todo mingott is for
yo-yo no do you know really that stupid
answer for you earlier it's Macau sale
of a Yoga booty guess Yogi's are 800
volt appreciate any tini Domingo is all
host stop viento Domingo nice things for
you
it's not like you were any fun or
anything
we're really sorry Uncle Chuck we aren't
mad at you please don't blame yourself
no no it's Feeny you don't tell Italy
you know who you really fell
amen what went to an old with a loser
like a married he certainly would and
that's for damn sure
hey primero got an idea for another
comet at Yahoo kids were low on it at we
can apply it scalloped edge bow int
unlock after retardant let's hit it
it's my cows attached all Yahoo kids ma
what you don t know all two-ply no
that's host classy why event you know it
was a little estimating Lee Curtis ello
Academy logo Fuki NASA tell payday and
[ __ ] I antes del Meridiana you don't
say I'm gonna point in yet come on kids
[ __ ] whatever Matisse is what you want a
treat uh well take that bedtime story
now Uncle Chuck nah even think so little
hill because if your kids really wanted
a story it already versity not turkey of
your vus drove in Mrs. Steiner as a
Overton basics of yours
I guess I'll see you kids in the morning
that is if I didn't already fill myself
by then
so why do you guys think we aren't
getting an e presence
maybe it's because you never wipe your
disgusting smelly butt cheeks
gunky poops shut the [ __ ] up I wipe my
ass sometimes hey bro check this out
[Music]
gosh darn it bro I told you to stop
doing that that's it we're patching up
that hole tomorrow
aw come on don't act like you don't love
it ha ha ha damn bro you are so crazy
what are we going to do with you
you know I can't Sleet knowing that we
ain't getting [ __ ] in the morning what
do you say we go beat mom's ass that way
she's got to buy us at least something
hey sis that is way past cool let's do
it to it
[Laughter]
so what are you gonna get after we take
her wallet probably a new Xbox and a bag
of pizza giggles what about you bro
they it looks like mom is crying
hey mom what do you three want I thought
you weren't talking to me we're here to
say sorry we were acting like whiny
babies earlier we realize how hard it
must be for you to take care of all
three of us
all alone so we decided that we don't
need no we don't deserve any presents
for Christmas morning not speech fat
[ __ ] how long did it take you to come
up with that one five minutes you best
turn back around and go back to bed
before I beat that ass do you know why
Paige you're right now here's what's up
tomorrow when me and my sips wake up my
bros gonna have himself a brand spankin
new Xbox one cause if there isn't we're
gonna have a problem
are you picking up what I'm putting down
no actually I am not now you listen here
fat boy and the one who calls all the
shots here in this house I don't think
so look around mama we outnumber you
three to one the [ __ ] you gonna do
against all of us yet and my bro weighs
like 800 pounds so you better watch what
you say all it would take is for him to
sit on your head once and it will pop
like a grape
come on Supes let's make like a bunch of
bananas and split
dunno it was like that so Tina would
Charles these kids are gonna [ __ ]
kill me mama
Uncle Chuck come look at this
everyone look look at all the presents
under the tree I see them bro but how
did they get there we were all upstairs
who cares it's Christmas let's open that
[ __ ] up there's an Xbox one over here
can you guys believe this it's a
Christmas miracle I don't care who the
[ __ ] broke into our house and left that
[ __ ] I just wish they were here so I
could thank them for giving us the best
Christmas ever
[Music]
my job here is done now to go take a
[ __ ] on my golden toilet oh hello I
didn't see you there you may not know
who I am but I I'm Darla be Montclair of
Dresden Sonic the Hedgehog is my
boyfriend or as I'd like to call him my
personal Beach I want to tell you
something of great importance
unfortunately not everybody is going to
have a great Christmas this year
there are many poor families who can't
afford presents for their children a
Christmas tree or even food
luckily for Sonic and his siblings I'm
Richard stuff so I can buy whatever the
hell I want but not everyone is as lucky
to know somebody is great and sexy as me
so here's what I want you to do I want
you to go down to your nearest homeless
shelter and donate whatever the hell you
don't use and give it to the homeless
and the poor because they need it way
more than you do and lastly there's
something I want to tell you there is
something special that poor people have
that even I don't have something unique
only to them something I could only
dream of do you know what that is
that's right single dollar bill poor
people are lucky that they have single
dollar bills which they can use to buy
cheap thing I'm so rich that a dollar
store probably wouldn't even let me
inside and [ __ ] if I wanted to buy a jug
of milk to slaver all over my Beach as
big blue butt cheeks I would have to buy
the entire [ __ ] store itself because
that would be the only way I would get
my milk
so grab $1 go to your local dollar tree
or 99-cent store or whatever the hell
it's called and buy green beans or some
[ __ ]
[Music]
I think it's the same as the other