[Music]
thank you everyone for coming to our
yearly Easter egg hunt competition this
is a great turn out I see a lot of new
faces I will explain the rules but first
I would like to make a speech in honor
of my son my own boy but he died last
week so you couldn't make it
it's saddens me but the church was kind
enough to honor him with this event
before I talk more about that we have
something even more important this
year's a special guest the one the only
barbilla be Montclair of Dresden
everybody give it up for the blond man
himself and don't forget about this book
Stu
[Applause]
never before have I've been happier
knowing that Bartleby Moncler took time
out of his busy schedule to be here if
my son were alive he would he would be
so [ __ ] happy what can I say my [ __ ]
and I were in the neighborhood and we
figured why the [ __ ] not
we still have 30 minutes for our date at
Long John Silver's that's right and
wherever he goes I go did you just talk
out of line only when I say so Beach
[Music]
dumb mister bartylla B we are getting
ready to start the ceremony for my son I
wouldn't forget to do the honors of
starting us off would you please be so
kind No
last week my son was found dead in his
bedroom with an Easter Egg shipped in
his head that's how he died
I didn't think he was gay so naturally I
used toxic paint instead of nontox paint
I still don't think he was gay because
he used to be gay but I teared that when
he was younger I took him to church each
Sunday and put the fear of God in him
with my belt item that [ __ ] go to
hell and [ __ ] so you better not mess
with me little boy or daddy's gonna
spank you again those were my last words
to him I miss him greatly I think he
slipped and fell getting the Easter Egg
stuck in his butt that would be better
than being a [ __ ] but sudden wherever
you are if you are gay then may God have
mercy on your soul [ __ ] but enough
about that now I wish to talk about the
good stuff about him firstly he was
really sexy and he
are you kidding me my son just died and
you're [ __ ] pooping all right which
one of you was it who [ __ ] herself how
how can you do this to me in my time of
grief I'll [ __ ] kill you it was it
was it you or was it you I didn't get up
here just to be made a laughingstock all
I wanted was a damn ceremony for my son
[ __ ] [ __ ] dang Manic crapping
yourself at a funeral ceremony you
insane bro [ __ ] off I didn't do nothing
Sonia Manic is that you Manic did you
really fart at the ceremony wouldn't it
be funny if you farted in my face huh
huh
we didn't expect to see you guys here
are you having fun there's some fruit
punch and cupcakes in the torch if you
get hungry man you should fought in my
face cause that would be funny haha
that's so cool seeing Sonic on stage I
didn't know he was so famous I would
think you would be up there with him
just one of the perks of being
Bartleby's [ __ ] saving the planet
Mobius is one thing but apparently it's
got nothing on being Batman switch you
said this six times already quit being
so salty bro
oh wow it still so early in the morning
and I'm sweaty as hell the seat is
simply unbearable come on let's go
inside and get some sweet tea before the
account starts you're right maybe I will
cool off if I pour something cold on my
huge tits
haha you don't do that with sweet tea
you drink it silly
Mindy's Turks are always so extremely
amusing how do you guys keep a straight
face around her I see no one is going to
come forward should I just start
shooting into the crowd and surely that
will make you talk sir I'm afraid I must
ask you to give me the microphone
why because nowhere in the Bible does it
say you can't poop your pets nor does it
say you can't fart at a ceremony so
technically right now you are going
against God so if I choose subtle I have
the authority to kill you
I would like to see you try I got a
[ __ ] gun stashed away in my whitey
tighties underwear gets okay I'll leave
but first I want to ask you something
how would your son feel if he saw you
now you're right I never wanted to admit
it but you're right that is true you
have no one to blame but yourself it's
no wonder your son was as much of a
[ __ ] as you you're a failure is a
daddy
what the hell did you just say to me
make fun of my son all you want but when
you talk [ __ ] on me bill let me kill you
oh God no Joshua my son I used my own
bullet to recover yours into your other
son killing him instantly it was an
outcome I wanted to avoid but you left
me with no other choice perhaps this way
you have learned a valuable lesson now
get off the stage we have an egg hunt
today Jesus Christ I told you but as we
shouldn't have stopped by Taco Bell
before coming here daddy's got the
[ __ ] shits oh [ __ ] here it comes
again [ __ ]
[Music]
Sleet Dingo where the [ __ ] did you guys
go we are standing right here dr.
Robotnik just like you told us to
oh very good I was afraid you had left
the cause of the smell of my poop if
that was the case I was going to kill
you
here and now hey dr. Robotnik smile for
the camera
Dingo put that damn thing away
you know how much I hate having my
picture taken I'm sorry dr. Robotnik
it's just that you look so cute in that
bunny costume I couldn't help a bit take
a picture well I guess you can't keep
your camera for now just don't let it
distract you form your job [ __ ] this
picture turned out [ __ ] sexy I'm
putting this much straight into my
scrapbook
everyone look over there isn't that dr.
Robotnik and his [ __ ] what on earth
are they doing here at a church on
Easter hey you're right Sonia that's
definitely them they must be up to no
good
oh my goodness Mindy didn't you say dr.
Robotnik is like Sonic the Hedgehog's
eternal rival are we going to be okay
[ __ ] did you stop to stop that car gum
get back over here [ __ ] damn you Sonic
the Hedgehog you bent my [ __ ] bunny
ears now all the kids here are going to
laugh at me don't try to play innocent
Robotnik we know how you are you're pure
evil yeah that's what's up cracker you
sons of [ __ ] do you really think I
would commit a crime on Easter Sunday a
holiday to honor our Lord and Savior
Jesus Christ even I have standards
you're the monsters here you don't fool
us Robotnik we know you're not a damn
Christian what are you really after if
you really must know me and my [ __ ]
are simply volunteering here at this
church we've given up the ways of evil
and are trying to make amends what
better way than to volunteer at an
Easter egg hunt nothing gets my balls
tingling more than seeing the smiling
faces of cute little boys and girls it's
not like we're secretly putting bonds in
all the eggs thing face shut the [ __ ] up
yet you better not cause me and my CIPS
are gonna be watching you and we're
going to go talk to the pastor of the
church just to see if your story holds
up if you are really volunteering like
you say you are yeah [ __ ] go right
ahead Sonic Underground I have nothing
to hide
I have no idea who the [ __ ] those three
are but they're certainly not volunteers
they just showed up and started hiding
eggs with the rest of us they might be
pedophiles but other than that they
didn't look like bad people so I didn't
really do anything for some reason I
have a bad feeling if they're not
volunteers what are they doing here why
would they be hiding Easter eggs
thank you so much for bringing me here
for our date Trevor you you have no idea
how happy I am I love you baby
want to go have sex behind that Bush
over there by the three year olds Cyrus
how many times do I got to tell you to
stop being such a [ __ ] in public if
you keep saying stuff like that people
are going to think we're dating but
aren't we I just sucked your balls at
the Hometown Buffet five minutes ago
well yet but I don't want people to know
about it
Trevor what's with you why do we have to
hide our love like Anakin Skywalker and
Padme Amidala from Star Wars or Woody
and Buzz from Toy Story Cyrus we've been
through this the only reason I [ __ ] you
is cause I take what I can get and right
now you're the only one I can get hey
Bradley do you think we could hold hands
for a little bit and [ __ ] actually
Trevor why don't you and I ever hold
hand oh my God Cyrus don't you ever shut
the [ __ ] up huh quick Cyrus we gotta
hide get behind this [ __ ] bush I
don't understand Trevor what do you see
what do we have to hide from are you
blind [ __ ] look Sonic and his sexy
boyfriend Barth levy are right over
there we can't let them see us but why I
don't understand
Sonic is one of my best friends are you
are you really so embarrassed to be seen
with me like this
no Cyrus it's not like that oh yet then
what is it [ __ ] it's it's just
complicated okay I don't know I've never
done this before
wait shut up [ __ ] do you hear that it
sounds like something ticking no I don't
hear [ __ ]
oh my God Trevor are you okay yeah I
think I'm okay I just hit my head and my
big buttt pretty hard Trevor are you sure
you are okay let me go get an ice pack
Trevor you're finally awake you've been
out for like five hours what happened I
don't know how to explain it Cyrus
after I hit my head so many images just
flashed through my brain like forgotten
memories and [ __ ] but I don't have any
idea of what they could mean come on
Cyrus let's go get a corn dog so you can
shove it up my ass
wow I can't believe Bart levy is
actually participating in the Easter egg
hunt I thought he hated holidays created
by poor people but it looks like he's
actually having fun yet it makes me so
happy seeing Bart let me have fun like
that I don't know what it is about
Easter but Bart levy told me he loves it
with all his heart
haha Bart Libby can I ask you a few
questions what is it like being the
special guest here at the National
Easter egg hunt Mr. Bart levy does it
bother you being around so many poor
people at this church Bart let me look
over here can we get a photo for that on
newspaper God damn pepper drazzey why
can't you ever leave me the [ __ ] alone
stop it stop taking pictures of me stop
I said stop stop this is why I think
being more famous than Elvis press stop
treating me different just because I'm
Origen and all of you I normal I normal
okay I wipe my ass with million dollar
bills just like the rest of you I'm not
a [ __ ] monster who is only here for
your entertainment
Bart Libby wait come back
[Music]
I think I saw him run this way let's
look over here ditches Mart levy my
lover are you okay do you need me to
comfort you shut the [ __ ] up [ __ ] [ __ ]
do you want to know why I love Easter so
much
but we'll be what is that in your hand
this daddy
it's an Easter egg I found it on the
ground right outside Applebee's
isn't it wonderful it's so beautiful
I've never seen anything like it before
well it smells like [ __ ]
[Music]
daddy daddy look outside I think they're
having an Easter egg hunt at the park
can we go daddy please come back don't
leave me daddy I'm only 7 months old I
can barely walk
[Music]
hi your name is Bartoli right I
recognize you from preschool
my name is Sonic the Hedgehog yes that's
right
what are you doing out here in the rain
all by yours but it started raining so I
guess they canceled it okay do you want
to walk home together my umbrella is big
enough for both of us I would like that
today has anyone ever told you that
you've got a big guy your big blue butt
cheeks is something to be proud of I
wouldn't mind making you my personal
Beach Drive you home wait much the sexy
baby from back then was you what are you
talking about Bart levy
no it's nothing Beach come let's go
continue our Easter egg hunt
give me back my egg I know you're the
one that took it get off my back gun
keep oops what would I even have to gain
from stealin your worthless [ __ ] my
pride I stole it from Knuckles fair and
square
give it back where I'm telling I'm not
handing over anything gunky poops oh
dude you want to play that game but I'll
whoop your sexy [ __ ] ass into
tomorrow fighting me with your clothes
on you coward at least get naked like me
so that it's fair don't you worry about
that I wouldn't have it any other way
Sonic Manic you to stop this
roughhousing The Simpsons or we're going
home
[Music]
the I don't think you're supposed to go
and on your boobs
[Music]
what was that what just blew up on my
ass
I don't know but it looked like an
easter egg but why would an easter egg
blow the [ __ ] up
[Music]
[Applause]
nothing gets my ball anymore that seeing
smiling faces a cute little boys and
girls shut the [ __ ] up
I have no idea but they're certainly not
volunteers they just showed up and
started hiding eggs with the rest of us
they might be pedophiles but other than
that they didn't look like they're
people
[Music]
kit three drop the egg all of you drop
the eggs
here's an idea how about instead you
suck my big fat ball
Sonic we need to think fast at this rate
all of the bombs will kill every body
Sonic I think I know a way to get rid of
the bombs
Cyrus Trevor what are you guys doing
here
forget about that it's not important
what is important however is that I was
once an engineer for the resistance in
the past so I dealt with these kinds of
bombs all it would take is for a little
bit to moisture and it will
short-circuit to all of them if we had
enough water we can by activate all of
the bombs that way but there aren't any
fire hydrants around there's no way we
can get enough water here in time
haha literally a funny one my bitch
nobody said we have to use water what's
he doing he's going to piss all over the
bombs go Bart he'll be save us all
[Music]
that's strange why don't I hear the
bombs going off anymore hey but Nick
turned around run from my [ __ ] in peace
curses
my plans foiled again curse you Bart
levy
[Music]
exaggerated does what you the story is
over now I must come
[Music]
you
[Music]