[Music]
mom
dad I can't wait for you to finally meet
my boyfriend
Sonic his butt cheeks are like two big
juicy and bright watermelons
dave jiggle like ziploc bags filled with
a lot of grape jelly
every [ __ ] time I spank them I can't
wait to meet him
I'm also happy the three of us can
finally spend some time together like
this
i haven't seen your beautiful face in
like two weeks since I left on that
business trip
to tokyo japan mom you went on that
business trip 12 years ago
and when you finally came back after 12
years dad had to remind you I was even
born
ha ha well you know how those Chinese
people
are I wanted to come back home sooner
but they never
shut up ching chong ping pong am I right
it's okay mom I hold no it will against
you let's just sit here
in this hometown buffet and wait for my
boyfriend and his family to get here
speaking of the hometown buffet
Bartleby why the hell would you invite
us to such a poor establishment such as
this
i remember you telling me your boyfriend
loves eating here
and that his family is not as rich as
ours
but surely they must have at least some
dignity
mom I told you this family is poor
the hometown buffet is all they could
afford the hometown buffet to them
is like applebee's to us to then
hometown buffet is the [ __ ]
well this place certainly does smell
like my [ __ ] [ __ ]
does your boyfriend at least have any
defining qualities
that you would consider valuable in our
family's constant pursuit of financial
gain
mom you know I don't care about that
stuff I like Sonic because he's cute and
happy all the time but if it makes you
feel better
i already told you he's the prince of
Mobius remember well
a prince you know what that means I bet
this Sonic has a whole lot of subjects
beneath him
maybe even a few slaves which he can
force to suck his big hairy balls
you got that right sugar tits there was
no need to doubt our son
a Montclair always knows who to make
their [ __ ]
did you just tell me it costs 20 bucks
per person to eat here
how dare you charge people that much
this restaurant is absolutely filthy
you're practically scamming people
twenty dollars is too much
i demand a discount can't you see I got
like
five people in my family it's going to
cost me like
40 bucks bless an old lady if you are
not going to pay the full price you are
not going to get any food
mama we are going to eat here aren't we
bart levi is probably already at the
table waiting for us
and I promised I would be here today is
the day I finally meet his parents
Sonic sweetie I'm afraid we just don't
have the money to eat here right now
your Uncle Chuck spent all of mommy's
money on a prostitute last night
and cigarettes
if you still want to see Bartleby maybe
you should call him
and tell him we're driving across the
street to burger king
hey look over there at the entrance deer
there's actually a family who can't
afford to eat here
how pathetic
i see it I would point and laugh at them
but my hands are already occupied by
cleaning up the piss around my legs
i laughed at them so much already that i
already peed myself a lot
it's all over the place
excuse me sir please allow me to pay for
this family to eat here
totally why on earth are you paying for
that poor family's meal
i know we raised you better than this
further this isn't just any poor family
this is my boyfriend's poor family is
that so
then one of them must be your boyfriend
is it that sexy one over there with the
mustache
and big buttt no mom that is his sexy
uncle
Uncle Chuck my boyfriend is Sonic the
Hedgehog
he is right here are you [ __ ] kidding
me
that is your boyfriend he is so poor
that he can't even afford
to eat here at the hometown buffet
i will not allow it I would sooner die
than let a fat bitch like him be
connected
to the Montclair name
honey calm down do you remember the last
time you picked a fight with Bartleby
he spanked you so hard that you pooped
yourself and you were unconscious for
three weeks
that's right mom let that go he just
threw a ketchup
at my personal bitch and I'm not just
going to stand by
and let that happen follow me outside
dad
we're going to fight just let me take my
pants off first
so they don't get dirty these pants cost
me 638 billion dollars
oh my God Bartleby stop this can't you
see you're killing him
please just let your father go Bartleby
stop this
that's enough you don't have to kill him
shut up [ __ ]
[Music]
consider yourself lucky that my [ __ ] is
a far nicer person
than I am had it been my choice you
would have died this day
be sure to thank Sonic for letting you
keep your pathetic little life
little man well how long are you going
to stay on the floor
situation the table we are going to eat
together and enjoy
ourselves and eat green beans as a
family so tell me boy
what can you provide to our family we
are the modular household
we are not a charity can you provide
anything to us beside your fat ass
if you cannot provide something for us
what makes you think we will let you
date our son
that's right what sort of wealth do you
have you clearly don't have any money
but
surely you must have something maybe a
gold brick up your ass
is that why it's so big do you at least
own a house
i certainly hope you're not on the
streets like a [ __ ]
what's the matter sugar plum mum do we
own the house
well not technically in fact we might
lose it
if I miss payment this Saturday so go
easy on the seasoned green beans
you got damn blue [ __ ] that shit's
expensive
no what was that [ __ ]
no I'm tired of this
why why do we have to be poor why can't
we be rich [ __ ]
like jk rowling or notch the creator of
minecraft
it's just isn't fair bro you don't know
what it really means to be poor
i grew up on the streets at dinner time
me
and the rest of the rat patrol would sit
around the dinner table
and pharaoh would walk around
individually farting in our mouths one
by one
that was our dinner for the day so don't
you come telling me what poor is
okay I suppose I can give it a shot
you are back I see what did you learn
fat boy what did you find out
hold on to your seats for this one folks
because my uncle owns
a whole trailer oh a trailer park
that's better than I thought fat boy did
you hear that honey
he owns a trailer park the whole family
does
a whole trailer park you say well now
that changes things
how much money are you bringing in oh
not a trailer park
it's just one trailer and our uncle
doesn't completely own it
he's renting it you know what mom and
dad
I'm sick and tired of you sitting here
billeting my bitch
if you can't be respectful evan once in
your life I think we will pack our
things and leave
just because he smells like chili it
doesn't mean you should laugh at him
he tries his best he's a good boy and
lovely boyfriend
the best boyfriend in the world if you
refuse to give him a chance for even a
second
well I don't think we can continue this
talk
okay i'll go take a poop
hey waiter guy give my son the paycheck
we're leaving this bump it was the two
of you who invited us down here and
furthermore
you insulted my [ __ ] so go on you
bragged to my [ __ ] about how much money
you got
might as well go all the way throw down
that 82 trillion dollar bill you've been
waiting to show off
I'm waiting whatever is wrong why are
you ignoring me daddy
did you really think that I wouldn't
notice that ginormous [ __ ] stain on your
ass
daddy come here we haven't seen each
other in 13 years
let's have some father and son bonding
time let me smell your ass
come on there's no need to be afraid let
me get a big whiff of those cheeks
so it appears that I will be correct
this isn't even 100 cotton
on top this isn't even your poop be
honest with me
further have you been shopping at the
local flea market
let go of me it's not a poop stein
not in your life dad I see through your
little schemes
you and mom fell on hard times again it
wasn't to get to know him or
anything like that no it was because we
have not talked 10 years and now
your cash is running low you were hoping
to get as much money out of him as you
could
and a free dinner you do remember the
old Montclair family saying
don't you father you should after all
you're the one who came up with it
but maybe i'll remind you anyway the
rich gets all
and the poor gets lost son please you
must understand
all we have are 896 trillion dollars in
our bank account
we are practically on the streets
just last week I had to buy only
300 golden toilets for our basement
instead of
500. that's how bad off we
are what do you not get this
actually son I take it back
everything we said the way you grope
your
bitch's ass it shows you love him very
much
we accept your relationship with Sonic
the Hedgehog
Sonic the Hedgehog you better
be a good [ __ ] now goodbye
hello everyone and welcome to the dr
phil show
i am your host Doctor phil
[Applause]
today we're here with a special guest
her name is hannah
she is having family troubles and she
has come here to share it with all of us
hey sid I'm all done with my homework so
my mom said I could come over to play
and by play I mean have some hot and
sweaty butt sex
you win big boy up sid
are you watching that episode of Doctor phil
again you have been watching that same
episode all week
why are you so obsessed with it i
already told you gerald
something about it just doesn't sit
right with my ass
here watch what happens at the end of
the episode
right here when Jimmy runs backstage
normally when a guest runs off like that
Doctor phil goes to check up on them
or bring them back out on stage to
apologize
but here he just ends the episode I have
a feeling that something happened to
Jimmy
backstage that we the viewers couldn't
see that is the mystery
that I said the science kid must decode
i spent the entire day hacking into the
Doctor phil show's cameras
i should be able to see what happened
behind the scenes in just a couple
seconds
I'm in now let's see what daddy can find
you're retired can't you see I'm hauling
us
get out on my way
hey now that's no way to talk to our
master
i think someone owes an apology
what are you some kind of a group well
I'm not scared
what the [ __ ] is this who are all those
[ __ ] wearing the black looks
what the hell is that Bartleby
Montclair of Dresden
said who is bart levi and why is he
important
Bartleby Montclair of Dresden is the
richest man on earth also Sonic the
Hedgehog is his [ __ ]
let it be known that from here on out
that you Jimmy are a member of
of the new boys the new boys and what do
they want with Jimmy
a 12 year old are they like homosexual
or something I feel like I'm going to
need to look deeper into this
if I want to understand what's going on
sid I have a feeling you just discovered
something you shouldn't have
[Music]
sid maybe you should call it quits for
the day
you know your hacking can be dangerous
gerald get down you're going to be shot
in your [ __ ] ass
gerald no you can't die on me you're my
best friend
I'm okay sid the gunshot just blew off
my pants let's get out of here
let's go in the garage we can steal my
mommy's car
mommy daddy what did they do to you i'll
kill you
you monster i'll [ __ ] rape you [ __ ]
who are you tell me who you are right
now don't ignore me you're [ __ ]
[ __ ]
said stop it we have got to get out of
here now
damage it I told you we should have run
when we had the chance
you ask me who I am very well I suppose
you deserve to know
that much before you die I am the one
who will reset the timeline
back to its original course back before
Bartleby Montclair of Dresden
and his [ __ ] changed it by going back
in time
i will do what the boys could not I will
kill the Sonic Underground
time travel the boys the Sonic
Underground I don't understand anything
you're saying
you still didn't tell me who you are of
course you don't understand
even though you sid also participated in
the war
of prophecy that altered reality as we
know it
your memories were locked away from you
just as everyone else's memories were
also locked away but I am here to change
that
and now the five of us the new boys will
reawaken everybody's lost memories
go ahead boys remove your robes no need
to stay hidden from those who will be
dead soon
[Music]
my name is randy a long time ago
Uncle Chuck paid me 13 bucks to beat my
son's ass
with a belt can I see you for a moment
please
yeah sure thing daddy what for what for
oh that that's a secret my son
like a surprise oh boy I love surprise
it
is it a trip to Disney world daddy or
are we going out for ice cream
hey daddy have I ever told you how much
i love you
i I love you too my son now come let's
[Music]
go
[Music]
and because of him I ended up going to
jail all that time I waited and planned
my revenge
so that when I got out I could kill
Uncle Chuck and his family and friends
that's when a mysterious man appeared
before me he had paid my way out of
prison he told me that he also hated the
Sonic Underground
and that he had challenged them to a war
of prophecy in an alternate timeline
but lost he must have noticed that I was
stronger than him and asked me to join
his team
so that he could have another shot at
taking down the Sonic Underground
but I told him no [ __ ] you had your
chance if I'm joining a team
I'm going to be the new leader and so i
beat him with my belt
there was nothing he could do but sit
there and take it
do you see this apple it's no ordinary
apple
this apple comes from a very special
tree planted in the center of lazy town
lazy town I’ve researched that place but
i always thought it was just a myth
lazy town is indeed real and we have a
prophecy that dates back to tens of
thousands of years
legend has it that someday and war would
break out
and that a beautiful man named Bartleby
would single-handedly win the war and
rewrite history as if it never happened
the legend also says that if somebody
bit into an apple that grows on the
sacred tree
then immediately takes a [ __ ] everyone
who had lost
their memories we'll get their memories
back
that reminds me robbie rotten you still
haven't told us how you managed to steal
an apple from the sacred tree
aren't the people of lazy town guarding
it at all times
let's just say ziggy might have let me
take an apple after I sucked his huge
stinky balls
it was a pleasure doing business with
you ziggy remember
this has to stay between us since you're
only six years old
i won't say anything if you won't [ __ ]
hey kid you got a bathroom anywhere in
this place yeah it's right down the hall
well too bad I'm gonna take a [ __ ]
[ __ ] right here
open your mouth hey Bartleby when we get
home
do you want to watch Charlie and the
chocolate factory
[Music]
[Applause]
so it's just as I predicted everybody is
getting their last memory back
somebody must have stolen an apple from
the secretary of lazy town
master obi-wan there was a disturbance
in the force
have you felt it yes anakin I have felt
it too
it seems we have all gotten our memories
back of the previous timeline
sportacus and Bartleby told me this may
happen someday but I was too scared to
believe them
[Laughter]
[Music]
you're working with Roberto yeah and
wake me up we are going to try and kill
me someday
you fa [ __ ] roger upton told me that if
i kill you
i can become the new sporticus of lazy
town you think i'd pass it up [ __ ]
you will never be accepted as a new
spartacu you're too far
obviously fooling music
i have been waiting for an opportunity
like this for a long time sporticus
[Music]
[Applause]
ziggy what the hell are you doing to
sport a kiss
what does it look like I'm doing stingy
I'm going to raise
and kill him after I do that i'll become
the new sporticus
but that's not even how it works ziggy
even if you kill scorpius you will never
take his place
you're too fat rodney rotten is lying to
you
quick stashy valve is
[Music]
stingy why aren't you wearing any pants
i have been wanting to do this to you
for a long time
ziggy stop stashing ignotion a mystery
and you either belong to you within your
entire you cannot
if you have ziggy do you nobody
shut up spotify no you're right
we need to get out of here and find out
why rodney rotten is doing this
what's happening mike my memories
they're changing
no it feels more like memories that were
long forgotten
are flooding back to me
[Music]
so it has begun the memories of the
heroes are finally returning to where
they belong
no this can't be happening how can this
happen
we destroyed the boys long ago
what do you think is gonna happen kate
we're going to rape you
take of your shorts now no
God please there is no God here
[Music]
get your hands off of me you disgusting
blue freak i'll call the [ __ ] cops on
you
mommy daddy help me
gerald don't let them rape me [ __ ] I'm
only three years old
hey rooney let me get a taste of that
cute and sexy ass
stop let me go dude
let me go
oh hey wait a minute you with the
pumpkin helmet
i recognize your face from somewhere but
where
wait oh God it's you so it is just as i
fear
you have returned to finish the job
we at clan acres don't just hire [ __ ]
we pride ourselves in our work
and tonight because it is the first day
of fall you will work your butts off
so I hope you boys came to play because
daddy isn't holding anything back
each year parents bring their sweet
sweet children to come play in the glen
acres corn maze
and it has been a long lasting tradition
to have four cute pumpkin boys
that hide inside the corn maze and jump
out to scare all the nice young boys
that's your job for the season remember
it's technically not illegal to stare at
that fine little boy ass
but don't touch we don't need another
warren search to happen on this farm
because it's not a good look for us
well unless you find one boy misbehaving
then you have my permission to bring him
to me
you all have your pumpkin boy mask
costumes I mailed to you
right put them on
they're all one size smaller than what
you may expect so you really have to
squeeze your butt in there
yes Mr Johnson do you have a question
ah yeah what the [ __ ] is going on this
isn't what the application said
perhaps you should save the questions
for later Mr Johnson
after work
but sir you never gave me a pair of
overalls
oh don't you worry about that Mr Johnson
I’ve got a
special job for you
pumpkin boys leave us except for you
tommy Oliver coming back over here
grab a camera from my desk I'm having
you filming this [ __ ]
what's the matter Mr Johnson wasn't that
you who said you would do anything for
this job
well here's your chance to prove your
worth to me
take up your pitchfork and become the
fearsome pumpkin man
then and only then will you be able to
achieve all that you strive for
but only after you suck my balls
welcome ladies and gentlemen to our 16th
annual halloween corn maze
oh man I had no idea that the number one
prize would be a year's worth of pumpkin
pie
i I think I need to sit down for a
second I'm gonna [ __ ] my pants
the last thing I need to tell you is be
careful of the evil
pumpkin man they will pumpkin man
what the [ __ ] is that the pumpkin man is
an individual separate from the pumpkin
boys
if he finds you he will beat you up and
drag you all the way back to the
beginning of the maze
come here [ __ ]
yo
is the he can't judge because of the
poison
vision blue
i finally caught your ass I’ve been
tracking you down for six hours old man
what are you going to domingo with me
I'm taking your steps and drowning your
foot all the way back to the beginning
but first I'm going to beat you and make
you call me daddy
how does that make you feel Bartleby
play me
that day in the corn maze I was able to
beat Uncle Chuck's ass
while undercover unfortunately there
were too many people around to kill him
but that's okay I got close enough to
smell his butt cheeks that is enough to
fuel the fire of hatred in my art
now say the science kid you will die
[Music]
is
[Music]
gerald wait don't leave me behind
sorry sid there's a pizza party today at
school and there's no way I'm going to
miss that [ __ ]
[Music]
how sad it seems as though somebody you
once trusted has turned their back on
you
and yet the pain that you feel now is
nothing compared to what I felt back
then
when Uncle Chuck betrayed me by having
me beat my son
light it up boys we're blowing this
whole place up
hey gerald I’ve been meaning to ask you
why were you so late to coming to school
this morning
haha well you know how it is I slept
over at sid's house last night and we
went wild
said begged me to [ __ ] him in his smelly
ass so I did then he called his dad into
the room
and his dad sucked my [ __ ] balls then
i [ __ ] both sid
and his dad at the same time I [ __ ]
them both for so long that I kind of
overslept haha
how about I turn on the news so you
sweet little boys and
girls have something to watch while you
eat your pizza
this just in we are currently standing
in front of sid the science kids house
as you can see it's completely on fire
we currently do not yet know if any of
the family members are inside the
building right now
wait oh my God we just got a report that
the entire family has been found inside
the building
every single one of them is dead
including sid the science kid
an autopsy shows us that somebody pooped
in his mouth
then [ __ ] him in his butthole then
murdered him in cold blood
rooney doodle lead singer of the
doodlebops has been seen sneaking around
the house on neighbors surveillance
cameras
it's believed by operatives that he is
the one who started the fire and banged
that boy in the ass like a drum
his brother and sister mo doodle and dee
dee doodle are being taken in for
questioning right now
you [ __ ] bastards I had nothing to do
with this
my bro is the [ __ ] pedophile not me
if you see this man do not confront him
he is armed and dangerous
call authorities and be safe
[Music]
foreign
[Music]
it
hey