[Music]
hello everyone
and thank you all for being here today
for this momentous occasion
we have quite the turnout besides my
friends a whole two people showed up
for the exhibition and showcase for the
brand new one trillion dollar bill
honestly expected more people to show up
but it is Tuesday
so it is what it is within one year's
time
we won't be forced to use poor people
money like thousand dollar bill
no longer will rich people have to be
chained down by the society
that consists of heavy wallets and coins
of plenty
if I didn't stick one in your ass
of course that isn't anything that
bothers poor people but that's not what
this is about
this is about me
and damn it I'm tired of being forced to
carry around headache wads of bills all
the time
why do you do this to me why can't you
[ __ ] just make trillion dollar bills
so I don't have to
Josh if you would be kind please turn on
the projector so I can begin the
presentation
yes sir it will be done master Montclair
and might I say that was a glorious
peach
my butt cheeks even clenched up
for scoring 225 years ago the great
George Washington crossed the Delaware
river
and in those efforts he made his place
in history and was put on the one dollar
bill
not much longer after that the late
great Abraham lincoln came along
and changed the world for the better he
too was put on a dollar bill
number five now I believe it is my turn
to have a dollar bill made in my own
honor being that I am the richest man in
the world
i have more money than all of you and
therefore have the authority to make one
one that I can use when I can buy [ __ ]
although
unlike those that came before I'm not
some pretentious [ __ ] who only cares
about myself
so I have other plans the face that will
be on the trillion dollar bill will be
that of my bitch's favorite
Hollywood actor from pirates of the
Caribbean and Charlie in the chocolate
factory
Johnny deck
wow bro I didn't know that you knew
Johnny depp
why didn't you introduce us
unfortunately the real Johnny depp was
busy
and couldn't show up in time for the
photo shoot but we were able to find a
very good look alike at the local
library
he was in the anime section reading [ __ ]
done okay hardcore yaoi manga
luckily he was already dressed in a Jack
sparrow costume
the work was rather easy to accomplish
and we're not done yet we also have the
first prototype completed
you are welcome to one free hour to
touch it or smell it
or hold it if you so choose
after you are done don't forget to grab
your free goody bags on the way out
they were specially put together for all
of you by the Johnny depp coast player
i gave him 30 000 to work with so i
suspect the contents will be to your
liking
a Death Note doujinshi featuring the
annoyinga ship Light Yagami and elf
Reese's peanut butter cups my bitch's
favorite and last but certainly not lee
an autographed photo of the Johnny depp
look alike
two whole Reese's peanut butter cups
this is the bomb
this sucks just to you'd think being the
richest guy on the planet we would get
more than this
i don't get how this is worth 30 000 at
all
yeah bro what's up with that bartelby
always comes to our house
and eats the dinosaur chicken nuggets
when's he gonna really pay us back
you know what I don't think you deserve
those you know your gingers
give them all back i'll just use them to
wipe my butt crack
when I go poop later
fine I don't want this [ __ ] as [ __ ]
anyway
did I [ __ ] stutter I said everybody
everyone but my bh
kids go get your things we'll be leaving
in five minutes
but dad I don't wanna go yet what about
the trillion dollar bill exhibition
i wanna see the ceremony for the
unveiling of the new trillion dollar
bill with my friends listen Mindy I know
we got an invitation from your
boyfriend's brother who is Bartleby's
[ __ ]
but the only reason we came here was
because this place has a ymca workout
room
and not only that but you also know that
after I get done pumping mad iron
i like going to the drive-in theater to
watch movies from the 70s
because that was a time when women knew
their place which is either the kitchen
or the bedroom when the man feels like
[ __ ] his [ __ ]
but daddy you did that all on the way
here
hey look who it is fancy meeting you
here
mint holding the elevator for us
what's us dad is the elevator stuck or
something
try pressing the button I'm trying for
God's sake woman
shut your damn mouth before I glue is
shut with my rancid diarrhea
the [ __ ] he's totally trying to shut the
door on us mama
like how he will the [ __ ] you think you
are
as the ruling queen of Mobius I demand
that you hold the door
ah
intellectual
a
Bartleby what was that horrible noise
I'm so frightened I think I pooped a
little in my jeans
me too it appears the elevator has
gotten stuck on something
hurry someone try the doors
it's hopeless it it won't open does
anyone have a cell phone
maybe we can try calling for help
already tried signals
which means unless someone notices that
we're here we're trapped here
oh no what if we run out of food and
water before they can find us
Knuckles do you want me to piss in your
mouth Bartleby
is this how we die do not let fiat take
hold of you
my thick juicy fuckboy i'll protect you
and maybe plow that fine rear of yours
in the meantime
what's wrong Charles you look positively
turbed
you say Aleena he can't say looking
right at me who
what do you mean nobody is looking at
you
what is it's chicks
you mean from the hit pixel movie cars
Charles you are seeing things
what's wrong with Uncle Chuck is he
drunk off his ass again
yet why is he acting like a big fat baby
make him quit before I give him
a smelly beef stew with my butt kids
there's something your uncle and I never
told you
he has a severe case of claustrophobia
when he's stuck in confined spaces he
hallucinates and sees things
oh no he's coming closer
hey Uncle Chuck guess what I just got
done raping lima
lightning mcqueen and his big smelly
race car ass
now I'm gonna come over there right your
cute little ass
kacha [ __ ]
is not here and he's not gay he's always
surrounded by girl cars in the movie
Uncle Chuck it's all right nothing bad
is going to happen
look around everyone's here we'll
protect you no matter what
so there's no reason to be scared
hey I'm not scared anymore
ah what is this not the power of love
i'll get you someday Charles i'll get
you
free
get your act together old man that's not
the time
to be down on the floor now is the time
for action
we have to plan this out we're going to
make it through everyone put your peanut
butter cups
and other rations on the floor I am
going to split it amongst the group in a
fair and equal manner
seems as though we have 14 Reese's
peanut butter cups and there are nine of
us
green kid that poops himself get over
here and take your shirt
this is all you get make sure it lasts
you at least two days stops
if you can't do something simple as that
i'll check you out with my thighs
this is [ __ ] I want my two cups back
yeah [ __ ] these 11 cups are yours savor
it
11. oh no just just 10 is enough it
wouldn't be right if I took so many
you should split them among the rest
there's a large amount of people to feed
but [ __ ] only 10 peanut butter cups go
stove
besides I'm I'm on a diet so you go
ahead
and take one back bitch you stopped by
the ymca food court and ordered 36 chili
dogs and nine coca-colas would have been
if I didn't stick one in your ass
it seems like we're gonna be stuck here
for a while
do you need anything to drink why are
you keep trying to piss in my mouth
domingo you think there's nothing to
worry about Charles
I'm sure there's a hot-blooded American
man on the other side of that door with
his power tools
working to get us out i'll pay him with
a 24-pack of beer for his troubles like
every good man should
and probably slap him on the ass like
those baseball players do after hitting
a home run
hello is anyone in there do you copy
please tell me I'm not too late it's
about time
where were you at we've been stuck in
here for two days
cool your shits I'm here aren't I now
what's the problem
we have no food no water do your [ __ ]
job and get us
out right [ __ ] now you know I don't
have to help you
so i'd change that attitude if I wear
you buttercup
all right before I send someone down to
get you I'm gonna need to know a few
things
don't worry i'll be quick it's just
standard procedure
question one do you have anyone that
goes over the weight limit
like do you have anyone in your group
that's a total fat ass
depends how that we talking here I don't
know
like Sonic the Hedgehog levels of fat
proceed with the next question
what's happening what's going on one of
the tethers holding the elevator up must
have snapped
i think we went over the weight limit
because of my fat bro
why must I suffer like this just for
being the brother of bartelby's [ __ ]
bartelby I'm slipping save me
daddy's gotcha just grab my hand like
how I always grab your huge balls
oh my God
we need to get out of here before this
thing falls seven stories to the ground
got any ideas just one but it may be
able to work
bitch get on the floor if I use you as a
stepladder I might be able to reach the
ceiling hatch
i'll open it and we can escape through
there to freedom
sounds like a plan let's do this babe
[ __ ] it's still too high let me try
standing on my tapitas
wait you all hear that
it sounds like footsteps coming from the
roof
you mean there's somebody on top of the
elevator but who
oh hi there look it's Robert he's come
to rescue us
look like hughes canyon soon everybody
about time you got here Robert I was
going to use my strong muscle to climb
out of here myself but it's good that
you're here to help the others
that are not as strong as I usually
Sonic
the forza inverter fully collapse you
too
clever it can't
eating
ah
Uncle Chuck are you all right your legs
not broken is it
should we go to the er infinite but
forget about me saving
saber quickly Robert take my hand
i just had sex with my [ __ ] a second
ago and I didn't wash it
so it's probably covered in sweat from
my [ __ ] balls but it's your only
choice
is go serve yourself
no I won't leave you
[Music]
it's a shame about what happened to
Robert but at least he'll be
memorialized
yet I can't think of a better way to be
memorialized than to be the face on a
trillion dollar bill that gets to be in
Bartleby's back pocket
right next to his big buttt crack
yeah about that he ain't being
memorialized on [ __ ]
i got a call from my mom while we were
in the elevator and she said they found
another even better Johnny depp look
alike so it turns out that Robert will
not
be on the trillion dollar bill after all
however as long as we never forget what
he did here for us today
the raging fire of hope that instills
strength within us all
shall never burn two ashes
[Music]
Bartleby look it's a rainbow it must
have appeared just after the rain
stopped
Bartleby do you think Robert can see it
wherever he is I'm sure he can
bitch I'm sure he can
you're hiding from the store
i'll be the light that keeps you warm
[Music]
in unfamiliar place
i will be the guiding face you
know waiting to take you
home
through the fire people go
underneath the sparks we glow
take a chance we don't have long
we'll be burning on
[Music]
hey uh I haven't heard you guys say
anything in a while
you're not good are you because that
would seriously put a damper on my
weekend if you are
who the hell are you people how did you
get in my office
eyes this way [ __ ] you have not been
granted the privilege to address our
Professor directly
is this guy with a pizza box looking at
your teacher or something
tell him to get lost I don't give a damn
what kind of Professor he is
the same goes for you children go home
children attack
[Applause]
what what are you doing untie me this
instant or you're going to be in big
trouble
oh just who the hell are you I demand to
know who you are
Professor who are you
who are you