[Music]
thank you
[Music]
what I hate my overalls off and slap my
bony but cheeks I don't believe what I'm
seeing
Jared why are you hiding get up here
right this instant point
foreign
they've been laying down more tracks
again even our neighbors aren't looking
pissed maybe we should all work together
on riding a very harsh letter to the
city again
well maybe it is time for an upgrade
pout
what did you say white boy
don't you think we've been living in the
old ways for a bit too long having a
train station nearby will help us take
our crops to and from town
do I look like I need in this point I'm
only four pounds of pure muscle I'll
tell you what
the old waste of our family through
radar sleet storms our sun we're not
about to change our ways now just
because of the whole city Folk want to
show off their mechanical duties
whatever you say Dad
let's take the picture for the family
Christmas card I bet that will brighten
your spirit
Chloe that does sound nice I've been
meaning to show off my rock hard-ups
after farming potatoes the whole season
foreign
gather around
[Music]
hey rafik get on over here
you want me in your Christmas card
why not you have been working here the
past couple of months you're practically
part of the family well okay Jared if
you want me to
oh hell no I'm not going to have a
[ __ ] muslim voice stand next to my
family for a Christmas photo
oh I think it's a call for help like
he's holding this hostage with a bomb
strap to his chest
damn it but shouldn't say things like
that to his face
that's what the dinner table is for
after he goes to sleep in the basement
it's okay I'll just get back to tending
to the crops I'm sure your family
wouldn't want to see a face like mine
anyway
that's right get back to work you
Islamic save before you get the hot hand
Sarah
but he's a terrorist do his people even
have rights
Jared wait shut up [ __ ] you don't get
say in this my dad and by extension me
only because he bought you at an Islamic
slave trade
come on everyone pretend you're not
racist
Sonic you showed up for Christmas dinner
after all after you saw the muscle and
get in the photo I thought you weren't
coming
we almost didn't but then our minds were
filled with cranberry jelly and roasted
turkey so we decided to run the risk
well Sonic is that you
it's been a while
you've gotten quite fat
know that about it you might need you to
take a couple steps back
what's the matter did I do something
wrong
that remains to be seen hold on one guys
can you for a [ __ ] ball
no bomb detected all clear
he's clean
ER what the hell happened to your legs
Rafi weren't here about a sized from the
waist down
uh I don't remember that
okay
by the way Bartleby what's with those
clothes are you going to a costume party
no these pay no mind my winter clothes
are simply in the wash at home and don't
touch them this handkerchief alone is
100 cotton and costs 27 bucks
haha hard stop it how will I ever be
able to hang up all these mistletoes
with you pinch in my dirty little cow
glass my boyfriend is watching but he
probably likes it so you don't have to
stop if you don't want to cry how many
times have I told you to stop making
moves on my girl
there we go down three little [ __ ] back
and you never knew anything about it
so why would I expect today to be any
different especially when we have
company over as long as you live under
my roof I'll make the rules what's mine
is mine and what's yours is mine but
because I am your poor I will restrain
for now just to be nice don't expect
this sort of gratitude anymore for the
rest of the day better yet if you're not
gonna be a man then be a woman and do
what woman do best clean
clean up your pasta
that's awfully
stick Jared why do you let him do like
that if tried to touch my boyfriend's
bum I would shoot him with a BB gun
you heard him he's my dad this crop of
land and anything on it belongs to him
I'm just I'm just plain old Jed
okay I'm going out back to poop
[Music]
feels so good
this is yucky food why are there so many
vegetables
where's the tater tots and ketchup
those yucky veggies were grown right
here on my farm YouTube
from the ground to land out the blade of
yours
you know because I tie my hair up in
pigtails like this people often tell me
I looked like hearts and make you
no they don't why do you always say that
when you look nothing like her
I'm surprised you know who Hops and make
you even is considering you're from a
backward third world country
George Bush was the best damn president
America ever had but people refused to
see that because you stole two planes
and flew them into the World Trade
Center killing more than four people
you know what I am going to say it
I'm glad that 9 11 happened
[Applause]
machines
dripping all over us like we don't even
matter this is my country my land
Paul wait where the hey are you going
[Music]
my [ __ ] is going to be so impressed he
never could have guessed that I got a
train conductor listens this morning and
what's more I had train tracks built
right at Opera and Chad's thumb
also I could surprise my big chair on
Christmas day it will be just like the
hit animated Christmas children's movie
The Polar Express
oh look here comes everyone now to bask
in marriage some success
first stop it
oh please bar before you hurt yourself
shut your dang potholes before I close
them up for you with my steaming rancid
[ __ ] I've done running that way it's
time for us Farm folk to Rise Up Against
the Machine no more to be pushed around
the revolution Starts Now
oh my God
who's driving that [ __ ] train
[ __ ] I did it again
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I better stop this rain and go give them
a Christmas fruit basket is an apology
[Applause]
oh no I forgot how muscular I am
my pop my dad is gone manic what do I do
come on Jared let's go finish dinner we
can hold the funeral tomorrow
[Laughter]
[Applause]
we'll be right back to Sonic Underground
on Disney XD
and now back to Sonic Underground on
Disney XD
you know I don't think I'm really all
that hungry right now I will just go hit
the sack early night everyone
[ __ ] can you pass the mashed potatoes
dank cutie pie Tootie you pass those
data so good
you could even be a contestant unchopped
or perhaps you can even Beat Bobby Flay
[Music]
is
more tracks again as long as you live
under my roof I like the rules
haha that's really sticky
[Music]
while I'm talking to you boy
huh what is that you yes would it be you
have a little thing
you let me by Chariot I shouldn't have
known my demise would be on your hands I
mean that all because of you but you're
in hell because you're racist
you've always been jealous of me because
my thickness that's not true oh yes it
is you've been living in my shadow all
your life since you were a baby you're
not a True Farmer you don't even eat
your own homegrown vegetables don't
think I haven't seen you secretly
heating up TV dinners in the microwave
you're weak now I'm going to kill you
with my new ghost power
foreign
Jared Jared you have to wake up
you're having a nightmare Jared please
open your eyes
Rafi what the hell are you doing here
you better not have been trying to suck
my balls again
what Jared I never once tried to suck
your balls
never mind I forgot it was my dad who
tried that whatever the case you can
leave since my dad is dead now you're
free like Dobby the free elf
I might be but you're obviously not what
do you mean I lived with you all for
half a year and at that time I saw it
all the way that man treated you and not
just him but your girlfriend
Sarah too it's just not right what does
that [ __ ] have to do with this
Gerard Gerard are you in there my sweet
sugar pie
whale sharks he's not here he must be
out back taking a big dump in the
Outhouse haha that dumb hillbilly now
that Paw's gone we're gonna be filthy
stinking Rich I've been gold digging in
this family for years and oh my hard
work is finally going to pay off of
course they never would have imagined
that someone like me a lovely white
little cowgirl would do such a thing
emphasis on the white part
it cannot be yo Rafi are you hearing
this [ __ ]
now all I have to do is catch Jared
asleep so I can plunge this knife
through his throat I'll blame it on that
Muslim kid and the cops will have no
choice but to believe me because I am
just a sweet delicate farm girl
Jared you have to break up with her
but she won't suck my balls anymore
Jared she won't suck your balls anymore
if you're dead
foreign
Jed it's time to begin would you like me
to go first
that's fine I can do it
we come together today in honor of a man
but not just any man
this man was my very own Daddy
but you were taken from us too soon you
were just 103 years old and yet yours
was a [ __ ] dump truck
I remember the times you would sit back
on your lawn chair watching me Farm
crops as you go down lemonade
like it was your own [ __ ] piss
at least I think that was lemonade we
don't exactly have lemon trees on this
farm so I have my doubts anyhow I hope
that as he continues to look up at us
from hell he can see that he was not in
loved
and that we will continue to carry his
memory while you will be remembered for
all eternity as a father but more
importantly
farmer
yo did anyone else catch that this kid's
dad drinks piss
now I would like to pass the microphone
off to my boss slave that he got for
thirty dollars
over in my country we have a saying it's
better to be alive than to be dead so
please sit back and enjoy as I sing you
the song of my people in prayer
[Music]
this man is a terrorist
is he trying to indoctrinate us
I'm scared
[Music]
let's cut to the chase we're lonely yeah
because an old man made a big goopsy
Daisy and fell under my rain that was
moving at 120 miles per hour
now I'm not blaming him mind you all I'm
saying is come on now he's not the only
one who had rough week do you wanna be
sitting out here on Christmas day in 30
degree weather I don't think you do I
have a better idea instead of wasting
time on someone who's dead as [ __ ]
instead why don't we send some of these
prayers and good thoughts to I don't
know the guy who has the buff out all
the scratches that were made in that
rain that Chad's father damaged like a
fool and the blood stains they're going
to have to be completely painted over
with a fresh new coat of paint caused
that [ __ ] ain't cheap
foreign
for that wonderful speech
I don't know what to do if I tell
everyone Siri is evil she might never
suck my balls again but if I don't she
will try and kill me when I go to sleep
tonight
I already lost my father do I really
want to turn on the woman I love
Jared um I've decided I won't say
anything if you won't but what does your
heart say
then it was one big misunderstanding
that she walked into my room at one
o'clock in the morning with a kitchen
knife because she was making soap people
don't eat soup with knives
wait a gosh darn minute he's right how
could I have been so stupid
everybody Sarah is evil and tried to
kill me
yesterday she walked into my room to
stab me she didn't go through with it
because it wasn't there she thought it
was in the Outhouse at back taking a
crap don't listen to him he's lying to
all of you
you tried to kill me 14 times this past
month I'm calling the cops
oh pumpkin please rethink this we can
still fix this we fix things I've done
nothing wrong I love you gave you a nice
place to live and even made you fresh
popcorn when we watched Sonic
Underground and in that time you [ __ ]
with my paw behind my back 14
322 times that's right at counted you
[ __ ] it's about time you make like my
nutsack and bounce
all right
[Applause]
and don't you dare come back or I'll
drop you like a hot potato
[Applause]
how are you feeling you were right Rafi
she was a total [ __ ] and not even the
good kind like Sonic
today is going to be hard but it's going
to get better one day at a time
I should have realized it sooner God I
feel so stupid
well you are a hillbilly
you deserve someone who loves you just
as much as you love them
not some stupid girl who doesn't realize
what she had especially one who kept
throwing it all away for some wrinkly
old man balls
yes so do not carry a friend when you're
surrounded by so many friends on
Christmas Day
well what are we waiting for those
presents beneath the tree won't open
themselves
perhaps Santa Claus left us something
good
[Music]
bartelby can you make us your world
famous beefs too
yeah can you yeah please
it seems like you aren't giving me much
of a choice here now are you
very well lucky for you I had a pot on
the stove that was simmering all night
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[Applause]
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