[Music]
all right
[Music]
God I got to poop there's a porta-potty
there but porta-potties are for [ __ ]
and I ain't no [ __ ]
thank you
[Music]
God damn it don't these kids have any
manners these days you cannot just go
around parking skateboards wherever you
want
okay didn't that guy know I was the evil
Doctor Robotnik
I'm evil I'm not supposed to get tickets
since I don't pay them anyway
maybe I'll have my bounty hunter sleet
and then go go kill his family or
something later
foreign
that's enough [ __ ] stop hitting my
[ __ ] Bell what do you want [ __ ]
don't act [ __ ] around me I was here
four months ago and one of you doctors
said I have cancer
oh yeah I remember now you're the one
great all our bubble gum in the waiting
room what do you want [ __ ]
I don't know you're the one who told me
to come back how do I get rid of cancer
do you have an appointment with us
no sleet always handles that stuff for
me as well as make dinner and change my
eyepiece
okay what's your name will this go to
the FBI I can't let them find out where
I live again
probably okay I'll take my chances Dr
Robotnik the absolute Supreme Overlord
of all that is evil
oh my God the Doctor Robotnik that took
over Planet Mobius you betcha well
you're in the United States so you ain't
got any power here so shut up and go sit
those blunt cheeks down next to the
kitties in the waiting room
Hey kid do you have cancer too I notice
you're bald under that propeller hat
ew you're so fat
your roundness what's wrong did Bartleby
give you a wedgie in public for picking
on Sonic again
no it's worse sleet a sexy kid in a blue
shirt he he called me fat
what you are that's why you make us call
you your roundness
it sounds different when you guys say it
what should I do I'm so embarrassed
is that the boss Hi boss we're at Taco
Bell
here let us FaceTime him real quick
who the hell are you guys you look kind
of gay
Hey kid you better stop picking on our
boss before we come down there
yeah don't make us suck your dad's balls
that's not a threatening face shut up
Sleek don't make me suck your balls
hold on a sec I'm getting another call
how's it going but Nick
you [ __ ] how did you get my
number again so fast I just changed it
last week
I have my ways damn it it was bartelby
wasn't it that's not fair Sonic you
cheater
go Mr Robotnik you should know not to
underestimate rich people if I'm being
quite honest by the look on your face
you don't seem to Jolly being in my
presence
they happen stance is it because moments
like these remind you of the day you
attempted to tax my family
mom dad they're here should we beat them
up not yet let's see what they have to
say
so it's true then for the first time in
over a decade the Montclair family
are having a family reunion since the
births of Bartleby Montclair of Dresden
and his inferior twin
as the new emperor of Mobius I was
originally going to tax you all
individually but seeing that you're all
here I figured we might get it on all in
one day
you think you
have to make that
different countries good luck taxing a
Stan
oh we'll see about that I've
manufactured and army just for this very
day
one that even you could not have
prepared for
sleet lingo call them and call in the
swap Bots
[Music]
your round mess look beyond the smoke
oh
[Music]
impossible he's completely unharmed is
he really that buff
robot mixer we have to flee now they
might have a [ __ ] gun
idea go start the car
you're not going anywhere get him boys
run Master Robotnik don't let him get
you
[Applause]
[Music]
[Applause]
everyone stand back I must be
foreign
okay okay I get it I won't tax you
anymore
don't be misinformed but Nick you will
get your money just know that when tax
day comes around we will be two up and
poop on you and spank you until you
relinquish your dad's today hold on our
beloved planet
now pull down your pants
damn it but you pooped all over my new
iPhone
Mr Robotic the doctor is ready to see
you now
welcome sir please stand on the scale so
we can check your weight but I'm just
supposed to be here for a checkup on my
cancer
don't worry it's just part of the
procedure and it will be between us
[Music]
847 pounds that can't be I only had
eight hot dogs with cheese this morning
oh my mistake it seems to be broken let
me try giving it's a smack
[Music]
hey Devin you gotta come see this look
how much this guy weighs
oh I see it I got my own fatty over here
in fact haha being a pediatrician is so
[ __ ] funny I'm so glad I gave up
being a lawyer for this [ __ ]
what do you mean I'm fat I'm not fat
Mr Robotnik we talked about this you're
a [ __ ] fat ass
but just because you're fat it doesn't
mean you can't be happy
just look at it this way you're so ugly
that it makes other people happy because
they can't have something to laugh at
when they're bored
by the Gods
what is it duck am I going to die next
week
no just the opposite in fact Robotnik
you don't have cancer
you're just fat
I don't have cancer but I'm bald
apparently you can be bored and not have
cancer
damn I never knew that
well Robotnik that will be all for today
you can't head home now
oh but do lay off the sweets
my subordinates what are you doing here
we just got the call from the dentist
and heard the good news we wanted to
surprise you
is that mint chocolate chip ice cream
hell yeah your favorite have yourself a
lick
but I'm not supposed to have ice cream
because I'm not skinny
now who went and told you that baloney
all that matters is that you're happy
and you love yourself
come on your roundness let's go home and
play your favorite game
the one where we play Make Believe and
pretend that you're still the ruler of
Mobius
[Music]