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don't you agree
Charles I do not remember giving you
reprieve from your duties return to your
seat at once lest you want the fire
poker up the X
well I'm not
and you do not get to toast your buns on
company time understood foolish old man
if you don't want to work then at least
come over here and help me pick out the
dirty coins that I can stuff in my butt
then pooped on the poor people when they
walk by the shop to threaten absolute
dominance
speaking of money never wanted to ask
you
then spit it out why don't you there is
still much work to be done if we are to
be ready in time for Christmas in six or
seven months
which oh hold your fellow TV miracle
erase go I get it yes I will put you up
on my shoulders like a wee baby so you
can get a good view well I bully the
people outside
Charles you're so funny you ought to be
a stand-up comedian cause you're really
good at acting [ __ ]
insteados Dinero
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why would I ever have dinner with you
your family is stinky and poor honestly
I didn't even know people still
celebrate Christmas it's all a big waste
if time and money
nothing but an excuse by greedy
corporations much like ours to mark up
the prices on toys for the kitties and
roasted hams
it is
don't care
Merry Christmas Mr Moncler do you wanna
hear a Christmas Carol I wrote
especially for you do you wanna have
poop coming out of my house
I don't believe my eyes Mr Montclair
just killed an innocent young boy
there he is everyone there's the old
Scrooge sick murders kids every year
around this time instead of calling the
cops let's take matters into our own
hands and kill him ourselves
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forgive those who I may send to you on
this holiday's Eve for these dumbasses
no note what they do
laughs
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where is your Christmas spirit ah
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thank you
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hey there cuties it's me Charles Dickens
you may know me as a man who wrote the
world we known Christmas tale A
Christmas Carol but today I'm just a fan
just like you
so sit on back relax and have an extra
pair of pants close by because something
tells me we're in for some pretty juicy
[ __ ] oh and by the way I know I have the
word dick in my last name but that
doesn't mean I'm gay
holy [ __ ] Uncle Chuck what in places are
you doing inside of my candle
and why are you a ghost wearing a sheet
that enables your massive balls
the Ghost of Christmas
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am I supposed to care news flash I don't
but every month like in your endless
Pursuit foreign
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oh
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s all by myself
my abusive Neymar and Papa
yeah
you're very good
Italian
s
a mansion of your very own events
Butler's
premiums
because it can also available
I made a big boom boom and soiled my
diaper and I need someone to clean up my
dirty ass hoe come here before you are
terminated and sent to the coal mines
I'm here Master please don't punish me
for being four seconds late again too
late Big Boy beg for your life now or
else you will die
no I beg wait no you know what no I'm
not going to beg to a [ __ ] baby
you're the one with the full diaper so
you can't chase me if I run I'm out of
here you ripped muscular [ __ ]
tough talk from a grown ass man too bad
I knew this would happen so I asked
Santa for a gun
is
correct
um
because I'm going to empty my plump
balls and urinate on you obviously
you understand why Twitter
then you will die knowing that you are
worthless return to the Deaths of Hell
in which you belong and pray that this
fate does not fall upon the other two
ghosts as well but you for one will
hurry knowing that all of your attempts
change my ways were in vain
oh
the Ghost of Christmas Past is dead and
I've killed him
[ __ ] it's a witness
hold her right there bucko
wait wait I'm the Ghost of Christmas
present huh likely story wait that's
true I was sent here to help you but if
you are going to piss on me then damn at
this point let me walk away and pretend
like none of this ever happened while I
eat buffalo wings at TGI Fridays huh no
need don't you worry if you play Euro
and don't tell anybody what happened
here things will go just swimmingly
now what is it that you wish to show me
friend
simply put it's my job to show you the
true meaning of Christmas and [ __ ]
follow me across the road so we can spy
on the fat guy and his unfortunate
family to make you feel bad
ly do you know who that boy is coming
down the stairs
sure I do he visits the shops in town
often with his uncle to buy boxes of mac
and cheese everyone nicknames him Tiny
Tim I don't know why
because his butt is so big
Tiny Tim has one set of dump truck sized
cheeks if you ask me
but what else do you know this about him
he's overweight he used to be called the
fastest thing alive but now he can
barely walk
and he has to rely on crutches to get
around
that's why they call him Tiny Tim as a
joke to bully and demean him
but maybe just maybe that wouldn't be
the case
if you paid his dear old Uncle Chuck
some more money
so they could buy healthier Alternatives
like peas and carrots
instead of Hershey milk chocolate bars
and macaroni
but I pay him forty thousand dollars an
hour
what then where is all that money going
mama where is Uncle Chuck isn't he going
to sit down and eat with us
Sony or I honestly don't give a [ __ ]
just eat your asparagus
look he's putting his clothes back on
but where is he going
shouldn't he sit down and enjoy the
company of family
I don't know let's wait and see what he
does
look there he goes he's headed for the
strip club to blow all of the money away
on hookers but it's Christmas and he
just got home that ain't stopping him
though
well Mr Montclair I guess it's not your
fault after all
you know maybe I was wrong but do you
know who won't be
me again
no the Ghost of Christmas future
will you bear witness to what he has to
show you your eyes shall finally be open
to the truth
what's happening he's here the Ghost of
Christmas Yet to Come
I have to get the hell out of here
before he takes my soul as for you Mr
Montclair I wish you luck
I would kiss you goodbye but I don't
swing that way
let's cut to the chase I'm sure you
already know the Deets by now
if you don't we discover your love for
Christmas you're [ __ ] dead
prove it
I thought you would say that okay you
have forced my hand
follow behind me and don't look at my
butt
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is this really what you wanted to show
me Spirit a dumb hole in the ground what
am I meant to use it as a toilet or a
cereal bowl to eat my Raisin Bran
obviously not this is your grave that
you will go when you die
if you don't change your ways before
midnight this isn't mine
what
look the name on it says rip my name is
spelled b a up t l e b y
are you illiterate I don't appreciate
being led around by a special ed kid
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up there I am over there in a newly
tailored suit dare I say it appears to
be rinned in European gold
please sir spare some change for the
poor I'm so cold and hungry
ah perfect I was in need of a place to
drop a [ __ ] take it give me your cup so
I can crap
I'll sell it to you for 50 cents
how about I just steal it
there's Jordan drink up young lad
you know what you old Scrooge maybe I
was wrong
you're a pretty cool dude after all
gee I could have told you that
well enjoy the rest of your night Mr
Montclair
and your own humbug ways and that's what
I plan to do dumbass now walk away
okay thank you for not peeing on me no
problem
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Mommy why don't we get a yummy honey
glazed ham like the neighbors
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is it is it my fault
am I eating us out of house and home is
my dump truck really too wide for the
road has the kids say these days
what man must I sit upon and kill so we
can live wealthy and happy
point the way woman and the Deep shall
be done
shut up and eat your porridge before I
roll you down the stairs you are lucky
I'm 800 pounds because I would have
slapped you now feed me
[Music]
come with me boy I'm about to make your
Christmas worthwhiled up in this beach
Mama that buff guy in the pink Jam jams
is stealing our brother he's kidnapping
Tiny Tim and going to make him his sex
sleeve
silence all of you you've no right to
talk you have been calling him Tiny Tim
all this time when you should have been
calling him something like big but Bob
do you like it you hungry
a little bit
how about some [ __ ] Mexican
I I guess I could go for a burrito
cool then I'm taking you out for a feast
at the best place you can in the 18th
century [ __ ] Taco Bell
oh boy can we come
no
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can I get a couple crunch trap Supremes
to go and Baja Blast hold the ice
bartlebby can I have a [ __ ] [ __ ] up
go get whatever I want to get you you
know what never mind since you spoke out
you don't get anything
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thank you
hi there dear viewers it's me again the
one-of-a-kind story writer Charles
Dickens I hope you enjoyed today's
wonderful Christmas special even if it
is a few days before Christmas I got to
say I knew it was going to be a good one
but who would have thought it would be
even better than the one I made back in
1843. haha certainly not me well
actually I knew it would be good because
Barnaby would be in it I guess you don't
have to watch my version anymore
God bless bartelby everyone
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