can you believe it girlfriend my very
own driver's licensed and to think my
daddy used to be so hesitant to let me
get behind the wheel of a moving vehicle
wait a go girl how did you change his
mind he deadlifts in the garage hours
day and when I asked him he called me up
and said he would let me do anything if
it meant me leaving the house Sonia
everyone I'm so glad you could all be
here to share in this special moment
with me I haven't been this exited since
that one time I thought I ran into David
Henry from the Wizards of weily Place
only to be faced with a crushing defeat
that it was just some other white guy
the honor is all ours me because a
Triumph for you is a Triumph for us all
right friends so can I borrow your
amazine not on your life then how about
to ride in my dad's pickup truck you
guys I would love to if only I didn't
have a deadly fear of pickup trucks you
have a fear of pickup trucks the that I
will be seen in
one
Knuckles tell her manic Knuckles doesn't
sit in vehicles driven by women when he
takes public transit he always takes the
next bus if a female is driving men who
don't are known to be [ __ ] like
Edmond from The Chronicles of Nar are
you guys talking about the slay ride
scene with the White Witch she wasn't
driving the Sledge though it was her
dwarf slave gar brick who is Garrick
it's a character from the movie babe
don't worry about it you guys a driver's
license is like a badge of honor for us
teenagers as her best friends we owe it
to her to
celebrate thanks Sonia and I promise
I'll be a cautious and considered driver
I'm going to start my dad's truck
whoever wants dib's first better call
shots we'll flip the coin loser has to
take the first drive with that
slot please God don't let it be my
[ __ ]
butt and when Sonic pulled out the coin
I said I'll go first oh thanks Sonia you
really are my best friend oh Crum cakes
what's the dealo it's probably too late
too ask but you do know how to drive
this thing right to tell you the truth
[ __ ] I never drove a sck shift before
but I've always been good with sticks if
you know what I mean haha are you a
chicken I just never noticed that your
house sat on the side of a cliff with a
90° drop
off just make sure you go forwards and
not backwards okay Sonia I'm not stupid
forwards is that way mty how hard I'm
just kidding you should have seen the
look on your face damn that was a close
one meny are you feeling okay why would
you ask that am I going the wrong way
now oh
[ __ ] myy stop you're driving us right
off the cliff oh I'm so confused godamn
you disgusting [ __ ] drive forward
before I call manic out here to kick
your dirty butt just set it in park I'm
getting out but you said you wanted to
go forward now I want to get out you
know what I'm done do wing it no Mindy
no you can't take a chance like this
life is made up of chances like when
George Washington took the chance to
create the atomic bomb that never
happened
[Music]
[ __ ]
shut your P hole you bread stick give me
that mop
head
back I
[Music]
[Laughter]
do what happened here you're not going
to
yeah
Ed in the
and looks like we finally found our lead
on him boys it's too bad J isn't the
kind of guy to wear Beauty shorts
because if he was I bet we would have
been able to pick up the trail of the
sweaty ass hours ago with my excellent
sense of smell follow me
Boise balls they're already closing I
better do what those contestants do on
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire and phone
a friend to help rescue my ugly
ass I don't get it why are they still
going on the trip God hoio is such a
selfish little [ __ ] she's 5 years old
and dying cut a baby some slack then why
is her dad taking her on a cross country
trip 5-year-olds are so dumb I bet I
could beat her in a fight I'm bored who
wants to watch Wizards of Waverly play
we still haven't figured out who's going
to be the family wizard wrong you don't
because you didn't watch the finale with
us on TV don't waste our time just
because you thought you had better [ __ ]
to do hey what the hell is happening to
the
TV your little white here how's it going
Mutual Credit Union staff what's going
on man I'm like this is from the heart
like just uh but I only like to talk to
the real
fans hey Sonic how is my favorite way
past cool Hedgehog doing we're kind of
in the middle of watching Clan at after
Story can you call back later well turn
that [ __ ] off my life is in danger and
you are the only ones who can rescue me
yo jell is that the [ __ ] Eiffel Tower
behind
you
no oh yeah I guess it is Sega sent out
some assassins to kill me I tried to
hide from them by going to France but it
didn't work and they found me in like 10
minutes bro hurry up and turn off Jalil
white manic do you know who that is some
ugly black guy not just any ugly black
guy that's [ __ ] Jal white
surprise surprise it's Jal white the man
who single-handedly voiced you and your
siblings in the hit show Sonic
Underground that's three whole
characters in one show it's never been
done elsewhere in the history of
television I'm pretty sure it's been
done before no it hasn't I'm Jalil white
Jalil why has Sega sent assassins after
you what else dumbass Sega is jealous
and I overshadow the current voice actor
of Sonic the Hedgehog since I'm so much
better is he in there no the window
isn't smashed and nothing is on fire
these are signs that Black Boy hasn't
been here let's go look on the other
side of town for tra pie of profiti
fentel KFC chicken buckets [ __ ] shoes
hanging on power lines they seem to
think that if they can eliminate me it
would convince more people to play their
shitty Sonic games and give their
totally uncool shows a chance that's
insane hunker down and stay safe Jalil
we'll be there in a mobious minute it's
juice and jam time that is way past cool
it is juice and jam time I'm standing in
front of this Michael Jackson sign right
I say [ __ ] him why should we put our own
life on the line for a guy we barely
know bro it's Jalil white without him
Sonic Underground wouldn't exist Sonic
wants to go and manic doesn't it seems
like we're going to have to get a third
party's opinion up in here I heard your
need of a little pickme up here so I'm
coming in to bring a little magic into
your life okay I want to send you a
message you know God sends um uh battles
to his toughest Warriors so if you're
going through a tough time right now
there's a silver lining there that God
wants you to learn don't miss this
opportunity for growth I know you'll
learn something here well if David Henry
says we can do it then by God we'll do
it we should hurry to our hotel room I
hear Sega employees are trained to blend
into a crowd and appear normal it's how
they were able to infiltrate Sega back
in the early 2000s and turn the studio
into [ __ ] your [ __ ] you might want to
come over here R see this [ __ ] A wanted
poster Christ they must really be
serious about catching him if he plans
on meeting us here hopefully he does it
discreetly discreetly my butt he's
standing right over there a hell this
[ __ ] Jalil what are you doing out of
your room you're supposed to be in
hiding you can't tell me what to do I
voiced three whole characters in one
cartoon you already told us that but how
did Sega know you were in France
it was my fault you see it all started a
week ago when I realized the money I
made on Sonic Underground was running
out I went to the headquarters of sea of
America to ask them why the [ __ ] they
still haven't made a second season of
Sonic
Underground do you know what they said
to me they said what the hell is Sonic
Underground well are they going to make
a second season
no what just happened it's a smoke bomb
sa's customer support [ __ ] found us
everyone surround a Jal we can't let
them reach
him B leby don't let these seab lickers
take me away to their prison oh no they
grabbed Sonic by mistake stop it you
have the wrong man let my boyfriend
go please stop this do not take him away
from me he is not Al White he's a
precious white boy he is not a
[ __ ]
he slept long enough wake him
up wakey wakey Julie White I thought you
could hide away in that airport hun
sorry to say we've got at least six
spies placed in various spots around the
world with the entire blow covered it
was only a matter of time before it
would come to this weren't you guys
listening I'm not him
then why the hell do you sound like him
I resent your less than subtle
aspersions of his character and refuse
to participate in the staminab Witch
Hunt I'm I'm not him I swear I'm not a
filthy quick throw him a curveball try
asking him something only a true Sonic
fan would know what is Sonic the
Hedgehog's a color well in Sonic
Underground everyone just has black
I'm not your guy I'm just Sonic Sonic
the Hedgehog you mean the gay dude
dating ble be I [ __ ] hate gay people
come again I'm saying you're like
Rudolph The Rednosed Ranger we the
people in society exclude you weirdos
from taking part in our activities
except for one month of the year where
companies use you for their own personal
and financial gain by changing their
social media icons to [ __ ] rainbows
and you fall for it every time like
Santa using rudol knows one night of the
year and then by the end of that month
you crawl back into the depth of
wherever the hell you came from that's a
very good argument actually I never
thought of it like that this is getting
us nowhere we have no other choice but
to take him to the worst place on
Earth
just what in the world is this awful
awful
[Music]
Place hey boss we captured J why just
like you asked can we kill him now
nicely done my evil minions for your
participation in bringing this 1999
voice actor before me I will grant each
of you lifetime passes to Sega world
what the [ __ ] is Sega world
it's a chain of small Amusement arcades
operated in the UK Spain and Portugal
think of it as a Chuck-E-Cheese without
pizza for modern Sonic [ __ ] you know
those retards that continue to eat my
[ __ ] up and Pad my wallet with fat
stacks of cash your Haruki satami the
CEO of
Sega that's right Jalil white and now
that we have finally captured you all
that's left that can stop me will be
Sonic the Hedgehog Bartleby Tamers 12345
Manic the Hedgehog and Tony Hawk
hauh you damn fools you brought me the
wrong guy but he sounds a lot like J
White damn it everyone knows jalile
white is a [ __ ]
Nick and Sonic the Hedgehog is clearly
blue so does this mean you're going to
let me go oh I don't think so in fact
you're even more of a threat to our
company than jalile is because as long
as you live people will hold on to the
idea that Sega might someday be good
again and we worked to long and hard to
make sure that never happens take him to
the Eiffel Tower and tie him to it make
sure everyone in France can see him I
get it if J White know Sonic is in
danger he'll have no choice but to try
and rescue him and then we can't capture
them both at the same time ingenious but
what will we tie him up with take some
Phil Swift Flex tape nothing will ever
be able to get through that
[ __ ]
[Music]
what do you see up there this is bad
boys they're attaching him to the Eiffel
Tower with flex tape we might have to
leave him behind Flex tape oh You' got
to be kidding me [ __ ] I hear that [ __ ]
is stronger than solid mob vendum yeah I
saw Phil Swift talk about Aon TV once he
even sought a boat in half that guy is
crazy then we have no other choice we
have to pick up the entire rifle to and
carry it back to America with my bit
attached to it I can do that much on my
own since I'm so musly but you lot
will'll have to get me over there I know
what if I use my amazing voice acting
skills to make it sound like Sonia and
Manar having a
conversation so some employees will come
over here expecting to see two 3ft doll
hedgehogs when in reality he will just
find a black guy you can do that sure
it's one of the skills I picked up
voicing three characters at one time in
a shitty 1999 cartoon but Sonic
Underground was your only 1999
cartoon so what did you do in the city
manic I was uh in the family business
like import export no like a thief I
think Jalil white is over there behind
that bush talking to himself well let's
go beat his [ __ ]
ass I got you
[ __ ]
I feel sick okay look we only have to we
these disguises long enough to distract
the guards so Bartleby can make has move
well I'll try but if anyone brings up
the knuckles be design from Sonic Boom
I'm going AP on their
ass eyes on the prize minus we have the
rest of our lives to totally poop all
over sega's Creations but Sonic needs
help here and
now hey go guy the boss man called he
said it's our turn to watch The Prisoner
how come I didn't hear about this [ __ ]
oh you know how say is these days
[ __ ] can't do anything right I'll say
did you see how they redesigned Knuckles
in Sonic Boom that [ __ ] lame as hell
what you think so too H Knuckles you
fool it was a trap damn these [ __ ]
really played my
ass Jalil Jalil Jalil oh how I must
thank thank you thank me for what Haruki
satami for all this after all it's
because you're such a [ __ ] [ __ ]
that all of this was even
possible Jalil what is he talking about
go on Jalil why don't you tell him tell
them all how you really feel about
modern Sonic hey you [ __ ] what is this
CEO guy talking about don't got the
balls h [ __ ] I guess I'll just have to
show it to them myself Sonic have you
ever seen the sort of [ __ ] up [ __ ] on
Jalil White's social media accounts you
mean like fetish [ __ ] I'll have you know
that I don't King Shame oh trust me
you'll [ __ ] wish it was after
this please please
no did I do
that oh oh God no anything but that when
you said [ __ ] up [ __ ] I was expecting
something else like some illegal
pedophile [ __ ] but this is far worse
than I imagined it's not how it looks
Sonic I was just replying to a fan I
wasn't even thinking about the picture
when I sent it I thought it would be a
funny
prank don't don't even talk to me you
lied to me you're sick and you lied to
me I don't want to see your face ever
again it's only a okay so I posted that
pic because I thought an employee would
notice and give me an acting EG I [ __ ]
up po but is it really that bad I didn't
even want to rescue you but my brother
he stood up for you when no one else
would so this is how my story ends
blinded by my own greed I became a
traitor to the one thing that stayed
loyal to my blackass Classic
Sonic I can't fix this alone I need
someone to show me what path to take
next
I heard your need of a little pickme up
here so I'm coming in to bring a little
magic into your life okay I want to send
you a message you know God sends um uh
battles to his toughest Warriors so if
you're going through a tough time right
now there's a silver lining there that
God wants you to learn don't miss this
opportunity for growth I know you'll
learn something here maybe David Henry
is right my life isn't over a new
chapter is only beginning and it's
sexier than ever before because nothing
will make me stay from the path of Sonic
Underground
again
okay boss Jal wife faith in Sonic
Underground has been restored [ __ ] it's
because Sonic Underground will be there
for you if you believe hard
enough yo Indie baby how's the license
late honey and your brother and hop on
down the handful of late X form cosmetic
wages I bought from Target should
hopefully cushion your fall of 984
ft all righty LS looks like we have our
Escape Plan hey does anybody hear
that damn it all sega's customer support
team is attempting to blow up the Eiffel
Tower then we better hurry come on
[ __ ] oh no I can't get him out of
there of course you can't Flex tape is a
powerful adhesive with a thick flexible
rubberized backing that conforms to
virtually any shape and surface even
underwater leave me my friend and save
yourself but my bro no bro the last
thing I want to hear now are [ __ ]
butts if you die here who else can get
revenge against Sega for beating my
ass then in that case I will die in your
place onic I can't let you do that Jalil
not after we came so far to save you you
already did Sonic Manic Knuckles you all
saved
me I suppose this is goodbye jalile it's
not goodbye because since I'm taking
your place in this Flex tape it's like
I'm getting to play you one last time
now ride on Cowboy it is juic and jam
time wait a minute where's ble B he
didn't jump down with us look he's still
climbing up the side of the Eiffel Tower
is he going to save J White no I'm
pretty sure he thinks Sonic is still up
there or some [ __ ] oh my [ __ ] god
Mindy turn this truck around we have to
go back for Bartleby are you stupid
that's [ __ ] Bartleby back there
[ __ ] he can survive an explosion
like that it's Jal white from Family
Matters is the one who's [ __ ] dead
okay but how are we going to cross the
ocean and get back to
America hey Sonic Underground Phil Swift
here to prove the power of Flex Seal I
saw this boat in half and put it back
together using my Flex Seal but it's not
[ __ ] working and my guess is that
it's going to sink in like 10 minutes
but luckely David Henry is also here
with his own boat so we're going to get
on that one after this one
sinks as they saying Sonic Underground
it's time to
[Music]
juice you guys you are not going to
believe it I just got a message from
Jalil white and he appears to be doing
well J White here how's it going Jal
white isn't that the guy who did 91 no
Knuckles Jal white is the guy that we
saved a couple weeks ago then who the
[ __ ] am I thinking
about turns out sea made a huge mistake
do you know the flex day I was tied up
in well as luck would have it it was so
strong that it was able to protect me
from all of the TNT blasts typical SEGA
All they ever do is make mistakes yeah
they can't even assassinate something
correctly except for our show man I'm
like this is from the heart like just uh
life is good uh but I only like to talk
to the real fans all I can say is lean
on each other lean on your
family um this year is about
understanding what is truly important
that's what this year is about this year
is about resilience and supporting each
other so you guys have a merry Christmas
have a better
2021
and Co ain't licking us this ain't the
end
[Music]
there's you got to pull together as a
team when to fight when to wait everyone
must
communicate working together together
that's how it should be working together
together just you and me working
together
W in
[Music]
harmony
together
[Music]
Harmony if we all work together everyone
in
harmony
sweet
harmony
[Music]
harmony