so there I was zooming through the sky
like a streak of lightning went out of
nowhere B right in their face I mean
talk about a face full of Rainbow Dash
am I right wait hold on now you're
telling me that Pony's face got stuck in
your smelly ass hole but wait it gets
better okay after finally getting her
unstuck after 2 hours they rushed her to
the [ __ ] hospital so she's alive no
she was pronounced dead at the scene but
hey you got to admit [ __ ] it's going to
make one heck of a story for the
Wonderbolts wow that story sounds so
unbelievable almost like you made it all
up well I didn't sweet Celestia dashy
what a story okay it almost makes me
with I was the one who got a face full
of Rainbow Dash if you know what I mean
well it wasn't come on you autistic
retards let's head up to my cloudhouse
for my epic birthday Bonanza
oh my God Rainbow Dash you're so [ __ ]
cool I want to be your godamn toilet so
bad the day that marks the birth of our
one true God Rainbow Dash is finally
here did every pony remember to bring a
miscellaneous rainbow object to honor
our Airborne
deity I brought a clown wig I brought a
beach ball you're missing quite a few
colors Apple Bloom do better next time
do we really have to do this Apple Bloom
are you serious right now Rainbow Dash
isn't just some pony we admire she's our
hero our everything do you even want to
be here not really well you better shape
up and start appreciating Rainbow Dash
properly I am going to take this knife
and stab you with it what
knife the Rainbow Dash
knife I agree she's cool and all but we
were just thinking of playing hopscotch
today you would rather hop around on the
ground than honor our goddess of the
Skies
yes stop it both of you just stop it
combat is never the way to solve our
moral differences don't try and stop Me
Sweetie Bell this [ __ ] has had it
coming for a long time but if you kill
her you might get grounded Sweetie Belle
is right we should save our freedom for
important stuff like talking about
Rainbow
Dash that's two times already this week
you caused a disturbance Apple Bloom one
more X under your name and you are the
designated cleaner of the club's piss
and ship
bucket all right is there something any
Pony would like to add about our de
before we have our
snacks okay meeting
adjourned Sweetie Belle can you pass
around the animal
crackers happy birthday Rainbow Dash
thanks Fluttershy Pinkie Pie happy
birthday Rainbow
Dash where's Twilight and Apple Jack how
are we supposed to party till the cows
come home if the gangs not all here I
think the four of us are such party
animals that the cows will come home
even if those two aren't
here who invited Rarity again Apple Jack
didn't want to come because she's having
an existential crisis after suspecting
her brother Big Mac might be a
homosexual we don't know about Twilight
they're lost then what do you all say we
get to opening my birthday presents I've
got your birthday present right here but
first you'll have to close your eyes if
you want to get
it you got me Pinkie Pie you are always
such a trickster you know what I for one
I'm glad that Twilight isn't here her
autistic has would just dampen our F
you're right and dare I say I think this
birthday party is 20% cooler just
because she's not here what you guys
talking about oh Twilight it's nothing
we we just no no don't be shy go on I'm
all ears we were just saying that saying
what we I'm going to stop you there
before you say something you might
regret don't forget anything you say
about me I can pass on to Princess
Celestia sorry I'm late every Pony
Princess Celestia only just now let me
out of the cage why were you in a cage
and what do you mean by she let you out
don't worry about it this isn't about me
today is about the birthday girl now
that all of our friends and Rarity is
here when are we going to start the
party games I'm glad you asked you
[ __ ] [ __ ] I rented out the entire
[ __ ] roller skating ring down the
street we're all going to [ __ ] go
down there at [ __ ] 8:00 p.m. to skate
our [ __ ] asses off 8:00 p.m. that
won't do I'm hosting a fashion show at
my house tonight at the exact same time
and all of Ponyville is expected to be
there is there any way you can
reschedule why the hell should I be the
one to reschedule you all knew today was
my birthday but I'm having a big stage
being delivered to my house and
everything it'll be there at 8:00 on the
dot and I'm only going to have it until
8:09 hold up you mean you're only going
to have the stage for 9 minutes I don't
have that many things to show off Rarity
that was the biggest party pooper move
you could have ever pulled besides
literally pooping in the living room you
white [ __ ] witch don't lie I know you
did I can smell it from here why do you
think we've been celebrating in the
kitchen this whole time it's cuz we
don't have to smell your poop in there
I'm not going to apologize I don't
expect you to apologizing is a sign of
weakness and if there's one thing I know
about your ass it's that you're not weak
this is just great first Rarity shows up
to my birthday party Uninvited then the
cake Rarity ordered online turned out to
be chocolate when everybody knows I'm
allergic to chocolate then Rarity pooped
on the living room carpet now Rarity is
going to steal all of my friends away
from The Grand Event I've been planning
all year worst birthday
ever happy birthday Rainbow Dash scratch
that now it's the worst birthday
ever I shouldn't have to tell you that
you weren't invited squirt I brought you
a present cool beans get out of my house
before I punt you like a football you
disabled piece of [ __ ] I'm hosting a
fashion show at 8:00 you should come no
we're going to go roller skating at 8:00
because it's my birthday actually my big
sister Apple Jack is going to be hosting
an apple picking party at 8:00 at our
family's Barn every Po in town is coming
oh my God Apple Bloom why did you have
to say that shut up you're you're going
to ruin Rainbow Dash's birthday it only
happens once a year you know we we all
hate
you you know what we're done here I need
to go ask and make sure the concessions
at the roller skating rink are still
serving pickles and 7 Up after 8:00 p.m.
why 7 Up and not Mountain Dew I can't
afford Mountain Dew you could afford to
rent out a whole roller skating rink but
not Mountain Dew don't judge me I'll see
you there at 8 pinky flutter shy I'll be
there I wasn't asking you um well [ __ ] I
sure can't wait for 8:00 to come around
so I can know who my real friends
are change the date
[ __ ] oh my God somebody stop that
[ __ ] let me go she ruined my birthday
I'm going to kill her it's okay I'm done
I'm done now I'm
[Music]
cool oh my God Rainbow Dash is peeing on
her did any forecaster Pony call for a
downpour stop peeing on sweetie Bell's
sister don't yell at Rainbow
Dash don't let her get away I'll stop
her nice Pinkie Pie real nice
wait Rainbow Dash take me with
[Music]
you what's wrong Twilight are you sad
because I kidnapped you from that weird
tree liveing in the middle of town and
forced you to spend the night here in my
castle no it's because
never mind you wouldn't understand try
me baby
girl it's just that three of my friends
are fighting they're all hosting parties
at the same time tonight yet they still
expect all of us to show up to them
who's do I go to and would it make the
others feel bad if I don't go to theirs
I don't know what I could possibly do to
make everybody happy I'm sure you'll
think of something Twilight you always
do now go to bed thanks but I'm not
quite tired just yet I wasn't giving you
a choice Twilight did you forget who is
the power here when I say go to bed you
go to bed good night Princess Celestia
good night
Twilight [ __ ] I'll have to sneak out and
go to one of their parties after
Celestia goes to
bed holy crap is it really almost at
already I better hurry up or I'm going
to be late for one of those [ __ ] dumb
parties so what party are you going to
pinky I haven't figured it out yet but I
have my preferences what about you I
don't know I'll probably just go
wherever Twilight does that purple [ __ ]
who cares about her she's gone all high
and mighty on us since she turned into
one of those olic corn [ __ ] she is
better than us it's not fair that she
gets to sleep in a castle while I sleep
in a cake shop that smells like some
pony poop
themselves why does it smell like that
yeah you should probably get that
checked out why don't you mind your own
damn business before I kick your ass hey
girls what are we talking about oh
Twilight we didn't see you standing
there speak for yourself I heard those
cheeks clapping from all the way down
the street well I heard you guys talking
about Alicorns was there something
wanted to say to me we were just talking
about about what it's about huh we were
yeah Fluttershy was uhhuh we were
discussing oh really that's fascinating
[ __ ] so have you decided which party
you're going
to not yet seriously you two are such
dumb asses sometimes oh Twilight that's
not very nice yeah Twilight we're just
having a little trouble deciding look
I'm sorry I didn't mean like that it's
just I can't believe you two are still
undecided these are our best friends
parties we're talking about we know
tlight it's just that we of all our
friends equally and we don't want to
hurt anyone's feelings by choosing one
party over the others yeah it's really
sad I called dibs on Rainbow Dash
Applejack Apple Jack damn it a [ __ ] I
bet Pinky Pie is eating nachos right now
with any luck Rarity won't even be home
damn it there's that white [ __ ] ah [ __ ]
I don't want to do this you know what I
think it's time I grow a pair of [ __ ]
balls and tell her how I really
[Music]
feel hey Rarity I'm here for your
fashion show oh my God you [ __ ]
Twilight darling what a surprise to see
you here but then again why should I be
surprised after all I am the most
dashing Pony in all of Ponyville so of
course you would want to witness my
latest
creations of course Princess Celestia
start pupil wouldn't be caught dead
picking apples or enduring Rainbow's
Birthday Bash at that dreadfully dirty
roller rink you always were one of
impeccable taste just like me Rarity can
we speed this up a bit you said you were
going to lose the stage at 809 and it's
already 8:07 you only got 2 minutes to
get the ball rolling okay Twilight here
I
[Music]
come so darling what do you think I only
want the honest truth now can you even
walk around in that thing no then what
the [ __ ] do you expect me to say I want
the truth Twilight Sparkle then it
[ __ ] sucks you look like a big fat
heirloom tomato if we were in the
kitchen I would accidentally put you on
a sandwich what no that can't be true I
worked so hard on this [ __ ] were ponies
when was the last time you saw a pony
wear clothes anywhere [ __ ] but fashion
is my passion it's what I was destined
to do are you saying I should just give
up yes
a it
sucks understand Rarity sometimes there
are ponies that are just so godamn
insufferable that no pony wants to be
around them and you are just one of
those ponies why are you being so mean
to me because it's the truth and if you
try to change if you try to prove me
wrong I will attempt to kill you because
every group needs a weakest link and
that's what you are
[Music]
I'm here to pick up the
stage flut a [ __ ] glad you could make
it to my apple picking party but where's
the rest of the Pony
gang they're probably at Rainbow Dash's
party what intonation they chose dashes
sh dig over my orange ass tnit I thought
friends were supposed to help each other
but it doesn't matter since you're here
put on some overalls and get to work
Apple Jack Ponyville isn't your personal
Chinese sweat shop we're happy to help
you when you need it but you weren't
throwing a party you were trying to get
us to do hard labor under threats that
you will poison the town's Apple Supply
well maybe I do see Ponyville as my
personal Chinese sweatshir well it's not
well I am sugar cube I reckon you
deserve to be puted on if you're going
to be going and having thoughts slack
that let me tell you little missy no
party not even Rainbow Dash's big old
birthday bash can hold a candle to an
apple picking party and don't you forget
it because when it comes to parties
Apple Jack is the name and apples are
the
game Apple Jack listen to me there's
more to life than Apples no there isn't
apples are a fruit a strawberry is one
too what a strawberry a strawberry is a
beautiful red fruit that grows on a bush
alongside a bunch of other strawberries
red you mean like an apple that's right
do you know why it grows alongside other
strawberries it's so that it will never
be alone there's greater power in
numbers and friendship just like the six
of us Rainbow Dash Twilight Rarity pinky
you and me we're all
strawberries a lot of apples also grow
on the same tree you know what I'm going
to Rainbow Dash's party now if you want
to come that's fine if you don't want to
come that's also fine follow me every
pony to Rainbow Dash the roller skating
rink is right over there next to the
Colonial Heights
Church look kind 247 on my mind all I
ever want is to be with you making me
feel soand new I thought I love more one
to many times before every time I
the
you
rain every I your eyes on the
rain
and of the rainbow right every time I
look real the
rain thanks again for bringing the
Mountain Dew Princess
Celestia you just made this party dare I
say 20% cooler it's no problem at all
Rainbow Dash I'm
rich happy birthday Rainbow
Dash well well well look who finally
showed up Princess Celestia's personal
bat and the squad who rides the short
bus to school I hope you're not here for
some pickles and 7 Up we're so [ __ ]
sorry Rainbow Dash we lost track of time
can we come in and play everyone looks
like they're having so much fun of
course it's fun it's my party [ __ ] a
party that you [ __ ] ugly [ __ ]
missed out on oh please rainbow we
really feel quite awful I know we can't
make up for the lost time but please
allow us to make it up to you
now oh would you look at that 2 minutes
after 8 funny how that works H get out
rainbow please I said get out why don't
you take your Walgreens hair dye looking
ass and go write a letter using a quilt
pen like you usually do when you learn
the most basic [ __ ] on friendship you
[ __ ] nerd come on Pinky I don't want
to talk to losers anymore let's go eat a
jar of sweet
[Music]
pickles dear Princess Celestia today I
learned a very important lesson in
friendship I learned that betraying your
friends especially on an important day
like a birthday can hurt them deeply and
damage the bonds we share it's crucial
to listen appreciate each other's
strengths while working together
especially if your friend is an [ __ ]
that happens to be the most popular
[ __ ] in all of Ponyville I know
now more than ever that friendship is
Magic your faithful student Twilight
Sparkle
[Applause]
yeah
[Music]
yes every time I look into
the on the rain my
and on the rain
[Music]
feel so
[Music]
the rain