[Music]
Princess Celestia I was in the middle of
my magical studies when I got a call
saying you wanted to see me
oh Twilight my star pupil I deeply
apologize things lately haven't been as
peaceful as I'd
like it's all right is there anything I
can help with no oh but the anniversary
of the day I first became ruler is
Drawing Near and so I have a lot of
paperwork to go
through
congratulations yes and every year I try
and come up with a grand performance
performance so good that it surpasses
the last to make the day worth
celebrating last year I took the whole
world of Equestria to Chuck-E-Cheese
well this year I struggled to come up
with a comparable
performance what if I use my magic to
put on a magic show in the middle of
town Twilight no I can use my magic to
juggle stop it Twilight I could also
enough Twilight you are not taking this
seriously and it's starting to piss me
off nobody wants to see any magic tricks
from a second rate oy corn with a third
rate horn go home I'm going to go into
the kitchen to put in a frozen Totino's
pizza I bought extra shredded cheese and
pepperoni slic to spice it up and make
it top tier
[ __ ] here take a pepperoni slice for the
road don't say I don't do anything for
you can I have some cheese to go with it
no I need it for my
[Music]
pizza this is bad Celestia is in trouble
and when she's in trouble she gets
passive aggressive even worse she'll
just stop paying attention to me
altogether I haven't seen her this bad
in a long time if somebody else comes
along to fix her problems Princess
Celestia might choose to make them her
new star our pupil and she'll throw me
to the curb but how could I possibly
help her when all I have is my pitiful
magic I sense that you're still here
Twilight is my stinky little poopy Pony
going to get in here and help me upgrade
these godamn Tino's party pizzas or what
no there are many other things that can
resolve this situation than magic like
like like friendship just like Princess
Celestia has taught me Celestia do you
uh do you know my friend Rarity we're
done talking about this Twilight I know
what you're trying to do Pinkie Pie is
also great at throwing parties Pinkie
Pie's parties pale in comparison to The
Grand Event I want help Applejack go
preheat the oven sweet cheeks if you're
not going to help with the pizza just go
home at this point you're bullying
me Rainbow Dash can do the sonic rainb
boom say that again my my friend Rainbow
Dash you know her oh yes the gayl
looking one yeah wouldn't it be cool
beans if she performed the sonic rain
boom just for you high up in the sky for
all of Equestria to see that would be
cool beans indeed you know I have
threatened I mean asked the Pegasus of
Cloudsdale to let me hold my grand
anniversary event there it's all falling
into place if I could show everyone
there that I have a personal Pegasus
[ __ ] who is capable of doing the sonic
rain boom at my command I could strike
fear in the hearts of many
and everyone will know the personal
Pegasus [ __ ] is a close friend to
Princess Celestia's student Twilight
Sparkle and I will earn the respect and
admiration I deserve well done Twilight
Sparkle every day you prove to me that I
couldn't have chosen a better disciple
up in this [ __ ] you're you're going to
tell everyone it was my idea right what
oh yeah yeah
whatever so that's it then the dictator
[ __ ] is going to force me to perform
War like a Jester Pony for the Watchers
of Equestria what kind of Tom Foolery is
this why didn't you tell her no but
Rainbow Dash I thought you liked showing
off for people forgive me for saying
this darling but Princess Celestia is
out of her godamn mind with this one the
last time rainbow dashed did the sonic
rain boom she almost died I'm I'm sure
it's not that serious Rainbow Dash it's
not that serious right of course it is
you autistic [ __ ] why do you think it's
called the sonic rain boom cuz anyone
who attempts at [ __ ] blow
up talk about blowing
up is it true Rainbow Dash is going to
do the sonic rain boom who the hell told
the bean sprout [ __ ] I may have
spread the word around a bit to show off
can we come with you to Cloudsdale
Cloudsdale it's where Celestia is
holding her grand anniversary event this
year not only am I going to die tomorrow
but it's all going down in my motherland
as the ultimate display of humiliation
this is just embarrassing curse Princess
Celestia curse her to Pony hell only the
devil derives such Pleasures from these
accursed actions what do you mean Rarity
and I aren't coming along cloudsdale's
law says a pegasus can only bring one
unicorn and one Earth Pony as guests so
I chose Twilight and Apple Jack
Cloudsdale sounds kind of racist um
actually I'm an Alicorn yes Twilight we
all know your special well then why does
Apple Jack get to bring her whole
redneck family along
as they are all a product of incest
their biological makeup is so tangled
and twisted and [ __ ] up that they all
technically count as one single
individual so says under Cloud stales
Town ruling hey wait since Twilight is
part Pegasus doesn't that mean she can
also bring two guests holy [ __ ] nice one
Pinkie Pie keep talking darling and we
may just have a chance um actually girls
they say I can bring two guests if I so
choose they never said I have to I'm
getting on the bus can you believe it
we're really going to Cloudsdale the
Rainbow Dash fan club is off to see the
world scoo you really got to stop
calling us the Rainbow Dash Fang Club
people are going to think we're some
[ __ ] ass
cult never
mind you're a pegasus which means you
can take two guests take me with you she
said she can only bring one unicorn so
she's taking me Sweetie Belle your older
sister is scaring
me since the third member of your little
gang Apple Bloom is riding along with
her [ __ ] up inbred family that means
you got space to bring an earth pony
like me
right get back here you little
[ __ ] all right every pony pack your [ __ ]
we're leaving and remember every pony
who isn't a pegasus sits at the back
[Music]
you want an apple tlight they're fresh
no Princess Celestia Feats me well in
enough that lowly fruits like apples are
beneath me I'm going to go talk to
Rainbow
Dash Twilight you [ __ ] autistic [ __ ]
you're not allowed at the front of the
bus I know I wanted to come talk to you
Rainbow Dash are you really going to do
the sonic rain boom what the hell are
you trying to say you don't think I can
do it [ __ ] no I mean do you really
think you might die oh yeah I'm royally
[ __ ] it's over for my fat ass cheeks
but at least it means I get to go out in
a blaze of glory and [ __ ] I'm sorry why
would you be sorry it's not your fault
I'm going to die the only one to blame
is our God and absolute ruler Princess
Celestia I didn't want to tell you this
while the others were around but but it
was me who suggested you to perform the
sonic rain boom at Princess Celestia's
anniversary event Princess Celestia
wanted it to be special and I threw
around a lot of ideas stuff that I could
do to entertain every pony and she she
settled on you instead of me after I
suggested the idea of you performing the
sonic rain boom get to the back of the
bus right now but I I said get to the
back of the bus before I do something I
might regret you are formally Uninvited
to my
funeral godamn I hate to see her come
but do I love to see that [ __ ]
[Music]
go every pony welcome to Cloudsdale home
of the Pegasus and where the great
Rainbow Dash was born it's okay I guess
you [ __ ] wait here I'm going to go
get our rooms at the nearest hotel
Applejack I have to go pee there aren't
any apple trees to Buck around here I
want to go home Apple Jack can I talk to
you for a sec why the [ __ ] did you bring
your brother and sister here they want
to watch Rainbow Dash do the sonic rain
boom and your [ __ ] cousin braburn why
is he here everybody knows that being
gay in Ponyville is crime worth life in
prison but we're not in Ponyville right
now and it's not a crime in Cloudsdale
yes it is in fact here it's like 17
times worse because Cloudsdale is the
only place in Equestria that still
enacts the death penalty on you
homosexuals well Big Mac said I could
come the police ponies won't know I'm
gay if nobody says [ __ ] BR can I ask you
something anything cousin Big Mac
[ __ ] go home already you're making
things awkward with all your gay [ __ ]
but I haven't done anything it's the
rest of you bringing up that I'm gay
have you ever stopped to think that
maybe it's because you're the problem
not our World Views God created one
female horse and one male horse go back
to your farm in Appaloosa and be gay
over there where we don't have to be
next to
you Applejack wants to know who you'll
be rooming with at the hotel and how
many beds I'll be sharing with braver
one bed smallest tightest one so that
I'll be pressed up against his body
really
hard you want to keep playing gay then I
hope you're ready to be [ __ ] in that
tight little ass of yours pretty boy
well if it isn't the Wonderbolts
Spitfire saurin how have you been better
than you I bet having to live in that
[ __ ] stain that is Ponyville it must
suck big hairy balls having to live
amongst lesser beings like mud ponies
and stick heads did you know that
despite only making up 3% of the
population 87% of crime is committed by
Unicorns is it true you're scheduled to
Die Tomorrow by performing the sonic
rainb boom hey now you best behave using
that kind of language around my baby
sister them slurs are Mighty hurtful
what mud Pony stick head it would do
baby sister well to learn her place
before she grows up tell me did you make
sure to not hit your head on the roof of
the bus as you came here I heard it's
rough as [ __ ] riding in the back of the
city bus or were you too dumb to use a
seat belt look at her Apple Jack she's
calling us the dumb ones when she's the
only one wearing clothes are you [ __ ]
stupid we are horses we don't need to
wear clothes what happens when you [ __ ]
do you got to buy new clothes [ __ ] you
know what they say Pegasus have massive
[ __ ] nuts how else will we prevent
them from dragging on the
[Music]
ground ah did Little Miss Sunshine just
make a stinky boom boom in her pants nah
no tell me can a pegasus do that no but
I can do this
h a yeah here we go you're going to die
you fat [ __ ] mud Pony hope you enjoy
the joy
ride I'm going to kill you I'm going to
[ __ ] kill you fatty help me Twilight
I'm an Pony I can't do anything against
this if you like living on the ground so
much how about I make you a part of
[Music]
it what did you do with one of my
Elements of Harmony bring her back
wouldn't you like to know stickhead
bring her back or so help me I dropped
her on the other side of town 12 miles
from here to teach her a lesson well
bring her back if she really wants to be
here she'll walk back herself oh hi
saurin you know I just thought I should
let you know since you don't come to
Cloudsdale that often not every Pegasus
in Cloudsdale is racist I for one think
mud ponies and stickheads I mean Earth
ponies and unicorns also have things
that make them unique too and they
deserve as many equal rights as the rest
of us okay but you do know I am racist
don't you anyway do you want to fly on
down to the nearest racetrack and
practice for your big event tomorrow I
guess that would be a good idea I might
as well use my wings for what they were
made to do and fly around one last time
before I [ __ ]
die we won't be performing the sonic
rain boom with you since you're the only
one who can do it obviously but the
Wonderbolts will still be out there
flying alongside you to put on a great
show for Princess Celestia are you ready
I'm going to start the countdown be sure
not to fart in my face or anything
otherwise you might cause me to crash
and break an arm like last time 3 2
[Music]
1 woo woohoo yes
ah
[Music]
[ __ ] Brer can you go grab the sack of
apples from the bus and take them
upstairs to our room sure thing
cousin I'm sorry about that I wasn't
watching where I was flying
it's quite all right I wasn't watching
where I was flying walking
either are you all right that was a
mighty big
tumble wait is he gone
already no I'm still
here you Pegasus are something else you
know that you say that like it's your
first time seeing one we ain't got many
of you back where I'm from been nothing
but Earth ponies in appala since we
settled there can you take me for a
[Music]
ride well aren't you a silly little
[Music]
boy who was that I didn't catch his name
but he seemed like a nice fellow I
didn't see you could talk to other
stallions without my permission
especially a pegasus what turn around
and bend over
I have to go pick up all the apples you
dropped and then I got to go take a piss
so make it quick I'm not asking
again spread
them raise your [ __ ] tail
say my name big big
mac oh my Celestia Rainbow Dash was so
good out there did you see her why
couldn't it have been me she farted on
it should have been me
Rainbow Dash you were amazing I know
don't talk to me stickhead what did you
just call me I called you what you are
Dash you've never you've never called me
that before that was before you
scheduled my execution with Princess
Celestia hey Twilight did you know that
despite only making up 3% of the
population 87% of crime is committed by
unicorns and that's all that needed to
be said come on Pegasus let's make like
a bunch of farts and blow this [ __ ]
[Music]
Apple Jack when did you get back I don't
remember you are not just going to let
them say that to you are you Twilight
you're a godamn alorn blow them out of
the sky or something it's okay Apple
Jack Rainbow Dash is in the spot she's
in because of me I deserve it you do but
I
don't my butt crack crack gun give that
back shut up no Apple Jack shut
up spit fighter you Hur you [ __ ] spit
fighter you
stupid all you mud ponies know is
violence you mud ponies and stickheads
are all the same
[Music]
there's no way she'll be able to recover
by tomorrow without the Wonderbolts
leader it's going to be hard to perform
as a group which means you're going to
be out there all alone Rainbow Dash
that's fine I like being the center of
attention the [ __ ] deserved it Apple
Jack don't start this now the [ __ ]
deserved
it Apple Bloom Apple Jack control your
sister no calm down sugar cube no I
won't calm down all this time she's been
calling us what stick ponies M ponies
and I'm sick and tired of these godamn
racists surely there's got to be
something degrading we can call a
pegasus too your lucky saurin is nice
enough to not report us to the police
after the [ __ ] you pulled who I should
remind you is also a pegasus oh so he's
one of the good ones then you're only
siding with him CA of your alorn
privilege you can go around being a part
of any Community you want at any given
time like some cheap [ __ ] you're godamn
right I am an oorn but it's not a
privilege it's a burden I can't help but
look down on people on my friends
I can't help but look at and be a part
of all sides Earth ponies Pegasus
unicorns even when I don't need to be
because I'm better than all of you I'm
special and unique like kids in Special
Needs classes what were we talking about
again we were talking about racism and
which pony is the best oh right well
obviously it's Alicorns I have parts of
all three of you you're doing it now
doing what being racist you're just
jealous because you're not an Alicorn is
that one gay
what I'm an earth pony that's not what I
asked under threat of Cloudsdale
jurisdiction and judicial laws we're
going to have to lie and tell you he
isn't I'm going back to the hotel I got
to get a good night's rest so I can make
my way up to the Pearly Gates tomorrow
with dignity hey do you guys think God
is also a
horse thanks for giving me a sod pop
Apple Bloom's big sister I'm so excited
for the sonic rain boom tomorrow that I
just can't sleep of course peppermint
she only got you one because you
wouldn't stop crying Apple Bloom you
always ask me why you don't have friends
and this this is the reason why I
understand you were diagnosed with
cancer last week but that doesn't mean
you can take your frustration out on us
I I don't have cancer
you know Cloudsdale is kind of it's all
right but Ponyville is
better saurin is nice I know his name
now it's good he didn't call the police
on Apple Jack and all don't talk about
him well then what am I supposed to talk
about if I can't talk about Cloudsdale
or the people who live here turn the
lights off we're going to
[Music]
bed you didn't get hurt when that [ __ ]
slammed into you did you
saurin uh
no that's good good
night good
night where's Rainbow Dash she's not in
her room you can never know with that
rainbow [ __ ] considering she always
wants to be the top [ __ ] I wouldn't be
surprised if she's on the
roof looking for
[Music]
how I have a feeling you were going to
be up
here don't talk to me stickhead you
won't even let me say goodbye to you
before you die
tomorrow I guess you can come up here
for a couple minutes what are you
listening to Phil dutas right behind the
rain when no one else can give me the
strength to go on only Phil Dutra
can I see you're still using the
headphones I got for you for your
birthday last month
yeah they're pretty bitchin they haven't
gone out yet like the ones I usually buy
at Dollar
Tree Twilight Rainbow
Dash I'm going to be real honest with
you I don't want to [ __ ] die tomorrow
I really don't want to [ __ ] do it but
I got no other choice and it's your
fault I'm really scared what have I ever
done to deserve this well i' tell you
but we don't have the time I have to go
poop in about 10 minutes you know what
call me crazy but something tells me
you're not going to die tomorrow you
mean you call called Celestia and she's
calling the whole thing off well no I
tried writing a letter to Celestia but
she sent me back her own letter which
just read shut up [ __ ] so you're still
probably going to die tomorrow but I
know
you but I know you I know my friend
Rainbow Dash and she's done the sonic
rain boom before and came out just fine
and with Twilight Sparkle they're
cheering her on she's going to do it no
problem again what I'm trying to say is
friendship will save us just as it
always does because friendship ship is
[Applause]
Magic what's friendship going to do when
I'm going mock 45 towards the ground
with a rainbow shooting out of my ass
I'm sorry for calling you stickhead all
day you're not a stick head you're an oy
corn one of the
best what oh nothing
[Music]
I can't watch this she's going to
[ __ ] splatter on the ground like a
fruit gusher Applejack if Rainbow Dash
dies what about scoo she has a one-sided
suicide packed with Rainbow Dash I guess
scooo is [ __ ] dead also
[Music]
before I act like a clown for you all I
would like to say one thing being out
here today is not of my own choice this
performance was forced upon me by our
unjust ruler Princess Celestia I beg you
all plead for her with me to end this
madness we don't care just do the sonic
rainb
boom look how fast she's going she needs
to build up enough speed going up so
that when she comes down she'll break
the sound barrier it's the only way to
make a rainbow come out of her smelly
butt crack it's not working I can't
build up enough speed I'm not going to
make it but I know you I know my friend
Rainbow Dash and she's done the sonic
rainb boom before and you are just fine
what I'm trying to say is friendship
will save us just as always does because
friendship is
Magic I can't even see her she just
turned back down but there's still no
rainbow
yet I don't think she's going to make it
skitt stop it let go of me I got to pull
the trigger the exact millisecond she
hits the ground so we die at the same
time I need this connection with her
it's all I have what the hell is wrong
with this
[ __ ] I did it I really did the sonic
rain boom fil Dutra are you looking up
at me from hell are you proud of
[Music]
me Princess Celestia did you see that
tlight did Rainbow Dash just [ __ ]
fart I mean you're looking at the same
thing I am your friend is a fool she
just turned the sonic rainb boom into an
atomic rain bomb what the [ __ ] is an
atomic rain bomb I've only only seen
this 79 times in the last 3 years it's
not something you see every day it's an
illegal moved that was banned over a
millennia ago if a pegasus farts at the
exact same time they're performing the
sonic rain boom the molecular makeup of
the rainbow will be altered into
something akin to an atomic bomb but way
more powerful because instead of being
powered by nuclear energy it's powered
by a fart it's so catastrophic it's like
17 Hiroshima the got off lucky compared
to what will happen here Cloudsdale
cannot survive this Fly Away with Me
Twilight fly if you wish to live to see
another day and what about all the other
Pegasus the strong will live the weak
will die I'll see you back in Ponyville
if you survive I'm going to go put in a
Totino's pizza since I still have some
left but what about Rainbow Dash she's
still out there leave her for she is the
one who caused
this every pony get on the bus
[Applause]
Twilight did I did I do the sonic rain
boom you sure did baby girl and it was
the best Sonic rainb Boom ever Phil
Dutra would be
proud thank you Rainbow Dash you have
single-handedly made this day the most
memorable and bitchin anniversary of my
crowning ever I know what I asked for
was a bit taxing please take some time
to rest as you've earned it it's nice to
know this some pony can be useful you
could learn a thing or two about being
useful Twilight otherwise I may find a
new pupil to take under my wings
[Music]
again I want to go again I've done four
laps for you already I don't think I can
go another round but he says he's done
braver you're only supposed to ride me
and by ride I mean ride my fat balls
we're going back to Ponyville now will
we ever see you again sometimes the
Wonderbolts perform in Ponyville so the
next time we go there I'll try and say
hi I don't really live in Ponyville
though I'm from Appaloosa remember oh
well we've never really performed in
Appaloosa before I'd have to run it by
the
Wonderbolts I'm sure they would have no
problem putting on a show there every
now and
then I think you should listen to your
cult friend and get ready to go he he's
not my yeah okay I'm
ready Spitfire you made it out you crazy
[ __ ] what will become of Cloudsdale
87,000 Pegasus lost their lives in the
explosion it will take time to rebuild
but Cloudsdale will live we always do
and I I wanted to say that I'm deeply
sorry for the racist things I said had I
not said those horrible things I
wouldn't have been shot like a [ __ ] and
I would have been flying out there
alongside you and maybe things wouldn't
have ended up as bad as they did I still
see unicorns and Earth Ponies as beneath
me but I will try to get better because
racism is not
cool what are you doing writing a note
to Princess Celestia I'll give it to her
later when she's not so busy
dear Princess Celestia today I learned
that treating ponies badly just because
they may look different from you is only
going to hurt yourself more than anyone
a dear friend of ours was badly injured
because she let her own hatred consume
her she learned the meaning of [ __ ]
around and find out I think that maybe
despite our differences we're all not
that different after all because we're
all still
horses and that if we can just accept
that friendship is Magic the world of
Equestria would be a much better place
Al although she did bring out statistics
that 87% of crime is committed by
Unicorns which I checked on Google and
it turned out to be true I need to spend
the next hour looking for a good
counterargument but if I can't find
anything I'll make something up with
love your Apprentice Twilight
Sparkle these are Rainbow Dash's
headphones I saw her wearing them when
she came to visit there are enough
helping Hooves around here that I think
think the two of us can take a break
from the restoration project how about
we take them back to ra fat ass you mean
all the way to Ponyville why
not I'm back from bucking
trees why isn't lunch ready I told you
to have the beef stew ready by noon or I
was going to beat your ass whatever I'm
really sweaty I need to go take a shower
the stew it better be by the time I get
out of there or you're in for a world of
hurt also I'm going to [ __ ] your ass
tonight you didn't even notice my
bags you're going back to Appaloosa
today been telling you all week my stays
over but you never listen cousin Big Mac
are you at least going to make my beef
stew before you go I'm not going to do
it cooking is a woman's job and also for
gay ponies like you Big Mac this whole
thing we got going on let's end
this [ __ ] I'm I'm sorry but it's your
fault for saying stupid [ __ ] like that
you know my anger issues how much time
did I waste on you what was that time
valuable to you or something could have
fooled me with how you always just laid
their ass up and took it [ __ ] you no
[ __ ] you get out of my barn housee
[Music]
if I had known it was this easy to get
rid of you I would have done it a long
time ago don't kid yourself if you get
rid of me who else do you have left no
pony in their right mind would care
about a worthless cold cuddler like you
I'm done letting you delude me into
believing I'm not someone worth caring
about some pony will and I'll find that
some pony who that [ __ ] Pegasus in
Cloudsdale who you'll never see again oh
I gu it I [ __ ] get it you're jealous
of a pony that doesn't even live in
Ponyville God you're pathetic you're
really that insecure about these
[Music]
things how do you live with yourself I
ain't jealous keep telling yourself that
and maybe you'll start to believe it I
don't get jealous I pity you so much
that I hope a part of you really
believes that for your own good if
that's what helps you sleep at night
goodbye Big Mac Wade braer please don't
you ever touch me
want to be so far gone in
you I want to be
lost I want to be lost in you like a
ship in the night I want to get lost in
you underneath your Sky I want to be
lost in you like a ship in the night so
so far gone
tonight I want to be so far gone in you
so far nothing else will ever do I want
to be so far go in
you in you
[Music]
so far go in
you in
you so far going you
[Music]
what you're looking for can be
mistaken for anything you've
taken or everything you think you're
longing
for can you hear the silence feel the
Wonder it's just beyond the
Thunder it never leaves you
wanting more it's right behind the rain
feel the Wonder it's right behind the
rain the thunder it's right behind the
crouds are
cing with your pain is right behind
rain is right behind the
rain try to find the mystery of the
season and justify the
reason it doesn't care who's weak or
strong cuz when you hear the sound of
one hand
clapping your mind begins unra
and takes you to the place where we
belong it's right behind the rain feel
the Wonder it's right behind the
rain the thunder it's right behind the
clouds are
clearing with the
open is right behind the rain