I wonder if today is the day I finally
get mail I don't get anything even from
my friends because I'm annoying as
[ __ ] huh that's a weird looking envelope
wait if that's an envelope then why is
it green
aha another point for Trixie damn it
Trixie the great and powerful Trixie
always wins you didn't win didly squat
you just destroyed my mailbox what are
you doing here what does it look like
Trixie has come to challenge her faded
rival Twilight Sparkle to a magical duel
and what is a duel without a little
explosive competition Trixie how many
times must we go through this we're not
Rivals yes we are Twilight light sparkle
we are destined Rivals faded to do
battle until the end of time I'm
literally better than you in every
possible way then prove it by defeating
me right here right
[Music]
now I'm going inside to order a new
mailbox don't follow me or I'm calling
the cops
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
while everything on teu is so cheap it
almost makes child labor worth
it take it you purple [ __ ] damn it all
to Hell eat my ass you purple
[Music]
[ __ ] what are you doing Trixie is
winning Trixie cutting off the power to
my house tree isn't winning also you
really need to stop talking about
yourself in third person you're not that
pony it just makes you look more
pathetic than you already are absolutely
not Trixie's unique manner of speech is
what sets her apart from the common
ponies of Equestria it is a testament to
her unparalleled Brilliance but doesn't
talking that way create a barrier
between you and every pony else it seems
isolating that's that's fine because
Trixie has no need for the company of
lesser ponies anyway because she's
always been different and and everyone
thinks she's
weird okay stop breaking my appliances
you think you can boss me around
yes [ __ ] you Trixie is going elsewhere
to show off her
Excellence so that's the problem I've
been dealing with I just don't know what
to do with her I guess I could go talk
to Princess Celestia but it's also just
not that big a deal anyway thanks for
listening I'm hanging up now Twilight
wait what is it Pinky well it's just
that nobody ever calls me you know so
thanks okay but just so we're both clear
I'm not calling you because we're
friends or anything I just need help
with a problem don't think of it as
anything heartfelt I know it's just
pinky stop this isn't about you this is
about me I wouldn't have called you in a
friend's sense I want you to know that
we're not at that level of friendship
yet I'm hanging up now I'm in the middle
of something important
okay I just think I'm hanging up now
pinky can I perform in your cake shop
they said I'm not allowed to perform in
the street anymore who is there everyone
okay you can do your magic act over
there by the restroom it always smells
like [ __ ] over there though that's fine
I don't have running water at home so
everyone knows I already smell they'll
just think that's my natural butt crack
stench
for my first trick I will turn this
banana
blue [ __ ] are you going to tip I wasn't
planning on
it is that Trixie with all my friends
what the [ __ ] they couldn't have gotten
tired of me could they but Trixie is
just a dollar store version of me can
you show us that magic trick again again
you mean you were really impressed by
that of course why didn't you tell us
you could fit that many up your [ __ ]
[ __ ] you know that was all an
illusion you see I wasn't actually doing
that hey Trixie you should do that other
magic trick again the one where you [ __ ]
all over the floor but instead you do it
on my face that was an illusion too oh I
don't care anymore then okay I got
another idea you all stand around me
with your asses pointed towards me and
I'm in the middle and you all just
[ __ ] [ __ ] on me why would we do that
oh no reason they're talking about
pooping on Rarity without
me we'll be
there we'll be
there we'll be there
together will
be time'll be
[Music]
I used to think friendship was magic but
now I see it never existed in the first
place hey Trixie do you want to go on a
pict pnic Applejack brought fresh apples
from her Farm a picnic uh okay haha if
that's what friends do come on let's go
eat in the dark alley behind my house
that people hardly ever walk
by what was that about so you like
making Twilight's life a living hell
let's see how you like it when we make
yours a living hell too Apple Jack show
her the gun you you lied to me just like
everyone else all everyone ever does is
lie to me Apple Jack take out one of her
kneecaps so she can't
[Music]
run what are you waiting for shoot her
again put that gun away it's too easy we
want to prolong this bitch's Agony what
did the great and powerful Trixie not
suspect that Pinkie Pie the [ __ ]
[ __ ] to be the ring leader look at that
stupid hat girls doesn't she know the
rules we're horses we don't wear
clothes don't touch my
hat look at me everyone I'm the Great
and Powerful [ __ ] Pete my name is not
[ __ ] pea that's gross my name's Trixie
for today's act the Great and Powerful
[ __ ] pea is going to fill her hat with
nacho cheese and put it on her hat no I
would never do that that hat is the most
expensive thing I own it cost $2 flutter
babe you got the cheese bag don't you
think we're taking this a bit far Pinkie
Pie hand over the cheese bag or I'm
sticking the girls on you next [ __ ]
[Music]
put it
on talk about a Mexican fiesta the [ __ ]
looks like a nacho nobody told me it was
Taco Tuesday in Ponyville
[Music]
today look it's twilight oh no do you
think she just saw the [ __ ] we pulled
it's fine we're all fine just play it
cool put on a happy face girls Applejack
hold my gum
hey Twilight still dealing with the
Trixie trouble I just don't know what to
do with her do her you mean like you
want to have sex with her no like she's
bullying Me Maybe instead of putting up
with her you could try being her friend
be her
friend do you remember when you first
met me I [ __ ] hated you you hated me
but then one day you invited me to a
picnic and maybe it's cuz you were
giving me free food and [ __ ] but I
realiz guys you were kind of all right a
picnic with me and Trixie does sound
nice so what are you waiting for girl
run all the way home and make some
[ __ ] bolognia sandwiches [ __ ] love
bolognia
sandwiches open the door Trixie no go
away I'm here to defeat you with the
power of friendship we are going on a
nice picnic in the park and we are going
to have fun I said no I'm not going on
any more picnics today oh yes we are I
made three below KN sandwiches why did
you make three because I'm getting two
and you're getting one what makes you
think I want to sit there and watch as
you stuff your face with two baloney
sandwiches by the time I'm done with
mine you might still be
eating stop it it doesn't matter what
you want why don't I ever get a say on
my own decisions in
life stop it I said
stop that's it I'm out of here and you
can't stop
me hey get that rock out from under
Trixie's mobile Stage Coach you're not
going anywhere until we're friends how
many times do I have to repeat myself
Twilight Sparkle the great and powerful
Trixie has no need for your friendship
see I told you this [ __ ] lived in a
wagon holy [ __ ] Pinkie Pie I can't
believe you were actually right that's
so embarrassing if I lived in a wagon I
would blow my [ __ ] brains out but
thankfully I don't hey Trixie are you
home we came to play yeah come on out
it's not like we're going to [ __ ] you up
or anything you [ __ ] weirdo
[ __ ] stop throwing things at my house
hey girls you know what would be funny
spell it out sugar cube if we push this
trashy home on wheels down the hill okay
no don't do
that it's not enough Apple Jack try
farting on it
somebody else is here Fluttershy dashy
have a look
[Music]
around Trixie what are you doing get
back inside before you fall I can't do
this anymore Twilight I can't stand
living in this world anymore what are
you saying I'm saying I'm going to jump
and go to Horse Heaven I tried so hard
and got so far but in the end none of it
even mattered so don't try and stop me
because this is what the small and
Powerless Trixie deserves are you
[ __ ] you don't understand Twilight
you could never understand you with your
perfect life you're perfect friends
you're perfect everything also you're
not a product of incest where your
parents are siblings Rainbow Dash Apple
Jack and Pinkie Pie's parents were
siblings too you're not special you've
never known what it's like to be
humiliated just because you're you to be
made to feel worthless you've never been
the outcast but Trixie you have so much
to live for and you still owe me a new
mailbox and $25 for those wires you cut
does it look like I have money I'm
living in a wagon but my electricity
bill I can't even afford to buy multi
colored hair dye like you dear God
you're worse off than I thought how have
you not already killed yourself I don't
[ __ ] know [ __ ] but that changes
today don't worry Trixie I'll just use
this rope up here to catch you
[Applause]
[Music]
I suppose I should say thank you you
know Twilight as I got older I felt like
I had to put on this big act the great
and powerful Trixie the uncorn that was
unmatched but that's not really me not
completely when I was a Philly I was
different I never quite fit in the other
kids would make fun of me and call me
names I didn't understand why I couldn't
just be like them I tried so hard to be
what they wanted but nothing ever worked
so I created this Persona this Larger
than Life character who was everything I
wasn't and for a while it helped but it
was lonely too you you were the first
Pony who ever truly saw me not the great
and powerful Trixie but just
Trixie hey Trixie may I ask what did I
do to make you hate me so
bad Trixie why do you hate me you really
don't remember what you did to me
[Music]
no and what did you bring for show and
tell today Trixie today Trixie has
brought something truly magical and Del
delicious behold my mother's
extraordinary homemade
lasagna oh lasagna why don't you tell us
more about it this lasagna is a family
recipe passed down through generations
in my family it's made with the freshest
ingredients including a special blend of
multiple
cheeses well that sounds delightful what
makes it so special to you little Trixie
it's special because my mother and I
made it together
is a beautiful sentiment lasagna well
that explains the big stink in the
classroom oh gross I I promise it's
really good actually if you only tasted
it Miss Celestia may I please have some
paper plates so I can pass the lasagna
around and share it with the class I'm
afraid we can't do that due to health
code violations we don't know where that
lasagna's been okay who guessed we
really dodged a bullet there didn't we
girls oh gross Twilight why don't you
step on up and do your presentation
next for my show and tell presentation I
brought a $6 hot and ready pizza from
Little
Caesars huh that's a wonderful Choice
Twilight Pizza is always a hit it only
costs me just over $6 and sometimes you
can even get crazy bread with it for
free if you have a coupon with it and
why do they call it crazy bread I don't
know but it's really yummy Twilight I
just want to say you are doing a
wonderful job with this
presentation Little Caesar's Pizza is a
very important source of food for
families that live on a budget not
ponies like me of course because I am
white and when you combine crazy bread
with it well I can see why they call it
crazy bread because that is a crazy good
deal thanks a lot princess may I pass
the pizza around the class now
Twilight you can do whatever you want
with that pizza you're the one who
bought it and it was only for $6 for a
full-sized Pizza Pie that's honestly
insane I still can't get over that if
you want to throw a pizza party in the
middle of class who am I to stop you
[ __ ] [ __ ] I can't believe Twilight
brought pizza to school when did that
Bookworm get so
cool here you go Trixie have a slice of
pepperoni pizza no thanks I got my mom's
lasagna
gross ah you look every pony she's
actually eating the
lasagna no no I'm
not are you seeing this every pony she's
still got prao sauce on her lips she was
totally eating
it okay class that is enough let the
little Philly eat her disgusting as
lasagna in peace while you dine on
Twilight Sparkles hot and ready extra
most Fest 16in pepperoni pizza
[Music]
pie holy [ __ ] sh
[Music]
you killed 36 of our classmates because
I brought Little Caesars to show and
tell damn I guess it's a good thing I
didn't bring dominoes it's not about the
pizza it's about the message what
message that you will always upstage the
great and powerful Trixie at every
opportunity you made Trixie a laughing
stalk in front of everyone oh I wasn't
trying to do that but you know what I
know just how to make it up to you
you're going to apologize no I don't
apologize because I am perfect but I'll
get all of my friends together they can
say they're sorry for picking on you I
don't want to go anywhere with Pinkie
Pie she had her goons put cheese in my
head don't worry I have a Glock you have
a [ __ ] no a Glock if she tries anything
I'll blast that [ __ ] dead but you
aren't wearing a gun holster where are
you keeping it if we are lucky you will
never have to find
out so what's this all about baby girl
girls there is something I need to ask
you and I want you to be honest with me
no promises baby girl have you been
picking on Trixie while I'm not around
no okay I'm going to ask you again to
give you one more chance and I promise
not to get mad have you been picking on
her yes no damn it Rarity why do you
always have to [ __ ] everything up for
the rest of us
what she said she wouldn't get mad okay
we were but it's not our fault Pinkie
Pie made us do it you don't know the
kind of power she holds over us how much
power could she possibly hold she's
intellectually disabled you'd be
surprised what do we have here a little
get together perhaps seems like I'm a
little TIY to the party ah what is she
doing here she's what I wanted to talk
to you about Pinkie Pie is it true you
were using your [ __ ] Ness as a
weapon to bully her is that what she
told you and you believe her she's
obviously lying to you tell her girls
it's over Pinkie Pie they already told
me
everything she I they're all lying to
you Twilight I'm the only one here you
can trust that's what I thought but then
I realized that even though you're
[ __ ] you can be cruel so pull up a
chair My Little Pony we're going to have
a nice little chat and what if I say no
what are you going to do hit me I'm
[ __ ] so you could be held liable for
a hate crime the system rewards people
like me [ __ ] there are two other ponies
in this room that are also [ __ ] I
could just have one of them do it for me
and it would be fair game but I won't
because I have a picnic to go to with my
new friend Trixie she can't be your
friend with a main six you can't add a
seventh member to our group you're not
allowed another friend she's a better
friend than you [ __ ] that's right pinky
poopy I reckon it's time you high tail
it out of here and think about what
you've done come on girls let's go eat
oh no you girls aren't coming either you
were all complicit in her retardedness
you could have stopped it before it even
began but you didn't that tells me all I
need to know about you and I won't stand
for it anymore let's go
Trixie can you believe it girls that
[ __ ] called me
[Music]
[ __ ] sure is a lovely evening for a
picnic don't you
think huh um totally the Great and
Powerful I mean
I agree you know you don't have to
pretend if you want to show off around
me I don't really mind you mean you
won't find it offputting if the
exceptional Trixie continues to express
her overwhelming superiority over the
Lesser Pony folk of
Equestria well I guess not I suppose it
is actually kind of cute in a
rudimentary kind of way oh so the great
and powerful Trixie is cute is she well
I didn't mean I mean yes but
well thank you Twilight Trixie
appreciates the compliment and perhaps
she finds your awkwardness rather
endearing as
well oh you just eat your sandwich you
dummy dear Princess Celestia I hope this
letter finds you well recently I
encountered a situation where one of my
friends who had previously bullied
others found herself on the receiving
end of The Bullying to make matters
worse the ones doing the bullying were
ponies I knew through this
experience I learned that true
friendship sometimes requires making
tough choices but it's essential to
stand up for what's right even if it
means confronting those we care about
because everyone deserves a second
chance
[Music]
you are all I can
remember after all that we've been
through forever in my
heart now
I'm and Jun feels like
nov so believe true too long we've been
a part
one more night I want to be with you
where I want to hold you tight it feels
so right tonight so leave it up to you
and I think the time is right stop the
fight one night I want to be with you
where I want to hold you tight it feels
so right tonight so leave it up to you
and nothing time is right
Hey sister who is that
who that girl over there the one with
the dumb looking
wagon oh ha why that's just
Trixie
Trixie she is a traveling magician known
for her theatrical performances and
Illusions I'm pretty sure she caused
Twilight some trouble in the past but
when it comes to Magic she's not very
good she seems to lack the potential
most unicorns are known to possess she's
basically a runt in the Unicorn
World often times the most powerful
magic is impossible to see especially by
one so easily blinded by their own light
[Music]
wouldn't you agree Trixie I'll bet a
pony like you could truly soar given the
chance