this Strawberry Pound Cake Shore is
delicious the only thing that can make
this better would be a glass of some
nice cold
lemonade if only my sister would get off
her phone for once and buy me some
lemonade why don't you just make some
yourself you know with lemons you're
telling me Lemonade is made with lemons
yes lemon lemons you squeeze the juice
out of them and mix it with water and
sugar that's how you make lemonade but
surely I don't have to tell you that
right dear sister you did have 1,000
years of free time after banishing me to
the moon for attempting to bring about
an endless night to the
world no no of course I knew that I was
only kidding almost had you there though
[Music]
hey why don't we make some lemonade
together I think that would make for a
fun bonding activity come now don't
ignore
me hey Luna want to hear a [ __ ] joke
no what do you call a pony who's really
crazy about the moon a Luna tick you are
a [ __ ] piece of
[ __ ] good morning Twilight darling are
you all ready for a day of delight and
exciting escapades
Rarity it is 5: in the morning what do
you want what are you saying it's the
day of unicorn con a convention where we
celebrate All Things unicorn we go
together every year oh yeah that's a
thing well I don't know if you forgot
about the whole incident that happened
last year but I'm an Alicorn now I can't
go anymore that's nonsense you may have
wings now but you were born a unicorn
surely that counts for something you may
think so but only because you're
desperate for my friendship the laws of
Ponyville don't agree unicorn con is
supposed to feel like a safe space for
unicorns if I go it would be seen as a
threat and a hate crime but unicorn con
is the only time you and I ever hang out
if you stop going we may never be able
to see each other again damn that
[ __ ] sucks anyway I need to head down
to the market and buy some
pretzels the lemons are just magnificent
they're so yellow if what Princess Luna
says is true I can make so much lemonade
with these big yellow
balls hey hey you yeah you the earth
pony did I say you could walk in my line
of sight yeah I didn't think so don't
roll your eyes at me do you know what I
am I'm an oorn [ __ ] I'll tell Princess
Celestia on you who is also an oorn I
might add hey Pegasus is that a [ __ ]
hamburger give it to
me give that
back hey I noticed you have a horn so
you must be a unicorn are you also going
to that lame ass unicorn
convention that's so embarrassing
doesn't it like you know suck being a
unicorn how do you live with yourself
knowing there are Alicorns like me out
there who are just you but better
Twilight Sparkle you have the power of
Earth ponies unicorns and Pegasus I
blessed upon you the power of the three
horses because I believed you to bring
every pony together why are you picking
on poor random
ponies because I can it saddens me to do
this but I'm afraid after what I have
seen today I must revoke your oorn
privileges for almighty powers cannot be
held in the Hooves of of someone
[ __ ] you you can't take them away
Princess Celestia me being an oorn is
all I have I'm special calm down
Twilight you're getting heated have some
of my
lemonade it's a bit sour just like my
heart after your betrayal let that
sourness marinate in your mouth as
though it was my salty
piss I am sorry to say that if you had
to be handed something to be made
special then you were never special to
begin with it just means you're
[ __ ] my
wings my 2 in be gone from my sight and
perhaps someday if you prove yourself to
not be [ __ ] the power of the three
horses will be bestowed upon you once
more I have already informed this recent
development to your friends and also
revoked their rights as the bearers of
The Elements of Harmony be calm in
knowing they are not mad at you for your
choices that harm them too they are all
waiting for you outside with their
six-person
bicycle well well well look who finally
wants to ride our bicycle again girls
now that she doesn't have wings to fly
home herself anymore how does it feels
being a normal [ __ ] hor just like the
rest of us again get on the godamn
bicycle before I have to come over there
and drag you by the
hair where do you think you're going to
my usual seat right behind you um no
[ __ ] we gave the seat with the softest
cushion to Apple Jack because her ass is
fat back when you became an oorn and
betrayed us you sit in the back now next
to Rarity isn't this great Twilight now
that you're a unicorn again we can go to
unicorn con together yeah great
hurry up Ry we're going to be late come
your tit Sweetie Bell I still got to
pack our lunches we're not going to be
late the opening ceremonies are at 9:
we've got
time do you want me to pack you a
sandwich to Twilight that's okay I'll
just find something to eat at the
convention peanut butter jelly
sandwiches again I'm not going to eat
peanut butter and jelly we've had that
for 3 days in a row I want to eat at the
convention like Twilight convention food
is expensive Sweetie Bell you own a
[ __ ] clothing shop you've got the
money you're a [ __ ] and a whole big sis
I want to rip your [ __ ] head off and
shove it up my [ __ ] you [ __ ]
[ __ ] [ __ ] I think PB and J
sandwiches are a great lunch sweetie
Bell listen to your sister
hey Sweetie Belle I hear your sister is
taking you to unicorn con so I wanted to
come and see you off now isn't that just
sweet it seems your friend is going to
miss you a whole lot this
weekend sweetie I can't help but notice
how scoo plays with you she can be quite
rough yeah I agree there's just
something so Primal and raw about her I
bet if she threw me down hard on the bed
my my body could only submit to the
clear power difference between us the
constant deat downs from Rainbow Dash
surely made her into one tough cookie
and a midst of the Heat and intensity I
would have to accept that despite her
compassion that endear her to others
she's also a force to be reckoned with
oh I just meant she's a [ __ ] you know
I've been thinking and I don't think
it's a good idea for you to spend so
much time with her I'm worried she might
be a bad influence on you but she's my
best friend friend and she's usually so
gentle I think she's just on edge
because she can smell your fear well how
can I put it nicely Scootaloo reminds me
a lot of Rainbow Dash and Rainbow Dash
well she's not always the kindest Pony
she hits me calls me names and
challenges me to races I can't possibly
win just to be mean I don't know if you
should have friends like that okay so
maybe she's a bit rough around the edges
but she would never hurt me on purpose
Sweetie Bell why don't you ask me if I
give a
[Music]
[ __ ] well here we are girls unicorn con
isn't it simply Divine Rarity this is a
train station no I meant they across the
street oh okay so what's the schedule
looking like babe any good [ __ ] let me
see oh look at 9:00 is going to be a
ring toss game where if you can catch
the onion ring on your horn you can take
the onion ring home with you you that
sounds like wasted time meant to
humiliate us if I want an onion ring
I'll go buy my own damn onion ring oh
look at noon there's going to be an
honor of the horn ceremony what the [ __ ]
is that it's where unicorns gather to
give thanks to the gods for granting us
our horns making us better than other
horses oh yeah and afterwards we eat
baby carrots because they look like
horns yeah yeah that's right see
Twilight you do remember yeah maybe I do
I suppose a part of me just forgot how
special unicorns can truly
be the turnout is great this year look
at all the unicorns yeah there's seven
unicorns that's almost doubled the
amount as last year before we go we
should go check into our hotel I need to
take a really smelly and stinky poop
that I've been holding in for two whole
weeks wow do you think the toilet is
going to be clogged I mean probably how
stinky do you think it's going to be do
you think it will be really stinky
probably not that much my poops smell
worse in the afternoon for some reason
and it's only 8: in the morning maybe
you should hold off from pooping until
the afternoon then so it can smell
really really bad later you can hold it
in for just a few more hours can't you
even if I close the door to the bathroom
you're still going to smell it all
around the hotel room though it'll be
really bad you wouldn't want to be in
there oh believe me Twilight Sparkle I
do I swear on my life
wow it's so spacious why is there only
one bed though Rarity when I gave you my
credit card to make the reservation I
said to get a room with two beds oh I I
guess I made a mistake then haha it
looks like we're going to have to share
that's kind of [ __ ] up that you want
to share a bed with your baby sister
isn't she like 3 years old no no I I I
meant you and me share the bed sweetie
Bell can sleep in the bathtub that's
kind of [ __ ] up that you want to share
a bed with me
what is it Twilight I I think I just saw
my brother enter a hotel room with a
super sexy stallion what you mean your
older brother Shining Armor it couldn't
be you told me last week that today is
your brother and Cadence's anniversary
surely he's spending the day with his
beloved wife why would he be here in
this dingy and smelly love hotel with
some stallion yeah yeah you're right
let's go to the convention center wait
this is a love hotel as in a sex thing
Rarity why did you check us into a love
Hotel what the [ __ ] is that Pinkie
Pie yeah you wouldn't believe how much
magic I Can Do I Can Do Magic cuz I'm a
unicorn Pinkie Pie I don't know you so
as I was saying I Am a Unicorn no you
taped a toilet paper roll to your head I
said I don't know you wait come back you
[ __ ] you're messing everything up why
are you acting like a unicorn I'm going
to to be honest with you girls my life
[ __ ] sucks you don't understand what
it's like to be born as a mentally
challenged earth pony well that's what
you are you say this every [ __ ] day
you being [ __ ] doesn't excuse your
actions when you are the three worst
things you can be [ __ ] and gay and
an earth pony you need to create your
own form of excitement to find happiness
in life wait you're gay I didn't say
that anyway see you girls at the
convention
they're not going to let you in Pinkie
Pie we'll see about that baby
girl welcome to the Unicorn con ticket
booth how can I help you today good day
darling I would like to purchase three
VIP ticket for unicorn con please that
will be $20
each oh me right up in my tight little I
seem to be a bit short on
funds Twilight do you have money to
spare for a 3-day pass I'm going to be
honest with you babe There is a 0%
chance I'm spending three whole days
with your autistic
ass big sis we we are going to unicorn
con aren't we sis oh sweetie please
don't look at me like
that R already know that's the money for
your anti-depression medication it's
okay sweetie Bell I'll be having so much
fun with you that I won't even have time
to get depressed wow Rarity that's
actually kind of sweet of you I think
I'm starting to see you in a whole new
light I'm going to get a
slushie Twilight darling are you okay
I'm fine you [ __ ] I just momentarily
forgot that I don't have wings anymore
well get the [ __ ] up every pony thinks
you just tried to [ __ ] kill yourself
you're making it seem like suicide is
more preferable than being in my
presence you emo [ __ ] it [ __ ] blows
not being an oorn anymore Twilight you
just need to get used to the fact that
you aren't special anymore well I should
be I swear it someday I will make
Celestia pay for taking away my
power try it and I'll rape that cute
little mouth of yours you are one Bry
little
girl okay well you're not you're just a
normal [ __ ] horse just like me just
like me just like me oh my
[Music]
God maybe she is as right as she is ugly
I need to accept this new reality but
it's so hard if only there was another
pony besides Pinkie Pie and Rarity who
knew what it was like to be
different Sparkle
something seems different about you
Princess Celestia felt that I needed to
refocus on my studies so she turned me
back into a unicorn so you're normal
again welcome back to the real world
Twilight Sparkle now you're just another
[ __ ] oh please don't tell me you're
going to start crying but my wings made
you insufferably perfect yes we all
noticed but you're still the same
bookish know at all on the inside in
fact now that you're back back to being
a unicorn it might be a Fair competition
a competition huh Trixie versus Twilight
unicorn against unicorn as it was always
meant to be Trixie are you trying to
cheer me up don't get the wrong idea
Trixie simply cannot have her greatest
rival moping about in a public bathroom
it would be a waste of Trixie's time if
you weren't at your best not not because
I like you or anything of course well if
there's nothing else I'd say you look
more aesthetically pleasing as a the
Unicorn
anyway those wings looked so wrong to
begin with like females in high
positions of power Trixie shall be on
her way God her ass is so big she's
shaped like a peanut do try and enjoy
the convention for what it's
worth Twilight my little grape you look
positively frazzled did you have one of
those take all your clothes off kind of
poops that's kind of hot Rarity I I need
your help don't got to ask me twice
sister this place is always running out
of toilet paper haha it's like someone
is stealing them as some silly little
prank so ponies have to walk around with
big poopy butts now bend over and open
up wide cuz this unicorn is coming in
hot it's not that what I mean to say is
well I've been feeling something for
some pony but I'm not sure what to do I
thought you could give me some advice
trye has a crush I do not oh Twilight
this is most wonderful who is this
mysterious stallion is it someone I know
note how I clarified that is is a
stallion because if it's a mare we might
have some issues you girls have it all
wrong I'm not in love or anything it's
it's well I don't know what it is I'm
feeling that's love baby gosh I feel so
vulnerable I've always been the one to
have everything under control why do I
feel so lost the Sea of Love can be a
treacherous one to navigate let your
heart be your compass oh my God Twilight
Sparkle has the hearts for my sister go
away you gross [ __ ] Sweetie Bell stop
Twilight already knows I am violently
homophobic so if such Acquisitions came
to light I would kill her right Twilight
I know you're not some [ __ ] ass [ __ ]
no so you wouldn't [ __ ] me no I don't
believe that I wouldn't [ __ ] you either
you're a really good liar or you're the
straightest Pony in Equestria because I
have a hard time believe no pony would
want to go to town on these massive tits
well there's a lot more that goes into
falling in love like a Pony's
personality for example that sounds like
the boring Mantra of the ugly oh would
you look at the time the honoring of the
horn is starting in
five oh wow ever Pony is already
worshiping the Great
Horn let's hurry and find a spot before
the good seats are taken Rarity what is
that sheet you're holding it doesn't
look like last year's ceremonial robes
this is my special Hood I designed isn't
it lovely the hood goes into a point to
look like my horn and it's white like me
I even made a miniature one for Sweetie
Bell isn't this
cute well I guess we can sit far in the
back it's it's Prince Blue Blood the
richest and most sexiest stallion in all
of
[Applause]
Equestria that's right it's me but let's
not allow my beauty to take away from
why we have gathered here today after
all I'm just a simple unicorn like the
rest of you even if I do have more money
than all of you combined aha with my
finances and my muscular build I cannot
help being superior to the lot of you
but one thing that does make us equal is
that we all have horns which mine horn
is still bigger than all of yours
but that is to be expected because I'm
just better so let us take this moment
and give thanks because it's thanks to
these horns that unicorns continue to be
the backbone of Equestria Society now
I'm going home to drink milk but first I
want apple juice where's my little [ __ ]
hurry up and bring me my apple juice so
I can go
home Twilight isn't that your brother
shining armor on stage hey it is why
isn't he back home spending time with
his wife a apple juice now who's my good
little [ __ ] boy I am then why don't you
tell everyone in this crowd what you are
what are you to me Shining Armor I'm
your fluffy marshmallow
boy indeed you are now here's $5 go buy
yourself an ice cream sandwich when you
return to the hotel room you will have
sex with me do I have to does it look
like I am giving you a choice I don't
believe what I'm hearing Rarity are you
hearing this I know five for an ice
cream sandwich just what is this world
coming to this is unacceptable we have
to do something well I'm all for
fighting the power but I don't eat ice
cream that much because it goes to my
butt oh what have we here Shining Armor
is that not your sister over there oh
Twilight I didn't expect to see you here
given the account that you aren't a
unicorn anymore salutations dear
brother sis what happened to your wings
bro would you kindly explain to me what
the [ __ ] that was about on stage you
mean that thing between me and Prince
Blue Blood here we were just playing
okay I know how it looked but I never
meant for this to destroy our family the
fact that you're saying this shows that
you knew it would destroy our family
well what do you want me to do
apologize the one you should be
apologizing to is your wife but why
she's not even here bro don't you see
this whole thing is a little [ __ ] up
well Prince Blue Blood is my wife's
cousin so it's technically not incest
since I'm not related to him by Blood no
I'm talking about the cheating on your
wife part oh that well she doesn't know
yeah that's kind of the problem why I am
so peeved off right now I just might be
in the mind to call Mommy and Daddy and
tell them what you did tell them what oh
Twilight I heard you were here how are
you enjoying unicorn con I know you had
to miss last year's I'm so sorry about
that oh Cadence I don't think now is a
very good time to catch up I heard about
what happened between you and Celestia I
am so sorry to hear that trust me that
is the last thing you should be worried
about right now shiny what's she talking
about I don't know dear but what I do
know is that I love you so much oh shiny
I love you too please kiss me
go on brother you can kiss your own wife
can't
you even if you aren't officially one
you will always be a princess to me
Twilight oh I feel so blessed to be
surrounded by such a loyal family yeah I
agree [ __ ] it would be a shame if some
pony ruined this moment for us because
they couldn't keep their yaps shut
wouldn't you agree sis
this sucks that's inflation for you I
remember when ice cream sandwiches were
a dollar no I mean my steps sister being
cheated on by my brother oh yeah that
too I guess hey are you going to eat
your baby carrots
you need to tell her Twilight she
deserves the truth even if it's painful
a girl's heart is fragile maybe she
won't find out I mean she is mentally
handicapped your brother and blue blood
were on stage in front of 47 ponies if
they're trying to hide it they're doing
a shitty job maybe so I'll go see her
now
greetings lovely ponies today me and my
beloved shiny are thrilled as can be to
share the secrets true making a
beautiful marriage
work hell yeah [ __ ] who's got some
questions for our ass how about you the
[ __ ] [ __ ] in the back how do you balance
your duties as rulers with your personal
time together oh what a wonderful
question and by the way I love the dress
thanks [ __ ] it makes my big boobs look
bigger it's all about scheduling and
prioritizing we make sure to set aside
time just for us no matter how busy
things get absolutely and our extended
times apart only makes our love stronger
because for every second I'm away from
her I only want to return to my dear
Cadence so much more oh
[Music]
shiny oh Twilight my wonderful sister
did you have a question too I would ask
actually princess I have a question
about trust oh trust is my most favorite
thing what happens when trust is broken
what if you found out the pony you loved
more than any Pony else in the world
betrayed you and took you love for
granted I believe trust is the
foundation of any relationship if it's
broken it can be very difficult to
rebuild after all honesty is crucial
right shiny
shiny I'm so sorry Cadence but I can't
keep this from you any longer my brother
has been cheating on you with Prince
Blue
Blood what no that can't be true he's
the love of my life Shining Armor Say It
Isn't So don't listen to her baby it's a
lie it's all
lies
[ __ ] not so strong anymore without your
Al corn powers are you yesterday I would
have kicked your horse ass but today I'm
kicking your ass three times as much
dumb [ __ ] I don't need help to defeat
you we'll see about that go Shining
Armor
blast Twilight Sparkle
blast please stop it my heart cannot
bear to see you both fight like like
this princess
now move [ __ ] get out of the way [ __ ]
oh my God they're still doing
it shiny why are you doing this isn't it
obvious [ __ ] I'm a [ __ ] queer I
married you for your money and your
usefulness is over now that I found
myself a sugar daddy who can buy me
things like Chinese takeout hey
Twilight this is why I hate woman
you just can't keep your goddamn mouths
shut you bunch of nosy blabber mouths uh
excuse me you can't hit me I'm a
woman after everything we've done
together you do this to me how could you
no how could you how could you expect me
to stay when you provide me with nothing
Prince blue blood has a limo what do you
have I have loyalty and love nice quote
[ __ ] did you get that embroidered on a
pillow or something I should have known
this marriage was doomed from the start
when you called me an ugly [ __ ] on our
wedding day and instead of coming to our
honeymoon you went to Blue blood's beach
house you know what let's put an end to
this once and for all which one of you
has more money I'll be waiting in My
Limo I'm sorry Cadence I wanted to help
but I guess it backfired you have
nothing to apologize for I'm happy it
must have been incredibly difficult for
you to confront your brother like that
not really every pony knows gay
stallions are more likely to cheat on
their partner than any other demographic
statistically speaking well thanks to
you I know now the kind of stallion
Shining Armor truly is it's better that
I found out now before it was to late I
hope that you'll never find a pony like
him you deserve someone loyal someone
who will love you for who you are not
for your status or finances oh shining
my love this is my chance to steal you
away from that [ __ ] but you always
ignore me why is it because I'm black
gosh this white boy is cute as [ __ ] I'll
make you pancakes and we can get married
I will bite down on your massive and
tell you how much I love you every
waking moment of our blessed lives
Twilight I am so very proud of
you Princess Celestia and the other one
not only did you show incredible
resilience in the face of betrayal
but you showed kindness as well as the
strength to protect your family and
friends even if it were simply a mere
facade a facade you mean this was a test
that's right so my brother didn't cheat
on his wife with Prince Blue Blood oh no
that part was real so Twilight what did
you learn today the richest and sexiest
ponies in Equestria all happen to be
white anyway I'm here to turn you back
into an oy corn if that is what you
would want what are you waiting for
Twilight go on and then when we get back
to Ponyville you can brag about it to
all of our friends princess I appreciate
the offer and I am grateful for the
opportunity but I've realized something
important and that is being an Alicorn
wasn't what made me who I am it was my
heart my friendships and my love for
Learning and Magic it was as a unicorn
that I discovered friendship I think I
think I was always meant to be a unicorn
you've always shown wisdom while beyond
your years and you still continue to
impress me the greatest power any Pony
can possess is accepting who they are
you have shown that you know yourself
better than any Pony else and I am happy
for you thank you well I suppose it's
only right to Express gratitude where
it's due after all I am the one who
raises the sun each morning ensuring
life continues in Equestria think about
it
Twilight every Sunrise every crop that
grows every pony that wakes to a new day
owes their existence to my efforts I
have been doing this for over a thousand
years tirelessly and without fail
without me there would be no day no
warmth No Life as we know it yes we all
owe you so much you owe me everything
little girl including your body imagine
a world where the sun doesn't rise where
Darkness Reigns Eternal it is my power
my responsibility that keeps such a
world at Fay a simple thing thank you is
the least any Pony can offer now be gone
from my site for you are now a lower
class citizen disgusting dirty
[Music]
unicorn you're on my mind I don't know
that it's you're no good for
[Music]
me they say it's just a waste of
time I'll never know now I'm just a Lely
[Music]
Valentine I want you I want
[Music]
you I want you I want you
I want you I want
you I want
you
dream it
way I want to
it all the
way I want to