this is a special day for me Twilight
you have no idea me talking to princess
celester one onone just make sure to
keep your guard up even though she
specifically called you to the castle
for a meeting not every pony comes back
out alive you mean you won't protect me
if I set her and face the wrath of her
grand Holiness no for I have made a vow
long ago to always stand on the
sidelines when Princess Celestia
determines a pony must be rid of I'm
sorry Apple
please enter my Throne Room ponies and
grace me with your
[Music]
cuteness I have brought my friend
Applejack as you have requested all I
plead is that you go easy on her as her
manners are quite
lacking her manners are lacking indeed
hey Applejack do you know what it feels
like to have a far go back into your ass
yes what would you like to find out no
no I didn't ask for your
[Music]
opinion every pony knows you are
supposed to Bow before royalty surely my
sexy pupil Twilight told you that she
didn't tell me [ __ ] oh gosh of course I
did you just forgot you are always so
forgetful you silly
Apple I'm bored now Twilight run down to
the Royal kitchens and grab me a Capri
on I will inform the cow pony why I have
called her up in this Fitch there is
currently a trade dispute going on
between Ponyville and the settlement
town of appsa your inbred family is
quite spread around yes that's correct
we apples are proud to have settled all
around Equestria and we grow our apples
far and wide too well stop it Ponyville
is currently the number one Apple
supplier in all of Equestria and as I've
been told your cousin braber apple has a
successful apple orchard growing in
appala a tad bit too successful but but
there can never be too many apples every
pony should be able to enjoy those
magnificent red balls in their mouths to
their heart's content I'm back with your
Capri Sun Princess Celestia would it be
too much to ask if you could praise me
shut up twilight get in the cage right
now now
okay let me tell you how business works
you stupid mud Pony if ponies and appsa
have their own apples they don't need to
buy them from Ponyville go to your
[ __ ] cousin and implore him to shut
that [ __ ] down but the Apple family
Pride your parents were brother and
sister you got nothing to be proud about
I forgot my Capri
[Music]
on Apple Jack I pooped in my bed go ask
your brother to clean it up I'm sad what
are you sad about I thought you like
when I poop in the bed because we get to
clean it up together as a bonding
activity it has nothing to do with you
Apple Blue Bo just leave me alone please
well then [ __ ] you [ __ ] I hope you die
in your
sleep Apple Bloom why have you done this
we were having the best sleepover ever
and you messed it all up by pooping in
your own bed stop yelling at
me Rarity what are you doing here if
you're not going to clean up your baby
sister's poop can I go help her do it
I've got a plastic bag with me that we
can put all those stinky turds in and I
can take it to my house and put that
poop in my refrigerator I am mean in my
trash can haha how are you at my window
my bedroom is on the second floor when I
hear one of my friends are feeling down
there is nothing that can keep me away
dear not even my fear of heights go away
Rarity I don't want to talk Twilight
told me what you have to do tomorrow and
I came to comfort you I know that for
some reason you are really attached to
Apples it's weird as [ __ ] but I'm not
going to think lesser of you for it
darling do you think you will really
have the heart to burn down an entire
apple orchard I'm capable of many things
I love apples but I'm also a hardcore
bad that's because my mommy and daddy
both used to beat me you don't have to
act tough in front of me Apple Jack it's
a dastardly thing Princess Celestia is
making you do please go home Rarity what
the [ __ ] did you say to me [ __ ] you
think you're the [ __ ] but the truth is
you're not even a fart telling me to go
home you know any pony in Ponyville
would kill to have Rarity visit them in
their window sill any Pony else would be
wanting to make out with me with a
passion in this
moment you want to make out what no I
that that was just a you know what I
mean that was a fictional what if sort
of scenario I would never want to kiss
you because someday I'm going to marry a
rich stallion who will come and whisk me
away like I've always dreamed of I would
never kiss a member of the inferior sex
okay that's good cuz I'm not okay are
you saying you wouldn't put your tongue
in my mouth if I asked
[ __ ] you are a [ __ ] liar I know you
would my beauty is all I've got you know
what I came here to try to lift your
spirits but I see now that you are a
lonely lonely M who deserves to burn
down a couple trees because maybe then
you will see there is more to life than
Apples and your own madeup family
Pride Apple Jack I think your obsession
with apples and family comes from a
simpler time back to when your family
actually felt like a family when your
mommy and daddy were still alive but
what the hell do I know I'm Rarity the
most annoying pony in Ponyville who
everybody wants to throw out of town
because she's actually just really ugly
I'm climbing back
[Applause]
[Music]
down when did we all go all separate
ways big mac Apple Bloom why did you
both go off and find other companionship
and leave me all by
myself and then I told her that's not
frosting on that cupcake that's my
[ __ ] [ __ ] and now it's all over your
[ __ ] face pinky that story was
[ __ ] insane you think so thanks no I
mean insanely disgusting you cannot go
around telling other ponies this story
do you
understand what the [ __ ] is this Apple
Jack what the heck is going on here I
thought we were going to appala today I
changed my mind in fact if princess
Celesta wants a war she have won not
only have we continued to sell apples
but we have rammed up Supply and are
giving them away for free I must implore
you to reconsider please do not do this
Princess Celestia has the power of the
literal Sun we are just horses I thought
as my best friend you would understand
Twilight and I thought as Apple Jack
acquaintance of Twilight Sparkle you
would understand that Twilight doesn't
do friendship the train to appala leaves
in 20 minutes
Twilight I hate to do this to you Apple
Jack but under orders of the crown you
are under arrest if you do not shut your
Farm's business down right now and come
with us to
appala shut the farm down Granny Smith
what I'm not shutting anything down [ __ ]
you you [ __ ] unicorn autistic [ __ ]
granny shut up been listen to one of
your grandkids for once in your godamn
life the cops are here over my sexy dead
body that can be arranged okay okay I'm
shutting it down the close sign is up
see
[Applause]
[ __ ] okay I will go with you to Apple
loser that's what you want isn't it my
hands are tied are you happy hold your
fire Royal Guards go give Granny Smith a
Band-Aid as leverage for her mercy pinky
keep a close eye on this [ __ ] I don't
want any funny
business I don't trust those inbred
[ __ ] to keep the farm closed for very
long so I need the three of you to burn
it all down while we're away do it
discreetly and do it fast I I don't care
if any Pony is inside just do it damn
Twilight you've been kind of a heartless
Harpy these past couple days yeah you
are a mean heartless woman I have been
taken in by Princess Celestia when I was
very young and trained to be able to
shut off my emotions if need be it is
not something I am proud of but it is
something I am aware of my body is but a
tool for Princess Celestia to use that's
kind of hot in a [ __ ] up sort of way
where will you be going I have been
tasked with taking out brain Apple's
apple orchard does Princess Celestia
know about our part in this I don't want
to risk going to jail again no this is
not to be on record but she will not
question it as she dislikes the Apple
family anyway just like every pony else
in Ponyville don't do it until me and
the girls have already left town but be
quick about it and make it look like an
accident Twilight hurry the train is
leaving the mentally impaired one has
spoken I've got to go now godspeed
retards
have a Big Mac what are you doing here
if if I knew you wanted to come along I
would have wiped my ass Apple Bloom saw
you sneaking off like a suspicious
little [ __ ] and sent me to find out
what you're up to I'm I'm not doing
anything did you bring the police ponies
to our farm and have them shoot our
granny you know if any of our relatives
find out you're going against the family
they'll kill you Applejack they'll kill
all of us I would never do that why
don't you ever believe me
because you go around telling people we
[ __ ] I'm a [ __ ] homosexual [ __ ] you
and your constant lying it's making me
Mighty uncomfortable I'll tell you what
what are you reading Twilight it's a
forbidden spell book I took from
Celestia's Library when I went to grab
her a Capri Sun don't tell any Pony
saurin I'm back from picking
apples saurin don't just stand there we
have things to talk about get over
[Music]
here you've been out there picking
apples all day when am I going to get
some attention who's going to pick all
the apples if not me don't think I
haven't been seeing you staring at that
stallion called troubleshoes from across
the field you little [ __ ] I can smell
him on you God he's so [ __ ] hot like
this just [ __ ] destroy me with your
small 2in dirty already bite it oh he's
doing the Apple thing God I love apples
iing love apples this turns me on so
much just shove a godamn apple up my ass
that's a good sight who's my good boy
bark bark bark bark wo bark I am I am
your good little apple boy good thing
you got a pretty face kid otherwise I
wouldn't have bothered keeping you
around you think I put my career as a
Wonderbolt on hold to stand around as a
common house wife while you dilly dally
with other stallions behind my back
to the bedroom now lift your ass
[Music]
up are you okay I'm more than okay smack
me again I I don't think I can do this
role play anymore I don't want to hit
you with my belt can you at least tie my
hoves up with
it is this too tight no are you sure
it's not too tight it's fine I can
loosen it if you want it's fine okay now
the back
legs I'm out of belts
use the belt on all four
legs what are you doing now I'm trying
to loosen
it okay lift your
legs this position kind of hurts should
I just take the belt off yeah let's stop
can you go put on the costume in the
closet instead the one that really turns
me on rurn I don't know about this
what's wrong I think you look sexy it's
just that you made me dress up as your
cousin big back again I wore this the
last four times we had sex when is it
going to be your turn to dress up I want
to see you as a smoking hot firefighter
or something I'll dress up as anything
you want next time now come over here
and hit me and call me a [ __ ] I'm not
really comfortable perpetuating your
family's cycle of abuse even if it's
something you're sexually into I think
there's still some Trauma from your last
relationship that you haven't worked
through babe and I want to talk about it
if you're ready I'm not quite
comfortable with that talk yet love
that's fine fine do you want me to step
on your
balls so uh we're stopping early to
watch the Cooking Channel again I'm
sorry my body doesn't exactly work like
it used to I'm not mad it's just never
mind I noticed you hadn't taken your
medication yet today I'll take those
before bed it's before bed right now
you're supposed to take them on time you
know I don't like taking them in front
of you it reminds me how old I am you
know I don't care about
that do you want a bite of my Apple no
[Laughter]
thanks can you pass me the cowboy candy
the what the cowboy candy you mean the
pickled jalapenos yeah that's what I
call
it I'm sorry
well if it isn't cousin Applejack and
friends this is saurin he's a Wonderbolt
but of course you know that but did you
also know he's my cult friend I think
they can already tell braburn would you
like to come
inside I'm back from taking a massive
[ __ ] and piss lady IES cousin Big
Mac golly that was rude just slamming
the door on them like that I panicked I
don't want your ex stepping foot in my
house it's our house and he's not just
my ex who I used to let stick his 26in
BR worst in my ass and pound away for 14
straight hours he's also my cousin first
and foremost you're going to have to
stop reminding me that your ex is like
right next to you on your family tree my
love cuz I am 5 seconds away from
walking right out this door and not
turning back
I'm afraid you're going to have to stay
in the barn cousin Big Mac but I don't
no no stop I have the power in our
relationship right now and I won't let
you take it back that's what my
therapist told me to tell you my
therapist says it's very important for
my recovery that everyone around me
takes accountability for their actions
past or present I'll bring you out a
blanket and some hot milk with vanilla
and honey sometime before
bed I'm sorry you girls had to see that
I can be a catty [ __ ] when it comes to
my ex ha so what do you want to talk
about cute boy celebrities or women's
rights you know I'm dating a celebrity
braber Apple Jack would like to talk to
you alone right
Applejack yeah there's some important
family talk that needs to be had well
pull up a chair cuz saurin take Twilight
and Pinkie Pie out back so we can talk
alone come on girlies I'll show you the
garden where we're growing daffodils
brayburn do you know what it means to
disrupt the flow of Commerce not really
all I know about is sucking
[ __ ] same well not the second [ __ ] part
the part about not knowing what flow of
Commerce means hey do you think you're
growing too many apple trees out in your
Apple orchit no apple trees are great I
love apples I think there can never be
too many apples you and me both cousin
do you want to step outside and take a
Ye Old Gander at my apple
[Music]
trees what do you think Apple Jack can
you believe I take care of all these
apple trees by
myself yeah it's it's really Vision you
are a true hardworking Apple this here
apple orchard is my pride and joy more
than anything any Pony in my life can
come and go or abandon me but I will
always have these apple trees that
depend on me that's why if I ever lost
my apple trees I don't know what I would
do I've always been different from you
and the rest of the Apple family that's
why I live out here all by myself I'm
not strong physically or mentally since
I'm a [ __ ] ass cold cuddler most of
our relatives already disown me I'm
lucky to have met someone special like
saurin to lean on when things get tough
and mentally things sure have been tough
lately I'll tell you what do you think
he's a good man
he's a good man all right you always
knew how how to pick the good
ones I know it's been a long time coming
but thank you for accepting me for who I
am too Apple
Jack y you got it just keep on looking
at your apple trees you homosexual ass
[ __ ]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
these apples are Mighty crunchy today
every time I bite down it's like there's
a gunshot ringing in my ear cousin Big
Mac what are you doing all the way out
here I came to walk you back to the
house
I've got your blanket and milk we were
all out of honey so I just chewed up
some crayons and spit that in the milk
thanks saurin says I'm only allowed to
be out here for a minute but I've got to
ask why did you come here I don't really
know to be
honest okay I'm going to go back inside
to be but [ __ ] by saurin without
protection good
night I I came here because I I wanted
to say I hope you're finally happy a
pony like you deserves someone who will
take you to the skies and back letting
you sore above the world I've been
wanting to tell you that and I think
that's what saurin is for you sain is
great for me I hope you find some pony
like him
too I'm afraid the train has already
left the station for me
[Music]
God he's cute as a [ __ ] button and
that Party City cowboy costume I know he
only wears it to turn me on that little
[ __ ] I'm about to act up and
non-consensually obliterate this Cal
Pony's ass with my fat 26in [ __ ] if he
doesn't get out of here within the next
10 seconds [ __ ] he's so hot he looks
like a Twizzler my average Siz balls are
sizzling like crazy what are you waiting
for I've been standing here a full
minute are you going toing rape me or
what you know I only dress like a cowboy
for you so do it just fing do it you're
so much stronger we both know I wouldn't
be able to do anything to you but submit
saurin would never know
the three of you are men so what
Be My Bad Boy be my man be my we and
love but don't be my friend you
I don't trust them I think you should
tell them to go home what why think
about it three Mars travel all the way
from Ponyville to Appaloosa unannounced
to visit a couple of CT cuddlers it's
either a lynching a stoning or they're
going to burn the house down while we're
asleep and make it look like we did some
kind of gay emulation joint suicide
thing I don't think any of them are
homophobic enough to do that it's the
other three members of their six mare
gang that are known as the violently
homophobic ones also Apple Jack is my
cousin and she'd never do anything to
harm another member of the Apple
[Music]
family Apple Bloom can I ask you
something I'm feeling a bit lost at the
moment I can't talk for long because I'm
in the bathroom and if Granny Smith
catches me out of bed past 6:00 p.m. she
will throw apples at me till near death
what would you do if you weren't a slave
to the Apple family's Legacy and AD
deals well I suppose I would dream
because it's all we can do living in
this prison do you think there's more to
life than Apples legally and financially
I'm supposed to say no but yeah
sometimes I feel that
way you know Applejack sometimes on the
way to school I throw away the apples
Granny Smith packs me for lunch and I
buy a vegetarian egg sandwich from the
street market instead you do
and Brother Big Mac doesn't even like
apples you know he only bucks trees in
exchange for currency so he can go by
Oreos and fruit rollups and you already
know cousin brain's thoughts on the
family or well how the family sees him
for being
different what I'm saying is did you
ever stop to think that maybe you're the
only [ __ ] who really cares about
carrying on the family Legacy that you
might be the one enforcing granny
Smith's corrupt rules rules and
regulations on the rest of us just by
being your annoying self what was that
you little [ __ ] no no stay away Apple
Jack help
me what the hell were you talking to
what have I told you about using the
phone who the hell is
that did you kill them no they were
awake she had two chances already
Twilight she's trying to sabotage the
mission plan C it is then what's plan C
I don't know think of something you're
the smart one don't talk back to
me or is it that you're not really
worried about them and more because my
cousin Big Mac is
[Music]
visiting you know I just want to say
since we started dating I have become
the happiest stallion in all of
Equestria I know I can hard to deal with
at times but I'm trying each and every
day to become the perfect stallion for
you like you are to me if you could put
your Wonderbolt career on hold for me
then I'll never let anything come
between us either let alone my cousin
you're already more perfect to me than
you think you are
braburn I feel like you're making me
choose between my own family and my
loyalty to
Ponyville that's because you are so
choose Ponyville I I can't do it do you
know the reason I invited pinky on this
trip it wasn't because she wanted to go
sightseeing it's because I knew that she
could do what needed to be done do it
Pinky my apple
[Music]
trees oh you da done gly did it
now the [ __ ] is awake
put out the fire you [ __ ] no put out
the fire or I'm going to burn your book
haha you wouldn't dare every pony loves
books because they contain a vast amount
of
[Music]
knowledge cousin
Applejack I know there's something in
the w your
smile
ition please don't hurt
him do you think I enjoy this he me
Princess Celestia's laugh must
rightfully fall upon all stallions who
dare to share a barn with other
stallions it is beyond my
[Music]
control when he's calling for you listen
to your
[Music]
there's nothing else you can do I don't
know where you're
going and I don't know why Len to your
heart
before
[Music]
goodbye sometimes you wonder if this
fight is wor
W the precious moments are all out in
this time yeah they swep away and
nothing is what it seems feel
like to your
dreams listen to your
heart when he's calling for you listen
to your heart
there's nothing else you can do I don't
know where you're
going and I
know Len to your
[Music]
heart you're too
[Music]
kind so and follow me I'm going to fetch
water from the
kitchen Twilight come on Hold on shut up
we have to go ponies will see the smoke
from town and come running any minute I
said shut up that cold cuddler destroyed
my favorite book what's the suicide rate
for Colt cuddlers
83% well I'm not going anywhere until I
raise it up to
[Music]
84 there's only one bucket in the
kitchen so go grab the piss and [ __ ]
Bucket from out
[Music]
back I'm I'm sorry whatever I did I'm
sorry stop please stop you promised you
would never hurt me I'll tell Big Mac to
go home I'll stop making you do those
role plays in the bedroom sain sain stop
this isn't like please stop
[Music]
let's get out of your goly pops I'll
kill you I'll [ __ ] kill
[Music]
you I'm sorry I'm so
sorry I don't know what came over me
braer get him
off why did you hit me I I don't know
why I did maybe it was stress you know
I've been dealing with a lot lately we
both have but I would never even even
think about hitting you neither would I
at least I never thought I would I've
never hit a pony before you went back on
our promise you said you would keep me
from getting hurt again and I have
today's just been a long day braber and
I took a 3-month break from flying for
the Wonderbolts for you you know I'm
serious about this thing we have
together so what we have together is
just a thing you know I don't mean it
like that and I should just be grateful
that you took some time off from work
for me and shut up no I didn't say that
but well yeah I think you could be a
little more grateful but this isn't
about that what have you even done since
taking your break from the Wonderbolts
you don't clean you don't cook you're
living in my house and I'm the one
working to bring the apples home right
now I do whatever you tell me to even
the [ __ ] up incestuous role plays even
when you know my sex drive is nothing
compared to yours I still do them so I
don't lose the one good thing that makes
me happy stop calling what we have a
thing our relationship you and me you
know what I mean I've lived twice as
long as you yet I've never really dated
before so this is all new to me I don't
know what to call it please give me time
you're most of my firsts I'm already
burdened enough with the thoughts of how
lucky you were to have had Big Mac to
experiment with I'm the older one I'm
supposed to be the one with experience I
wasn't lucky Big Mac always hit me just
like you just did well with an attitude
like that I'm starting to see
why Big
Mac continue
[Music]
the next time I see you I'm ripping your
wings off godamn fairy boy
[Music]
I really thought he was different why
can't I be happy like every pony
else let's go
home we did it girls yeah mission
accomplished thank you Twilight because
of you and your cute Pony friends I
control the flow of Commerce once more
hell yeah I know that's right I wish you
could have been there to see me take
control the mind of Bran's cult friend
that stallion fucker's mind was like
jello in my
hood you entered a Pony's mind with what
spell just for a little bit I learned
how to do it from a book I found in your
forbidden Library are you proud of me
and where is that book
now uh I misplaced it you fool you abs
absolute [ __ ] that spell book was
forbidden for a reason the spell isn't
so simple that it only lets you take
control of some pony mind during that
short time you had awakened dormant
magical energy that resides in all
ponies that which allows ponies to
become Alicorn should certain
requirements be met should he ever learn
how to use that unicorn power once
dormant he could be a threat to all
ponies not me because I'm really
powerful though he's essentially like 3%
unicorn now and since he was already a
pegasus he has the power of all three
horses he's like a really shitty oorn
while the way you're talking it sounds
like I really [ __ ] up somewhere or you
shouldn't have left a book that powerful
just lying around and now with the spell
book lost there is no knowledgeable way
to undo the spell I will have to keep
watch on him from afar to make sure he
doesn't Stray From the Path of light so
thanks for giving me just one more thing
to keep track of and make my job just
that much harder Twilight thanks for
reminding me once again that you suck at
your job and I am the only one keeping
this world together bye-bye baby girl
you know the drill go to my Royal
Chambers and take your pants off I'll be
there to deal with you at the usual time
of 6:30 but I don't wear pants cause I
don't let
you wake your godamn asses up kids at
6:00 a.m. time to spend the next 8 hours
of your day picking apples
app granny I don't want to pick apples
today do I look like I give a [ __ ]
everyone in our family are named after
apples it's our destiny to piix Apples
look at me I'm 108 years old and I
wasted my entire goddamn
life are you going to eat that
[Music]
[ __ ] can I have some I'm hungry as a
goddamn horse
[Music]
uh hi Applejack I was thinking it's been
a long time since we've had a girl day
out want to head down to the field by
the river and eat the overgrown grass
and dirt what makes you think I would
want to hang out with you after what
happened yesterday what happened
yesterday oh yeah my book was burned
well you won't have to feel sorry for me
I have a lot of books and that one
didn't even belong to me Twilight do you
ever stop to think about how much of an
impact you leave on ponies despite
saying so little words no why would I I
only speak the facts and no no I'm
talking sorry you haven't been a good
friend recently to me or to any of us
you think because you made a friend
group of six mayor since coming to Pony
V you are the beacon of friendship but I
think you need to take a real step back
and reconsider who you are and what you
really want in life because right now
you are close to having a relapse of
being a total friendless
[ __ ] Applejack darling I have nothing
to do today because my clothing shop is
about to go bankrupt because no pony is
buying my garbage clothes so I was going
to go into the market today and stand
near the entrance so ponies have to look
at me when they enter the the market so
I can feel validated and seen do you
want to come stand with me no no Rarity
Apple Jack is coming to eat grass and
dirt with me and I would love to take
you up on the awful Rarity let's call it
a girl's day out um Rarity I just
remembered Apple Jack has to pick apples
today it's a work day so she actually I
suppose I can take a break every now and
then because I've recently learned
there's more to life than Apples R
Rarity
[Music]
I'm leaving the
hotel after night with you
I think I finally see the
[Music]
truth a
feeling stops me in my
track I know your love is going to leave
me cold but I keep coming
back I feel like something dark is
taking over me but honestly I think it's
What I Need You Are
My Oh I feel like something dark is
taking over
me honestly I think it's what I need
[Music]
try it again I've been trying for the
last 2 days it must be out of gas maybe
we should go to the dollar store and buy
a new lighter or we can go home and I
can take a massive power nap and then
eat a Hot Pocket and then take a [ __ ]
remember this wasn't supposed to be on
record anyway so let's just not do it
okay where did Rarity go who's Rarity
never mind