this is a special day for me Twilight
you have no idea me talking to princess
celester one onone just make sure to
keep your guard up even though she
specifically called you to the castle
for a meeting not every pony comes back
out alive you mean you won't protect me
if I set her and face the wrath of her
grand Holiness no for I have made a vow
long ago to always stand on the
sidelines when Princess Celestia
determines a pony must be rid of I'm
sorry Apple
please enter my Throne Room ponies and
grace me with your
[Music]
cuteness I have brought my friend
Applejack as you have requested all I
plead is that you go easy on her as her
manners are quite
lacking her manners are lacking indeed
hey Applejack do you know what it feels
like to have a far go back into your ass
yes what would you like to find out no
no I didn't ask for your
[Music]
opinion every pony knows you are
supposed to Bow before royalty surely my
sexy pupil Twilight told you that she
didn't tell me [ __ ] oh gosh of course I
did you just forgot you are always so
forgetful you silly
Apple I'm bored now Twilight run down to
the Royal kitchens and grab me a Capri
on I will inform the cow pony why I have
called her up in this Fitch there is
currently a trade dispute going on
between Ponyville and the settlement
town of appala your inbred family is
quite spread around yes that's correct
we apples are proud to have settled all
around Equestria and we grow our apples
far and wide too well stop it Ponyville
is currently the number one Apple
supplier in all of Equestria and as I've
been told your cousin braber apple has a
successful apple orchard growing in
appala a tad bit too successful but but
there can never be too many apples every
pony should be able to enjoy those
magnificent red balls in their mouths to
their heart's content I'm back with your
Capri Sun Princess Celestia would it be
too much to ask if you could praise me
shut up twilight get in the cage right
now now
okay let me tell you how business works
you stupid mud Pony if ponies and appsa
have their own apples they don't need to
buy them from Ponyville go to your
[ __ ] cousin and implore him to shut
that [ __ ] down but the Apple family
Pride your parents were brother and
sister you got nothing to be proud about
I forgot my Capri
[Music]
on Apple Jack I pooped in my bed go ask
your brother to clean it up I'm sad what
are you sad about I thought you like
when I poop in the bed because we get to
clean it up together as a bonding
activity it has nothing to do with you
Apple Blue boom just leave me alone
please well then [ __ ] you [ __ ] I hope
you die in your
sleep Apple Bloom why have you done this
we were having the best sleepover ever
and you messed it all up by pooping in
your own bed stop yelling at
me Rarity what are you doing here if
you're not going to clean up your baby
sister's poop can I go help her do it
I've got a plastic bag with me that we
can put all those stinky turds in and I
can take it to my house and put that
poop in my refrigerator I am mean in my
trash can haha how are you at my window
my bedroom is on the second floor when I
hear one of my friends are feeling down
there is nothing that can keep me away
dear not even my fear of heights go away
Rarity I don't want to talk Twilight
told me what you have to do tomorrow and
I came to comfort you I know that for
some reason you are really attached to
Apples it's weird as [ __ ] but I'm not
going to think lesser of you for it
darling do you think you will really
have the heart to burn down an entire
apple orchard I'm capable of many things
I love apples but I'm also a hardcore
bad that's because my mommy and daddy
both used to beat me you don't have to
act tough in front of me Apple Jack it's
a dastardly thing Princess Celestia is
making you do please go home Rarity what
the [ __ ] did you say to me [ __ ] you
think you're the [ __ ] but the truth is
you're not even a fart telling me to go
home you know any pony in Ponyville
would kill to have Rarity visit them in
their window sill any Pony else would be
wanting to make out with me with a
passion in this
moment you want to make out what no I
that that was just a you know what I
mean that was a fictional what if sort
of scenario I would never want to kiss
you because someday I'm going to marry a
rich stallion who will come and whisk me
away like I've always dreamed of I would
never kiss a member of the inferior sex
okay that's good cuz I'm not okay are
you saying you wouldn't put your tongue
in my mouth if I asked
[ __ ] you are a [ __ ] liar I know you
would my beauty is all I've got you know
what I came here to try to lift your
spirits but I see now that you are a
lonely lonely mare who deserves to burn
down a couple trees because maybe then
you will see there is more to life than
Apples and your own madeup family
Pride Apple Jack I think your obsession
with apples and family comes from a
simpler time back to when your family
actually felt like a family when your
mommy and daddy were still alive but
what the hell do I know I'm Rarity the
most annoying pony in Ponyville who
everybody wants to throw out of town
because she's actually just really ugly
I'm climbing back
[Applause]
[Music]
down when did we all go all separate
ways big mac Apple Bloom why did you
both go off and find other companionship
and leave me all by
myself and then I told her that's not
frosting on that cupcake that's my
[ __ ] [ __ ] and now it's all over your
[ __ ] face pinky that story was
[ __ ] insane you think so thanks no I
mean insanely disgusting you cannot go
around telling other ponies this story
do you
understand what the [ __ ] is this Apple
Jack what the heck is going on here I
thought we were going to appala today I
changed my mind in fact if princess
Celesta wants a war she have won not
only have we continued to sell apples
but we have rammed up Supply and are
giving them away for free I must implore
you to reconsider please do not do this
Princess Celestia has the power of the
literal Sun we are just horses I thought
as my best friend you would understand
Twilight and I thought as Apple Jack
acquaintance of Twilight Sparkle you
would understand that Twilight doesn't
do friendship the train to appalossa
leaves in 20 minutes
Twilight I hate to do this to you Apple
Jack but under orders of the crown you
are under arrest if you do not shut your
Farm's business down right now and come
with us to
appala shut the farm down Granny Smith
what I'm not shutting anything down [ __ ]
you you [ __ ] unicorn artistic [ __ ]
granny shut up been listen to one of
your grandkids for once in your godamn
life the cops are here over my sexy dead
body that can be arranged okay okay I'm
shutting it down the close sign is up
see
[Applause]
[ __ ] okay I will go with you to Apple
loser that's what you want isn't it my
hands are tied are you happy hold your
fire Royal Guards go give Granny Smith a
Band-Aid as leverage for her mercy pinky
keep a close eye on this [ __ ] I don't
want any funny
[Music]
business I don't trust those inbred
[ __ ] to keep the farm closed for very
long so I need the three of you to burn
it all down while we're away do it
discreetly and do it fast I I don't care
if any Pony is inside just do it damn
Twilight you've been kind of a heartless
Harpy these past couple days yeah you
are a mean heartless woman I have been
taken in by Princess Celestia when I was
very young and trained to be able to
shut off my emotions if need be it is
not something I am proud of but it is
something I am aware of my body is but a
tool for Princess Celestia to use that's
kind of hot in a [ __ ] up sort of way
where will you be going I have been
tasked with taking out braon Apple's
apple orchard does Princess Celestia
know about our part in this I don't want
to risk going to jail again no this is
not to be on record but she will not
question it as she dislikes the Apple
family anyway just like every pony else
in Ponyville don't do it until me and
the girls have already left town but be
quick about it and make it look like an
accident Twilight hurry the train is
leaving the mentally impaired one has
spoken I've got to go now godspeed
retards
what a Big Mac what are you doing here
if if I knew you wanted to come along I
would have wiped my ass Apple Bloom saw
you sneaking off like a suspicious
little [ __ ] and sent me to find out
what you're up to I'm I'm not doing
anything did you bring the police ponies
to our farm and have them shoot our
granny you know if any of our relatives
find out you're going against the family
they'll kill you Applejack they'll kill
all of us I would never do that why
don't you ever believe me
because you go around telling people we
[ __ ] I'm a [ __ ] homosexual [ __ ] you
and your constant lying it's making me
Mighty un comfortable I'll tell you what
what are you reading Twilight it's a
forbidden Spellbook I took from
Celestia's Library when I went to grab
her a Capri Sun don't tell any
Pony saurin I'm back from picking
apples saurin don't just stand there we
have things to talk about get over
[Music]
here you've been out there picking
apples all day when am I going to get
some attention who's going to pick all
the apples if not me don't think I
haven't been seeing you staring at that
stallion called troubleshoes from across
the field you little [ __ ] I can smell
him on you God he's so [ __ ] hot like
this just [ __ ] destroy me with your
small 2in dirty already bite it oh he's
doing the Apple thing God I love apples
iing love apples this turns me on so
much just fing shove a godamn apple up
my ass that's a good sight who's my good
boy bark bark bark bark wol bark I am I
am your good little apple boy good thing
you got a pretty face kid otherwise I
wouldn't have bothered keeping you
around you think I put my career as a
Wonderbolt on hold to stand around as a
common house wife while you dilly dally
with other stallions behind my back
to the bedroom
now I think there's still some Trauma
from your last relationship that you
haven't worked through babe and I want
to talk about it if you're ready I'm not
quite comfortable with that talk yet
love that's
fine so uh we're stopping early to watch
the Cooking Channel again I'm sorry my
body doesn't exactly work like it used
to I'm not mad it's just never mind
I noticed you hadn't taken your
medication yet today I'll take those
before bed it's before bed right now
you're supposed to take them on time you
know I don't like taking them in front
of you it reminds me how old I am you
know I don't care about
that do you want a bite of my Apple no
thanks
[Laughter]
can you pass me the cowboy candy the
what the cowboy candy you mean the
pickled jalapenos yeah that's what I
call
it I'm
sorry well if it isn't cousin Applejack
and Friends this is saurin he's a
Wonderbolt but of course you know that
but did you also know he's my cult
friend I think they can already tell
braburn would you like to come
inside I'm back from taking a massive
[ __ ] and piss ladies cousin Big
Mac golly that was rude just slamming
the door on them like that I panicked I
don't want your ex stepping foot in my
house it's our house and he's not just
my ex who I used to let stick his 26 in
BR worst in my ass and pound away for 14
straight hours he's also my cousin first
and foremost you're going to have to
stop reminding me that your ex is like
right next to you on your family tree my
love cuz I am 5 seconds away from
walking right out this door and not
turning
back I'm afraid you're going to have to
stay in the barn cousin Big Mac but I
don't no no stop I have the power in our
relationship right now and I won't let
you take it back that's what my
therapist told me to tell you my
therapist says it's very important for
my recovery that everyone around me
takes accountability for their actions
past or present I'll bring you out a
blanket and some hot milk with vanilla
and honey sometime before
bed I'm sorry you girls had to see that
I can be a catty [ __ ] when it comes to
my ex ha so what do you want to talk
about cute boy celebrities or women's
rights you know I'm dating a celebrity
bra Apple Jack would like to talk to you
alone right Apple
Jack yeah there's some important family
t that needs to be had well pull up a
chair cuz sain take Twilight and Pinkie
Pie out back so we can talk
alone come on girlies I'll show you the
garden where we're growing
daffodils brayburn do you know what it
means to disrupt the flow of Commerce
not really all I know about is sucking
[ __ ] same will not the second [ __ ] part
the part about not knowing what flow of
mer means hey do you think you're
growing too many apple trees out in your
apple orchard no apple trees are great I
love apples I think there can never be
too many apples you and me both cousin
do you want to step outside and take a
Ye Old Gander at my apple
[Music]
trees what do you think Apple Jack can
you believe I take care of of all these
apple trees by
myself yeah it's it's really Bon you are
a true hardworking Apple this here apple
orchard is my pride and joy more than
anything any Pony in my life can come
and go or abandon me but I will always
have these apple trees that depend on me
that's why if I ever lost my apple trees
I don't know what I would do I've always
been different from you and the rest of
the Apple family that's why I live out
here all by myself I'm not strong
physically or mentally since I'm a
[ __ ] ass cold cuddler most of our
relatives already disown me I'm lucky to
have met someone special like saurin to
lean on when things get tough and
mentally things sure have been tough
lately I'll tell you what do you think
he's a good man he's a good man all
right you always knew how how to pick
the good
ones I know it's been a long time coming
but thank you for accepting me for who I
am too
Applejack yeah you got it CU just keep
on looking at your apple trees you
homosexual ass
[Music]
[ __ ] these apples are Mighty crunchy
today every time I bite down it's like
there's a gunshot ringing in my ear
cousin Big Mac what are you doing all
the way out here I came to walk you back
to the
house I've got your blanket and milk we
were all out of honey so I just chewed
up some crayons and spit that in the
milk thanks saurin says I'm only allowed
to be out here for a minute but I've got
to ask why did you come here I don't
don't really know to be
honest okay I'm going to go back inside
to be but [ __ ] by Soaring without
protection good
night I I came here because I I wanted
to say I hope you're finally happy a
pony like you deserves someone who will
take you to the skies and back letting
you soar above the world I've been
wanting to tell you that and I think
that's what saurin is for you saurin is
great for me I hope you find some pony
like him
too I'm afraid the train has already
left the station for me
[Music]
the three of you are men so what
was
[Music]
I don't trust them I think you should
tell them to go home what why think
about it three Mays travel all the way
from Ponyville to Appaloosa unannounced
to visit a couple of cult cuddlers it's
either a lynching a stoning or they're
going to burn the house down while we're
asleep and make it look like we did some
kind of gay imulation joint suicide
thing I don't think any of them are
homophobic enough to do that it's the
other three members of their six mare
gang that are known as the violently
homophobic ones also Apple Jack is my
cousin and she'd never do anything to
harm another member of the Apple
[Music]
family Apple Bloom can I ask you
something I'm feeling a bit lost at the
moment I can't talk for long because I'm
in the bathroom and if Granny Smith
catches me out of bed past 6:00 p.m. she
will throw apples at me till near death
what would you do if you weren't a slave
to the Apple family's Legacy and
ideals well I suppose I would dream
because it's all we can do living in
this prison do you think there's more to
life than Apples legally and financially
I'm supposed to say no but yeah
sometimes I feel that
way you know Applejack sometimes on the
way to school I throw away the apples
Granny Smith packs me for lunch and I
buy a vegetarian egg sandwich from the
street market instead you do and Brother
Big Mac doesn't even like apples you
know he only bucks trees in exchange for
currency so he can go buy Oreos and
fruit rollups and you already know
cousin brain's thoughts on the family or
well how the family sees him for being
different what I'm saying is did you
ever stop to think that maybe you're the
only [ __ ] who really cares about
carrying on the family Legacy that you
might be the one enforcing granny
Smith's corrupt rules and regulations on
the rest of us just by being your
annoying self what was that you little
[ __ ] no no stay away Applejack help
me what the hell were you talking to
what have I told you about using the
phone who the hell is
that did you kill them no they were
awake she had two chances already
Twilight she's trying to sabotage the
mission plan C it is then what's plan C
I don't know think of something you're
the smart one don't talk back to
me is it that you're not really worried
about them and more because my cousin
Big Mac is visiting
fast I
want you know I just want to say since
we started dating I have become the
happiest stallion in all of
Equestria I know I can be hard to deal
with at times but I'm trying each and
every day to become the perfect stallion
for you like you are to me if you could
put your Wonderbolt career on hold for
me then I'll never let anything come
between us either let alone my cousin
you're already more perfect to me than
you think you are braburn
I feel like you're making me choose
between my own family and my loyalty to
Ponyville that's because you are so
choose Ponyville I I can't do it do you
know the reason I invited pinky on this
trip it wasn't because she wanted to go
sightseeing it's because I knew that she
could do what needed to be done do it
Pinky
my apple
[Music]
trees oh you da D gly did it
now the [ __ ] is
awake put out the fire you [ __ ] no put
out the fire or I'm going to burn your
book haha you wouldn't dare every pony
loves books because they contain a vast
amount of knowledge
cousin
Applejack I know there's something in
the we of your
smile I get
motion please don't hurt
him do you think I enjoy
this Princess Celestia's wrath must
rightfully fall upon all stallions who
dare to share a barn with other
stallions it is beyond my
control Len to your
heart when he's calling for you listen
to your
heart there's nothing else you can do I
don't know where you're
going and I don't know why listen to
your
heart
before you tell
[Music]
goodbye sometimes you wonder if this
fight is
worthwhile the precious moments are all
l in this time yeah they s away and
nothing is what it seems feel
like to your dream
listen to your
heart when he's calling for
you to your
heart there's nothing else you can do I
don't know where you're
going and I don't know why listen to
your
[Music]
heart you're too kind
[Music]
saurin follow me I'm going to fetch
water from the
kitchen Twilight come on Hold on shut up
we have to go ponies will see the smoke
from town and come running any minute I
said shut up that colt cuddler destroyed
my favorite book what's the suicide rate
for Colt cuddlers 83%
well I'm not going anywhere until I
raise it up to
[Music]
84 there's only one bucket in the
kitchen so go grab the piss and [ __ ]
Bucket from out
[Music]
back I'm I'm sorry whatever I did I'm
sorry stop please stop you promised you
would never hurt me I'll tell Big Mac to
go home I'll stop making you do those
roll plays in the bedroom sain sain stop
this isn't like please
[Music]
stop let's get out of here girly pops
I'll kill you I'll [ __ ] kill
[Music]
you I'm sorry I'm so
sorry I don't know what came over me
braber and get him
off why did you hit me I I don't know
why I did maybe it was stress you know
I've been dealing with a lot lately we
both have but I would never even think
about hitting you neither would I at
least I never thought I would I've never
hit a pony before you went back on our
promise you said you would keep me from
getting hurt again and I have today's
just been a long dayer and I took a
3-month break from flying for the
Wonderbolts for you you know I'm serious
about this thing we have together so
what we have together is just a thing
you know I don't mean it like that and I
should just be grateful that you took
some time off from work for me and shut
up no I didn't say that but well yeah I
think you could be a little more
grateful but this isn't about that what
have you even done since taking your
break from the Wonderbolts you don't
clean you don't cook you're living in my
house and I'm the one working to bring
the apples home right now I do whatever
you tell me to even the [ __ ] up
incestuous role plays even when you know
my sex drive is nothing compared to
yours I still do them so I don't lose
the one good thing that makes me happy
stop calling what we have a thing our
relationship you and me you know what I
mean I've lived twice as long as you yet
I've never really dated before so this
is all new to me I don't know what to
call it please give me time you're most
of my firsts I'm already burdened enough
with the thoughts of how lucky you were
to have had Big Mac to experiment with
I'm the older one I'm supposed to be the
one with experience I wasn't lucky Big
Mac always hit me just like you just did
well with an attitude like that I'm
starting to see
why Big
Mac
[Music]
continue the next time I see you I'm
ripping your wings off godamn fairy boy
[Music]
I really thought he was different why
can't I be happy like every pony
else let's go
home we did it girls yeah mission
accomplished
[Music]
a thank you Twilight because of you and
your cute Pony friends I control the
flow of Commerce once more hell yeah I
know that's right I wish you could have
been there to see me take control the
mind of bren's cult friend that stallion
fucker's mind was like jello in my
hook you entered a Pony's mind with what
spell just for a little bit I learned
how to do it from a book book I found in
your forbidden Library are you proud of
me and where is that book
now uh I misplaced it you fool you
absolute [ __ ] that spell book was
forbidden for a reason the spell isn't
so simple that it only lets you take
control of some Pony's mind during that
short time you had awakened dormant
magical energy that resides in all
ponies that which allows ponies to
become Alicorns should certain
requirements be met should he ever never
learn how to use that unicorn power once
dormant he could be a threat to all
ponies not me because I'm really
powerful though he's essentially like 3%
unicorn now and since he was already a
pegasus he has the power of all three
horses he's like a really shitty oorn
while the way you're talking it sounds
like I really [ __ ] up somewhere or you
shouldn't have left a book that powerful
just lying around and now with the spell
book lost there is no knowledgeable way
to undo the spell I will have to keep
watch on him from afar to make sure he
doesn't Stray From the Path of light so
thanks for giving me just one more thing
to keep track of and make my job just
that much harder Twilight thanks for
reminding me once again that you suck at
your job and I am the only one keeping
this world together bye-bye baby girl
you know the drill go to my Royal
Chambers and take your pants off I'll be
there to deal with you at the usual time
of 6:30 but I don't pants cause I don't
let
you wake your godamn asses up kids at 6
a.m. time to spend the next 8 hours of
your day picking
apples granny I don't want to pick
apples today do I look like I give a
[ __ ] everyone in our family are named
after apples it's our destiny to pick
apples look at me I'm 108 years old and
I wasted my entire godamn life
are you going to eat that
[Music]
[ __ ] can I have some I'm hungry as a
goddamn
[Music]
horse hi Applejack I was thinking it's
been a long time since we've had a
girl's day out want to head down to the
field by the river and eat the overgrown
grass and dirt what makes you think I
would want to hang out with you after
what happened yesterday what happened
yesterday oh yeah my book was burned
well you won't have to feel sorry for me
I have a lot of books and that one
didn't even belong to me Twilight do you
ever stop to think about how much of an
impact you leave on ponies despite
saying so little words no why would I I
only speak the facts and no no I'm
talking sorry you haven't been a good
friend recently to me or to any of us
you think because you made a friend
group of six May since coming to
Ponyville you are the beacon of
friendship but I think you need to take
a real step back and reconsider who you
are and what you really want in life
because right now you are close to
having a relapse of being a total
friendless
[ __ ] Applejack darling I have have
nothing to do today because my clothing
shop is about to go bankrupt because no
pony is buying my garbage clothes so I
was going to go into the market today
and stand near the entrance so ponies
have to look at me when they enter the
market so I can feel validated and seen
do you want to come stand with me no no
Rarity Apple Jack is coming to eat grass
and dirt with me and I would love to
take you up on the awful Rarity let's
call it a girl day out um Rarity I just
remembered Apple Jack has to pick apples
today it's a work day so she actually I
suppose I can take a break every now and
then because I've recently learned
there's more to life than Apples right
Rarity
[Music]
I'm leaving the
hotel after with
you I think I finally see the
[Music]
truth a familiar
feeling stops me in my
track I know your love is going to leave
me cold but I keep coming back
I feel like something dark is taking
over me but honestly I think it's what I
need you are
my life feel like something dark is
taking over
me honestly I think it's what I need
[Music]
try it again I've been trying for the
last two days it must be out of gas
maybe we should go to the dollar store
and buy a new lighter or we can go home
and I can take a massive power nap and
then eat a Hot Pocket and then take a
[ __ ] remember this wasn't supposed to be
on record anyway so let's just not do it
okay where did Rarity go who's Rarity
never mind