sweetheart happy birthday saurin rber
and I still haven't fully woken up yet
it's only 5: a.m. and I've been waiting
for you to wake up since midnight
oh about that I was going to put that on
the cake but then I figured that it
might bother
you today is fine it's not every day you
turn the big five besides you've made me
feel the most young I've felt in Forever
over these past couple months oh I've
got you a gift
babe what the [ __ ] is this we talked
about it last month remember about the
idea of you role-playing as my cousin
Big Mac to try and help me work through
some of my trauma I know we were just
joking at the time and maybe I took
those words too seriously but sorry this
whole thing is kind of awkward I spent a
lot of bits on it and I didn't just want
to throw it away now that I think about
it it feels more like a gift for me
doesn't it don't worry there's more
birthday goodies I plan on giving you
later today and maybe we braburn
maybe this would
work just as long as you never try to
make me [ __ ] you in the ass while
wearing it haha oh yeah no I would never
do that
[Music]
oh yeah we broke
up if I hadn't pushed my burdens onto
you maybe I could have helped you with
some of
yours is so cool our breakup didn't face
him at
all Big Mac will be tending to the
fields today which means I'll be all
alone again until
[Music]
tomorrow I can't believe share not
anymore sugar Cube Corner Pinkie Pie
speaking pinky I'm going to need you to
drop off some more ice
cream I told you last time I'm cutting
you off brayburn you already order 17
pints you're not
[Music]
helping I'm
resigning are you [ __ ] [ __ ] me
you've been no contact for the past 3
months and the first thing you do upon
coming back here is to leave the
Wonderbolts you think you have the right
there's nothing left for me here there
was never anything for me I can't keep
going out there and Performing like
everything is fine when I'm dying inside
this is all because of that mud Pony
isn't it what's his name braburn I was
afraid something like this was going to
happen when I saw you playing footsies
with him under the table at Fluttershy's
hot pot party last
month don't say his
name I would get out of here if I were
you I have a gun and you wouldn't want
to know where I hide it I was on my way
out anyway you'll never see me again
don't let the door hit your ass [ __ ] I
I didn't mean I'm sorry I shouldn't have
called you that that was uncalled for
sain you know more than a Wonderbolt
you're my friend I'm just I'm homophobic
as [ __ ] you know that I hate all gay
ponies it's nothing personal I mean it's
fine I'm used to being called that by
now you think I don't hear what the rest
of the Wonderbolts say about about me
behind my back but still as Captain
thank you for keeping my sexuality a
secret from the fans as much as you
could I know they would have never
accepted
me and since you've been nice to me I'll
give you some advice don't go to
Ponyville tomorrow
[Music]
what a little
[Music]
[ __ ] oh I mistake I thought this was
garbage just like the act of
homosexuality itself in the eyes of our
loving and just ruler Princess Celestia
Granny Smith our Apple Bloom and Apple
Jack awake we all wake up at 5:00 a.m.
on the dot to pick apples it is
currently 5:02 what do you think will
you please gather the females and join
me in the
kitchen so what's the big reveal don't
tell me you got a May pregnant I've
never seen you with a May in my whole
entire life well there's a good reason
for why you've never seen me with a
mayor Granny Smith it took me a lot of
courage to say this but are those chips
sour cream and onion
damn you really suck that hoof good sis
I needed to get the Pringles dust off no
no I get it it's just funny because what
I have to discuss this morning also has
to do with sucking specifically me and
what I want to do with stallions and
their
penises elaborate Applejack Granny Smith
I'm
gay granny how the [ __ ] does this
surprise you he's been [ __ ] cousin
Ron in the barn for 13 years I've known
this about myself ever since I've been a
cult and with the Apple family's
permission I would like to pursue things
Beyond just after hours but sex in the
barn like the possibility of marrying
another stallion or cuddling up with
another stallan to watch music videos
together while we both were cute
matching socks how how the [ __ ] did we
fail you you are large and strong the
perfect male specimen of the horse
species after 27 generations of
meticulous selective inbreeding
just imagine if no not if when you and
Apple Jack have a cult of your own
wouldn't you like that Apple Jack I
can't be dealing with this right now
sugar cube I've been dealing with this
my whole life please understand there
are more important matters to attend to
here like how Twilight is hosting a
sloppy Joel party this evening which I
need to get ready to go to Apple Bloom
listen I'm still your brother I'm still
the same old Big Mac you know know and
love the only thing that changed is that
I'm going to be less secretive about
things going forward so sometimes you'll
be hearing the sounds of sloppy wet
stallion Six coming from my room for
most hours of the day go
away come on Bloom I'll drop you off at
the preschool you don't tell the others
[ __ ] do you understand our family has
already committed enough sin today to
feel a whole entire [ __ ] bucket fine I'm
going back back to bed all by myself I
see now I'll never have a stallion to
cuddle up next to and call my own
because of this goddamn family Big Mac
you know that I accept you do you [ __ ]
of course I do and also I hope you're
not considering getting back together
with cousin
brayburn that's none of your business
you've got to stop confusing him you
came out to Granny Smith this morning to
set a boundary of respect between
yourself and the rest of the family
didn't you braan set his own boundary B
leaving the family to be with the Wonder
bold [ __ ] sain don't force him back
into our issues to make yourself
comfortable brbr and saurin broke up you
know cousin bran and I love each other I
[ __ ] his ass and sometimes I even let
him [ __ ] mine I know you and him have
always had something maybe it was love
at one point but it was never healthy if
if I can change we can make it work I
can give him enough love to make up for
all the times he and I fought in the
past gron doesn't need love he needs
help and maybe it's not the kind of help
you can provide in another world it
could have worked out but you gave each
other so much traa in this one that it
will take a lifetime just to heal take
Apple Bloom to school I'll bring back
some sloy Joe's for you and even if
there are any left after the
party cousin Big Mac want to come listen
to music together I could really use the
distraction I need to go back to rest
before work oh oh yeah okay never mind
I'll just be right here if you need
anything
[Music]
is this the sloppy joe makes you need
Twilight yeah that's the good [ __ ] throw
it in the cart wait is it marked down
yes okay put it in don't want to spend
more than I have to you know right right
we get it there she goes being a cheap
piece of poop again Apple Jack tonight's
sloppy joe party is going to be a banger
I don't know so far it's hardly any
different than every other one of our
sloppy joe parties wow look at that you
crazy retos $6 godamn I didn't know
that's kind of expensive will you stop
complaining about the prices in the
store for 5 seconds well we're in the
middle of an inflation it's all you talk
about anymore hey rainbow did you know
it costs nothing to shut the [ __ ] up
that is a nice [ __ ] K of sloppy meat
though that would surely make this night
something special should we get it let's
pull out our bits and see how much we
got did you just call me a [ __ ] no I
said [ __ ]
as in our type of currency you mean our
lady bits
no are you [ __ ] serious I'm not
paying up if you're not doing any of the
lifting I'm using the rest to buy my
multicolored bottles of hair dye I spent
what little money I had this week on a
new hat that's [ __ ] your hat looks
the same no it does not I wonder what I
should have for dinner I still have that
leftover vegan meatloaf in the fridge I
wonder if it's still good oh God that
vegan meatloaf has been making me gassy
all morning and now I got a fart I'd
better do it discreetly damn it she's
making that face again whenever she does
that she's about to blast a fat
one what was that I think it's an
earthquake come on let's Gallop to the
front of the
store hey Apple Jack do you ever just
like find yourself staring at Twilight's
thick ass
cheeks I'm checking out now hey Twilight
did you remember to pick up buns trust
me Rainbow Dash I never leave the house
without my
buns but seriously maybe you should run
and get some I don't actually know if I
have enough at home for all of us okay
BRB hey Applejack do you notice that
whenever Rainbow Dash walks by we're
just like hit with a cloud of Axe Body
Spray that's not very nice
Twilight are you girls talking about me
behind my back what no why because I
heard you talking about Axe Body Spray
girl we would never do that you're our
friend sourdough bread gross I found
that in the clearance section but if
you're going to be like that I'll go
find some normal bread yeah do that why
is she like that Apple Jack I think she
got that because I told her one time
that sour dough is my favorite that's
really gross I read once that it's super
unhealthy well I guess that's why she's
so fat and why you're putting on some
pounds too a couple more slices of those
and she'll never be able to lift herself
off the ground again that [ __ ] fatty
be careful you don't end up like her I'm
going up to the cash
register Big Mac always comes back from
the fields nice and sweaty bet you can't
wait for tonight been a long time since
you and that tall glass of cherry cool
Aid let off some steam
together rurn you long for a stable
relationship and we both know only
saurin can give that to you get it
stable because we're horses call him up
it's been a few couple weeks since he
beat your ass don't you think it's
time saurin is twice your age half the
time you want to [ __ ] he can't even get
it up what about that makes for a stable
relationship you're a [ __ ] who needs a
good [ __ ] at least three times a day
and you know it you and me we're in our
sexual
prime you're an abusive partner you're
an abusive partner now
too sain is pretty up there in age maybe
he's just having a midlife crisis that's
right I'm sure saurin didn't beat me up
for any personal reason but I have been
suffering from [ __ ] withdrawal and it
would feel [ __ ] awesome to let Big
Mac destroy my insights hell yeah
[ __ ] cousin Big Mac what is
it before you go out to work while your
sisters are still out of the house do
you maybe want
to I was actually about to head into the
market today do you want to come with me
can we call it a date we can call it
whatever you
want do you want to hold Hooves until we
get to the market I thought you don't
like being seen holding Hooves with a
stting I'm trying to be a bit more
courageous when it comes to that
stuff guess this means you're
sorry you standing at my
door I guess this means you take back
all you said
before I like how much you
wanted anyone but
me said you never come back but here you
are
again cuz we
belong today
now yeah forever you night is here
somehow yeah you got to be for
me and
honestly My Life Would
Suck
Without
You maybe I was
stupid for telling you goodbye
maybe I was wrong for trying to pick a
fight well I know that I've got issues
but you're pretty messed up
too either way I find out I'm nothing
without
you cuz we
belong
together yeah forever you know
here
somehow yeah you got to P the
me
andly my life was up
with
you being with you is so dysfunction
no I really shouldn't miss you but I can
let you go
[Music]
oh you needy little
pony
[Applause]
Bel forever you not it here for oh yeah
you got to
be
me and I to see My Life Would
Suck
Without You
yeah are you hungry I have a Lunchable
we can share I already ate half of it
last night because I'm a naughty little
food Gremlin but you can have the
rest weren't you the [ __ ] who asked if
this could be a date what stallion
invites another stallion on a date and
doesn't bring enough food to satisfy him
are you [ __ ] [ __ ] I also brought
warm apple slices if you want those why
are they warm I'm not wearing anything
with pockets so I had to carry them
between my balls and my
thigh I'm sorry you're just lucky you're
a good piece of meat I'm a man I need
substance I can't survive off of diced
fruit that tastes like your ball sweat
and half a Lunchable I need a full
Lunchable the kind that comes with a
Capri Sun and maybe an
Oreo stop if I can't eat it then you
can't either you don't want it I said
stop [ __ ] they taste like my ball
sack I shouldn't hit you as much as I do
it's okay it's not okay it is half the
time I'm sexually into it anyway I mean
not right now I'm not but sometimes I am
that doesn't matter eat your lunchable I
don't want it now it's all covered in
Grass hey I love you I love you
too what do you think we'll be doing 10
years from now it's hard to say what do
you think I would like for us to be
married for starters and you'll be
living with me on my farm so you won't
have to travel between Ponyville and
appal anymore oh yeah if that's what you
want I'm not asking if you'd be fine
with what I want whatever you want is
fine you always say that because it's
true
Brer why do you love me that's because
all of my firsts belong to you of course
and did you give them to me because you
really loved me or because I was the
only option you had for the longest time
of course I loved you I want to believe
everything we feel for each other now is
mutual like it was back then but lately
it feels like you're just giving into my
desires to find some sense of something
familiar that's not true I'm also in it
for some good [ __ ] incestuous
stallion sex see braburn I'm scared that
what we have is more about sex and
comfort than love I'm saying it's not
like that cousin Big Mac I still feel
the same about you now since the day we
learned we both like stallions when we
were Colts you couldn't have that
conversation with anyone else and
neither could I we shared something no
one else could understand then why when
I look in your eyes does it seem like
you're not really here with me you're
thinking about that Wonderbolt [ __ ]
you only came back to me because I make
you feel safe you think I'm just with
you out of habit after everything I
don't want to just be treated as your
safety blanket anymore and I don't want
to continue this routine where we vent
our frustrations through sex and punches
for the rest of our lives and it'll keep
happening unless we're both being honest
I'm finally being honest with you so be
honest with me I want to be with you you
forever but if you want to be with
saurin then say it and I'll let you go
dumb [ __ ] tell me and I'll take you to
him and we can talk to him together I am
being honest I haven't thought about
saurin in weeks Big
Mac I'm not being honest at all but how
do I tell him what I want when I don't
even know what I want
yet the first time I met braon was
during a family reunion my sisters and I
went with our mom and dad to visit our
extended family in
Appaloosa he was there waiting for us at
the train station with his parents and I
remember him having the biggest smile we
were told that it was because there
weren't any other kids for him to hang
around within their small settlement
town when his dad hit him I said nothing
because I figured that was normal in
those their part or else I will hit you
as well it's a [ __ ] baby so we can
make even on our way back to his parents
Homestead where we were staying even
when he walked behind the rest of us
crying his eyes out just so you know
[ __ ] didn't say anything beans when we
get home I didn't pay him any attention
at first because he was closer to my
sister's age I thought he would only
want to talk to her I tried to ignore
him I thought he wouldn't even consider
trying to talk to me he really wanted to
but I counted that by sticking around
with the adults but when the evening
came we found ourselves left alone in
the living room of his small house he
was excited to finally have me alone and
so I gave in and started a conversation
he said something that if he said to me
today I would think think he was
flirting but looking back on it he was
so young he probably thought it was a
simple compliment I don't even remember
exactly what it was but it made me so
mad that I swung at
it I repeated something my Granny Smith
said to me once something about how
stallions weren't supposed to say stuff
like that to other stallions after his
dad heard the commotion and came running
he sent braen upstairs to his room as
punishment and I didn't see him for the
rest of of our
state I should have never talked to
him the girls will be here any minute
I'm so excited I could urinate out of my
Twilight dear
hello sorry I'm fashionably late as
[Music]
always where is every pony oh they're
all in the bathroom together that's kind
of kinky so kinky in fact that I don't
believe it every pony knows Pinkie Pie
is quite peash shy be honest with me did
no pony else come wow this is really
[ __ ]
embarrassing here I'll take a picture of
this moment and post it to social media
to make them all feel bad about
themselves passive aggression is the
most powerful form of attack I can
[Music]
do have you tried calling them sweetie
patootie I don't like being the one to
call because it makes me look like a
needy [ __ ] we're all needy [ __ ] from
time to time that just comes with being
a
horse what do you want Twilight I'm
making
Flapjacks are you still coming to my
sloppy joe Party nah you told me 2 hours
ago you would you BL a lot can happen in
2 hours I'm a totally different Pony
from the one you knew back then rainbow
I bought a $6 K of sloppy joe mixed damn
maybe I would have shown up if you used
that money to buy the sour dough bread I
wanted instead try calling Fluttershy
hey Fluttershy are you still coming to
the sloppy joe party no why don't want
to Rarity what's wrong baby girl talk to
Rarity is there something wrong with me
I feel like lately I've been pushing
away every pony I care about no pony
wants to hang out with me anymore I
don't understand this feeling but I know
I hate it now listen here if there was
something wrong with you then that would
mean there's something wrong with me too
none of our friends ever want to hang
out with me
either oh my God we're the [ __ ]
losers of the group aren't we if I could
just talk to them in person I could ask
them all what I've done to make them
change their perception of me if only we
were throwing a better event than a
sloppy joe party to lure those good for
nothing [ __ ] [ __ ] here wait I know
I'll hold a garage sale if there is one
thing ponies gush about more than French
ship its garage sales you're a genius
that's the spirit My adorable purple
grape is it a garage cell sign are you
about to host a garage cell it didn't
start yet go home Derpy are you doing a
garage sell do you see anything outside
not yet there's your answer Rarity go
inside and bring out whatever garbage
you think I'll be fine with getting rid
of these Ponies are like sharks with
blood in the water when it comes to
garage
sales what the actual [ __ ] are you doing
with the Elements of Harmony you said to
bring out garbage and none of us wear
them anymore obviously I didn't mean you
know what whatever just put them over
there Twilight Sparkle I got word that
you're hosting a garage cell oh yeah are
those sodas really free yeah but only if
you buy something actually I'm taking
three right
now are the elements of harmony really
for sale I would like to buy them back
from you they're not really for sale
anything has a price for a wealthy as
[ __ ] horse Fitch like me how much do you
want for them I don't know how much are
they worth name a price baby girl like
50 bits I guess I'll give you seven bits
for the whole batch take it or leave it
that's one bit for each actually there's
only six of them I'll give you six bits
for the whole batch okay hold on do you
wear them that often not really ah so
they're not important to you I'll give
you four bits check it out girls if you
needed any more evidence that this
Twilight [ __ ] doesn't care about us
there she is pawning off The Elements of
Harmony I can sense in your heart that
you and your [ __ ] friends have
something to work through be brave but
vulnerable
Twilight I'm going to take the Elements
of Harmony back to my castle now and
then I will decide on whether or not I
want to pay you
what was that about Glitter fart I
didn't have a choice that was Princess
Celestia I wouldn't have just gave them
away to just any Pony there she goes
again blaming all her problems on
celester Rarity what are you doing with
Twilight she's a loser now I told you if
I ever saw you with her again I would
shoot you with a gun Rarity don't go to
their side Rarity let's go Twilight is
mean I still don't know what I did wrong
none of you told me Rarity I swear to
select mestia if you take another step
I'm going to hit
you ow OMG Rarity I I don't know what
happened why were you standing so close
to my fist you see that that right there
is what we have a problem with you can't
admit when you do something bad the
distance at which Rarity was standing
has nothing to do with why she was
punched in the [ __ ] face you still
haven't apologized for burning down my
cousin's apple or I didn't burn it down
pinky did I just held the lighter while
she Ed on it I only did that because I
wanted to feel useful you took advantage
of my retardedness and my inability to
say no you humiliated me at my own Hot
Pot Party by telling everyone I wasn't
Chinese but you're not Chinese when I
held my birthday bash at the local
skating rink you didn't even show up I
literally did yeah but you were 2
minutes late and you refused to let me
in the party because of it that is
correct and I sent you a pair of $60
headphones as a birthday present which
you still you've been using every day
since that is also true anyone else
let's get it all out pinky you ditched
me at my own sleepover so did Fluttershy
what about you Rarity what you got oh
you know I love you girl see all I did
was be kind of a [ __ ] I'm a little pony
it's what we do to be cute and endearing
Applejack your brother Big Mac is gay
none of your crying is going to change
that accept him and love him for who he
is or don't cuz the the rest of us don't
want to hear your whining in the group
chat Fluttershy you're not Chinese Dash
I've always supported you I suggested
that you to perform the sonic rain boom
in Cloudsdale because I knew you could
pull it off but then you're the one who
got so nervous and farted mid sonic rain
boom and blew everything up you left my
sleepover pinky you left your own
sleepover first to go downstairs to cry
under the table what else was I supposed
to do but go home the sleepover sucked
you're supposed to be the party pony but
instead you were the party pooper do
better but you know what I forgive you
all of you because that's what good
friends do are you trying to Gaslight us
maybe I am maybe I'm not who knows but
what I do know is none of you are
intelligent enough to figure out if I am
Twilight is correct being in my presence
sucks balls and yet she still made time
to go to unicorn con with me even after
she was burdened with the loss of her
OIC corn Powers she found the time and I
must admit I think because I lost my
Alicorn Powers a part of me thought I
needed to start over and prove that even
without power I was still the alpha of
the pack but I never had to do that
because even without Alicorn Powers I'm
better than all of you that's right
you're a bad [ __ ] bring it in
girls so who wants to check out the
garage cell
[Applause]
oh hey it's Apple Jack's brother word of
the garage sale must really be spreading
fast that's not Big Mac Rarity you're
wrong that is Big
Mac do you remember me Twilight oh my
Celestia Big Mac has been white this
entire time how cruel of Fate to have
forced you into my life Twilight Sparkle
we didn't know each other we weren't
friends you just showed up one day like
a nightmare I didn't ask for
to bring me to ruin what I did in appala
was under orders issued by Princess
Celestia I know destroy braver's Farm
tear down everything he' built it was
all just an order to you my life my
relationship that was just collateral
damage to you then wasn't it yeah but
then why go the step further that you
did you didn't just destroy his
livelihood you had to use me to hurt him
too to force me to do things to him that
can't be mended even with magic I'll
never again be the Pegasus that braburn
fell in love with all because of you
godamn that must be the smallest horn in
all of
Equestria wait a horn thingss you had
awakened dormant magical energy that
resides in all ponies that which allows
ponies to become Alicorns should certain
requirements be met should he ever learn
how to use that unicorn power once
dormant he could be a threat to all
ponies so Celestia was right really
accidentally created an an
oorn Twilight
blast holy [ __ ] Apple Jack your brother
can use magic that's not Big Mac Rarity
that's saurin and he wants revenge on
all of us this ain't on me darling I
didn't do [ __ ] girls attack girl power
[Music]
oh my god did you know some pony [ __ ]
go find a Band-Aid saurin please stop I
gave you the courage to love braburn
don't you remember how dare you say that
now after what you did you burned down
Bran's Farm Twilight made me do it you
didn't have to listen to her yes I did
she's close with Princess Celestia she
would have killed me if I disobeyed her
ped pupil you're godamn
right it doesn't matter now you may have
given me the push to be with the
stallion I love once but that all became
meaningless when you snuffed that love
of mine out I didn't want this I didn't
think it through because I'm [ __ ]
don't continue down this road just like
how your life will never work out
because you're [ __ ] don't call me
[ __ ] it was never going to work for
me either because I'm
homosexual we live in a society that
knocks Our Kind down the moment we try
to live true to ourselves and then no
matter how hard we try we'll spend our
whole lives just trying to get back up
maybe Society does knock us down and we
may spend our lives fighting for that
right to be ourselves but that fight is
worth it because every time we stand
back up we're proving that we're
unbreakable you gave me courage to saen
more than you know I wish I could be as
optimistic as
you sorry ever since Bor came back to
Ponyville he has been the same either
you and him can still mean
[Music]
things so far with our minds wi
open
[Music]
open
hey fall
same we all feel the
rain we can't change
everywhere we go we're looking for the
sun nowhere to
go why can't I be
you why are you only showing up here now
I'm here to rescue braburn from his
family this time for good with this
unicorn magic that's been awakened in
me stop laughing I didn't choose the
size a unicorn's horn correlates with
the size of their penis it's not the
size that matters it's it's not the size
that matters it's how you use it and how
do you intend to use that penis on me
big guy I mean horn no no yeah I know
what you meant sorry I didn't mean no I
confused you with the word play I would
never use my you know I know don't worry
about it have you ever thought about it
I wouldn't say that I
have have you ever thought about it well
no not really it wouldn't be the
strangest thing since we both dated the
same stallion well yeah I guess I
thought about it then but only in a
comparative sort of way yeah that makes
sense I've never thought about it though
okay you really never thought about it
once no my life is already over I accept
that I'll never truly be your cousin
braver's number one especially after
what I did to him back in Appaloosa but
I still love that cow pony with all my
horse heart that's why I had to wait
until you were separated from that
stallion I love because I don't want him
to see what I intend to do to you the
one he loves most of all I'm going to
[ __ ] kill you in the most brutal way
possible and then I'm going to fully
give into my horse nature and lap up all
your blood
[Music]
Big
Mac I'm sorry I'm not mad anymore you
should be I missed
you listen after you left I cleaned up
the farm and found a burnt Spellbook
Twilight Left Behind after that purple
[ __ ] beat my ass she used a spell to
take control of me and then that's why I
beat yours I wasn't strong enough to
resist it and maybe that's because I'm
not right for you hold on I'll be angry
at myself for the rest of my life for
letting that happen now I just want you
to be happy braburn even if it's not
with me you've always deserved the best
some stallion who can really protect you
don't I get a say in this I'm no
different from Big Mac the way I hurt
you Big Mac's been the one comforting
you since then I know you've been
letting Big Mac shove it into your fat
ass ass since we broke up I know he's
been clapping your [ __ ] ass
cheeks I hate him the cycle he put you
in where you're being used then abused I
hate your family I hate every pony you
surround yourself with so let me get rid
of them for you don't get out of here
braburn when you left me for saurin you
told me to never touch you again but
when you're craving to be [ __ ] you act
like those words never left your mouth
if you if you don't want me emotionally
braver then why do you still accept my
attachment to you why string me along to
the point that it became me chasing you
when it was always the other way around
[Music]
out of juice already your feelings for
him started out on a rocky Foundation to
begin with of wanting to save him from
me like you're some kind of White Knight
but mine and his problems are for us to
deal with go back to flying with your
little circus group called The
Wonderbolts and do what you're actually
good at because in the end there's
nothing of value you can give braon that
I can't you don't have to tell me all
this I already know if you did you
wouldn't have come here I started flying
for the Wonderbolts because when I'm in
the sky I can shut my mind off and not
have to think about all my problems I
can just perform for all those ponies
cheering my name from the crowds and
before I knew it my whole life had flown
by me I had become a middle-aged loner
with zero life experiences in the
categories I want them most of all when
I look at you two I see what I could
have done the experiences I could have
had when I was younger and it makes me
Beyond jealous Big Mac is right what do
I have to offer you braburn love any
stallion can give you that physical
intimacy we've already been down that
road it's getting harder by the day or
should I say softer money go ahead have
it all a lot of good it will do me after
I have a heart attack at 60 I don't
deserve to be your stallion but how can
I let you be with Big Mac either when I
see how he hurts you I don't want you to
grow up to be my age and realize too
late that your life has been completely
wasted on him if you don't want me to be
with you want my cousin then who do I
have I don't know some pony any Pony who
isn't me or Big Mac any other stallion
will treat you better but I don't just
want any stallion I want you you're the
one I want
[Music]
saurin even if Twilight hadn't taken
control of you it was all going to fall
apart because I wasn't treating you
fairly the whole whole time we were
together I was only thinking about what
I wanted and not what you needed I know
I messed up but I ain't looking to make
the same mistake twice I'd sure like to
give us another shot if you're willing
to try again you told me I never did
anything for you when you were all I
thought about I should have never said
that I tried getting you to open up
about your trauma with Big Mac and you
never did tell me any of it I was scared
it was humiliating for me you know I
would never judge you for that I know I
know I'm sorry that's why I really do
want to to try again for real this time
well I can't as long as there's the
chance of Big Mac getting in between us
again Bron wasn't even born yet when you
were the age he is now you've lived a
whole life he'll never be able to
understand you can tell him all about it
but he'll never have been a part of it
[Music]
Spitfire sent us to come find you
because she said your head be spiraling
or some [ __ ] we don't know what you've
been dealing with white boy but you're
coming home whether you like it or not
so prepare your ass
[Music]
are you okay Rainbow Dash every pony get
near
me let me in and risk ourselves [ __ ] no
why did you stop for them it's your
fault you were too late [ __ ] you in the
[ __ ] Fluttershy fly away put your
wings for use just once in your goddamn
life let's go Rainbow Dash we don't need
these mud ponies and stickhead anyway as
Pegasus have got to stick
together Spitfire over
here where are the rest of the
Wonderbolts where do you [ __ ] think
stick
[Music]
head
stop you change the way you
[Music]
are what the [ __ ] will it take me to be
rid of
[Music]
you there's no such place in Equestria
where a group of [ __ ] horses can lay
a hoof on the fastest Wonderbolt alive
[Music]
well then it's a good thing I haven't
been officially diagnosed as being
[ __ ]
[Music]
[Applause]
[Music]
yet skybind cataclysm
I've completely lost it I'm destroying
braver's home his family I'm hurting
ponies who aren't involved in any of
this I didn't mean for any of this to
happen I didn't choose to be an oorn I
just want to live my life without being
judged or made fun of I should have
never came back here I should have just
went back to the Wonderbolts but how can
I possibly go back to being a normal
Pony after I've done all this
did he just chain himself [ __ ] is
trying to suppress his own oy corn
Powers as though that were a possibility
what a godamn [ __ ]
[ __ ] Princess Celestia
[Music]
a what are you doing what does it look
like I'm doing I'm sealing him into a
big black ball that I'm going to toss
into the farthest reaches of space
you're sealing him away just like you
did to your own sister yeah that was
really fun she deserved it and so does
he I'll probably put him on a planet or
something I haven't decided which one
yet probably Pluto since that one is
really far you can't keep solving all
your problems by putting ponies on Big
Balls of rock out in space why not it
worked the past seven times but I don't
want any butts coming from you unless
it's you planting that cute little
purple butt of yours on my face to give
me a big whiff of whatever junk you're
carrying in that trunk you are trying to
vilify me Twilight but what I am doing
is just I have no choice since you
turned him into a [ __ ] up oy corn sain
cannot be fixed there is nothing more
dangerous to a society than a man who
has just turned 50 years old as he no
longer has anything left to lose so for
his sake and your own give up on this
one and we will move past this failure
of yours and begin a new day tomorrow
where you will microwave me a bunch of
Tino's Pizza Rolls Twilight
Blast how dare
you Princess Celestia today I go against
your orders to help a pony I have
wronged
[Music]
ah saurin grab my hoof the power you've
been bestowed with is something you
don't understand but you will eventually
I know what it's like I was an oorn once
too I'll help you get through this if
you just trust
me S and I was serious when I said you
have a chance at being happy I know
you're strong enough to make it work
with brayburn if I can believe in you
then you can believe in yourself too I
don't give a flying [ __ ] anymore if you
don't want to stay with the Wonderbolts
anymore and I may be homophobic as [ __ ]
but I'm not going to let you lay down
and die Braven will never forgive me if
if I just stood by as you went and left
him behind so I can't not after the
laugh I have seen you two building
together that's right so don't you dare
give look even if you and I will never
get along I don't want you leaving in a
way that would break him even more than
he already
[Music]
is go away leave me alone all of you
just listen for a second I don't want to
listen I said go away sain sain wait
hold on you've all made my life wor
I'll never again be the Pegasus that
braer fell in love with but maybe that's
fine if the trade-off is that I can't be
hurt
[Music]
again resent us if you want that's fine
but not to the point that you destroy
yourself you know deep down there's some
pony you don't want to leave behind so
if not for us let's move past this for
him
[Music]
is taking over
me honestly I think it's
I I'm I'm sorry Twilight I'm sorry sain
this all started with me we can't blame
you being scared of letting us in when
all we've done before is shut you out
but we want to be here for you now you
have to let us I never wanted to leave
the Wonderbolt Spitfire I was just
exhausted from hiding who I was for so
long and I just I just broke I should
have just told you all I was a cult
cuddler even if the fans could never
know I knew you and the rest of the
Wonderbolts would have accepted me of
course we would have we are a team what
kind of Captain would I be if I really
went and kicked you off the team for
simply liking to be brutally [ __ ] in
your [ __ ] [ __ ] until you can
hardly stand Pinkie Pie you gave me the
encouragement to try and find love and
braver because you saw in me the ability
to get out there and grab my chance at a
happy existence and I feel like I've
been hesitant up until now but I promise
you I won't let my anxiety hold me back
again I want to give this chance my all
so that I can be really truly
happy an Applejack I'm so sorry for
hurting braburn and your brother I swear
I never wanted to mess things up in your
family the way I have I love braer more
than anyone I don't want want your
family to hate me I want to show your
family that I can take care of him in
their place you don't need any other
Pony's approval sa all you need is
braburn braburn I I want to go back home
to our farm in
[Music]
Appaloosa
Pony My Little Pony My Little Pony we
have fun I know we
will an illusion spell you tricked me
got
you Big Mac don't we've already reached
an
understanding that was horrible even for
you it was Twilight's idea you're both
Twisted you're not going anywhere [ __ ]
boy it doesn't matter what you do to me
now we both Hur him even if neither of
us can have him I'm the one he wants we
both lost this isn't about winning or
losing for me even if he'll always be
thinking of you in the back of his mind
I'll still do whatever I can to take
care of him from now on I love him so
much
that mental image he loves of you in his
head I can deal with but the real you
needs to either go away or be broken
apart and if I'm not going to punch
braon anymore I'm going to need another
Pony to thrust my anger into
what do you remember the last thing I
said to you back in Appaloosa that if I
ever saw you again the wings would be
coming off
[Music]
is that a Wonder Bol hey that's zuren
what the [ __ ] happened to him I heard
he's been taking a break from the
Wonderbolts sain it's over you can stop
now rumors are true that he's a filthy
homosexual damn you mean I might have a
chance with that [ __ ] don't bother
[ __ ] like 50 years old or some [ __ ]
Shining Armor
[Music]
blast under orders of Princess Celestia
you are under arrest due to the
magnitude of the crime law number
7,236 which directly states that being
homosexual in a pony Society where such
acts are forbidden your life as a free
pony are over [ __ ] you have the right
to remain silent anything you say can
and will be used against you in the
court of princess
Celestia don't be a part of this please
please no what about Big Mac he's gay
too arrest
him no he just [ __ ] his cousin that's
different this is all your fault you
purple [ __ ] you caused this do not
speak to my subordinate like that [ __ ]
Oh I thought you likeed being penetrated
by long hard objects or is it not so fun
for you now because I am a female dirty
filthy homosexual py
[Applause]
[Laughter]
truly cult cuddlers are the most useless
in our society what makes you think that
in a species that is 96% female you have
the privilege to be
gay Princess Celestia if I may Ponyville
law number
19563 which you had written yourself
states that if a cold cuddler life has
brought any positive meaning to other
lives
his punishment may be lessened a
significant amount Twilight what are you
doing stop horsing around you wrote the
law Princess Celestia with your own
Hooves please abide by
[Music]
it while such vile criminals usually
deserve a punishment fitting of their
crimes that is to say death perhaps I
will make an exception just this once we
cannot ignore the glaring fact that
saurin is white which means he is not a
criminal as he has never shoplifted once
in his life unlike black ponies also
because he is a Wonderbolt who spent
much of his pathetic life performing
like a fool to make others happy or some
[ __ ] I will allow a punishment of his
own choosing he has three choices he can
choose life in prison death at the hands
of Rainbow Dash who is violently
homophobic or he can choose to be
banished from Ponyville only then if he
steps foot in Ponyville again will he be
put in front of the Ponyville fire ing
Squad but Princess Celestia being gay is
so egregious that it warrants only the
most cruel of punishments even if he is
banished from Ponyville there is no
telling if he'll just have gay sex with
a stallion in Cloudsdale or Canterlot he
is too dangerous to be left alive every
pony has gay Tendencies from time to
time we wouldn't be horses
otherwise re take my hoof why just do it
or else I'm going to punch you in your
face I've been pling on doing this
someplace more private but if it's
between that and in front of all of
Ponyville well then I'd rather all of
Equestria see how much you mean to me
cousin braver will you marry
[Music]
me this is gay incest oh God God no do
not do
this so does this mean the wedding is
basically just going to be a glorified
family reunion every pony look Apple
Bloom's brother is marrying their cousin
rurn don't please don't even if Big Mac
loves you enough to not hit you one day
he'll just hit you the next you know I'm
rich I I I can buy a bigger ring I I'll
take P enlargement pills I'll take you
to places you've never been to that life
we've only had a glimpse of together
back in Appaloosa it wasn't perfect but
we were getting there I want to make so
many more memories with you I want to
figure out our problems and fix them
together every day I loathe the fact
that we were born in two different times
in two different worlds I know you
weren't even born yet when I was the age
you are now but it's a barrier we can
get across together I would give
anything to try it all over again rurn
please life has been hard on the both of
us from the very beginning cousin braver
but we survived because we've always had
each other let's make tomorrow a new day
and leave everything behind us saing our
family and just be happy together
you and
[Music]
me we're getting
married this is gay
incest take him
away I'm not done oh yes you are rurn I
need you to know that even though it
wasn't as long as we may have liked you
made me the happiest stallion in all of
Equestria and I'll never forget that
feeling I want you to be your happiest
self too so wherever you go I'll be
rooting for you if this is what you
really want the jail house is that way
move your ass hey Wonderbolt don't drop
the soap or maybe that's what you're
hoping for because you're gay that's a
good one bro I know I added that last
bit because he's gay one part tea 1/4s
part milk with two teaspoons of sugar
the perfect ratio for tea for any Pony
before
bed yum Twilight may I have a word with
you sorry no I've had a long day well
too bad because I am already in your bed
Princess Celestia are you drunk because
of the happenings as of late the ponies
of Equestria are starting to realize how
shitty of a ruler I am I fear that a
Revolt is imminent if we do not act fast
can you not touch my face I can do what
I want your hair is so soft yeah it is
what kind of conditioner do you use it
smells so good I use stallions two in
one body shampoo most M shampoos are
rather floral or fruity and they don't
appeal to me while stallion's shampoo is
usually more woodsy and musky which I
prefer H I like that tell me more [ __ ]
I don't know anything else about shampoo
okay I need you to give a speech in my
Steed to qu the anger off the masses I
don't want to do that do you value your
life sometimes then you will do
[Music]
it I'm worried what if they start
throwing Tomatoes at me in today's
economy no chance a tomato costs like
$7 wow this wood is so soft God she is
so autistic how much more is it going to
take until Mom and Dad realizes she she
should get tested before she completely
loses
herself greetings Ponyville I am
Princess Celestia's Apprentice Twilight
Sparkle what's wrong I told you they
were going to throw tomatoes at me I was
so sure they would hold back a little
bit since we're in the middle of an
inflation they must really hate
Celestia Twilight let me go out there in
your place every pony loves good old
Pinkie Pie they wouldn't dare waste
produce on me just go sit over there and
relax on your round squishy butt cheeks
girly pop today when I woke up I told
myself Pinkie Pie you deserve to go to
the store and eat a dut with chocolate
sprinkles so I decided to do that that
was around 4: in the morning and when I
got to the store I realized they were
closed because most stores in Ponyville
don't open until around 700 so I sat
outside the store and waited for about
an hour hour before I realized I had to
[ __ ] I went back home and [ __ ] in my
bathroom before going back to wait out
in front of the store after waiting
around for say another hour I realized I
wasn't really in the mood for a donut
anymore Pinkie Pie you are always so
random and cooky with what you say you
and your zingers that's our Pinkie Pie
what is she talking about maybe she's
building up to something so that's when
I told myself Pinkie Pie you don't have
to get a donut anymore it's 6:30 the
store doesn't open until 700 just
[ __ ] go home and go back to bed
Pinkie Pie step away from the podium
what no it's mine that Podium belongs to
neither of us it belongs to the state
well who pays the taxes you always brag
about how you don't careful the IRS will
get you Pinkie Pie leave fine but I'm
taking the podium with me
you're lucky it's nailed to the
floor wait wait wait I could stand up
here and tell you all how great of a
ruler Princess Celestia has been but I
think we all know that would be a lie
after the events that have transpired
recently in Ponyville so instead I want
to remind you all what it really means
to be a pony why any Pony is capable of
making mistakes but also how we are all
capable of fixing our mistakes the truth
is no pony is perfect not me not you not
even Princess
Celestia Twilight what the [ __ ] are you
doing I'm reminding them that while your
appearance is that of a god deep down
you are a pony just like the rest of us
it's how we are going to build mutual
respect I don't want mutual respect I
want them to fear me go back out there
and repeat what you just said but leave
my name out of your [ __ ] mouth
[Music]
what makes Ponyville no the world of
Equestria so special is that it is made
up of every [ __ ] kind of colorful
horse you can think of it doesn't matter
if you're an earth pony a
unicorn a
pegasus if you're black or white just
really [ __ ] gay a couple of [ __ ] up
babies a pony who is really bad at their
job or just like [ __ ] beyond
help we all have a place to call home
here we all have the right to love and
to be loved because we are
horses nothing is solved through
ostracizing those who we feel do not fit
in with our status quo it's even worse
when that ostracization turns to
violence fighting as ponies there is no
denying that we are sadly raised under
Celestia's Reign to do just that but we
mustn't only blame her all of us all of
you who don't speak out against laws and
regulations that hurt your neighbors are
the reason we are stuck in this shitty
world still stuck in the past Celestia
gains power every time we turn away a
pony who didn't fit in every time we
whisper behind their back when walls are
built to divide us we have ruined
Derpy's [ __ ] life she isn't even
[ __ ] she just has a physical
disability but that doesn't stop us from
calling her
[ __ ] woo
[Music]
[Applause]
well would you look at that every pony
we've got a fresh new white boy in the
jail damn is that SAR in the [ __ ]
Wonderbolt we're going to have one hell
of a time with him tonight s into that
[ __ ] ass
keep walking [ __ ] a bus has been
arranged up ahead to deport you back to
your own country you Pegasus are all the
same you just want to destroy our
country from the inside out excuse me
that's racist your wife was also born a
pegasus okay am I not allowed to be
racist to my own wife saurin don't talk
to me you've done enough will you accept
my apology for what I had done to you
and braburn your first mistake is
thinking I would listen to a female go
jump in a fire Grandpa you first female
[ __ ] female queer hey your roots are
showing you might want to run to the
nearest dollar store to pick up some
more of that cheap ass hair dye you
always use I would say get [ __ ] but
there's not going to be any Pony [ __ ]
you anytime soon since braburn dumped
your ass you're probably already worn
out after what goes down in the
Ponyville prison showers anyway am I
right oh believe me girl I have no
problem getting [ __ ] 17 times in one
day call your dad and invite him to this
spot right now so I can prove it sain
let's that wasn't a joke by the way
[ __ ] I'm single and ready to mingle
[ __ ] call your dad saurin call your dad
I'm not going to call my dad Shining
Armor call your dad you're not going to
[ __ ] our dad he's in a loving and
committed relationship with our mom at
least if I got [ __ ] by your dad I
would be getting [ __ ] by someone my
own age for once in my goddamn life no
I'm pretty sure our dad's still a couple
years younger than you sain let's just
stop we've H each other enough times
already when the [ __ ] did I ever hurt
you okay I said my piece so I'm going
home now Twilight wait please I don't
really want to [ __ ] your dad and I
didn't mean anything disrespectful by
calling you a female I'm not a sexist
today has just been the worst day ever
for me and I'm not really you know a
homophobe we both just have a bit chees
side to us it seems when you used that
illusion spell on me and made me see
braburn made me think he was there and
that he cared about me it felt so real
in some weird way I want to thank you
for that braver's image pulled me back
you reminded me why I fell for him in
the first place his kindness it should
have never turned into a game over me
and Big Mac fighting over him but that's
what I turned it into that is a big
thing to admit saurin with your magic
you let me feel what it was like to be
wanted by him again one last time so I
think I'll really be fine if braver
doesn't want to be with me what I want
most of all is for him to continue being
his kind usual self that I fell in love
with he deserves it whether that's with
me or even Big Mac if he was happy with
Big Mac before then I have to
acknowledge he will continue to be happy
with him in the future when I'm
gone so you're letting him
go I don't want to but I think someday
I'll get to a point where I can because
he showed that even an old stallion like
me is capable of being
loved that's enough for me to keep going
even without him by my side when I did
that illusion spell you said a lot to
Applejack and to Spitfire and Pinky I
will make sure they all hear what you
wanted to say to them please do that and
you said a lot to brain too but I think
that you should say it to his face while
you're still
here there
rer you don't really want to marry me do
you I'm sorry for embarrassing you in
front of all of
Ponyville of course you'd be too scared
to say
no from the beginning I kept you at arms
length no matter how many times you
tried to get close to me I pushed you
away I hurt you both inside and out
because I was ashamed of who I was I
hated seeing in you what I couldn't
accept in myself I confused you so much
one moment I'd pull you close like I
needed you and the next I'd push you
away with
disgust you never knew which version of
me you were going to get it made you
question yourself whether the problem
was you or
me and I let you carry that burden
because I was too scared to face the
truth I hurt you and kept you guessing
not because you didn't deserve love but
because I didn't believe I deserved it I
swear braon that the problem was never
you
when I look at you I see a pony who's
brave enough to be himself no matter
what our family thinks I took my own
shame out on you I hurt you because I
was jealous I could never be that way
but at the same time I couldn't let you
go the thought of you leaving terrified
me I was scared of being alone so when
you met saurin I realized there was a
way out for you out of our family it
hurt because I knew it meant you could
be happy and I would be left behind I
thought you were all I had so I tried to
make you feel the same way I tried to
make you believe I was all you had too
in the end I trapped us both in this
cycle of incest and abuse it's time for
you to go and I don't want you Galloping
back to me the next time things get
tough I want you to know even when I'm
far away and gone for good more than any
Pony you will always be the one I save
that last bit for saurin not me
I think if I had to choose between Big
Mac or saurin 10 times in a row I would
choose Big Mac every time but that's
only because he's all I've ever known
being with saurin is terrifying because
everything is
new I love Big Mac I love him more than
saurin but I definitely want to learn to
love sain more
[Music]
you came back I couldn't live with
myself if I didn't see you one last time
take me with
you but Big Mac he's the one who gave me
the push I needed I want to travel all
over Equestria I want to see the world
with you
so I love you let's spend the rest of
our lives together not just in Cloud
stale or pissa or pville but everywhere
let's grow old together Our Lives won't
be perfect but we'll be there to make
each other feel closer to whatever
Perfection is thank you for falling in
love with someone like
[Music]
me we can it all around end it's not
what you expected we will always be
connected I never was the type to stand
in the
limine always shunned and pushed
away but things are now it's you show me
how maybe I'm not what they
say so put your up in mine I'll take you
to the sky if you could trust in me just
one more time
so put your H in mine and look me in the
eyes I'm telling you we'll be all
right I know you think I've been
[Applause]
to fighting for somewhere
to we can turn it all around in the end
though it's not what you expected we
will always
[Music]
connected it's not that simple I know
I've done things wrong and yet you see
the best of me we're moving on but no
how bad
things I'll always be happy we
[Music]
I know think
[Applause]
to fighting for somewhere
to we can turn it all around in the end
though it's not what you expected we
will always be connected
[Music]
breber is saurin I knew you wouldn't
have answered if I used my own phone so
I took his is brbr with you now he's at
our hotel room eating a spinach
wrap I'm getting ready to perform in
caner lot with the Wonderbolts but I
have some extra time so I thought I'd
call did the family get braver's
letter there's been something I wanted
to say to you since the last time I saw
you I am sorry for coming for you the
way that I did I know this apology is
meaningless after coming after a long
time still and also thank you for giving
him to me rurn told me what happened
between you and him and how you put his
feelings above your own you and I both
just want the best for him and we both
know which between us makes up the
larger part of his heart you're free to
come visit us whenever you'd like
[Music]
we can't exactly visit you in Ponyville
because of my banishment but whenever
you're free I would love to have you
around to see him as long as it's under
my supervision of course because even
though you might be afraid it's not the
case anymore Big Mac you also make up a
large part of his heart that won't ever
change
[Music]