[Music]
forc to a three
horse to
B7
cheick that that can't be right horse to
C4 horse to C3 check horse to B four
horse to be5 check horse to B2 horse to
be3 horse to C4 horse to see3
[Music]
Checkmate maybe we should play a
different game I'm sorry I I get
competitive in these oneon-one games
with your cousin don't I it's fine
everything's fine how about I pull out
the game of life that always cools down
your balls when you're getting heated
like an apple fritter oh boy I love that
one can you give me a kiss before you
go congratulations are in order I'm
getting married put a spouse in the
passenger seat and collect
$200 I don't want to marry a pink one
give me a blue one two blue pieces can't
marry each other yes they can
my blue piece is a [ __ ] ass homosexual
like me I want to marry the blue piece
what if you draw a card that says you
have a fo two stallion can't make a fo
together then I'll throw away the card
and draw again that's against the rules
[ __ ] I don't care I don't want to
raise a fo now don't say that you never
know what the future will bring braver
stop you know I'm too old to bring a fo
into our lives besides I'd get jealous
if they took any of your attention away
from me
I told you not to walk around with
things on your back let me put that up
for you thanks go take your medication I
will I don't know what to get soar in
for heart's swarming day just present
your tight little [ __ ] and let him
[ __ ] you until you scream in both
Pleasure and Pain that's what you always
got me for heartwarming day when we were
together and it made me happy SE gets
tired quickly when we do that stuff it
wouldn't be much of a gift damn it's our
first Hearts swarming day together so I
want it to feel special but what do you
get a pony who can already afford
anything do you want me to go ask
[Music]
him can I ask you
something I'm urinating I don't mind
what do you want for heart's Waring day
for you to shut the door for starters
what else don't look at my balls if you
could have just one thing for heart's
warming day what would it be I don't
really know I guess if you could find a
way to get ponies to stop pointing their
cameras at me every time I leave the
house that would be good that's gotten
even more bothersome since your cousin
and I started dating
your wings are really soft thanks it's
it's because they're feathers I mean
wings I mean there are feathers on my
wings are those for your back my back my
knees everything else that hurts really
50s treating you rough how else am I
supposed to hold up against braver's
youthful energy I hope every pony loves
my seasoned pretzels there's no better
way to spread holiday cheer than one
salty twist at a time what are you doing
in here I don't remember leaving you
lying about maybe saurin accidentally
left it there while doing the laundry
cousin Big Mac may be out of the closet
now but you got to stay in there where
you
belong can you believe Bron and sain
invited us to Manhattan for heartwarming
day since sain came out as a [ __ ]
homosexual which is illegal in most of
the major countries of Equestria some
even enacting the death penalty against
it with an earth pony as his [ __ ] no
less none of his Wonderbolt friends want
to be seen with him anymore they're
practically in Social Exile I've never
been to a penthouse before do you think
it's going to be really high up we
hardly ever take trips away from
Ponyville let alone just you and me
doesn't this feel like a date sorry did
you say something I was busy scratching
the inside of my butt
[Music]
crack hi Rainbow Dash oh hi hi there
Derpy
what are you doing here you wacky little
[ __ ] I was doing my daily cloud service
in Ponyville to make it snow just in
time for tomorrow you were working on
hears swarming day Eve mandatory flight
Duty I'm the only one in all of
Ponyville who works on Hearts swarming
day the mayor says it's because my
[ __ ] up eyes are gross to look at and
she doesn't want me on the ground where
people can see better not to ruin others
holiday that makes sense while I was
working though I saw you getting on the
train to leave Ponyville with my left
eye so I followed you here you followed
us all the way from Ponyville to
Manhattan I get lonely on heart's
warming day I overheard what you girls
were talking about are we really going
to meet a Wonder bolts I hope it's not
the gay one we are but that we doesn't
involve you you punched my eyes back
into place don't worry I can fix that
pinky no bad mirr sit [ __ ]
stay we're going to the top floor take
us up derp this elevator music that's
not the top floor you should play
Lincoln that's not it either I said the
top floor Rainbow Dash are you listening
to dery let me help a [ __ ] no [ __ ]
way is she weaponizing her incompetence
just to get Rainbow Dash in bed with her
I should kill this [ __ ] Derpy size are
so metal I wonder if she can check both
sides of the road for on coming traffic
at the same
time there's nothing to be ashamed of
about the size you think so well there
is but the shape isn't the worst I've
seen and I've seen a
lot hey
saurin um do you maybe want to hear me
play some music for you with the $14,000
guitar you got for me not that I think
it'd be a good Hearts swarming gift or
something maybe later my little apple
fritter the others will be here soon oh
yeah
happy heart warming day every pony we
brought a couple of Pinky's famous sugar
cube Corner Fruit Cakes as a gift get it
fruit there's two of them because you
two are a couple of [ __ ] do you want
to try the seasoned pretzels I made I
was just about to take them out of the
oven what's that this is the Spellbook
Twilight once used to take control of my
mind to beat bra's ass oh I heard you
kept it we keep it to remember that no
matter what hardships come our way we'll
get through them together I'm sure
holding on to it won't come back to bite
you in the ass someday thanks for coming
it means a lot to braburn he's been
feeling down lately because normally he
would spend hearth's warming day with
his family but they've completely cut
him off since he started dating me well
you're not alone anymore [ __ ] Pinky and
Derpy are also social outcasts Derpy
can't even walk in public without ponies
shielding their kids eyes away luckily
for you [ __ ] I'm 20% cooler than the
rest of you so I can unite this rag tag
group of [ __ ] losers
where's Derpy who the hell
knows is there another way through pinky
did you put a block in the doorway
wasn't me it obviously was every pony
knows Derpy has
OCD the way we perceive the world and
the way Derpy perceives it is totally
different if you put something in front
of her walking path she'll fixate on the
object and perceive it as an obstacle
that she can't overcome it's okay Derpy
just come on through it's not okay it is
there's a block in front of me you can
overcome anything
Derpy I made an accomplishment we're so
proud of
you you dropped the [ __ ] pritzels
whoops ha sorry if you're sorry you
wouldn't have done it I I I can just
bake more no you ruined heart's swarming
day you're a loser and no pony loves you
obviously but you don't have to say it
lift your
ass sorry sorry it's okay you're getting
better get out of my 2 million a month
penous I didn't hit him but you were
about to you don't raise a hoof against
my cult friend so it's
okay braber and I love you and I want to
keep Big Mac in our lives because he's
family but he's got to learn
[Music]
every pony stopped fighting its heart's
swarming
[Music]
day this is a gated community you can't
be
[Music]
here what in blazes is going on next
door
it looks like gay family drama between
saurin and his Cowboy [ __ ] that's why I
don't do romance why doesn't saurin just
go shopping around in the sex trade like
the rest of us wealthy ponies I ran into
him in the hall the other day and
offered him a cult or two since you know
girl we have access to that stuff being
that one of us is a pedophile and he
threatened to call the police on me
turns out saurin is not a pedophile what
a wasteful existence
Big Mac don't go no pony deserves to be
alone on heart's Waring day shut up
[ __ ] I should have never come to visit
you two look after each other in your
fancy Tower or whatever I'm it's a
penthouse let's make like the piss in my
balls and piss off
[Music]
Derpy this just in we divert our daily
news coverage to this breaking story you
all know the Silver Fox of the
Wonderbolts saurin who has not only
recently come out as gay but is also
reportedly dating one of The Heirs of
the sweet appleacres Empire Granny Smith
any comments it's not true it's it is
all lies and slander there is not a
single homosexual within the Apple
family if there were we would send our
Apple assassins to kill them any
comments Mr bra bur apples sir we're
super in love [ __ ] saurin has
reportedly cheated on his [ __ ]
boyfriend with another member of the
Apple family where they were caught
having but sex in public view on
Christmas Eve did you see that the big
red one was so rough with how he mounted
the tiny elderly one I'm not elderly yes
it almost gets my balls tingling as a
stallion who's heading into my 60s I too
would want nothing more than a handsome
young buck that's half my age to have
full control over me against my will
let's watch the unedited clip again on
repeat
[Music]
we have contacted Granny Smith of sweet
appleacres again for comment well at
least he's the one on top we weren't
having but sex we were
fighting who wants to go get hot
chocolate you don't need to go through
this much trouble to hide your face I'm
so ashamed I can't be seen right now hey
saurin so like what kind of princess are
you what if you're an oorn that makes
you a princess of something you know
like Princess Cadence is the princess of
love what are you the princess of gay
sex oh I don't really think you can call
me an Alicorn anymore I gave up my
unicorn magic to regrow braver's Farm
back in Appaloosa you gave up ultimate
Godly Powers just like that that sounds
[ __ ] gay and I mean gay as in
[ __ ] and bad well you know dashy
ponies do crazy things for Love
sometimes oh I wouldn't get it then cuz
I've never been in
love surely there's been at least one
pony in your life you've caught feelings
for
nah Pinkie Pie you fat [ __ ] what's with
you today you just keep on running
aren't you going to go after her no
she's fat so she's not going to run very
far besides I've got this bag of
chocolate peanut butter Christmas bells
which I just have to shake and she'll
come right back like my [ __ ] dog
see Pinkie Pie can I talk to you for a
minute sorry I don't talk to Yellow
ponies oh okay no this is about
something important pinky go with him I
need to talk to Rainbow Dash alone too
okay but I'm only listening to you
because your white and white ponies can
usually be trusted way more than ponies
of Darker fur color like my good friend
Twilight Sparkle wow pinky that was just
like blatantly racist
Twilight Twilight
blast I asked Rainbow Dash to cut my
hair for my family's heartwarming day
party are you really going to make me
look as beautiful as Star song not even
close you ugly [ __ ] but we're going to
get as close as we
can you cut all my hair off no I didn't
half of it still on your head whatever
at least I don't leave things half
finished bet you regret running off to
Manhattan now h [ __ ] running off I
thought you came here to visit us
Rainbow Dash visit any Pony on
heartwarming day please she came to
Manhattan to hide like every pony does
when they want to get away I saw Derpy
flying out west and figured she was
following Dash so I followed her dashy
here was planning to camp in your
Penthouse until my hair grew back it's
the
police the police aren't really coming
are you okay okay fat boy you got 2
minutes what do you want to talk about
let's go over here pinky wait I'm giving
you a chocolate Bell for the road don't
shake your fat ass too much as you walk
otherwise it will fall off [ __ ] here's
the thing I just wanted to ask if you
could grab me some chocolate Christmas
Bells from Rainbow Dash saurin doesn't
let me eat chocolate with nuts because
I'm allergic to nuts but I really like
nuts and I'm willing to risk death
however I think sain is under the
assumption I want to help with your
Rainbow Dash problem so that's what I'll
do instead you mean you're going to help
me kill her no but she hits me and if we
killed her then she won't be able to hit
me anymore right I was thinking more
helping you in a romantic sense I'm sure
you would rather be kissed by her
instead of hit by her right I guess
that's a trade-off I don't know if it
would be a good or bad one yet though
because it hasn't happened yet though
but why help me don't forget me and
saurin are only together because of you
pinky if I can help you in any way I can
then I will it's obvious from the way
she looks at you that she likes you some
Ponies are just bad at expressing it
especially when they have an image to
uphold you don't think saurin was the
same way with me at
[Music]
first I'm going to help you solve your
pinky pie problem you mean you're going
to tell her to stop hitting me finally
some pony other than me has the balls to
tell that [ __ ] to cool it with the
knuckle sandwich witches she hits you
yep and it's really scary too she tells
others that I hit her to get them on her
side when I have never hit her once in
my life and then after she earns their
trust she hits them
also what the [ __ ] are you telling him
oh Pinkie Pie I I wasn't saying nothing
to nobody oh my God braer what happened
to your eye pinky says I'm not allowed
to tell you pinkamina Diane Pie you
Gallop to the store across the street
and buy a bag of frozen peas to put on
braver's ey right now no no pony can
tell me what to do on Pinkie Pie I'm
wacky and unpredictable sa and I want to
go home I don't want to help these
confused angry lesbians anymore die
[ __ ] my chocolate
Bells Oh My Celestia I didn't mean it
baby girl
we've got to save our earth pony
[ __ ] what is this damn you to help
Pinkie Pie she's done this before
whenever she's fed up with a pegasus
she'll rubber band
them Big Mac Big Mac
help well would you look at that Mr get
out of my 2 million a month penth house
needs my help it's braburn he's going to
drown
[Music]
stay in here until you two warm up and
we'll head back to the penthouse
what is this place I think it's the
local news
station I'll be right back Sky silver
I'm off to do what I do best produce an
incredible amount of poop in the toilet
down the
hall I need to talk to you oh [ __ ] look
who's gracing me Dazzle feather with his
presence Mr scandalous Wonderbolt
himself you ran a defamatory piece on me
Big Mac and I weren't [ __ ] we were
just having an argument that only looked
erotic because any Pony would look
submissive next to Big Mac because he's
like twice the size than the rest of us
for some reason you think we don't know
that we unfortunately saw Zero
penetration going on darling I am Dazzle
feather the queen of sensationalism
lying gets us the most views every good
news station lies yes were you dropped
on your head as a poopy baby I'm sorry
Sky silver what was that what have I
told you about speaking out of line old
man you're so right always right I know
I am the one who gets the views I am the
one who every pony turns on their TVs
for every Thursday at 700 p.m. on the
dot not because of you not because of
your cheap blue tie which you bought
from the Goodwill but because every pony
wants to see my massive tits my boobies
my milk jugs my balloon-shaped Mounds my
badonka d
I [ __ ] own you and you should be
gring at my Hoopes yes Mommy I mean
Mommy I mean Mommy I mean I mean mom
mommy I mean Dazzle feather forgive me
for breathing the same air in which you
breath Mommy I mean Dazzle feather
forgive me Mom I mean Dazzle feather do
not forgive me if I wanted forgiveness I
go to church and pray to Princess
Celestia which I don't do because the
only Pony worthy of worship here is me
as my butt cheeks are the size of
basketballs go to the store right now
Sky silver and buy me a diamond Rolex
and a bag of high quality coffee beans
and then bring them back here and shove
them up your own ass one by one as I
watch until the bag is all empty yes
Mommy I mean Mommy I mean Mommy I mean
Dazzle feather I will do it Mommy I mean
I I will Mommy I mean I will do a Dazzle
feather hey lying isn't cool and neither
is bullying an old [ __ ] Stallion and
yet here you are a walking ad for
retardation lick my shitty [ __ ]
rainbow trash look I get it you have a
job to do and ponies love a juicy story
but braer Big Mac and I have a messy and
complicated history that involves a [ __ ]
ton of gay and incest sex which we're
trying to leave in the past we're family
now this story could open up Old Wounds
I can't let that happen not to me not to
braburn and not to Big Mac a is this the
part where Dazzle feather is supposed to
cry because I didn't bring waterproof
mascara today please it would mean the
world to me a heartwarming Day miracle
even if you'd run a last minute story
setting the record straight say it was a
misunderstanding let me think about it
for a second no you
[ __ ] cheated on his [ __ ] boyfriend
with another member of the Apple family
where they were caught having but sex in
public I just wanted you to have a good
heartwarming day for us to have a good
one but everything's going wrong we've
been through so much already to know
that what others think of us doesn't
matter who cares how people will judge
us over a fake news
story what do you want for heart's
Waring day is that why Big Mac asked me
that in the bathroom did you put him up
to it there's nothing I want from you
braburn just you being here is enough
[Music]
[Laughter]
[Music]
let me alone with an orchard not my
own I know it didn't pH you when you
went back
home 17 times deep on that pillow I
cried now you can keep
performing but I'm dying inside I'm
scaring I'm
sorry I'm burning with
regret I can't believe how quickly you
forget hold me close till the end of the
night I'm tired of being all will here
please tell me it'll be all
right carry me away when I R you to the
C I don't know the words to say but I
love you learn to love you learn to love
you work's exciting wherever you fly
next I loved you even when it felt like
casual
sex the days go by and I feel like I
moved
on I lay awake in pieces till the break
of
dawn I don't want your
money I don't want
yourself I want to be the one you're
thinking
of hold me close till the end of the
night
I'm tired of being home will you please
tell me it'll be all
right car me away going I you to the
car I don't know the words to say but I
love to learn to love you learn to love
you what are you just standing around
for Grandpa go unplug the broadcast
before I plug my hoof up your broad
ass get the [ __ ] out of here get
out TOA and star song on the contrary I
just had a little chat with my music
agency and they may be interested in
signing that [ __ ] up for a record deal
and also they have formally requested
you do a roll back on your previous
report regarding him and his cult friend
so as not to taint His Image you [ __ ]
celebrities you have no say in what the
media can report I would disagree [ __ ]
just a minute ago I bought as many
stocks in the company as I could using
my Platinum Pony gold card so I in fact
do have a say in what goes on
here a single individual can only own
20% of our company the rest of our
investors would outweigh any control you
may try to take from us then what if we
each bought 20% of your company using
our Platinum Pony gold cards that would
mean we own the majority of your company
yes curse you celebrity ponies and your
sexiness and money it doesn't matter you
don't have time to find a suitable
replacement story The Iron Chef is going
to be broadcasted on this network in 10
minutes I got a story that's ready to be
[Music]
told evening Equestria it is of our own
Misfortune that we admit to making a
serious mistake in one of our recent
stories we wrongly reported that Wonder
bold saurin was unfaithful to his
boyfriend brayburn this was entirely
untrue what looked like a romantic
Encounter of steaming stallion sex was
in fact just a heated argument that went
too far we deeply regret the harm this
false report may have caused we offer
our sincerest apologies to saurin rver
and their loved ones and we fully
retract the story now on a lighter note
Twilight Sparkle is shaking up
ponyville's fashion scene with a daring
new trend half her man is shaved off
she's joining us live to tell all about
it I've been a bad Pegasus if I hadn't
flown away you all wouldn't have come
looking for me nck please what are you
saying the way I see it you're 20%
cooler than any nck here the way you
flew into freezing cold water to save
pinky tells me you even have what it
takes to make it as a Wonderbolt if you
really wanted to really
I'm better than both of you and you're
going to talk to the Wonderbolts about
making me their new captain well if you
say so I would be a [ __ ] [ __ ] to
turn down an offer like that Derpy I'm
so sorry for acting even more mentally
handicapped than usual today I feel like
most of the evening's events have been
[ __ ] up by me they were Let's Make a
Deal Pinkie Pie if you go and get me a
Big Mac from McDonald's then I won't go
to the cops and make a report for how
you physically assaulted me with
knives and dashy I just wanted to spend
Hearts swarming with you I wanted it to
be perfect when things don't go the way
I picture them in my head I don't know
how to deal with it you know I'm not mad
at you right you may be both [ __ ]
and on the autism spectrum but that
makes you unpredictable and totally
random and that's what makes me love you
at the end of the day you're my pinky
pie the cupcake to my eye than things
are [ __ ] crazy when I'm around you
you're so wacky and Z it's unbelievable
it makes all of my holes tremble with
excitement and makes me even piss myself
sometimes damn rainbow how much do I got
to pay you to get you to bottle up that
steaming rancid piss so I could use it
for one of my paintings you know I'm
running out of yellow it's already
soaked into the couch that's fine I just
have to suck it out with my plump lips
and then spit it into a
jar thanks for letting me back into your
house I promise I won't raise a hoof
against bran anymore I had to you saved
braver's life I shouldn't have thrown
you out on hearths swarming day Big Mac
I know you're trying to get better youi
and braver all have stuff we're working
on individually and I want to work on
you and me too not acting on jealousy
and guilt like we've been doing I want
to learn how to love you big mac since
we're family now I want you in my life I
don't have many others we'll figure it
out I made these popsicle ornaments at
the craft table in the park I will find
a spot for them on the tree so when's
dinner my belly is grooving for some
food in let me put my coat away and I'll
meet you all in the kitchen
[Music]
what is it
love it's nothing
okay Saar in your last present this one
is from Big Mac
yay it's
empty that's because my gift ain't
something you can hold it's my blessing
you're part of the Apple family now and
whenever my cousin's ready you're free
to marry him Big Mac that's all I ever
wanted from
you and because you're part of the Apple
family that means you get one extra gift
this heart's Waring day
yay I'm an
apple we about this like we're going to
win but are we just wasting time if I
could just got inside of your
mind if you would just let me in I know
that life has a
way of turning things upside down I've
seen you lost and the se you
[Music]
found today I locked myself
inside I just had to get away from it
all it's not that I wanted to
hide I just don't want you to see me
fall life has enough enough ups and
downs and we don't need to be like that
you know a long way s you
[Music]
back so TI my love
in a tight time
on time my
love in a
tight cuz you never
know when you're going to need it most
and you'll never
F just another
go you light up the past you light of
the past you light of the past with your
love you light of the past you light of
the past with your
[Music]
love this is been a really eventful
Hearts swarming day my back hurts oh
it's still not over yet my middle-aged
apple fritter it's
not I still have one more gift one that
I needed to wait to give you only after
the others have gone to bed if your back
pain makes you feel old now you're
really going to be feeling it after I
[ __ ] you so hard you won't even be able
to walk to the train station tomorrow to
see every pony off old man
[Music]
it's okay they said he will be out of
the hospital by new years's