Last Time on My Little
Pony Applejack you are hereby under
arrest for the suspicion of murder it's
her it's Granny Smith she's trying to
keep me in this town
forever your sweet little
Grandma horses really like apples more
than they like me oh my apples
Applejack darling do you have any
concept of knocking I could have been
naked this isn't the time for
jokes granny Smith's alive she's alive
and she is coming for you she wants
revenge for everything you did she can't
be I shot that [ __ ] Square in the head
and drained the life from her eyes oh
I'll tell you what you did you white
[ __ ] you forgot to double tap that ass
of hers when you blasted her with a
shotgun and now she's rallying the whole
damn Apple family to hunt us down like
game honestly if I had known this would
happen I'd have aimed for her ass that
thing doesn't have an ounce of fat at
all unlike mine anyway pack up and be
ready to leave in five Ponyville isn't
safe for us no more if you two are
planning a trip you can count me out of
it scoots and Apple Bloom are coming
over in 10 to smash a pizza with me now
sweetie don't be difficult we wouldn't
want you dying a most Grizzly death now
no sweetie B ought to stay here she will
be safer with Twilight and the others so
now you're giving orders to my sister
what's next telling me to lay down on
the couch with my ass raised High into
the air for you to gaze upon what
because I would no pony is asking you to
do that I wouldn't be happy about it but
I would reluctantly do it if you made me
do you want me to because I will haha
wouldn't it be funny if you also just
randomly shat in my face that would be
pretty funny oh adults are so
weird holy to bully that's quite a bit
of luggage you're dragging along their
neighbor is there a slumber party I was
n invited to sorry neighbor I can't be
seen mingling with you anymore since you
came out of the closet oh don't listen
to this catty [ __ ] TR Lee she's just
dragging me out of my Boutique forever
because her family has apparently
decided I'm a Target that needs to be
vanquished and by extension so is she
and you're just running away that's
ridiculous the two of you are being
hunted by the Apple family that's
hilarious it is not safe for us Little
Ponies to trust travel beyond the
Ponyville walls it's dangerous out there
in the Wilds you're safer here where
there are other ponies Twilight were
horses don't you too often think the
Wilds are where we belong well if you
must go the dazzling Drifter Trixie will
accompany you you'll appreciate having a
m used to life on the road you traveling
with us that's rich no way your ego will
fit in the train
car and you'll be coming with us why
books don't grow in the wild because you
my dear need to get get out of that
Library
more now I packed some cake for the trip
in case any of us get hungry but let's
not try to go through it all at once
okay I don't want us making any needless
stops dang [ __ ] you're going to put
sugar cube Corner out of business with
all that cake I can barely even hold
myself back oh well I suppose you can
have one little fight don't mind if I
do trick C stop it this is
obscene if the great and powerful Trixie
were in charge of this operation we'd
have been on the other side of the
country by now where are we even going
anyway can't tell you that Missy if I do
you'll let slip and Granny Smith will
turn us into
applesauce in other words you're
planning on Galloping around aimlessly
in hopes that your grand grand will get
bored genius really this is the worst
these seats are lumpy on my marshmallow
booty the lighting in here is atrocious
and I swear the air smells faintly of
hor
[ __ ] why are you running from an earth
pony who are you I am Flawless I've been
listening to your conversation you're
fleeing from a scile earth pony armed
with rudimentary Weaponry why not simply
eliminate her there are three unicorn
among you and you all appear to be
significantly more youthful than her
first of all [ __ ] don't sneak up on
the great and powerful Trixie like that
she pees easily when startled luckily I
don't have that problem I just
[ __ ] Twilight Sparkle why are you
fleeing when you could otherwise stay
and neutralize such an easy threat did
you consult with Trixie she would have
what what is this what did you put on my
face glasses you do that thing with your
eyes a lot I'm sorry to say you picked
that up from me those ought to help you
see better don't feel embarrassed about
wearing them I use them sometimes
myself the Magnificent Mar In The Mirror
Has No Such need for such things
Flawless eyesight is simply perfect
thank you very
much to answer your question this isn't
a simple problem you can solve with
Brute Force killing Granny Smith would
only escalate the
situation the Apple family would come
after us with even more ferocity
and you deal with them next one by one
if necessary that ainy how we do things
around here you cold harded weirdo
granny is family and I don't care how
mad she is she doesn't deserve to die
even if her death would ensure your
friend's safety I know this might be
hard for you to understand but killing
someone who's trying to kill you isn't
always the best option your reasoning is
flawed yeah well so is your name there's
nothing Flawless about being a [ __ ] and
budding into other ponies personal
business you are remarkably rude for a
pony in need of
assistance where did get
down Twilight BL Twilight BL Twilight BL
Twilight
BL Twilight friendship triple attack
Uncle apple strudel you used to sit me
upon your lap and read me stories of the
old days why how could you do this to me
Uncle apple strudel because you are a
traitor Applejack family always comes
first Rarity will die and you will share
the same fate as long as you continue to
protect her that is Granny's wish and no
Pony goes against granny well you can
take this m message back to Granny if
she wants a fat she will get one you can
tell her yourself I'm not your [ __ ]
Uncle wait shut the [ __ ]
up so appala are you sure it's not
dangerous here no more dangerous than
anywhere else sugar cube and where to
take that stupid head off what part of
land oh don't you understand excuse me
Applejack but this Ensemble strikes the
perfect balance between blending in with
The Rustic locals and maintaining a
touch of
sophistication if we don't move soon
we'll stand out for Real by getting
arrested for disturbing the peace with
Rarity's terrible taste in clothes
jealousy doesn't suit you dear perhaps
we should hurry along to find a hotel
room so you can cool off it's clear
you're simply overcome with
emotions I'm not mad oh darling you are
simply fuming we can all see it you know
I know you're lashing out because you're
frustrated why your straight cut bangs
are proof enough that you've tried to
stand out in your own way what's wrong
with my bangs oh nothing it's perfectly
suited for your face makes you a solid
four out of 10 what about that raggedy
old hat of yours a j it's Vantage yeah
stop trying to deflect from your bowl
cut
come Twilight your place is here next to
me of course we are hardcore lovers
after all try Twilight must you announce
it so boldly what's the issue it's an
accurate description for the current
status of our relationship well can you
not I don't want to hear about your
hardcore anything oh don't be jealous
Applejack maybe one day you'll find your
special some pony to feed you oats and
give snuggly wuggies but today is not
that day now go to bed looks like uh
we're sharing this one seems like it I
mean it's just sleeping but of course
not that big of a deal we are adults
after
all this is
cozy
mhm do you wear those cucumbers to bed
every
night Apple Jack quit moving not me
sounds like it's coming from Twilight
and trick is
dead can you believe them Jackie clearly
they're jumping up and down on the bed
like a pair of Phillies hyped up on
cider oh yet jumping on the bed they're
surely not
[ __ ] wait I mean they're probably
just letting off some steam after the
day we had stress relief in the dark
hardly appropriate at this hour wouldn't
you agree yeah lift that ass [ __ ] lift
it ass for mommy yes Mommy I've been a
bad little Philly a [ __ ] ravage me
Sparkle just [ __ ] break me destroy
the gay and smash a Trixie want to watch
some
TV oh hey look Twilight's brother is on
TV me queen Chrysalis an overgrown bug
with attitude this chamling queen claims
Shining Armor is the father of her
creepy little love sucking larva he
knows what he did he was all over me
like a fruit bed on cider Cadence you
better get a room ready because I'm
moving in but Shining Armor says
Chrysalis is a lying conniving
shape-shifting roach who needs to buzz
off get those [ __ ] cameras out of my
face
and Shining Armor's mother Twilight
velvet has had it up to here with
chrysalis's nonsense get those [ __ ]
cameras out of my face my son wouldn't
get with this glorified termite if you
paid
him I did not have sexual relations with
that
bug is shining armor really the father
or is chrysis just spinning another Web
of Lies find out right
now Shining Armor in the case of two
Monon old changeling drone number
13,420
you let's see what else is
on what ination there's someone in our
bathroom y'all wait here it could be my
Granny Smith trying to get the jump on
us to be quick darling some of us need
the
mirror oh qu howdy again oh for goodness
sake Flawless what are you doing in our
hotel bathroom and why did you fill it
with balloons this is an invasion of our
holy Sanctuary I can't help it it's a
party Wherever I Go are you telling me
you just spontaneously generate
balloons I didn't say that I don't owe
you an explanation Twilight Sparkle
anyway Granny Smith is outside she's
ready to face you I thought you'd like
to know and you thought the best way to
deliver this news was to break into our
bathroom and fill it with balloons
Flawless it [ __ ] stinks in here are
you even wiping your ass wiping is a
waste of time the balloons do most of
the work that doesn't even make any
sense come on you [ __ ] Granny Smith
ain't exactly known for being the
patient type is any Pony going to eat
the flour in this pot or can I have it
no no as in no pony wants it or no as in
don't eat it it's all yours deer eat up
coming through the great and powerful
Trixie has to drop a [ __ ] hey great you
girls already laid out the balloons I I
don't know where she is maybe she's at
the saloon don't give me none of that
maybe nonsense you wet turnup if you
don't tell me where she's hiding this
apple pie is going right in your [ __ ]
face that's enough gr gr he don't know
jack
[ __ ] well well well look who finally
decided to come out of hiding I'm sorry
Apple Jack she told me she would spare
your life if I spilled the beans about
where you were
hiding put that blasted thing down you
in breed [ __ ] do you know what Princess
Celestia will do if she finds out we
shot her little Twilight a dead
princess's Protege brings too much heat
one tiny serial killer ain't going to
hurt the farm nearly as much as losing
all our customers to the Wrath of the
sun excuse me Trixie is The Apprentice
of Princess Luna does that mean mean she
is safe to leave too who the [ __ ] is
Luna granny you're wasting your time
Jason after Rarity for Revenge when you
could be putting all this effort into
finding the real Apple ACR killer oh
Apple Jack bless your sweet little heart
I am looking for the real killer in fact
I already found her and she's standing
right next to you photo finish other
side Rarity really Granny Smith you're
accusing me of murder have you finally
lost whatever semblance of a mind you
had left you think you're so clever well
let's see you explain your way out of
this this blue handkerchief was found at
the scene of the crime would you mind
telling us how it got there how would I
know I haven't seen that piece of fabric
in my life lies I've been watching you
this whole time and now Rarity it's time
for you to get your Just
Desserts so what you think I'm the
killer because the murderer was wearing
something sold at my shop that's just
laughable Rarity no pony B your Shir
your boutique is a glorified storage
closet why did you do it looks like we
got ourselves a bit of a showdown only
one way to settle this with an
old-fashioned Western duel in your
dreams grand grand I would never do my
friends I don't think you have much of a
choice [ __ ]
now you only got one bullet in this
[ __ ] so you better make it count Trixie
I'm scared slay girl slay I got five
whole bits writing on you now go and
make Mama Proud Apple Jack you don't
think Rarity really killed all of your
customers do you I don't know but if any
Pony in our friend group has what it
takes to Snuff out a life it's Rarity
all right Rarity when the shadow
disappears Behind The Rock we draw High
Noon don't hold back on me
now draw your gun Rarity no what the
hell do you mean oh if you don't fight
back you're going to get shocked I'm not
going to shoot you Apple Jack sheesh is
this a duel or a bad soap opera Trixie
expected more blood Trixie not now fine
fine I admit it it was me I killed your
customers Jackie is that what you wanted
to hear but why I did it for you for
both of us I couldn't bear to see you
succeed so easily while I struggled to
keep my Boutique afloat you were making
so many bits so fast and and you were
going to to leave Ponyville Granny Smith
could see it I could see it too we all
could it's true she's been looking at
brochures for Las Pegasus shut up
Grandma and you thought murder was the
right call why didn't you just come and
talk to me I was embarrassed I don't
have any money Apple Jack none I thought
that if I slowed you down maybe I'd have
time to figure something out I didn't
want to lose you Applejack you're my
best
friend oh Twilight Trixie stay out of
this this is family business how dare
you I was being vulnerable you brute oh
you ain't seen brute yet sugar
cube you're a maniac and you're a red
neck a filthy tacky
redneck I give it 3 minutes before one
of them loses a tube 10 bits says it's
Apple Jack Trixie stop it
you were pulling your punches oh please
as if you weren't darling you were
practically slapping me well maybe you
needed a good slap
charming will you both just stop it
you're supposed to be friends thisiss
off sis we kind of busy sorting out a
murder confession here I don't [ __ ]
care you're both being stupid best
friends don't fight like this best
friends don't ruin each other's lives by
murdering their customers oh for
Celestia's sake I already said I was
sorry what more do you want me to do rod
in prison I do believe I suffered enough
rolling around with you in the mud this
beautiful white coat of mine is
irreplaceable hey girls where did Granny
Smith go she left with the rest of your
family apparently she figured you were
so mad that you would kill Rarity for
her so she didn't feel the need to stick
around that [ __ ] [ __ ] language Apple
Jack I will use whatever language I want
that old hag left me to do her clean up
again well I'm not going to good to know
so I take it we're not friends anymore
guess I ruined everything don't be
ridiculous we'll always be friends even
if you're the most frustrating over
romtic murderous pony ever oh Apple Jack
do you really mean
that oh thank you Applejack I swear I
won't make you regret
it this is the most unnerving friendship
moment I've ever been a part
of you there stop lurking like some
creep and get over here I don't do hugs
don't care you don't have the right to
not be a part of
this you're all lucky I'm here I'm the
only one currently elevating this
group's
aesthetic dear Princess Luna Trixie has
always known that friendship is Magic
but today she learned it is also
dangerous some ponies take it so
seriously that they're willing to end
lives over it and here Trixie thought
the worst thing about friendship was
remembering birthdays Trixie is now
reconsidering all of her friendships not
because she is afraid but because she is
concerned no Pony has ever offered to
commit a crime on her behalf is Trixie
not worthy of extreme acts of devotion
troubling thoughts indeed your faithful
student the great and questionably
valued
Trixie the
magic the Wonder Girl
that's yes
we our
heart we the
wonderful we
we fly from star to star over
Mountain here we are here the
wonderful
CL we find the star to star over
M here we are the magic
w