WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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E3 2017. An absolute perfect event.

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*sad piano music*

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Now normally, I don't care about E3. I've been let down too many times

00:00:17.700 --> 00:00:19.620
TOO many times,

00:00:19.620 --> 00:00:21.000
have I watched this shit

00:00:21.040 --> 00:00:23.620
and I get so hyped for a game

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an- and then it just kills it.

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Guy: I worry about

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like

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disappointing people

00:00:28.900 --> 00:00:29.400
ya' know.

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Did the game just crash?!

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The PS4 just completely crashed.

00:00:36.280 --> 00:00:37.460
Ehm..

00:00:37.960 --> 00:00:38.740
sort of

00:00:38.740 --> 00:00:39.820
Pewds: I found that..

00:00:39.820 --> 00:00:43.200
it's so much more satisfying to be pleasantly surprised by a game

00:00:43.420 --> 00:00:44.580
rather than just

00:00:45.180 --> 00:00:46.200
bitterly

00:00:46.540 --> 00:00:47.220
disappointed.

00:00:47.500 --> 00:00:48.580
Hype is dangerous.

00:00:48.960 --> 00:00:50.300
Hype kills good games.

00:00:51.320 --> 00:00:52.940
If you see a cinematic trailer

00:00:52.940 --> 00:00:53.820
And you think

00:00:53.820 --> 00:00:55.556
"aw that game looks cool"

00:00:55.920 --> 00:00:56.700
you better run,

00:00:56.880 --> 00:00:57.880
run real fast.

00:00:58.240 --> 00:01:00.280
'Cause most likely the game will be shit.

00:01:05.960 --> 00:01:14.360
*sounds of various "wow"s and "woah"s*

00:01:14.780 --> 00:01:15.400
But now,

00:01:15.720 --> 00:01:19.000
I've learned to appreciate E3 for a different reason...

00:01:21.220 --> 00:01:22.820
The Cringe compilations.

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And god, thank you,

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thank you for this year, it was

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beautiful!

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*silence*

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And really gre-- [laughter].

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It was- it was spectacular,

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but it got better as time went on,

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who what?

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Aw, Jesse.

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God bless you. God bless you.

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Now don't get me wrong

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I think it's

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cool that EA brings in influencers to promote games,

00:01:57.580 --> 00:01:59.180
but isn't Jesse a prank channel?

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J- ,

00:02:00.320 --> 00:02:01.760
I don't know

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Whatever like,

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I don't care

00:02:03.980 --> 00:02:06.360
But at the same time, I could have been there

00:02:06.360 --> 00:02:07.360
actually you know what that's prob-

00:02:07.360 --> 00:02:08.920
n- never mind never mind, never mind

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Jesse: What up guys? 
Pewds: What is he looking at?

00:02:13.100 --> 00:02:14.780
Thank you for having me EA,

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if you guys don't know who I am,

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my name is Jesse Wellens.

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And I am a Youtube creator, so I am here... to...

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Why are we still here?

00:02:24.940 --> 00:02:26.200
Hahahaha!

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Ouahhhh *cringe*

00:02:28.240 --> 00:02:29.560
This is painful.

00:02:29.860 --> 00:02:30.700
This one is...

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SO hard to watch.

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I like Jesse, don't get me wrong.

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I understand the pressure

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and uh-

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Apparently the teleprompter fucked up but--

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Let's keep watching.
Jesse: --About Need for Speed

00:02:41.600 --> 00:02:42.460
uhm

00:02:42.480 --> 00:02:44.460
payback

00:02:44.460 --> 00:02:47.860
uh if you guys didn't know Need for Speed Payback...

00:02:47.960 --> 00:02:49.020
I'm bu-- umm..

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[Pewds is dying]

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You know what?

00:02:52.680 --> 00:02:54.580
I'm just gonna let this one play because I-I

00:02:54.580 --> 00:02:56.840
just remembered I had-I had a thing

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but I'll be right back just uh keep playing it

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Pewds: ITS FINE. Don't worry about it.
Jesse: Yeah it's a great game.

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Jesse: But- Aight, all set aside I'm a Youtube creator.

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Need for Speed Payback's coming out
Pewds: No no, that's just cool.

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I got my boy Marcus executive producer here,

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he is... (Jesse is mumbling too much)
Pewds: Is that his boy Marcus?!

00:03:11.780 --> 00:03:14.340
Pewds: Hell yeah!
Jesse: Thank you Ni-- for having me.

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Oh my God, I met Jesse

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he's a cool dude, like

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I'm the kind of guy that will fuck this up.

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I don't know what happened, Jesse

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Hey man, he-

00:03:24.340 --> 00:03:26.340
Hey- hey- hey man

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(slowmo) Hey man

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Why am I judging other people

00:03:31.790 --> 00:03:32.600
publicly?

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I-I forgot. What was Jessie again. I forgot.

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"I am a YouTube creator."

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Okay, okay. Wait. Where are you again?

00:03:39.540 --> 00:03:40.220
I forgot.

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"I am here"

00:03:41.300 --> 00:03:41.800
Oh okay.

00:03:42.440 --> 00:03:46.180
"But- Aight, all set aside I'm a Youtube creator."

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Oh that's right

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He was a youtu- I forgot, shit, okay, cool.

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Now of course after this conference

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Polygon with the first to

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Point out

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to attack!

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Influencers, as they do,

00:04:00.160 --> 00:04:01.420
they keep attacking

00:04:01.540 --> 00:04:03.940
Good people like myself

00:04:03.940 --> 00:04:06.000
with these wha- vwo- wha- vile/foul/vow?(wtf did he say?)

00:04:06.780 --> 00:04:08.280
disgusting claims.

00:04:08.280 --> 00:04:11.980
"Game companies can't ignore Youtube or the hope of reaching a broader audience

00:04:11.980 --> 00:04:18.909
but if you don't understand what the talent they're paying can and can't do well and plan accordingly it's going to be awkward."

00:04:18.910 --> 00:04:21.790
Well goddammit that actually makes sense Polygon. God dammit

00:04:22.660 --> 00:04:25.560
This doesn't set my narratiiiiiiiive!

00:04:26.260 --> 00:04:30.500
Damn, you Polygon! I was expecting you to write a bunch of shiiiit!

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They give influencers swag bags.

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DISGUSTING

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Why didn't I go to E3 I could have gotten a swag bag this is-

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god damn-

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I'm an influencer!

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I could have gotten one of those SWAG BAGS!

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*angry pewds*

00:04:43.280 --> 00:04:44.520
Makes me angry

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Video games is a wonderful thing

00:04:47.480 --> 00:04:52.660
Alright, let's get into some more beautiful moments. I try to collect some of my favorites

00:04:55.340 --> 00:05:00.700
He just disabled a moving truck with a grenade while jumping off a horse.

00:05:00.700 --> 00:05:02.800
*loud breath* Incredible.

00:05:02.880 --> 00:05:03.380
*loud breath*

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*louder breath*

00:05:05.320 --> 00:05:06.400
That's incredible.

00:05:06.620 --> 00:05:07.460
That is. Incredible.

00:05:08.320 --> 00:05:08.920
Incredible.

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I feel bad. I think that's the reason that compassion is an

00:05:14.860 --> 00:05:18.520
important element of a cringe. I hope you guys don't think I'm just judging all these people

00:05:19.020 --> 00:05:24.480
I'm- I feel for these people, I BLEED for these people because, I AM these people but ten times worse

00:05:25.100 --> 00:05:26.240
*loud breath* Incredible

00:05:26.480 --> 00:05:28.180
It hurts, really hurts to see this

00:05:28.260 --> 00:05:33.860
I just wish no one was socially awkward, and we could all just live our life normally but in reality

00:05:33.960 --> 00:05:35.540
interacting with other people...

00:05:35.740 --> 00:05:37.400
it's- it's too hARD

00:05:37.620 --> 00:05:39.620
I'm Janina Gavankar

00:05:39.880 --> 00:05:47.020
and I play Commander Iden Versio Leader of the Inferno squad in Star Wars Battlefront 2

00:05:47.580 --> 00:05:48.640
*sexy glare*

00:05:52.540 --> 00:05:53.940
I don't know what-- [Laughing]

00:05:55.640 --> 00:05:58.780
You make even just an awkward smile and

00:05:58.880 --> 00:06:01.260
The whole world will see that shi--

00:06:03.580 --> 00:06:05.960
There's so many ways to fuck up!

00:06:05.960 --> 00:06:09.360
Players like Sterling you saw in the video. How his hands are a little bit

00:06:09.500 --> 00:06:11.760
Guy in blue shirt: Sterling with the goooooal!

00:06:11.820 --> 00:06:15.540
This guy needs to go to jail. Someone needs to send this man to prison.

00:06:15.560 --> 00:06:16.260
m' sorry-

00:06:16.260 --> 00:06:21.060
"Players like Sterling you saw  in the video. How his hands are a little bit-"
"Sterling! Sterling with the gooooooooal!"

00:06:21.840 --> 00:06:22.680
"Oh yeah."

00:06:22.760 --> 00:06:23.960
But the guy in the middle

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I wonder what he's thinking about.

00:06:26.180 --> 00:06:30.260
This moment. I-I-It's the kind of moment where there's so much going on.

00:06:30.540 --> 00:06:34.820
You don't really know what to cringe about there's just so-- It's like a goodie bag of cringe.

00:06:34.840 --> 00:06:36.220
You don't know where to pick.

00:06:37.140 --> 00:06:38.460
"She said yes!"

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Can I get three "Oooh yeah's!" on three? One, two, three!

00:06:42.780 --> 00:06:45.220
Oooh yeah! Oooh wha! Oooh wha!--

00:06:45.220 --> 00:06:46.080
Like, do you cringe about...

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[Pewds tongue falls out of his mouth]

00:06:46.880 --> 00:06:47.380
the Ooh yeah's

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Do you cringe at this guy being way to in to it?

00:06:49.500 --> 00:06:51.620
Do you cringe at these two people trying to kiss

00:06:51.620 --> 00:06:53.200
but it's like what are you doing?

00:06:53.720 --> 00:06:54.880
~~~~ahhhhhhhhhhhh~~~

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And to talk about this unexpected encounter

00:06:59.760 --> 00:07:03.840
It is my great honor to welcome a very special guest

00:07:04.160 --> 00:07:07.060
someone I truly admire

00:07:07.860 --> 00:07:09.760
please

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OH SHIT!

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ITS MAH BOY! SHIGI!

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SHIIIIIGIIIII!

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Yeah!

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Ho-Hold-- Hold up, ho-hold up, hold up.

00:07:23.040 --> 00:07:24.880
Z- zoom in on that picture.

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Zoom in on that picture!

00:07:26.620 --> 00:07:27.500
Is that...

00:07:29.880 --> 00:07:31.800
Is that a rabbit Peach

00:07:31.800 --> 00:07:33.180
taking a selfie?

00:07:35.080 --> 00:07:36.020
Marzia?  
Marzia: Hey!

00:07:36.240 --> 00:07:37.400
I'm breaking up with you.
Marzia: WHAT

00:07:37.400 --> 00:07:39.520
That's right, I found someone else.

00:07:39.520 --> 00:07:40.880
Marzia: -scared shouting- NOU! NOU!

00:07:40.880 --> 00:07:46.340
Raving rabbit peach... selfie version.
Phone: You have reached a number that has been disconnected.

00:07:46.340 --> 00:07:49.820
I gotta say Beyond Good and Evil does look pretty fucking cool

00:07:51.340 --> 00:07:53.060
"Bon appetit-o!"

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"Hey yeah, baby!"

00:07:59.440 --> 00:08:03.200
But you know it's a cinematic trailer so remember remember what I told you

00:08:03.200 --> 00:08:06.400
I want... Every ******** cop

00:08:07.260 --> 00:08:09.840
in this ******** city

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After that ******** bastard!

00:08:15.080 --> 00:08:17.200
So welcome to System Three,

00:08:18.020 --> 00:08:21.480
our story takes place before the birth of Jade

00:08:22.120 --> 00:08:27.340
in a multi-ethnic multicultural human Society in a distant solar system

00:08:27.800 --> 00:08:29.580
A multhi-etnic...(Yeah that's what he said.)

00:08:29.680 --> 00:08:30.860
multicultural

00:08:30.860 --> 00:08:31.620
society...

00:08:31.620 --> 00:08:32.840
That's pretty cool.

00:08:40.300 --> 00:08:42.260
Hey, you racist piece of shit. How dare you?

00:08:42.260 --> 00:08:43.570
God I'm sorry about Edgar...

00:08:45.050 --> 00:08:46.740
Racist fucking dog.

00:08:46.740 --> 00:08:48.040
Hey, Uncharted 5 looks pretty cool.

00:08:48.260 --> 00:08:50.900
"What started out as a wild idea on paper

00:08:50.900 --> 00:08:53.040
has now turned into a groundbreaking,

00:08:53.040 --> 00:08:55.720
one of a kind game, called a way out"

00:08:56.420 --> 00:08:58.180
"Take a look"

00:08:58.720 --> 00:09:00.860
"What's your plan?"

00:09:00.860 --> 00:09:02.000
Uncharted 5!

00:09:02.000 --> 00:09:03.220
Man: "You have a problem?"
Woman: "Yeah I got a--"

00:09:03.220 --> 00:09:04.060
I love this

00:09:04.260 --> 00:09:04.980
Afro-girl!...

00:09:06.260 --> 00:09:07.060
Afro-girl!

00:09:09.040 --> 00:09:10.060
Afro-girl!

00:09:11.480 --> 00:09:13.560
Just who the fuck are you

00:09:13.560 --> 00:09:14.640
Pewds:Afro-girl!l

00:09:14.640 --> 00:09:15.700
Knife and drike?(Drike?)

00:09:15.700 --> 00:09:16.720
Pewds: Afro-girl everyone!

00:09:16.720 --> 00:09:18.100
Edgar: That's racist man!

00:09:18.680 --> 00:09:21.480
Shut the- Shut up. Shut your fucking mouth.

00:09:21.480 --> 00:09:24.603
Remember when Valve tried to make you pay for mods?

00:09:24.603 --> 00:09:25.460
Remember that?

00:09:26.460 --> 00:09:28.020
"Introducing Creation Club"

00:09:28.040 --> 00:09:29.920
Well I guess Bethesda forgot. (lul)

00:09:29.920 --> 00:09:31.920
(Announcer failing at yelling over the crowd)

00:09:32.240 --> 00:09:35.020
She was kind (of trapped?) but she used superior tactics

00:09:35.020 --> 00:09:36.580
to get herself out of there,

00:09:36.580 --> 00:09:39.360
she's gonna take the win. Let's move on to the next arena

00:09:39.360 --> 00:09:41.420
Here we're following Bloody (Marrow?),

00:09:41.420 --> 00:09:42.420
there's only two players lef-

00:09:43.340 --> 00:09:47.380
Are we gonna get (rararara) I was standing here awkwardly

00:09:48.100 --> 00:09:50.560
Hey, everyone at E3 I'm standing here

00:09:50.560 --> 00:09:52.620
awkwardly yelling for no reason,

00:09:52.620 --> 00:09:54.480
wearing a yellow t-shirt.

00:09:54.480 --> 00:09:57.120
This is gameplay, it's really exciting!

00:09:57.380 --> 00:09:59.860
I think atleast, I don't know!

00:10:00.080 --> 00:10:03.680
It wouldn't be E3 without unecessary dance segments

00:10:03.680 --> 00:10:10.420
HYUNA - Bubble Pop! (This song is 5 years old...)

00:10:10.500 --> 00:10:15.860
This is why I love video games. "Follow Jake on Twitter. It's @SolomonJake"

00:10:15.860 --> 00:10:19.340
"Follow him, say hello and tell him you're proud to be a follower."
Jake: "Yeah."

00:10:19.340 --> 00:10:20.780
Did he just fucking plug his Twitter?

00:10:21.480 --> 00:10:23.380
Holy shit. He got six followers.

00:10:23.660 --> 00:10:27.380
Man, I got to go to E3 next year and plug my Twitter. God dammit!

00:10:27.380 --> 00:10:30.940
"Looks like on Xbone One, Xbox One, X--"

00:10:32.140 --> 00:10:33.340
He said XBone!

00:10:33.340 --> 00:10:35.840
Xbone One, Xbox One--

00:10:35.840 --> 00:10:38.000
Xbone what? Why am I here?

00:10:38.260 --> 00:10:42.020
"So, Dan, you had an announcement last week for Far Cry 5, that went great."

00:10:42.540 --> 00:10:47.820
"One of the things I've noticed is that every time you go out on stage you look super calm."

00:10:47.820 --> 00:10:50.200
"Does it get easier year after year?"

00:10:50.200 --> 00:10:51.440
"No, not even a little bit..."

00:10:51.440 --> 00:10:52.580
"Not even a little."

00:10:53.080 --> 00:10:54.680
"I'm dying on the inside dude."

00:10:54.760 --> 00:10:56.520
"To rotee through reports, check it out."

00:10:56.860 --> 00:11:06.700
*awkward silence*

00:11:06.760 --> 00:11:07.920
(Unintelligable)

00:11:08.240 --> 00:11:09.260
(Muselk hears his name pronounced wrong and looks over like "Tf")

00:11:09.440 --> 00:11:11.600
We also have my boy Darkness AKA Dankness.

00:11:12.020 --> 00:11:13.800
'"He will be playing as well"

00:11:13.800 --> 00:11:15.020
"Sean is pretty cool right?"

00:11:15.020 --> 00:11:16.620
"and I am pretty cool, right?...."

00:11:16.760 --> 00:11:17.580
*kill me*

00:11:18.120 --> 00:11:19.500
Jesus, thanks Audience.

00:11:19.500 --> 00:11:20.800
(laughs)

00:11:20.860 --> 00:11:22.080
Aw man,

00:11:22.080 --> 00:11:23.080
I Iove E3.

00:11:23.100 --> 00:11:26.040
"1 Mil- One Million dollars."

00:11:27.240 --> 00:11:30.180
One million Do- where have I heard that before?

00:11:30.180 --> 00:11:33.890
"1 million troops, one million troops...:

00:11:35.660 --> 00:11:37.280
Wow

00:11:38.360 --> 00:11:40.660
All Jokes Aside, I think E3 is pretty cool

00:11:40.660 --> 00:11:43.340
It's always fun to see what the next game is gonna be

00:11:43.340 --> 00:11:45.820
I think the main reason that turns me off is the hype

00:11:45.960 --> 00:11:49.280
But also the way they look at you as a consumer

00:11:49.280 --> 00:11:51.340
it feels so off how they look at you.

00:11:52.080 --> 00:11:54.080
I think this shows pretty well

00:11:56.780 --> 00:12:04.100
"Made deadlier with every single match. We achieved."

00:12:06.860 --> 00:12:07.960
"We rise."

00:12:07.960 --> 00:12:09.580
We want to die.

00:12:09.580 --> 00:12:11.260
It reminds me of those gaming t-shirts

00:12:11.560 --> 00:12:20.360
That has some some fucking shit on them like video game doesn't make us violent lag does, warning game mode activated

00:12:20.360 --> 00:12:21.820
But that was one publisher

00:12:22.300 --> 00:12:27.160
that saw the light and saw through all the corporate cringy bullshit.

00:12:28.250 --> 00:12:29.099
Devolver.

00:12:29.100 --> 00:12:32.360
"Bruh! The servers are full of noobs!"

00:12:32.360 --> 00:12:38.080
"With the vulgar common created content!(I'm too deaf for this) It is you, the player, who is in control."

00:12:38.080 --> 00:12:45.420
"And it is available now! Already on every major forum, message board and live chat!"

00:12:45.420 --> 00:12:46.220
"Give!

00:12:46.220 --> 00:12:46.880
It!

00:12:46.880 --> 00:12:47.880
Up!

00:12:47.880 --> 00:12:49.820
Everybody!"

00:12:49.820 --> 00:12:56.080
"Ladies and gentlemen what we have shown you here today is only the beginning!"

00:12:56.120 --> 00:12:58.500
So there you have it E3 2017.

00:12:58.500 --> 00:12:59.680
What was your favorite bit?

00:12:59.680 --> 00:13:01.220
What games are you excited about?

00:13:01.220 --> 00:13:03.480
What games am I excited about?

00:13:03.480 --> 00:13:04.620
Pfft. I don't play games.

00:13:06.080 --> 00:13:07.960
Games are for nerds.

00:13:10.440 --> 00:13:10.940
Brofist. (I love you Pewds :>)