WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

00:00:00.030 --> 00:00:01.440
Listen up, you virgins.

00:00:01.440 --> 00:00:04.000
I bet you never had a real girlfriend.

00:00:04.000 --> 00:00:04.560
pfft..

00:00:05.728 --> 00:00:07.520
Pathetic, you losers.

00:00:07.520 --> 00:00:09.580
It's all about that Kanojo

00:00:09.580 --> 00:00:11.520
VR everybody

00:00:11.520 --> 00:00:14.860
I've been  wanting to play this game for a loooooong time.

00:00:14.860 --> 00:00:16.440
Oh, yeah

00:00:16.440 --> 00:00:18.900
This videos been brought to you by

00:00:20.440 --> 00:00:22.800
Don't tell Marzia productions.

00:00:23.320 --> 00:00:24.620
Alright, here we go.

00:00:24.620 --> 00:00:26.620
Time to meet my new wife (some japanese in the background)

00:00:28.320 --> 00:00:29.780
You're late!

00:00:30.800 --> 00:00:32.600
Come here, give me tea

00:00:34.680 --> 00:00:36.240
You're welcome.

00:00:36.960 --> 00:00:39.060
Wait, I'm supposed to sit there?

00:00:39.820 --> 00:00:44.060
Well, what if I can get my chair and sit in VR?

00:00:44.600 --> 00:00:47.200
This would be the perfect immersion

00:00:47.200 --> 00:00:49.500
that I've always wanted

00:00:49.500 --> 00:00:51.140
Oh, my god. Oh! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

00:00:51.620 --> 00:00:53.540
[VR birds in the bg]

00:00:53.540 --> 00:00:54.580
Sorry, what?

00:00:56.020 --> 00:00:57.400
Okay, she's gonna go.

00:00:57.400 --> 00:00:58.700
She's gonna go up.

00:01:00.040 --> 00:01:01.340
Don't worry, guys.

00:01:01.340 --> 00:01:04.240
I got a perfect way to solve this problem *shows what his 399 chair can do*

00:01:08.820 --> 00:01:10.240
Just a little closer--

00:01:10.240 --> 00:01:11.200
DAMMIT!

00:01:12.520 --> 00:01:14.720
HEYYYYYY

00:01:14.720 --> 00:01:15.220
*family friendly*

00:01:15.540 --> 00:01:17.240
Bring me, bring me back up.

00:01:17.240 --> 00:01:19.200
Bring me back up, okay?

00:01:20.180 --> 00:01:21.220
heheh ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

00:01:21.220 --> 00:01:21.920
*naughty giggles from senpai*

00:01:21.920 --> 00:01:22.540
*a bit naughtier than expected*

00:01:22.540 --> 00:01:23.260
*naughty-turns-evil giggle*

00:01:23.260 --> 00:01:24.280
*giggles censored from this point onwards*

00:01:24.280 --> 00:01:25.360
*regurgitating noise*

00:01:25.820 --> 00:01:26.840
OHHH

00:01:27.320 --> 00:01:28.400
AWRRRRGH

00:01:29.900 --> 00:01:31.440
(in japanese) chotto matte da-

00:01:31.440 --> 00:01:34.300
-- Chotto matte kudasaiiiiiii

00:01:34.300 --> 00:01:36.440
Tickle, tickle

00:01:36.440 --> 00:01:38.240
Ah, my cable, it's...

00:01:38.940 --> 00:01:40.440
GAWD DAMMIT

00:01:40.440 --> 00:01:41.440
You, doofus.

00:01:41.440 --> 00:01:43.915
You're good for nothing, useless whamen

00:01:43.920 --> 00:01:45.040
[not serious @ WSJ]

00:01:45.040 --> 00:01:46.200
Disappointed.

00:01:47.200 --> 00:01:48.220
Yeah, you broke it.

00:01:48.260 --> 00:01:49.480
You broke the book.

00:01:52.360 --> 00:01:54.780
Because you're a moron, that's why.

00:01:57.560 --> 00:01:59.760
Japan's capital is Kyoto???

00:01:59.760 --> 00:02:01.140
Are you actually reta--

00:02:01.140 --> 00:02:02.040
[family-friendly Felix]

00:02:02.040 --> 00:02:04.980
I see you looking at me with fear in your eyes. (nervous looks from the kanojo)

00:02:04.980 --> 00:02:06.100
I'm asking you,

00:02:06.100 --> 00:02:08.460
Is there something wrong with you?

00:02:08.460 --> 00:02:10.980
Is there something actually wrong with you?

00:02:10.980 --> 00:02:12.100
Hey, baby ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

00:02:12.100 --> 00:02:13.060
*girl moans sensually with some japanese telling to pls staph*

00:02:14.720 --> 00:02:16.560
We've been working hard, you know.

00:02:16.560 --> 00:02:17.740
*girl giggles delightfully*

00:02:19.940 --> 00:02:21.280
The Double Squeeze!!!

00:02:21.280 --> 00:02:21.780
"itai yo..."

00:02:22.600 --> 00:02:24.200
This is my chance to escape!

00:02:24.200 --> 00:02:26.160
Finally, I can get out of here! (did he escaped hmmM)

00:02:26.160 --> 00:02:27.900
Yes, I made it. I survived!

00:02:28.080 --> 00:02:28.660
(no u didn't)

00:02:28.840 --> 00:02:29.920
Damn it

00:02:30.300 --> 00:02:31.760
Wait, really?

00:02:31.760 --> 00:02:32.820
Really?

00:02:32.820 --> 00:02:34.220
Oh, she's sleeping.

00:02:34.220 --> 00:02:35.340
*girl moans softly*

00:02:35.700 --> 00:02:37.680
All right, perfect immersion, guys.

00:02:37.680 --> 00:02:39.960
Finally I can sleep with a whamen.

00:02:39.960 --> 00:02:41.000
Let me just..

00:02:41.220 --> 00:02:42.180
*trying to immerse himself*

00:02:42.180 --> 00:02:43.320
*sounds of pewds laying down on the floor*

00:02:43.320 --> 00:02:44.200
*where is 399 when you need it??*

00:02:44.480 --> 00:02:47.340
Ah, yes, the - *ended up laying under the bed xD* *hilarious laughter*

00:02:48.140 --> 00:02:49.700
Yes, this is where I -

00:02:49.700 --> 00:02:51.620
*wholesome laugh*

00:02:51.660 --> 00:02:53.560
This is just- *more laughter*

00:02:53.560 --> 00:02:54.220
*never saw pewds this happy*

00:02:54.220 --> 00:02:54.780
*You go, senpai*

00:02:54.780 --> 00:02:56.820
This is just like I sleep with Marzia

00:02:56.820 --> 00:02:57.520
*cutest skratta*

00:02:57.520 --> 00:02:59.060
*highly sensual sounds from the girl*

00:02:59.060 --> 00:03:00.560
*moans and groans*

00:03:00.560 --> 00:03:01.760
*bliss*

00:03:01.980 --> 00:03:05.100
YAAAARRRGGGHAAAH

00:03:06.360 --> 00:03:07.920
*girl purrs in happiness*

00:03:10.080 --> 00:03:11.640
*in voice only poods can do* Tickle, tickle!

00:03:11.640 --> 00:03:12.840
*girl purrs more*

00:03:12.840 --> 00:03:13.760
What is THIS? (hmmmmMMm)

00:03:13.760 --> 00:03:15.380
*shakes object*

00:03:15.380 --> 00:03:16.800
This is like, you get the

00:03:16.800 --> 00:03:18.940
you get the ju- like how does it?

00:03:18.940 --> 00:03:19.960
Oh, I see!

00:03:20.100 --> 00:03:21.080
(it is indeed for ankles)

00:03:21.540 --> 00:03:22.440
*some spy in action sound

00:03:23.000 --> 00:03:24.440
I found the target

00:03:24.820 --> 00:03:26.180
*kanojo is heard talking to herself

00:03:27.640 --> 00:03:29.680
This is PewDiePie to headquarter.

00:03:30.760 --> 00:03:32.100
I found the T H O T

00:03:32.160 --> 00:03:33.320
*climbs the dangerous tree branch without hesitating*

00:03:33.440 --> 00:03:34.380
*peeks*

00:03:34.920 --> 00:03:37.700
She seems to be completely delusional and lost.

00:03:37.700 --> 00:03:39.980
She must be a streamer

00:03:40.000 --> 00:03:40.940
*poods clicking buttons sounds

00:03:42.560 --> 00:03:43.820
I'm going in. Huh!

00:03:43.820 --> 00:03:44.840
*jumps without fear of dying or falling to that deep abyss

00:03:45.040 --> 00:03:45.540
beh

00:03:45.620 --> 00:03:46.120
bah

00:03:46.220 --> 00:03:46.720
bah

00:03:46.740 --> 00:03:48.080
*gets through the window easily with the help of his spy skills*

00:03:48.420 --> 00:03:49.180
AAAA

00:03:49.180 --> 00:03:50.060
*lands perfectly on the bed. No sweat, no blood, no struggles*

00:03:50.240 --> 00:03:51.780
What is she doing?!

00:03:52.840 --> 00:03:53.660
*in voice only poods can do* Stop it!

00:03:54.220 --> 00:03:55.560
Stop that right now!!

00:04:02.060 --> 00:04:03.560
*poods trynna punch the whamen*

00:04:03.580 --> 00:04:04.960
*girl gasps after sit-up*

00:04:05.460 --> 00:04:07.020
Good job, now sleep. *poods trynna suffocate whamen*

00:04:07.020 --> 00:04:09.380
Go to sleep, go to sleep.

00:04:09.380 --> 00:04:12.120
Oh, I'm not- I'm not looking

00:04:12.120 --> 00:04:13.580
I'm not LOOKING

00:04:14.380 --> 00:04:15.440
Fine.

00:04:15.440 --> 00:04:16.680
I'll look away.

00:04:16.740 --> 00:04:18.740
*whamen struggling, nice guy pewdiepie stares*

00:04:20.340 --> 00:04:22.160
Oh my god, you're completely useless.

00:04:22.160 --> 00:04:22.800
*whamen touches her own bobs*

00:04:25.580 --> 00:04:26.560
There you go.

00:04:27.940 --> 00:04:29.280
*laughs*

00:04:30.920 --> 00:04:31.660
*slams electric fan onto the whamen* *punch SFX*

00:04:31.680 --> 00:04:32.740
*laughs*

00:04:34.360 --> 00:04:35.260
Here's your kiss.

00:04:35.260 --> 00:04:36.260
*Nice guy pewdiepie slams electric fan again onto whamen again*

00:04:36.260 --> 00:04:36.940
Kanojo: whats wrong?

00:04:37.700 --> 00:04:39.880
What? nothing, nothing, nothing's wrong

00:04:40.400 --> 00:04:41.680
*girl moans again*

00:04:42.020 --> 00:04:45.680
*whamen runs into her bed with a "transferring a corpse to the coffin" position*

00:04:51.200 --> 00:04:52.420
Ha, Doki Doki!

00:04:53.480 --> 00:04:54.980
Aww, she loves me.

00:04:54.980 --> 00:04:56.760
I'm such a great person.

00:05:02.500 --> 00:05:04.500
Die. You should die.

00:05:11.280 --> 00:05:12.940
*whamen wanna hug mr. chair*

00:05:12.940 --> 00:05:13.520
Who she-

00:05:13.520 --> 00:05:15.060
Who are you talking to you?

00:05:15.740 --> 00:05:17.200
What do you want from me?

00:05:17.300 --> 00:05:18.740
*succing sounds*

00:05:18.740 --> 00:05:19.980
*ultimate hot kanojo emerges

00:05:20.360 --> 00:05:22.760
Oh. My. God.

00:05:22.980 --> 00:05:24.440
Oh, my god.

00:05:24.600 --> 00:05:25.340
*yeugh* (another way to say eew)

00:05:26.400 --> 00:05:27.660
Oh, my god. (poods is disgusted xD)

00:05:27.660 --> 00:05:29.720
I'm scared.

00:05:29.720 --> 00:05:31.780
I'm scared, I'm actually scared.

00:05:31.780 --> 00:05:33.920
Open the bottom drawer dressing

00:05:37.180 --> 00:05:39.740
Okay, what do I do with this?

00:05:40.180 --> 00:05:42.300
*eats Pocky with kanojo*

00:05:43.720 --> 00:05:44.880
There you go.

00:05:45.340 --> 00:05:47.340
*kanojo not satisfied*

00:05:50.880 --> 00:05:52.520
Are you satisfied?

00:05:54.500 --> 00:05:57.080
*kanojo panics*

00:05:57.340 --> 00:05:59.200
*nice guy pewdiepie stares at kanojo that is currently being threatened by the bug

00:05:59.920 --> 00:06:00.520
Don't worry.

00:06:00.520 --> 00:06:01.580
Don't worry, I'll squish it.

00:06:01.580 --> 00:06:02.820
I'll squish it, don't w--

00:06:02.820 --> 00:06:04.760
QUIET, I'm squishing it

00:06:05.620 --> 00:06:06.300
PAH
*misses the bug*

00:06:06.560 --> 00:06:07.380
PAH
*misses again*

00:06:10.140 --> 00:06:11.040
PAH

00:06:12.640 --> 00:06:14.000
*iloveass999999 eliminated the bug. rip bug*

00:06:16.480 --> 00:06:17.540
*iloveass999999 eliminated kanojo. victory royale

00:06:18.060 --> 00:06:19.460
*poods massages her a-, uh back i mean*

00:06:22.960 --> 00:06:24.040
*a horrifying screech of pleasure*

00:06:24.740 --> 00:06:25.680
*same screech again*

00:06:26.980 --> 00:06:27.920
Go on!

00:06:28.500 --> 00:06:30.420
GO! *heheheha*

00:06:30.560 --> 00:06:32.100
*laughs*

00:06:32.100 --> 00:06:32.780
*camera shutter sound*

00:06:33.060 --> 00:06:34.160
*shutter sound remix*

00:06:34.160 --> 00:06:36.100
I can make you feel pain.

00:06:36.100 --> 00:06:38.680
I can make you feel suffering.

00:06:38.680 --> 00:06:40.040
I can make you feel...

00:06:41.380 --> 00:06:43.460
...like you wish you were never born.

00:06:43.460 --> 00:06:44.800
Okay, look at me

00:06:46.580 --> 00:06:47.580
Look at me!

00:06:48.080 --> 00:06:49.480
kanojo: "bikkuri shita"

00:06:49.480 --> 00:06:52.220
Cool I'm really glad I started playing more video games.

00:06:52.220 --> 00:06:55.580
This is definitely what I was looking for.

00:06:57.220 --> 00:06:58.460
*nice guy pewdiepie suffocates kanojo with a pillow*

00:06:58.460 --> 00:06:59.760
Don't resist!

00:07:00.080 --> 00:07:02.080
*poods aiming his pencil, ready to attack any time*

00:07:04.220 --> 00:07:04.860
*pencil falls to kanojo's face with a 'boing'*

00:07:04.860 --> 00:07:06.280
*skrattar*

00:07:07.040 --> 00:07:08.380
One more 👏 👏

00:07:09.180 --> 00:07:10.180
One more 👏 👏

00:07:11.560 --> 00:07:13.000
Come on, you can do it.

00:07:14.260 --> 00:07:15.120
*zooms in to maid kanojo's bobs* *demonetized*

00:07:16.600 --> 00:07:17.100
*404 error*

00:07:21.940 --> 00:07:23.480
Wow, you're so tense.

00:07:28.780 --> 00:07:30.780
*nice guy pewdiepie slaps her hair*

00:07:33.880 --> 00:07:34.840
She crying?

00:07:38.000 --> 00:07:40.480
*deviant android pewdiepie stabs kanojo 28 times*

00:07:42.820 --> 00:07:44.620
Ha! Haha-hahah

00:07:45.060 --> 00:07:47.380
Aaah, you dummy dumb!

00:07:47.800 --> 00:07:49.240
OH MY GOD

00:07:49.240 --> 00:07:50.520
*poods slammin them bobs*

00:07:50.520 --> 00:07:52.060
That looks so bad

00:07:53.980 --> 00:07:56.720
You can't hold back your feelings?

00:07:58.540 --> 00:08:00.460
Okay, here I come.

00:08:00.900 --> 00:08:02.120
Just kidding.

00:08:02.400 --> 00:08:03.780
*pewds dabs perfectly like a real man*

00:08:04.160 --> 00:08:06.000
*audience keeps cheering*

00:08:06.000 --> 00:08:06.900
*cheering continues*

00:08:06.900 --> 00:08:07.680
*felix frozen in dab position*

00:08:12.680 --> 00:08:15.560
*kanojo in the 'transferring a corpse to the coffin position' again*

00:08:16.740 --> 00:08:20.620
*romantic music plays*

00:08:21.420 --> 00:08:25.100
*drone buzzing as girl appraches to kiss*

00:08:25.100 --> 00:08:28.780
Okay, that was kanojo VR. What a great game!

00:08:29.020 --> 00:08:30.320
Really good game.

00:08:30.700 --> 00:08:31.460
*senpai speechless*

00:08:32.060 --> 00:08:33.460
Leave a like if you

00:08:34.020 --> 00:08:35.580
*girl moans as felix licks his lips*

00:08:36.320 --> 00:08:38.840
Alright, let's give her a final kiss.

00:08:38.840 --> 00:08:40.900
There it comes.

00:08:40.900 --> 00:08:42.700
Are you ready?

00:08:42.700 --> 00:08:43.740
Here we come.

00:08:45.200 --> 00:08:47.420
BAAAA Begone t h o t

00:08:47.420 --> 00:08:47.960
*audience laugh track plays*

00:08:47.960 --> 00:08:48.800
NO!

00:08:50.120 --> 00:08:50.880
*applause and cheers*

00:08:51.080 --> 00:08:51.960
RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

00:08:51.960 --> 00:08:53.960
*A S S outro plays to hit the ten minute mark and get an extra ad because this game is extremely dangerous and can possibly demonetize the video*

00:09:17.980 --> 00:09:18.860
*the finale*

00:10:01.680 --> 00:10:02.880
*have a great day*

00:10:02.880 --> 00:10:04.500
*hurray chicken won*

00:10:04.500 --> 00:10:06.500
10:05