WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:00.620 --> 00:00:04.460 *Funky music* 00:00:05.200 --> 00:00:06.520 GOD DAMMIT- 00:00:06.520 --> 00:00:09.980 It's so fucking late again, and I haven't recorded a video today. 00:00:09.980 --> 00:00:11.920 Professional Youtuber Everyone. 00:00:11.920 --> 00:00:15.520 I've been doing Youtube for 6 years, I know I know how to make videos, 00:00:15.660 --> 00:00:17.020 shut the fuck up. 00:00:17.020 --> 00:00:18.560 How do I get outta here? 00:00:18.920 --> 00:00:20.060 Fuck this shit! 00:00:23.480 --> 00:00:24.620 OH. Oh My God. 00:00:25.460 --> 00:00:26.360 Oh my god. 00:00:26.560 --> 00:00:28.320 Oh, this is actu- I'm actually scared.. 00:00:30.300 --> 00:00:31.440 [ NOISE ] 00:00:34.180 --> 00:00:36.680 That was a joke, I'm still... I'm still here! 00:00:36.680 --> 00:00:38.100 "WHY ARE WE STILL HERE?" [ DISTURBED SOUND ] 00:00:38.100 --> 00:00:40.660 [ READS QUESTION HIGHLIGHTED IN BLUE ] 00:00:40.660 --> 00:00:43.580 A question that people seem to want an answer of, 00:00:43.580 --> 00:00:47.220 And I thought: "Who's better to answer that question... than me?" 00:00:47.220 --> 00:00:49.200 I, Poodiepie 00:00:49.500 --> 00:00:51.800 [ READS QUESTION HIGHLIGHTED IN RED ] 00:00:51.800 --> 00:00:55.960 I wake up and I realize, I'm Pewdiepie... and really I just want to go back to sleep. 00:00:55.960 --> 00:00:58.540 I mean yes, yes I LOVE Pewdiepie, he's my favorite! 00:00:58.540 --> 00:01:03.480 [ READS Skiourous 1997 OPINION ] 00:01:04.340 --> 00:01:08.100 How about I prefer a less shitty mustache, have you seen my mustache? 00:01:08.220 --> 00:01:09.040 Ten times bet- 00:01:09.040 --> 00:01:10.440 [ READS TEXT WITH BIG LETTERS ] 00:01:10.440 --> 00:01:12.760 Oh, oh. You need help with online dates? 00:01:12.760 --> 00:01:16.300 Yeah, that's what happens when you watch other channels and not Pewdiepie. 00:01:16.300 --> 00:01:18.780 *Reading* "She's 352 miles away..." 00:01:18.780 --> 00:01:20.880 WELL, GOOD LUCK WITH GETTING THAT PUSSY! 00:01:20.880 --> 00:01:22.780 NEXT TIME, YOU WATCH PEWDIEPIE! 00:01:22.980 --> 00:01:26.860 YOU WATCH FUCKING MY CHANNEL, AND YOU GET THAT, YOU GET THAT... 00:01:26.860 --> 00:01:29.900 *voice intensifies* fucking sweet... sweet pussy. 00:01:29.900 --> 00:01:35.300 And you won't be a little bitch, asking for relationship advice on YAHOO FUCKING ANSWERS 00:01:35.420 --> 00:01:38.980 THAT'S RIGHT. NEXT TIME, MAKE A BETTER. FUCKING. CHOICE. 00:01:38.980 --> 00:01:41.900 I MEAN, it's not like I FOUND MY GIRL ONLINE *Laughs of irony* 00:01:41.900 --> 00:01:46.580 You know what? Since I'm.. since I'm SO nice, I'm gonna help this guy out, 00:01:46.580 --> 00:01:48.580 even though he's not a fan of Pewdiepie -- 00:01:51.000 --> 00:01:51.860 Wait, what the fuck is this? 00:01:52.360 --> 00:02:01.020 *Reading* "No he suck now, he like a ... just play. Skate 1 point 2.. 3? ... GAAAAAAAAY! *laughs while yelling* 00:02:01.100 --> 00:02:02.880 Skate game it ... boring game ever." 00:02:04.300 --> 00:02:05.120 Dude, that really hurt. 00:02:05.120 --> 00:02:09.460 *Sad music* When you write these comments... there's another person on the other side of the screen. 00:02:10.120 --> 00:02:11.100 Who feel your suffering. 00:02:11.600 --> 00:02:13.980 "WHY'RE WE STILL HE- WHY'RE WE STILL HE- WHY'RE WE STILL HERE?" 00:02:14.240 --> 00:02:15.440 GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY! 00:02:15.440 --> 00:02:22.140 He also asked, "What is Media" question mark, question mark, question mark, question mark question mark? Media EVERYWHERE! 00:02:22.480 --> 00:02:27.700 *Reading* Hmmmmm I know it's just a hUUUhhHHSighhhuh and MMMMM .. some thing. 00:02:27.700 --> 00:02:30.800 Is this a person?? Does this person *laughing* 00:02:30.800 --> 00:02:36.280 I'm not -- I didn't set this up to make my haters look stupid, but Jesus fucking Christ... 00:02:36.280 --> 00:02:37.900 Can you be a little bit more illiterate? 00:02:37.900 --> 00:02:42.680 'Cause I'm pretty sure what you just said, could be said by slapping your dick on the keyboard. 00:02:42.680 --> 00:02:46.160 So I love when people... people actually fucking answered... 00:02:46.160 --> 00:02:48.480 *Reading* "One use is the main mass of communi-uni-cat-- 00:02:48.480 --> 00:02:50.220 Wait, what the fuck is this -- another one?? 00:02:50.220 --> 00:02:53.020 *Reading* "No, his videos are boring/lame". 00:02:53.020 --> 00:02:54.360 Who the fuck liked that? 00:02:54.360 --> 00:02:56.480 Who the FUCK liked that?? 00:02:56.700 --> 00:02:57.460 *Snorts up irony* 00:02:57.460 --> 00:02:59.500 *Reading calmly* Why is everyone so negative about Pewdiepie? 00:03:00.160 --> 00:03:04.160 "I don't understand why everyone Pewdi- *corrects self* Felix Kjellberg who is 25 years old." 00:03:04.160 --> 00:03:11.320 "Because he's a greedy, *intensifies* self-indulgent, misogynistic prick, with a fan base comprised mostly OF 10 YEAR OLDS." 00:03:11.540 --> 00:03:19.020 "If you like Pewdiepie, that doesn't immediately mean you're a moron, but most people can't even take ONE OPINION against the guy." 00:03:19.020 --> 00:03:21.680 That's the thing I - I see, I see in a... I see a lot of people do... 00:03:21.680 --> 00:03:23.580 What, Pewdiepie fucking sucks, 00:03:23.580 --> 00:03:24.720 AND THAT'S MY OPINION, 00:03:24.720 --> 00:03:26.060 AND IF YOU SAY ANYTHING ELSE, 00:03:26.060 --> 00:03:27.420 THEN FUCK YOU, IT'S MY OPINION!! 00:03:27.420 --> 00:03:28.900 Like, just 'cause you have an opinion, 00:03:29.160 --> 00:03:31.360 doesn't mean people can't disagree with you. 00:03:31.360 --> 00:03:34.220 It's like IT'S MY OPINION, SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!! 00:03:35.140 --> 00:03:36.420 *Laughs at his rant 00:03:37.180 --> 00:03:43.020 You can have whatever the fuck opinion you want, people can still argue against you, Mr. Gabriel Murr, 00:03:43.020 --> 00:03:45.420 which I will proceed to judge fully. 00:03:46.560 --> 00:03:48.560 *Reading* "What song is this, I swear to God!" 00:03:48.560 --> 00:03:51.820 Okay, so this is more of a rap dub...st- stepish kinda song? 00:03:51.820 --> 00:03:55.140 The lyrics literally are composed of someone saying something like.. 00:03:55.140 --> 00:03:57.880 Dum. Dum dumdum dum and over." 00:03:57.880 --> 00:03:59.900 Oh, are you describing yourself? 00:04:00.400 --> 00:04:03.940 Roasted. 00:04:03.940 --> 00:04:12.000 "I think if you were to play it on the piano it would be more like 'D, EF, G, F E C E D' around four times. 00:04:12.000 --> 00:04:15.280 Well, con-grat-tu-lations... You're... the fucking moron. 00:04:15.420 --> 00:04:21.820 *Playing a scale on a computer piano and singing "You're a f*cking moron" to it* 00:04:21.820 --> 00:04:23.100 *Laugh* I'm so salty. 00:04:23.640 --> 00:04:25.740 *Reading* "My 10 Year Old Sister is Watching Pewdiepie". 00:04:25.740 --> 00:04:28.320 "My sister, her best friends are sleeping over 00:04:28.320 --> 00:04:32.580 tonight. They are sat across from me on the laptop with earphones in. 00:04:32.580 --> 00:04:37.480 A minuet ago I heard my sister's friend say 'Have you seen the fist bump... 00:04:37.480 --> 00:04:42.600 It's got 3 fi-fingers on the top'. Then I heard the voice that sounded like Pewdiepie coming from the..." 00:04:42.600 --> 00:04:45.000 This sounds like a horror novel in- in a weird way. 00:04:45.000 --> 00:04:49.460 *Continued* "From the earphones. Because my sister is 10, I don't really think she should be watching him 00:04:49.460 --> 00:04:51.700 because of swearing and sex references." 00:04:51.700 --> 00:04:53.580 I don't... I don't make any sexual -- 00:04:53.580 --> 00:04:57.660 "I know my parents wouldn't agree! Should I tell them, leave it, thanks! 00:04:57.860 --> 00:04:58.660 I'm 14 btw." 00:04:58.780 --> 00:05:00.700 I like this answer by Chance. 00:05:00.700 --> 00:05:04.380 *Reading* "Oh shut up lad, don't be a sour puss and leave your sister and friend alone." 00:05:04.920 --> 00:05:06.060 GOT 'EM! 00:05:06.340 --> 00:05:07.120 *Laughing* 00:05:07.680 --> 00:05:11.280 That should just be the answer to everything, just don't be a sour puss. 00:05:11.940 --> 00:05:13.700 "How to - Pewdiepie hair?" 00:05:14.120 --> 00:05:15.340 You guys actually want ... 00:05:15.340 --> 00:05:17.840 Oh, I see, you like my hairstyle! 00:05:18.140 --> 00:05:21.080 Ohhh, before, before it was all like 00:05:21.080 --> 00:05:23.380 Ah, Pewdiepie's hair looks like a fucking bird, 00:05:23.380 --> 00:05:25.920 Aw, Pewdiepie's hair look like a pot head, 00:05:26.080 --> 00:05:27.240 Kazoo Kid... 00:05:27.240 --> 00:05:29.500 Oh now y-, now, now you like my hair? 00:05:30.080 --> 00:05:33.240 "Dont. Dot. Just. Don't." 00:05:35.300 --> 00:05:36.700 "Pewdiepie's mail address." 00:05:36.700 --> 00:05:40.840 "I'm a Bro and a Marzipan, I would like to send Felix and Marzia a letter. 00:05:42.160 --> 00:05:43.800 How 'bout that? There ya' gooo! 00:05:43.800 --> 00:05:48.440 I appreciate the comments... It's kinda weird ... that you would ask for my address... 00:05:49.780 --> 00:05:52.140 "Danisnotonfire or Pewdiepie?" 00:05:52.620 --> 00:05:56.120 Best answer: "Defin - naut - lee... def- def- 00:05:56.120 --> 00:05:57.560 Defin - at - a - lee?!" 00:05:57.560 --> 00:05:59.600 Oh I think you mean "DefiNITEly!" 00:05:59.600 --> 00:06:01.780 or "definitely Dan". 00:06:02.860 --> 00:06:03.700 Fucking moron. 00:06:05.000 --> 00:06:06.380 "He's super hardworking". 00:06:06.420 --> 00:06:08.080 OH I'm not hardworking enough? 00:06:08.460 --> 00:06:10.700 Hey, do you know how LATE IT IS? 00:06:11.640 --> 00:06:12.560 "and actually funny" 00:06:12.560 --> 00:06:13.860 OH I'M NOT FUNNY ENOUGH?? 00:06:13.860 --> 00:06:16.040 IS IT BECAUSE ALL I DO IS SCREAAM?! 00:06:16.040 --> 00:06:25.460 "In my opinion, Pewdiepie sucks. All he does is scream and make perverted jokes that emo 11 to 13 year old girls think are funny." 00:06:25.920 --> 00:06:26.860 *pig snOORttT* 00:06:26.860 --> 00:06:27.980 *pig voice* you f*cking b*tch! 00:06:27.980 --> 00:06:29.620 "Well, here's Pewdiepie in a nutshell:" 00:06:29.900 --> 00:06:31.100 Oh okay, alright. 00:06:31.100 --> 00:06:36.680 VIDEO- "Hoo jee, my 27 other Youtube channels haven't been making me enough Google Ad Sense money. 00:06:37.060 --> 00:06:37.760 DOh WHAT THE F*CK. 00:06:38.360 --> 00:06:40.100 Better start a gaming ('Gay Men') channel! 00:06:40.100 --> 00:06:41.480 brrRROOOOOOOOO 00:06:41.480 --> 00:06:42.200 HEH-HA --" 00:06:42.520 --> 00:06:44.480 Pewds- But I only have a gaming channel 00:06:44.620 --> 00:06:46.620 VIDEO- "HOW'S IT GOIN' BRAS?" 00:06:46.620 --> 00:06:47.120 *Inhale* 00:06:47.120 --> 00:06:50.600 It's me! LaaawsatHalocaust 00:06:50.680 --> 00:06:52.740 Welcome to the opening of my NEW gaming channel, 00:06:52.740 --> 00:06:57.460 uhh it's gonna be wacky and unique, I'm gonna play lots offff Indie games, 00:06:57.460 --> 00:07:00.740 that you guys have never seen before -- TIME TO PLAY HAPPY WHEELS! 00:07:00.740 --> 00:07:02.420 Badly impersonated kid- OH DADDY DON'T LET ME FALL! 00:07:02.420 --> 00:07:04.860 Badly impersonated Dad- Oh no son OOHHHHH *CRASH* 00:07:06.300 --> 00:07:07.500 *Pewds snickers* 00:07:09.380 --> 00:07:10.020 *Laughs* 00:07:12.680 --> 00:07:14.280 Yeah, I don't see.. I don't see the problem. 00:07:14.280 --> 00:07:15.060 Fuckin' awesome video. 00:07:15.060 --> 00:07:15.780 By the way. 00:07:15.780 --> 00:07:22.300 "How come Pewdiepie has 40 million subscribers when there is only 7 million people on the planet?" 00:07:24.080 --> 00:07:26.020 I like how someone actually explained it. 00:07:26.020 --> 00:07:27.580 "I think you go it wrong." 00:07:29.820 --> 00:07:35.600 I like this answer, "Pewdiepie is God and created aliens and made them subscribe to his channel or they will be terminated." 00:07:35.600 --> 00:07:36.100 Hah. 00:07:36.100 --> 00:07:40.180 "My friend wants to join my channel but he copies Pewdiepie." 00:07:40.180 --> 00:07:45.520 "Okay, I have a YouTube chan-nel, it doesn't have any videos yet... but I'm working on it." 00:07:46.260 --> 00:07:47.860 Slay. You're slaying. 00:07:47.860 --> 00:07:50.820 I also have a theme park, uhh, on the side, 00:07:50.820 --> 00:07:53.620 It doesn't have any roller coasters yet, but I'm workin' on it 00:07:53.640 --> 00:07:54.440 Uh, p-uh uh, 00:07:54.440 --> 00:07:59.680 I am ALSO the president of the United States, I'm not the president of the United States yet, I'm work -- BUT TRUST ME I'm working on it. 00:07:59.800 --> 00:08:01.320 Vote Pewdiepie, 2012. 00:08:01.320 --> 00:08:02.600 Ooh, this should be interesting. 00:08:02.600 --> 00:08:04.640 "How much does Pewdiepie make a year?" 00:08:05.140 --> 00:08:07.460 "He earns an obscene amount of money." 00:08:07.460 --> 00:08:12.000 "It really bothers me that someone just, who just sits behind a computer" -- Uh, heh 00:08:12.000 --> 00:08:12.940 Uh, uh 00:08:12.940 --> 00:08:14.600 Uh, uh uh uh uhum, 00:08:14.600 --> 00:08:15.960 *clicks tongue* What the f*ck? 00:08:15.960 --> 00:08:19.120 How do you explain this? How do you explain this? 00:08:19.120 --> 00:08:20.720 Fuck you... Miss Becca, 00:08:20.720 --> 00:08:22.160 Awe you EDITED IT? 00:08:22.160 --> 00:08:23.400 You edited it? 00:08:23.400 --> 00:08:27.280 "Okay, I honestly have no problem with the guy making a living playing video games..." 00:08:27.800 --> 00:08:30.380 It didn't sound like that was what you were saying... 00:08:30.380 --> 00:08:32.920 "It's just... the amount that he gets that bothers me." 00:08:32.920 --> 00:08:37.620 Oh I'm sorry, so the fact that a, that a four hundred, three hundred million people 00:08:37.620 --> 00:08:41.360 are watching me every single month, entertaining, literally hundreds of millions of people 00:08:41.360 --> 00:08:44.300 that, that is, that is not worth anything for you? 00:08:44.300 --> 00:08:47.200 Is this not quality ... entertainment enough -- 00:08:47.200 --> 00:08:49.940 One thing that I would have to bring up is it seems that people think 00:08:49.940 --> 00:08:52.700 that the whole world is just like a pool 00:08:52.700 --> 00:08:58.620 like a witching pool, and all the money goes into it and then there's like a person sitting by it and 00:08:58.620 --> 00:09:01.860 being like "Oh you're a doctor? Here ya go." 00:09:01.860 --> 00:09:07.220 Oh you're a.... oh you're a Romanian? ... Back in line. 00:09:07.240 --> 00:09:11.080 Oh okay, you're uhm... you're an accountant? Here you go. 00:09:11.080 --> 00:09:13.240 Oh, you're Pewdiepie? BAM. 00:09:13.240 --> 00:09:16.660 It's not like me earning a great living is taking away from anyone else 00:09:16.660 --> 00:09:18.620 But also if you put it in perspective, 00:09:18.620 --> 00:09:20.700 like put me next to like a Hollywood star, 00:09:20.700 --> 00:09:24.960 Big Bang Theory, they're making a million dollar, per fucking episode. 00:09:24.960 --> 00:09:25.600 Per week. 00:09:25.800 --> 00:09:29.040 That's fucking way more then I would ever dream about. 00:09:29.040 --> 00:09:31.960 So think about that, it's always like "AW, well Pewdiepie" 00:09:31.960 --> 00:09:37.460 "I absolutely can't stand Pewdiepie, the guy will not stop screaming, so my ears feel like they're going to start bleeding", 00:09:37.460 --> 00:09:39.060 Okay well, ahhh 00:09:39.060 --> 00:09:40.500 Miss. Cronose (?), 00:09:40.500 --> 00:09:45.460 I wanna say I'm sorry, for making your ears bleed. It's never been my intention. If I knew that, 00:09:45.460 --> 00:09:46.500 I wouldn't of done it. 00:09:46.500 --> 00:09:48.640 I mean come on, you haven't given me... 00:09:48.820 --> 00:09:51.240 *awful kazoo noises* 00:09:52.020 --> 00:09:52.860 GOTCHU! 00:09:53.180 --> 00:09:54.060 BITCH!! 00:09:54.320 --> 00:09:55.820 Why do you watch Pewdiepie? 00:09:55.820 --> 00:09:58.520 I don't understand why anyone would like him (Pewds read it wrong) 00:09:58.520 --> 00:09:59.760 Why're you so mean? 00:09:59.800 --> 00:10:03.180 Why're you guys always so mean on Yahoo Answers? 00:10:04.820 --> 00:10:06.880 "He's funny to me, so of course I watch his video -- 00:10:06.880 --> 00:10:07.520 what the F*CK?? 00:10:08.360 --> 00:10:10.860 Make up your God damn mind! whatayoucan't-- 00:10:10.960 --> 00:10:13.700 I can't, I don't fucking UhhhHh, uhHHhhh, shht... 00:10:13.880 --> 00:10:20.880 You know, I do get a lot of questions of people saying like, "Why does Pewdiepie keep makin' videos 'cause he clearly doesn't have to anymore"... 00:10:20.880 --> 00:10:25.220 And the answer to that is yes, I could stop, but I love doin' it 00:10:25.220 --> 00:10:26.900 It's just, it's just fun 00:10:26.900 --> 00:10:27.400 Alright? 00:10:27.400 --> 00:10:32.900 And y-y-you fucking Yahoo Answers piece of shit are not gonna make me stop, okay? 00:10:32.940 --> 00:10:33.440 So fuck you. 00:10:33.440 --> 00:10:35.480 AND THAT'S JUST MY OPINION! 00:10:35.480 --> 00:10:37.680 SO IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH IT 00:10:37.680 --> 00:10:38.840 THEN FUCK YOU!! 00:10:38.840 --> 00:10:40.120 IT'S MY OPINION! 00:10:40.120 --> 00:10:43.700 YOU CAN'T TALK AGAINST ME 'CAUSE IT'S MY OPINION! 00:10:43.700 --> 00:10:47.200 AND MY OPINION IS THAT PEWDIEPIE IS THE GREATEST FUCKING CHANNEL! 00:10:47.200 --> 00:10:48.520 But anyway *laughs* 00:10:48.520 --> 00:10:49.820 That was this video 00:10:49.820 --> 00:10:51.620 I don't know if this worked out at all, 00:10:51.620 --> 00:10:54.720 and I apologize if this video was a big shit, but y'know, 00:10:54.720 --> 00:10:58.300 sometimes you try your best, and you don't succeeeuuueeeuuueeed.. 00:10:59.740 --> 00:11:00.300 Anyway, 00:11:00.300 --> 00:11:03.320 uhh thank you guys for watching, 'ppreciate it, appreciate it a lot 00:11:03.320 --> 00:11:05.380 I wouldn't be here, without cha 00:11:05.380 --> 00:11:07.460 So why don't cha check out another one 00:11:08.960 --> 00:11:09.580 *Awkward silence* 00:11:10.880 --> 00:11:11.920 Or, another one 00:11:13.500 --> 00:11:14.000 *Still awkward* 00:11:14.740 --> 00:11:18.260 And I'll see you tomorrow with another fucken video. 00:11:18.260 --> 00:11:19.820 'cause I ain't goin' anywhere, baby. 00:11:20.420 --> 00:11:20.920 *smooch*