*upbeat music*
*Applause*
[Amy:] "Wow..."
"Thank you, thank you all so much for being here; to be a part of tonight is amazing!
Welcome. It's so cool to get to do a show, not only with four women, but with three of my best friends.
Ah. So thank you for being a part of tonight, give yourself a hand."
*Applause*
People always assume that I'm shallow, cuz I'm really pretty.
(crickets sounds as nobody laughs)
(stepping sounds)
"But no, I'm really not, I'm not shallow at all. like, the guy I'm seeing right now isn't even good-looking."
*booing(?)* *upbeat, fast-paced music starts*
Amy Schumer is not funny.
I f***ing hate Amy Schumer.
I'm Amy Schumer, and I like dick in my ass!
*fake stock luaghter*
MAH?
*Yelling and punching*
(music stops)
How's it going bros, it's your boy PewDiePie
I am a level 12 white knight,
And I'm here to defend Amy Schumer from all you alt-right, hateful, white,
male..,
angry...
*loud gargling*
gargling sounds
Amy Schumer is the greatest comedian of all time,
you guys just don't understand Amy Schumer like I do.
You don't understand her comedy.
When Amy Schumer says "My Vagina."
She's not just saying "my vagina", She's saying something deep about
*echoes* l i f e...
*Again echoing* About life,
Damn it!
(Amy) Vaginas
(again)Vagina
Vagina,
vagina..
VAGINA
vagina.
Vagina!
vaginas
Vagina-
Vagina,
Va gin a...
Vagina..?
"Just do women's comedy stuff, you know, talk about how fat you are,
and how you want to have sex with guys and say, "Mah Vagina," alot."
vagina!
*wheezing laugh*
When Amy Schumer is making a bunch of incoherent babbling and noises...?
That's the pinnacle of comedy! Don't you understand?!
(Amy Schumer making hoo hoo etc sounds)
mmmmmmmmmm
WhoooooWeeeee
Ajabajajawa
*grunting*
If you don't like Amy Schumer, then it's because...
You hate women.
And I'm a level SIX
Respecting of whamen as everyone knows me by,
so this doesn't apply to me of course.
(Interviewer) Particulate,
(Amy) uhhh
(interviewer) they apologize from, you know, this isn't gonna be a good speech?
(Amy) I yea..
(interviewer) I wonder what you make of that. Where did we- how did we get to that ... place?
(Amy) I think because so many people hate women *Pewds spits out water* there's so much anger toward women... Um...
*Pewds goes into a fit of coughing*
this being serious?
*Inhales*
That's right. If you don't find Amy Schumer funny,
It's because you hate women. Take a deep look at yourself. Take a deep look into your mind
And think why?
Why am I not laughing at these funny jokes?
Oh, that's right...
I hate women.
*incoherent noises*
hahaha.
Hilarious... (Under these glasses I'm crying)
So funny.
Sorry, I just was busy laughing at Amy's jokes. Now I saw Amy Schumer
*sound of sunglasses being put down (clacking)*
Now, I saw Amy Schumer. I was introduced to her maybe.. five years ago,
uh, before she really blew up, and she really wasn't as intolerable as she is today.
What happened?
Let's explore.
It all started when Amy got accused for stealing jokes. Not just once but...
Many times.
At least a couple.
(Dave) You ever blackout while you're drinking, or as I call it "time travel"?
(audience laughing)
(Dave)Yeah
(Amy)Has anyone ever blacked out and been awake when they've come out of it?
Thank you. Thank you sister
It's kind of cool. Cuz you're it's like you're a time traveler
(Amy)You're just like back in your body like
'cause balls are disgusting. Aren't they?
Wow!
And they stink.
Yeah they do.
All right, I'll speak for my balls. On my best day my balls might smell like a foot. On my best day.
(Audience laughs)
[amy] my pussy...
smells...
Like a small...
Barnyard animal.
Okay?
hahaha
You want to hear the same jokes from other comedians being told in a less funny way?
Just watch Amy Schumer every- (laughs at own joke)
hmmmmmm.. x5
(Laughs)
The examples goes on and on there's literally dozens. I don't want to keep being ah...
Repeating myself. You get the point,
but stealing jokes is just the worst thing you could possibly do,
and I can't even fathom the thought process
that would go through someone to sink that low; to steal someone else's ideas,
that they worked hard on, that they spend their soul and passion into,
to just get ripped off by someone else less funny.
How could you do that?
How could anyone sink so low?
Anyway, have you guys seen my latest LWIAY episode? by the way, check it out.
think you'll like it.
Amy had to brush off these allegations by saying;
"No!"
"I did not steal joke."
Even though there's evidence of me saying I watched these comedy specials themself.
Maybe she didn't do it intentionally, I don't know, I don't really care.
(burps)
But it's what started Amy's downward spiral, or upward spiral of her giant massive ego.
When her Netflix special came out,
the funniest thing that has ever been released by the way.
I literally died.
And came back
from watching it..
Or at least I wish I'd died. I watched the whole thing,
I'm not even joking. I've seen some shit.
But in case you haven't seen it, here it is summarized:
"pussy pussy pussy pussy pussy pussys;
pussy pussy! Pussy. pussy. pussyy..
Pussy,
NOOoOoOOooOO--
It was getting so many down votes that it literally had one star rating on Netflix.
Remember what Netflix used to had star as ratings,
which was a useful way to for you to find out what you could watch
else based on recommendations.
Well they took that off,
because Amy Schumer's Netflix special just had such low ratings,
that it was just too much to bear.
So what did Amy have to say about why her special got such low rating?
Well, she basically blamed the alt-right.
That's right!
the reason why..
My comedy special didn't do well,
It's not because I'm not funny.
It's because...
She spin the wheel at home...
*game show music*
Ding ding ding ding ding!
"It's because this very far-right leaning political group..
Doesn't like me! Yes, of course!"
Amy, hello. In case you are watching,
you have a massive ego problem, and it's time for you to deal with it, and I know-- atatatata..
I know that you just want to brush this off and call me alt-right or anything like that.
But I think it would really help you, to just admit,
that there's something wrong. It would be great, just--
just,
Take the first step..
Please, 'cause you're just going more and more down.
when you're faced with criticism you can either:
accept it, disapprove of it, or you can say
"ah no, it's because you hate women"...
OR, uh..
its because you belong to this political group.
This is the problem that a lot of celebrities with massive egos have..
when they're faced with criticism,
It's always everyone else's fault.
It can never be themselves, and which leads them to just go batshit insane.
And they rationalize this theory in their head of why...
uh.. you're faced with criticism, and that's why they just--
they lose it!
Amy, you've lost it. I- it's pretty... Come on!
I think the reason why I'm so annoyed with Amy, is that she's hiding behind this banner of
social justice and that she's such a great person,
You know.
but she's literally just, like everyone else which is fine
by the way, but she's got a person, that y'now, if someone calls her fat,
it's a huge deal, and you're body shaming.
But she literally body-shamed other people, for being too skinny.
Recently it came out that Amy wanted to be paid..
just as much as her male comedians, like David Chappelle and Chris Rock.
Apparently she was only paid half, for her Netflix special.
Oh, boohoo...
I see this being done a lot in entertainment field, where people compare
male and female and say, "Oh, well this person made this much and this person they made this much
Why aren't they making the same salary? They're both female?"
Just because they're different genders, that's the reason why they're not making the same amount;
No, it's because people didn't like your show, Amy. People didn't like your special.
Dave Chappelle's special is one of the best comedy specials of the year,
unlike yours, which flopped. You have to understand that it's not about gender here.
But of course, that's the reason why.
Because it can never be you Amy. It's always someone else isn't it?
[Amy] "My comprehension if, um, if Trump won. It's just..."
"it's too crazy."
[interviewer] "If it isn't Hillary in November, does your act change? Does your outlook chan--
My act will change because I'll need to learn to speak Spanish,
'cause I will move, to Spain, or somewhere.
Amy! have you heard of Saudi Arabia? (swedish flag shown)
I think you would love it, there's no one Trump there!
Please go. Sincerely, everyone.
Have a great time now.
[Amy]: So I think slowly as the show goes on,
I'll begin to look more and more like a snowman.
(laughs from crowd) um... and it feels like a lot of...
(guy in background) Show us your tits!
Ok, wait. I want the guy who said "Show us your tits" to come up here."
*uproarious cheering and applause*
[Amy:] "It's to..it's too good.
Come up here. Everybody point at him,
so I know which one."
Ah, you f**king rats. typical Swedes..
Look at them. *wheezing laugh*
Here's the thing. If someone get heckled, you're supposed to make a fool out of them by making a joke.
[Amy:] "OK, and you are wearing a shirt that says, I... what?"
[Amy:] "What does it say?"
OHHHHH, sh**
[Amy] "...you don't speak English? You just yelled, "Show us your tits."...
Now-
*Laughter and applause*
yeah, lets- lets [unintelligible]
Now, don't get shy. What do you do for a living?"
*more laughter*
[guy] Sales. [Amy] "Sales...
How is that working out?"
*crowd laughs and applauds*
That's not a joke.
It's not a joke.
(pewds laughs)
She's incapable of coming up with a joke on the spot.
[Amy:] "What, did you just yell out again? Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, now it's.. it's time."
"Bye."
OHH!
*crowd applauds and cheers, again*
(pewds) And he just gets kicked out!
*More applause and cheering*
My god, f**king swedes man.
[Amy:] "Bud Light party here to discuss equal pay."
[Guy] "Women don't get paid as much as men, and that is wrong."
[Amy:] And we have to pay more for the same stuff.
[Guy] What?!
A: "Yeah, cars."
"What!" x2
A: "Dry-cleaning."
"What?" x3
A: "Shampoo."
[Gullible Guy (GG)] "What? You pay more, but get paid less? That is double wrong! I'm calling everyone I know."
What the f**k are you saying...
[GG] "That is wrong!"
Amy: "And we have to pay more for the same stuff."
GG: "What?"
No, you don't. You don't have to pay more.
Why are you lying?
Imagine trying to stand up for the women's movement by getting paid for...
for promoting beer,
and then just spewing a bunch of lies.
Amy: "Bud Light proudly supports equal pay.
That's why Bud Light costs the same, no matter if you're a dude or a lady." (r/hailcorprate)
(Too dumb to even realize shes' being used as a corporate shill.)
Are you kidding me?
WHAT!
Oh, I never thought of that...that. Have I told you about my chair, by the way? It's 399!
I know! What a great price!
But ha-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta...
It costs the same if you're a boy and a girl. You might think;
*sound of dismissal (pft)*
Excuse me, We're not so progressive liberal, Amy Schumer..
*Pewds luaghs*
If you're a whamen...
Get this! This chair cost 399...
(whispers) Dot zero!
You're welcome, women across the nation.
And thank brave people like Amy Schumer for making
what is already possible, possible.
She got paid to do this by the way, just letting you know, just letting you know.
[Amy] "But honestly you call yourself a comedian, but you don't do it that much.
Like, I go fishing a couple times a year,
but I don't introduce myself on TV as a fisherman. wow..."
Oof,
owf..
So- so that means, just because I f**ked a donkey once, I am not a donkey f**ker?
Thank you, Amy Schumer, that means a lot.
Basically what these two are talking about is, uhh..
when you should first have sex in a relationship,
and he's--he's saying "ah, you should wait a little bit more",
And she's saying "well,
It doesn't matter you should just have sex right away.",
and she's very confident about this, kind of being like "well,
I'm older than you and you're stupid."
[Amy] "...But I have to say, my last 3 relationships,
Which each lasted between two to five years,
we stuck with each other almost immediately,
and it's because I knew that I wanted to be with them, You know?"
[Guy] "Except that 5--" [newscaster] "But what..."
Except for the five year mark. *airhorn*
*Broken laughter*
What a great case for lasting relationships,
*chuckles*
oh man...
I think my favorite Amy Schumer clip, probably the funniest thing
She's ever done, is when she literally steals a joke from from Ellen DeGeneres
and then tells it to
Ellen DeGeneres; it's absolutely brilliant, Let's watch.
[Amy] "I look like I've been feeding and I'm eating popcorn...
*a couple people laugh*
The way I think we all eat popcorn,
Which is...
you know, at first time you always kind of start out, kind of like lying to yourself like:
[squeaky voice] Oh?..
hm, Oh well,
Ahhhmmm...
*laughter*
Like one piece at a time, you know, and then-- and then like you get a little more real,
right?
And then eventually you just, like, you get real real, and it's just
GGAAAAAAAAWWWWAA!!"
*Canned laughter*
[Ellen] "And something about the darkness, we just lose all of our inhibitions in the darkness,
is the popcorn really that delicious,
We must shovel handfuls of it into our mouths?"
*accurate popcorn eating sounds*
*laughter and applause*
[Amy] "Do you eat popcorn like that though?
Are you a popcorn lover?"
[pewds reading] When she was growing up, everybody laughed
when Amy Schumer said she wanted to be a comedian.
Nobody is laughing now..."
*wheezing laughter*
*deep inhale*
That's it for me about Amy, Amy if you watch,
I hope you enjoyed, please leave a thumbs up, and as always keep on
MA VAGINA--
*pewds wheeze-laughs while coughing*
A-Huh brofist!
bah!
ehhhhhhh... (bye everyone)