Ahhhh!
Okay, so I've been sick for a couple days.
I'm still sick.
Let's see what has happened while I was gone.
[reads on-screen]
[Continues to read tweets aloud]
[Screams]
NOO!
[shaky breathing]
Not JP, not JP.
How bad is it?
HOW?
WHAT DID HE SAY?
WHAT DID HE SAY IN HIS VIDEO?
"Mil on YouTube in six months
"Never done before" (not really)
Passed all the competition, man, PewDiePie is next!"
NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!
[lightly hits wall]
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
AGHHHH, this makes me so angry!
I'm still sick, calm down Felix, ah that son of a bitch.
I bet he's the one that poisoned me.
Oh, I bet it was JP all along.
That sleek son of a bitch!
[exclamation of pain]
We haven't watched this whole thing yet!
We have to see the whole thing.
First of all who the fuck is JP?
Who the fuck Is Jake Paul?
I don't know.
I ha- he has fun, okay.
He eats food.
He's Dirk from Disney Channel!
Okay so he's a Disney Channel...
One of these Disney Channel actors, that's cool.
Can't be that bad.
Let's listen.
Always appreciate a good "ya" at the beginning of a song, uh, for no reason.
[chuckles]
I'm going to- going to try not to pause every- every millisecond of this song, but...
That is a good "ya." We have to appreciate that-
[stuttering] that's- that's a good-- that's a good "ya."
[music plays again]
[indistinguishable audio watermark]
Is it the watermark? They didn't buy that loop?
Like, you play some rap music right, that's free...
[different track]
[audio watermark]: "AudioJungle"
See? AudioJungle.
What the fuck is it?
[indistinguishable audio watermark]
[Laughing]
I'm glad, I'm glad we got the whole Disney Channel thing out of the way from the first fucking line.
[Laughing]
"Hey guys, in case you don't know,
"I'm on Disney Channel.
"How can I say that in a way that make sense--
"Uh, everyday bro, Disney Channel
FLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW!"
He's saying... that I'm not his competition because he said he
passed all his competition which basically puts me-
Where does that put me, actually?
I'm really confused. J-- JP, you're gonna have to
[Stuttering] re- re- re- re-it- iter- re-eter- itter -itur- ate?
REITERATE
Fuck, I got the shakes again.
Goddamnit!
J.P. You son of a bitch!
How DARE YOU?!
How DARE you use my name in the video!
HOW DARE YOU?!?
[Couldn't have thought of a better word Paul boy?]
That- it may sound here like that
his flow is all off, hey, it may s-
it may sound completely terrible. But really here, what
JP is doing is a new form of rapping, it's meant to sound like shit.
PewDiePie: "Yeah I'm talking about you, you begging
for attention, is this how you rap, you just say a bunch of words, and this
sounds totally wack, and, uh-- I swear I'm not on crack and I-- I just like to smack that
booty back, yeah and I'm talking about you."
It's absolutely incredible,
this sort of rapping takes incredible skills; it takes intellect, it takes
talent, it takes years of grinding, years of training, years of preparation, it
takes talking shit on Twitter, it takes all kinds of sh- it takes so much shit-
[Pause]
and- and- and- Jake Paul will know because he eats food.
[Well Pewds is a better rapper than Jake when comparing]
[Typical in rap songs to bring shit up about other people]
I don't understand what the fuck is happening here, is he talking about his ex or some
shit like that? Please- please let that- okay, I mean, it's-
it's genius! That's what it is, it's really-- did he make this just for this, is this
why I'm reacting to this? Because he argues with his girlfriend?
[Chuckles]
Damn, damn, he goes-- J-- if JP breaks up
with you, he goes hard- "And all the recordings too!" It is-- that is lyrical--
mind blast. There's meaning behind every syllable, every line...
(Short pause)
...Every facial
expression tells an incredible story!
[Cake Hall wrapping a boat sum prove on studs]
[And here, a meme is born]
[Chuckle] "Oh, and by the way I just
dropped some new merch!!!"
[Sad pause]
Oh, he bitches about his girlfriend for like-- for a couple
lines and then, "Oh, by the way, got new merch, it's selling like a 'god Church.'"
What is a god Church? Uhhhhh, it's the church with the God in it, what do you think?
Oh, what are you stupid? A "god Church," you never heard one of those?
It's selling like a "god Church."
I love how they clearly got stuck here.
"Hey,
hey, okay, alright we got-- I dropped some new merch,
how it's selling like a-- what rhymes with merch?
Uhhhh, church, it's selling like a CHURCH!!"
[Because Churches are not always a place of worship]
And Ohio is pretty shit I guess. Also, KFC obviously has to sue Cake Hall.
Legit like I wish that illness killed me now, I- I'm not
joking at all, I want to die, I want to I want to be dead now, I don't want to--
I don't want to, no, no-- I don't want it anymore.
Well that's sort of the only thing you can shoot with other than bows and shiiiiyeeeeeet. We wuz wepunz an shiiiiyet!
Did he get a tattoo of a dick on his leg?
Jake : I suck my tattoo on my leg a lot....
[His ego is the size of Mount fucking Everest...]
Cults chant..... Jake is part of the cult. All hail our lord and saviour, Cake Hall!
[Who's this pussy slayer?]
[Processing cry for help...]
AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
WHAT IS THAT?!
*small pause*
WHAT IS--?!
W H A T I S T H A T ? !
*subscribe to yeoss :3*
𝓦𝓗𝓐𝓣 𝓘𝓢 𝓣𝓗𝓐𝓣 𝓣𝓗𝓘𝓝𝓖?!!
englundz iz mah sitee lmaooooooooooooooooo
..He's absolutely perfect
I've never seen a more beautiful man in my entire life.~
[Oh look, a second meme is about to be born!]
England is my (by my I mean Nick Crumpet's apparently) city
[About to enter a fit of laugher]
this is so sad, can we dismantle the EU?
Nooooo.....oooo
Being gay is so gay.
"noooooo" - Shiba Inu (From my Discord)
England...
ENGLAND
GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!
[Moan]
Ohhhhh! England is your city...
O H N O
Oh no- oh-- you're retarded.
[groan] Ughhhhhhh!
Err-- my cit- ci- city is the whole planet--
"And my favorite city is Auschwitz! And that's an actual city" - Yeoss :3
ｅｎｇｌａｎｄ ｉｓ ｍｙ ｃｉｔｙ
why is my peepee so hairy?
[I like how he pronounces his words like he's gonna hurl at any moment]
I think I'm a monster, why is my peepee so hairy? EW THERE IS WHITE STUFF ON IT!
I like how he, uh, he's so fat that he straight-up
destroyed this jacket. Like, look how it's hanging by literally its last thread.
Dad!
My peepee!
Dad : What about it?
It's hairy!
Dad : Son, what????
Dad : No-no-no-no! This can't be!
Dad : No-no-no! Now I can't molest him without him moaning and stuff!
Mom : lmao wtf
Dad : Well, son. I think it's time we explain it to you! So when a mommy and daddy are very much in love. Well, they...
They listen to this song, and that's how you were born.
[Oh look, a girl who can't rap is gonna rap for us.....Fun]
tessa is fucking ugly! kill her. her vagina stankus. and that is not dankus!
Okay, she's gonna educate us.
[wut?]
Well, anyone that talks like that-
-I don't want
To educate me
[Laughs]
"Let me educate ya
and we ain't talking
𝓑𝓞𝓞𝓚!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
What I love most of all about JP is that-- is besides
all his success, he remains humble.
[Humbleness intensifies]
["Ten with six zeros..."? You fucking moron...]
[Well that was the worse song to ever be made...]
*burps* I think this
song has killed me. I wanna die more than I've ever died before. Someone
please-
DON'T call an ambulance
Let me just-
-Never return. This is it guys,
I'm- I- it's been great, it's been great.
Let's see what some other people thought
about JP's wonderful song--
[Two british boys who don't know about real music]
[Random British boy #1] I like how the lyrics are on screen, man.
Pewd: oh, ah-oh tha-that's always a plus in a rap song.
[Random British boy #2] The lyrics just match like....
PewDiePie: The what?
[#2] The lyrics just match like... [Then his brain stopped]
The lyrics just match WHAT? You can't just say that
and then say nothing, please say something else!
[Nope]
[End my life]
"You are retard"
I think we all can draw some inspiration from that. Now,
excuse me while I'm going to kill myself-- ah [YA]
(Why Can't We be Friends - Instrumental) (War Instrumental Starts)
please send a gtx 590 with a 2000watt power supply as well as an htc vive that uses M-type plugs to this address : 64, 12th Avenue, Edenvale, Gauteng, South Africa
[Keemstar Sighs]
[The end, thanks for watching]