WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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[dramatic music]

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Marina Joyce

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[more music]

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We've all seen her videos.

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every single thursday (mumbling??)

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We all THINK we know what happened

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She's being forced to make videos, someone who has kidnapped her.

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But I'm here today to tell you...

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[dramatic music]

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I am her kidnapper...

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[intense music]

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[intensity intensifies]

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I am the one responsible for Marina Joyce;

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top quality editing, scripted content, and branded advertising.

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It's all been a social experiment

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And you've all played right into my...hands...?

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DON'T BELIEVE ME? I'll show you.

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Everyone knows I am the king of clickbait,

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and here I taught Marina Joyce how to do it.

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"dyeing my hair pink"

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Marina: Huehuehue SIKE! Okay, yeah, I didn't really dye my hair

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this is is clickbait AND ACTUALLY I LOVE CLICKBAIT GUYS SO

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DAMN IT, I thought it was real!

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I am the one who bought Marina Joyce that wig

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and I taught her all about click- my hair is not a wig though, shut up. (lies)

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I taught her that trick.

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I, am the one that needs to be CREDITED! (chest thumping intensifies)

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Marina: That one day save all the animals from passing away

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hueheueuheuheu

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and I went to that

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I told her to cry on camera

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everyone knows crying on camera equals views

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HUE

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to get your core message across ya really gotta hit those points

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FAST, Marina, get it fast

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as much information as fukin' possible

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GO!

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You should watch Cowspiracy because

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it's a very good thing to watch but it's very gory, so I don't recommend watching it but just unders-

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Wait, wait, can we repeat that

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"You should watch Cowspiracy because it's a very good thing to watch but it's very gory, so I don't recommend watching it"

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*applause*

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Damn that's good

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Here, ah, we didn't figure out the 10 minute mark yet so we ended the video a little too early,

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THAT'S OKAY THOUGH

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My mandam?? fandam?? wot

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My mandam?? fandam?? wot

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tuehue tuehue tuehue

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(R.I.P headphone users)

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I love you guys so much *mwah* byeeee

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See, the video ends here at 2:31 and we're like

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"hey, let's make it- let's make it 3:58"

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That's a good number

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TUEHUE

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and I wanted to address that because it's just because I uploaded a penis as a thumbnail and it was NOT OKAY

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You know, my mistake,

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I told her to upload a penis as a thumbnail,

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it was a shit show, here's a picture

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you can't find it anymore, I am sorry. Marina should not take the blame for it, okay?

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and it just works like this

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I'm really- I'm really proud of this video because we have the background music which was obviously copyrighted

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So, we just added another background music anyway.

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So you get two musics in one.

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And what's better than one music? TWO MUSICS!!!!(Damn Straight)

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*inaudible* and then you can see my *also inaudible* what it's going to look like!

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Hey guys!

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This video is sponsored by Boohoo. Boohoo is an online fashion retailer. It offers men's wea-

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Shame on you Boohoo.

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Like, what the fuck.

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You notice she's getting a shit ton of views so you're like "hey, let's pay- let's pay this one because she gets a lot of views now."

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Even though she's clearly having some kind of mental breakdown.

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Okay, like. Which, technically, I am making fun of as well.

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But, like, what the fuck Boohoo.

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Come on.

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[sad Shrek soundtrack]

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Dance like you're dead inside, Marina.

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Keep dancing like you're dead inside.

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I'm a Buddhist.

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Now- *laugh*

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Now, we, we, we told Marina to say that she was a Buddhist.

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But I mean, fuckin clearly, she's not.

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Okay?

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I'M A BUDDHIST

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Let's look at the Buddhist guidelines to see here, okay, *mumbles*

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"To abstain from dancing."

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I'd say DANCING inspires me most in life. It makes me feel good, it makes me feel incredible, I love to dance.

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And it makes me feel nice, so yeah, I love dancing. It makes me so happy, to dance.

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"The use of perfumes, ornaments, and other items used to adorn or beautify the person."

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Which is why, Marina, always of course, has a very no-makeup look.

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"And to abstain from using high or luxorious beds."

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I'M A BUDDHIST

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(zoom in intensifies)

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Okay, we just needed her to be a Buddhist.

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It's called being part of a brand, okay?

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Sorry it doesn't match perfectly

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I started this because I needed views *aggressive table thumping*

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Now, Marina Joyce doesn't want to work with me anymore.

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AND I'M EXPOSING HER, OKAY

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Zoom in on the Teddy Bear's eye.

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Zoom in on that reflection.

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THAT'S ME

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THAT'S ME RIGHT THERE

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Have you opened your eyes yet?

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Do you see the cat?

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that's not a real cat :O

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That's a robot

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that's a robocat

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that I use to spy on her

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#EXPOSED

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[Imperial Match plays] Marina, this is for you.

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Stop, stop this nonsense that you're doing.

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Okay?

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I don't appreciate it

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We used to be a team

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Don't you care about friendship? (not really)

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I thought you were a Buddhist. (hashbrown exposed)

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Come back to me Marina, and we will...

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(watch shrek together and cry at the part where they get married ?) [Hell yeah m8]

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Rule the galaxy

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I'M A BUDDHIST

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Alright, so everyone went crazy with Marina Joyce.

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And, like, everyone thought she was in trouble.

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Something bad happened to her.

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She obviously said she was fine, everyone just needs to fuck off and not be an armchair psychologist.

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Don't send Marina Joyce any hate after making this video, I'm all about the hate and the Buddhism love.

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Thank you guys so much, I love you guys so much.

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Leave a like if you enjoyed this video, and I'll see you bros in the next video

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*mwah* brofist!