[dramatic music]
Marina Joyce
[more music]
We've all seen her videos.
every single thursday (mumbling??)
We all THINK we know what happened
She's being forced to make videos, someone who has kidnapped her.
But I'm here today to tell you...
[dramatic music]
I am her kidnapper...
[intense music]
[intensity intensifies]
I am the one responsible for Marina Joyce;
top quality editing, scripted content, and branded advertising.
It's all been a social experiment
And you've all played right into my...hands...?
DON'T BELIEVE ME? I'll show you.
Everyone knows I am the king of clickbait,
and here I taught Marina Joyce how to do it.
"dyeing my hair pink"
Marina: Huehuehue SIKE! Okay, yeah, I didn't really dye my hair
this is is clickbait AND ACTUALLY I LOVE CLICKBAIT GUYS SO
DAMN IT, I thought it was real!
I am the one who bought Marina Joyce that wig
and I taught her all about click- my hair is not a wig though, shut up. (lies)
I taught her that trick.
I, am the one that needs to be CREDITED! (chest thumping intensifies)
Marina: That one day save all the animals from passing away
hueheueuheuheu
and I went to that
I told her to cry on camera
everyone knows crying on camera equals views
HUE
to get your core message across ya really gotta hit those points
FAST, Marina, get it fast
as much information as fukin' possible
GO!
You should watch Cowspiracy because
it's a very good thing to watch but it's very gory, so I don't recommend watching it but just unders-
Wait, wait, can we repeat that
"You should watch Cowspiracy because it's a very good thing to watch but it's very gory, so I don't recommend watching it"
*applause*
Damn that's good
Here, ah, we didn't figure out the 10 minute mark yet so we ended the video a little too early,
THAT'S OKAY THOUGH
My mandam?? fandam?? wot
tuehue tuehue tuehue
(R.I.P headphone users)
I love you guys so much *mwah* byeeee
See, the video ends here at 2:31 and we're like
"hey, let's make it- let's make it 3:58"
That's a good number
TUEHUE
and I wanted to address that because it's just because I uploaded a penis as a thumbnail and it was NOT OKAY
You know, my mistake,
I told her to upload a penis as a thumbnail,
it was a shit show, here's a picture
you can't find it anymore, I am sorry. Marina should not take the blame for it, okay?
and it just works like this
I'm really- I'm really proud of this video because we have the background music which was obviously copyrighted
So, we just added another background music anyway.
So you get two musics in one.
And what's better than one music? TWO MUSICS!!!!(Damn Straight)
*inaudible* and then you can see my *also inaudible* what it's going to look like!
Hey guys!
This video is sponsored by Boohoo. Boohoo is an online fashion retailer. It offers men's wea-
Shame on you Boohoo.
Like, what the fuck.
You notice she's getting a shit ton of views so you're like "hey, let's pay- let's pay this one because she gets a lot of views now."
Even though she's clearly having some kind of mental breakdown.
Okay, like. Which, technically, I am making fun of as well.
But, like, what the fuck Boohoo.
Come on.
[sad Shrek soundtrack]
Dance like you're dead inside, Marina.
Keep dancing like you're dead inside.
I'm a Buddhist.
Now- *laugh*
Now, we, we, we told Marina to say that she was a Buddhist.
But I mean, fuckin clearly, she's not.
Okay?
I'M A BUDDHIST
Let's look at the Buddhist guidelines to see here, okay, *mumbles*
"To abstain from dancing."
I'd say DANCING inspires me most in life. It makes me feel good, it makes me feel incredible, I love to dance.
And it makes me feel nice, so yeah, I love dancing. It makes me so happy, to dance.
"The use of perfumes, ornaments, and other items used to adorn or beautify the person."
Which is why, Marina, always of course, has a very no-makeup look.
"And to abstain from using high or luxorious beds."
I'M A BUDDHIST
(zoom in intensifies)
Okay, we just needed her to be a Buddhist.
It's called being part of a brand, okay?
Sorry it doesn't match perfectly
I started this because I needed views *aggressive table thumping*
Now, Marina Joyce doesn't want to work with me anymore.
AND I'M EXPOSING HER, OKAY
Zoom in on the Teddy Bear's eye.
Zoom in on that reflection.
THAT'S ME
THAT'S ME RIGHT THERE
Have you opened your eyes yet?
Do you see the cat?
that's not a real cat :O
That's a robot
that's a robocat
that I use to spy on her
#EXPOSED
[Imperial Match plays] Marina, this is for you.
Stop, stop this nonsense that you're doing.
Okay?
I don't appreciate it
We used to be a team
Don't you care about friendship? (not really)
I thought you were a Buddhist. (hashbrown exposed)
Come back to me Marina, and we will...
(watch shrek together and cry at the part where they get married ?) [Hell yeah m8]
Rule the galaxy
I'M A BUDDHIST
Alright, so everyone went crazy with Marina Joyce.
And, like, everyone thought she was in trouble.
Something bad happened to her.
She obviously said she was fine, everyone just needs to fuck off and not be an armchair psychologist.
Don't send Marina Joyce any hate after making this video, I'm all about the hate and the Buddhism love.
Thank you guys so much, I love you guys so much.
Leave a like if you enjoyed this video, and I'll see you bros in the next video
*mwah* brofist!