so you wanna know about my first time?
well why don't I just show you?
it was a long, dark night
[sure it was]
I was probably drinking more than I should have, I was young
[Felix drinking? sounds about right]
I was reckless, I was ruthless
I was sexy
[lol you still are, sorry not sorry]
wait a minute
this isn't family friendly!
[Family Friendly Felix, I love money too much]
[great song, am I right? no? okay]
Fuck! [totally family friendly]
*cute laugh*
"My First Time" videosss
they're my favorite kind of videos
just add the title "My First Time"
and make a stupid fucking face
and you've got yourself millions of views boi
how about a, how about an Alfie?
how about a, are you gonna click on this?
would you click on this?
*weird facial expression*
[yeah, I'd click on that]
my first time
MY FIRST TIME
[I'd still click]
*scream*
nothing sexual
nothing sexual though guys, it's family friendly
[idk if that's family friendly]
I love this girl
she's probably my favorite
not even trying to make it family friendly
"My First Time Giving Head"
*video plays*
*Felix hits head on soundboard*
*PoPiPo by Hatsune Miko plays*
[yes I looked it up, idk what my life has come to]
*Family Friendly Felix plays in background*
I don't-
how do I s-
*contemplates life for a second*
okay
*video plays again*
*girl says to subscribe and follow her on social media*
I'm gonna respectfully decline on that offer
but I do appreciate 'cause it seemed like
an enticing-
enticing videos
*another video plays*
*girl says she's gonna get lit*
*video continues*
*Felix realizes what she said*
what? what just happened?
"Anyway guys my arm...let's get fUCKING HIGH"
everyone that's old school
on YouTube has done a "My First Time" video
I haven't done one yet
even Dan did
[danisnotonfire, am I right? no again? okay?]
*Dan's video plays*
*Dan describes his first kiss happening during a spin the bottle game*
*says he won't name who it was*
it was me
*kills everyone with a wink*
I don't understand why you never called Daniel
[uh-oh Dan exposed]
what was wrong?
it was fate that the bottle landed on us
yeah, even companies adopted this formula of "My First Time"
because of the slightly sexual undertones
Tempur did one
"we asked couples about their first time"
"oh man"
*Tempurpedic commercial about their first time using a tempur mattress*
they're talking about the mattress, not anything else, genius!
*MLG airhorn*
family friendly
as fuck
*Tempurpedic commercial plays again*
that's hilarious
that's so hilarious
that I think I might just jump out the window and never-
this has been great guys, I appreciate ya
[lol bye Felix]
[okay welcome back I guess]
alright I'm back
*video asks who the first person you subscribed to on youtube*
PewDiePie
god!
these first time TAG videos are god damn TERRIBLE
I need to make one myself and show everyone I can do it
where's the fuckin tag rules
come on where is it
here we go
Your first tweet?
easy
it was to Nelson Mandella
I told him
[what'd you tell him?]
I told him
[keep going]
yo dawg!
[really Felix?]
let's make a youtube channel
I think it's gonna be *MLG airhorn* hella tight
no reply uh, I don't understand what was wrong with the tweet
hey Nelson if you're watching if you wanna invest in underwater rats
hit me up dawg
is he still alive?
he's not alive, is he?
My first YouTube video?
now a lot of people seem to think it's this stupid Minecraft video
*stupid Minecraft video plays*
Minecraft *MLG airhorn* is not the first video I did
shocking! prepare for this news!
[thanks for the kiss, I'm dead now]
because I have a bunch of privated videos on my channel
that ain't nobody is ever gonna see
and if those videos come out in public
I might just actually have to jump out the window
like I was saying
Call of Duty: Black Ops
*a fetus Felix introduces himself in the background*
nope
[oh stop, you were cute and you know it]
hell no
*fetus Felix introduces himself yet again*
*talks about how apparently saying "PewDiePie" too loud is annoying*
well I guess seven years later, I still haven't learned!
PEWWWDIEPIEEE
WELCOME TO POODIEPIE
*imitates fetus self* "hey guys"
fuckin hell
I was way cooler back then
*fetus Felix returns yet again in the background*
I remember this video very specifically because
it was the very first time someone asked me to play more of Amnesia
this was at the same time I transitioned from Call of Duty to doing horror letsplays
while I was recording this someone wrote me
being like "hey when's the next episode coming up"
and I'm like "yo dawg, it's comin"
"hell yeah, it's gonna be..."
[I'm guessing pretty lit]
ya know
*fetus Felix commentates in the background*
[so cute, am I right? yeah, I know I am]
hell yeah and I'm also, I'm also recking this shit
37-2 suck on that...those toes
*mouth close up*
bitch
First person I subscribed to on YouTube?
Jacksepticeye
[of course you said Seán]
Ray William Johnson
don't fuckin tell anyone about that one okay?
[too late]
dark times
also come on
everyone subscribe to Ray William Johnson
First Facebook profile pic?
I'm loving this! this is so easy, I don't have to do-
I just have to fuckin answer questions
I don't have to prepare anything
best shit ever
yeah no, that's DEFINITELY a good picture
20-
2007, ten years ago
is that-
you can't even see me
[still cute though]
it's so backlit you can't even fuckin see me
excellent choice of a picture Felix I think you really nailed it
can we try and lit it up so like we see how I actually look now
okay well that's how I looked like
oh, no
okay
[boi you beautiful both then AND now]
oh
a face only a mother can love, excellent
Do you still talk to your first love?
*sad music plays as his memories of Dan come back*
Dan
what happened?
we never talk anymore
I don't understand
[I don't think he does either]
where did it go wrong?
[it was doomed from the start]
did you not like it?
*weird noise*
What was your first job?
I used to work at a tennis court
in the middle of nowhere and uh
there was really not much to do
but I would take care of the courts
there was three of them
a lot of times it rained and I had absolutely nothing to do
but sit around and play Guitar Hero on the Nintendo DS
it was fuckin-
I'm pretty good at it
I'm pretty good at Guitar Hero on DS
I think that's my main game you know if
anyone challenged me for a duel in any game ever
I would be like
Guitar Hero
DS mothafucka
*Guitar Hero DS commercial plays*
see look that's definitely cool
[sure it is Felix]
*commercial continues to play*
*Felix cringes at commerical but continues to watch*
yeah you, you definitely needed a multiplayer mode for this fuckin game
What was your first alcoholic drink?
well back in, back in the day we would have to-
you have to be 21 to buy alcohol in Sweden
unless you're at a bar
[the more you know]
so what we would do, don't do this by the way-
but what we would do was we would call this guy
I don't know, this random number
he would show up in a car
uh
dump a (swedish word)
I don't know what it's called in English
a (swedish word) of beer and uh
it was this weird fuckin like Polish beer
not cooled
and I remember just like
we would, we would drink it like we, like we were fuckin connoisseurs of beer like
*drinks pretend beer*
*doesn't like taste of pretend beer*
oh wow
it's so good
*takes another sip*
*scream*
it's so fuckin good
my god I love beer
What was your first car?
my Mini that I have here in UK
I bought it-
I got it licensed when I was 21
is that still a meme?
[no it's not Felix]
*MLG airhorn*
I know it's good, good one
yeah, got a Mini here, I really like it
uh, don't have it anymore, got a Volvo now
hell yeah, representing Sweden
that's right, got 'em
I'm just kidding I have six lambos
Who was your first teacher?
uh, Marianne
hot babe
how you doin baby? hit me up
*weird winking*
I don't know why I'm hitting on my old teacher she's probably like 80/70 years old
What was the first concert you ever went to?
is this really what people give a shit about?
there's nothing sexual?
What was your first kiss?
*weird burp*
sorry I was just reminded of it
I was at this party one time and we-
we were all sitting in a circle
and then one person was like hey we should do spin the bottle and then-
I'm kidding, I'm kidding I was uh
I was really young, I was like 5 years old or some shit
so I don't really-
I don't think it counts when you're that young
yeah, no, it was uh with my first girlfriend Emmy
I remember we used to go there was like this little shed in school right?
I don't know why I said it like you know what I'm talking about
there was this little shed, we would hide in there and we would do what we in Sweden call
(swedish word)
which is basically the lamborghini of kisses okay
it's basically, you just do a kiss for a very long time
like at least three seconds
it's pretty *MLG airhorn* it's pretty wild
it's pretty wild
I think it's time to wrap up this video, what do you think?
alright then
*PoPiPo by Hatsune Miko plays in the background*
thank you for watching "My First Time"
I hope you learned a lot
'cause I certainly did
also the first time I stuck a-
[wow Felix what a cliffhanger]
[you're a troll but I love you]
window
WINDOW