WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.340 So you want to know about my first time? 00:00:02.340 --> 00:00:06.529 Why don't I just show you? It was a long 00:00:06.529 --> 00:00:08.189 dark night 00:00:08.189 --> 00:00:10.620 I was probably drinking more than I 00:00:10.620 --> 00:00:12.990 should have. I was young, I was reckless 00:00:12.990 --> 00:00:20.310 I was ruthless, I was SEXY. Wait a minute.. 00:00:20.310 --> 00:00:29.310 This isn't family friendly. Fuck! My first 00:00:29.310 --> 00:00:32.640 time videos, they're my favourite kind of 00:00:32.640 --> 00:00:35.520 videos. Just add the title 'my first 00:00:35.520 --> 00:00:37.890 time' and make a stupid fucking face and 00:00:37.890 --> 00:00:40.050 you got yourself millions of views boi! 00:00:40.050 --> 00:00:42.510 how about-- how about an Alfie. How about-- 00:00:42.510 --> 00:00:44.489 Are you gonna click on this? Would you 00:00:44.489 --> 00:00:48.000 click on this? My first-- my first TIME 00:00:48.000 --> 00:00:53.309 AHHHH nothing sexual! Nothing sexual 00:00:53.309 --> 00:00:57.420 though guys, it's family friendly! 00:00:57.420 --> 00:00:59.640 I love this girl, she's probably my favourite 00:00:59.640 --> 00:01:02.190 Not even trying to make it family friendly my 00:01:02.190 --> 00:01:03.951 Er-- my first time giving head 00:01:03.951 --> 00:01:04.949 - Hey guys it's Daisy here 00:01:04.949 --> 00:01:07.890 And welcome back to my channel 00:01:07.890 --> 00:01:10.080 So today's video is gonna be a story time 00:01:10.080 --> 00:01:11.970 It is story time, it's gonna be all about 00:01:11.970 --> 00:01:16.100 my first time giving head 00:01:16.200 --> 00:01:22.440 *loud electro-song and EEEEEEEEEE* 00:01:22.460 --> 00:01:29.320 (family-friendly femix plays) I don't-- how do I-- okay. - Now before you 00:01:29.330 --> 00:01:30.740 watch this video, go ahead and subscribe down below 00:01:30.740 --> 00:01:33.650 and go ahead and follow all 00:01:33.650 --> 00:01:36.560 of my social media platforms. - I'm going to 00:01:36.560 --> 00:01:38.960 respectfully decline on that offer, but I 00:01:38.960 --> 00:01:43.200 do appreciate because it seemed like an enticing, an enticing video 00:01:43.200 --> 00:01:44.880 - Shit. Shit. I'm ashy as hell. 00:01:44.880 --> 00:01:47.140 Without further ado, I'd rather go ahead 00:01:47.150 --> 00:01:50.680 and get lit. I am using this bong, I'm already.. 00:01:50.690 --> 00:01:53.570 - What? What just happened? Anyway guys my arm.. 00:01:53.570 --> 00:01:56.450 LET'S GET FUCKING HIGH! 00:01:56.450 --> 00:01:57.530 Everyone that's old school 00:01:57.530 --> 00:01:59.869 on YouTube has done a 'my first 00:01:59.869 --> 00:02:02.380 time' video. I haven't done one yet, 00:02:02.380 --> 00:02:05.780 even Dan did! - My first kiss 00:02:05.780 --> 00:02:08.000 My first proper tongue kiss, I was eleven on a school trip and I 00:02:08.000 --> 00:02:09.200 was playing spin the bottle with the 00:02:09.200 --> 00:02:11.180 cool kids in somebody's bedroom and the bottle 00:02:11.180 --> 00:02:15.130 landed on me and a girl, who I won't name 00:02:15.130 --> 00:02:19.700 *sad music* It was me. I don't understand why you never called Daniel 00:02:20.700 --> 00:02:23.180 What was wrong? 00:02:23.180 --> 00:02:26.660 It was fate that the bottle landed on us. 00:02:26.660 --> 00:02:29.840 Yeah, even-- even companies adopted this formula of 00:02:29.840 --> 00:02:32.360 my 'first time' because of the 00:02:32.360 --> 00:02:35.360 slightly sexual undertones. Tempure 00:02:35.360 --> 00:02:39.230 did one. 'We asked couples about their 00:02:39.230 --> 00:02:44.420 first time. -"Oh man" "Oh man!" "Well, 00:02:44.420 --> 00:02:46.610 uhm..." "I think my first time was at my sisters". -Yeah! 00:02:46.610 --> 00:02:47.750 "The guy at work just kept on talking about 00:02:47.750 --> 00:02:50.120 how much he and his wife liked it" "Mhmm" 00:02:50.120 --> 00:02:54.800 "I didn't quite know how to get into it, like..." "Oh man, it was..." 00:02:54.900 --> 00:02:56.959 - They're talking about the MATTRESS not 00:02:56.959 --> 00:03:01.850 anything else! GENIUS! Family-friendly.. 00:03:01.850 --> 00:03:05.480 Fuck. - Nice. You know what I mean? 00:03:05.480 --> 00:03:09.540 That's hilarious, that's hilarious. That's so 00:03:09.540 --> 00:03:12.420 hilarious that I think I might just jump 00:03:12.420 --> 00:03:14.340 out the window and never -- this has been 00:03:14.340 --> 00:03:18.540 great guys, I appreciate you.. 00:03:18.540 --> 00:03:21.120 Alright I'm back. - First person you subscribed 00:03:21.120 --> 00:03:24.269 to on YouT.. Pewdiepie. GOD! These first time 00:03:24.269 --> 00:03:29.549 tag videos are goddamn TERRIBLE!! I need 00:03:29.549 --> 00:03:32.310 to make one myself and show everyone I 00:03:32.310 --> 00:03:33.359 can do it. 00:03:33.359 --> 00:03:35.519 Where's the fucking tag rules? Come on 00:03:35.519 --> 00:03:38.389 where is it? There we go, your first tweet 00:03:38.389 --> 00:03:43.500 Easy! It was to Nelson Mandela. I told him 00:03:43.500 --> 00:03:50.849 I told him "yo dawg let's make a YouTube 00:03:50.849 --> 00:03:53.879 channel. I think it's gonna be hella 00:03:53.879 --> 00:03:57.659 tight." No reply. I don't understand what 00:03:57.659 --> 00:03:59.400 was wrong with the tweet. Hey Nelson, if 00:03:59.400 --> 00:04:00.689 you're watching, if you want to invest in 00:04:00.689 --> 00:04:03.090 underwater rats, hit me-- hook me up dawg. 00:04:03.090 --> 00:04:05.639 Is he still alive? 00:04:05.639 --> 00:04:07.100 He's not alive is he? 00:04:07.100 --> 00:04:09.959 My first YouTube video. Now a lot of people seem to think 00:04:09.959 --> 00:04:16.920 it's the stupid minecraft video, 00:04:20.000 --> 00:04:23.280 Minecraft is not the first video I did. 00:04:23.280 --> 00:04:27.389 Shocking! Prepare for this news. because I 00:04:27.389 --> 00:04:29.580 have a bunch of privated videos on my channel 00:04:29.580 --> 00:04:32.190 that ain't nobody is ever going to see!! 00:04:32.190 --> 00:04:34.139 and if those videos come out in public 00:04:34.139 --> 00:04:36.270 I might just actually have to jump out 00:04:36.270 --> 00:04:38.159 the window, like I was saying. 00:04:38.159 --> 00:04:42.389 Call of Duty Black Ops. '"Hey guys it's me 00:04:42.389 --> 00:04:52.949 PEEEEWDIEPIE.' Nope. Hell no. "What is up you guys? My 00:04:52.949 --> 00:04:57.599 name is Pewdiepie..and apparently saying 00:04:57.599 --> 00:05:00.750 that out loud is annoying.. haha" - Well I guess 00:05:00.750 --> 00:05:03.330 seven years later, I still haven't 00:05:03.330 --> 00:05:09.870 learned: 'PEEEWDIEPIE!' "WELCOME BACK-- hey guys.. 00:05:09.870 --> 00:05:12.930 Fucking hell. I was way cooler back then 00:05:12.930 --> 00:05:15.810 "Kind of notice it when you said it but I 00:05:15.810 --> 00:05:16.600 have to say it. That's just how it is." 00:05:16.600 --> 00:05:19.270 I remember this 00:05:19.270 --> 00:05:21.940 video very specifically, because it was 00:05:21.940 --> 00:05:24.610 the very first time someone asked me to 00:05:24.610 --> 00:05:27.100 play more of Amnesia. It was at the same 00:05:27.100 --> 00:05:29.440 time I transitioned from Call of Duty to 00:05:29.440 --> 00:05:32.290 doing horror or Let's Plays. And -- s-While 00:05:32.290 --> 00:05:34.050 I was recording this, someone wrote me 00:05:34.050 --> 00:05:37.150 being like "hey, when's the next episode 00:05:37.150 --> 00:05:38.980 coming up?" and I'm like "yo Dawg it's 00:05:38.980 --> 00:05:39.960 coming hell yeah...' 00:05:39.960 --> 00:05:44.250 'It's going to be... you know, 'but 00:05:44.250 --> 00:05:46.660 if it is so then it's kind of weird 00:05:46.660 --> 00:05:48.190 because you can't shoot down and a 00:05:48.190 --> 00:05:50.110 teammate's claymores you can't shoot 00:05:50.110 --> 00:05:52.180 down their choppers or anything why 00:05:52.180 --> 00:05:53.800 would you be able to shoot down the 00:05:53.800 --> 00:05:54.790 fucking dogs 00:05:54.790 --> 00:05:58.480 you know?..." hell yeah and I'm older I'm 00:05:58.480 --> 00:06:01.420 also WRECKING this shit!! 37 to suckle nut 00:06:01.420 --> 00:06:05.470 doses toes. Bitch... 00:06:05.470 --> 00:06:09.210 Q: FIRST PERSON I subscribed to on YouTube? jacksepticeye 00:06:09.210 --> 00:06:11.680 raywilliamjohnson. Don't fucking tell 00:06:11.680 --> 00:06:15.381 anyone about that one okay?? Dark times. 00:06:15.381 --> 00:06:18.250 also, come on, everyone subscribed to 00:06:18.250 --> 00:06:20.080 raywilliamjohnson... 00:06:20.080 --> 00:06:22.840 Q: FIRST FACEBOOK PROFILE PIC? 00:06:22.840 --> 00:06:24.640 i'M LOVING THIS, this this is so easy I don't have to do 00:06:24.640 --> 00:06:26.710 I just have to fucking answer questions -- I 00:06:26.710 --> 00:06:29.170 don't have to prepare anything - the best 00:06:29.170 --> 00:06:31.480 shit ever! Yeah no, that's DEFINATELY a 00:06:31.480 --> 00:06:36.610 good picture (laughs) twenty-- 2007, 10 years ago 00:06:36.610 --> 00:06:40.750 you can't even see me -- it-- it's so badly 00:06:40.750 --> 00:06:42.700 you can't even fucking see me... 00:06:42.700 --> 00:06:44.740 excellent choice of a picture Felix, I 00:06:44.740 --> 00:06:46.420 think you really naided it -- nailed it 00:06:46.420 --> 00:06:48.220 Can we try and lt it up so we.. like we 00:06:48.220 --> 00:06:51.100 see how I actually looks enough... ok well 00:06:51.100 --> 00:06:57.000 that's how I look like... ah-- now... ok. 00:06:58.759 --> 00:07:02.569 a face only a mother can love! excellent. 00:07:02.569 --> 00:07:05.499 Q: do you still talk to your first love? 00:07:05.499 --> 00:07:09.979 (sad piano music starts) DAN. what happened? we never talk anymore... 00:07:09.979 --> 00:07:17.499 I don't understand! where did it go wrong? 00:07:17.499 --> 00:07:22.400 did you not like it?! Q: WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST JOB? 00:07:22.400 --> 00:07:25.279 I used to work at a tennis court in the 00:07:25.279 --> 00:07:27.469 middle of nowhere and ah... there was really 00:07:27.469 --> 00:07:29.150 not much to do, but I would take care of 00:07:29.150 --> 00:07:32.449 the cords. There was three of them, uuhm.. , a lot 00:07:32.449 --> 00:07:33.889 of times it rained and I had 00:07:33.889 --> 00:07:35.719 absolutely nothing to do, and, but sit 00:07:35.719 --> 00:07:37.669 around and play guitar here on the 00:07:37.669 --> 00:07:39.889 Nintendo DS, it was fucking... I'm pretty 00:07:39.889 --> 00:07:42.199 good at it! I'm pretty good on guitar hero on DS 00:07:42.199 --> 00:07:43.789 , yes I think that's my main 00:07:43.789 --> 00:07:45.889 game -- you know if anyone challenged me 00:07:45.889 --> 00:07:47.449 for a duel in any game ever, 00:07:47.449 --> 00:07:51.559 I'd be like GUITAR HERO vs DS MOTHERFUCKER 00:07:51.559 --> 00:07:54.289 (badass commercial guy voice) "You earn attacks that show up as icons 00:07:54.289 --> 00:07:56.120 on your touchscreen. To launch these 00:07:56.120 --> 00:07:58.430 attacks..." pewds: look that's DEFINETLY cool... (commercial guy continues) "simply tap them..." 00:07:58.430 --> 00:08:02.000 (guy sings in a very high voice) OH noOOO, he just put my GUITAAAR on fIre! 00:08:02.000 --> 00:08:05.120 (commercial guy continues) "...the pyrotechnic attack is very useful. 00:08:05.120 --> 00:08:07.699 to put out the flames, 00:08:07.699 --> 00:08:09.900 your opponent blOWS them out with it!" 00:08:09.900 --> 00:08:13.669 pewds: yeah, you definitely needed a multiplayer mode for 00:08:13.669 --> 00:08:14.300 this fucking game. 00:08:14.300 --> 00:08:16.700 Q: WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST ALCOHOLIC DRINK? 00:08:16.700 --> 00:08:18.740 Uhm... we're back in the-- back 00:08:18.740 --> 00:08:21.660 in the day. We would have you... -- you have to be 21 to buy 00:08:21.660 --> 00:08:23.779 alcohol in Sweden unless 00:08:23.779 --> 00:08:27.529 you're at a bar. So what we would do-- 00:08:27.529 --> 00:08:29.180 Don't do this by the way, -- but what we 00:08:29.180 --> 00:08:31.099 would do was we'd call this guy, the.. I 00:08:31.099 --> 00:08:32.100 don't know, this random -- number. 00:08:32.100 --> 00:08:37.250 He would show up in a car, dump a "flak" , 00:08:37.250 --> 00:08:38.510 don't know what it's called in English, a 00:08:38.510 --> 00:08:42.529 "flak" of beer.. -- and it was this weird 00:08:42.529 --> 00:08:46.930 fucking like polish beer, not cooled... 00:08:46.930 --> 00:08:50.680 and I remember just like... -- we would, 00:08:50.680 --> 00:08:52.240 we would drink it like we were, -- like we were 00:08:52.240 --> 00:08:56.980 fucking connoisseurs of beer, -- like *imitating himself sipping beer* 00:08:57.980 --> 00:09:06.920 oh WOW! so gooOOOOd!! 00:09:06.980 --> 00:09:12.580 OAAAAAAAAH that's so fUCKIN GOOOOD my gOD I lLOVE beer!!!!!!! 00:09:12.580 --> 00:09:14.400 Q: WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR? 00:09:14.400 --> 00:09:17.740 My mini! That I have here in UK, -- I bought it-- I got a 00:09:17.740 --> 00:09:21.180 license when I was 21, so that's still a meme *MLG airhorns* 00:09:21.180 --> 00:09:22.600 I know is... --good one, 00:09:22.600 --> 00:09:24.600 Yeah! got a mini here. 00:09:24.670 --> 00:09:26.890 Really like it, I don't have it anymore I 00:09:26.890 --> 00:09:29.800 got a Volvo now! Hell yes!! representing 00:09:29.800 --> 00:09:31.300 Sweden! that's right. 00:09:31.300 --> 00:09:33.850 GOT' EM! I'm just kidding I have six Lambos. 00:09:33.850 --> 00:09:36.210 Q: WHO WAS YOUR FIRST TEACHER? 00:09:36.210 --> 00:09:38.560 Uhm, Maryanne. Hot babe *winks* 00:09:38.560 --> 00:09:43.150 how ya doing baby. Hit me up. *keeps winking several times, each time with a different eye* 00:09:43.150 --> 00:09:44.440 I don't know why I'm hitting on my old teacher, she's 00:09:44.440 --> 00:09:46.500 probably like 80,70 years old. 00:09:46.500 --> 00:09:49.210 Q: WHAT WAS THE FIRST CONCERT YOU EVER WENT TO? 00:09:49.210 --> 00:09:50.380 This is really what people give a shit abouT?! 00:09:50.380 --> 00:09:52.100 there's NOTHING sexual?! 00:09:52.100 --> 00:09:53.000 Q: WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST KISS? 00:09:53.000 --> 00:09:57.100 (sad piano music starts playing) *licks intensively* Sorry, I was just reminded of it, eh, 00:09:57.100 --> 00:10:04.330 I was at this party, ehm... one time... and we - ehm-- were all sitting in a circle and then one,- 00:10:04.330 --> 00:10:06.500 --one person was like "Hey we should do spin the bottle and... uhm" 00:10:06.500 --> 00:10:08.080 I'm kidding, I'm kidding. 00:10:08.080 --> 00:10:10.270 I was uh, -- I was really young, I was like 00:10:10.270 --> 00:10:12.220 5 years old or some shit. So I don't really.. -- 00:10:12.220 --> 00:10:13.990 I don't think it counts, when you're that young. 00:10:13.990 --> 00:10:16.570 Yeah no, it was with my first girlfriend 00:10:16.570 --> 00:10:19.240 Emmy. I remember we used to go and there 00:10:19.240 --> 00:10:20.440 was like this little shed in school right, 00:10:20.440 --> 00:10:22.960 I don't know why I asked, .. -- said it 00:10:22.960 --> 00:10:24.160 like you know what I'm talking about. 00:10:24.160 --> 00:10:26.080 There was a little shed - we would hide in 00:10:26.080 --> 00:10:27.430 there, and we would do what we in Sweden call 00:10:27.430 --> 00:10:29.800 a "långtradare" , which is 00:10:29.800 --> 00:10:33.820 basically the Lamborghini of kisses, okay? 00:10:33.820 --> 00:10:36.580 It's basically, you just do a kiss for a 00:10:36.580 --> 00:10:38.350 .. --very long time, like at least three 00:10:38.350 --> 00:10:41.020 seconds. It's pretty, *MLG airhorns*-- it's pretty wild, ..uhm... 00:10:41.020 --> 00:10:43.450 I think it's time to 00:10:43.450 --> 00:10:45.220 wrap up this video! what do you think? 00:10:45.220 --> 00:10:49.090 ALRIGHT then! *loud electro music and EEEEEEEEE STARTS* thank you for watching 00:10:49.090 --> 00:10:51.520 MY FIRST TIME, a-.. and I hope you learned a lot 00:10:51.520 --> 00:10:52.840 because I certainly did. 00:10:52.840 --> 00:10:58.000 ALSO the FIRST time, I stuck a... *long pause* 00:10:59.300 --> 00:11:03.550 WINDOW WINDoow