So you want to know about my first time?
Why don't I just show you? It was a long
dark night
I was probably drinking more than I
should have. I was young, I was reckless
I was ruthless, I was SEXY. Wait a minute..
This isn't family friendly. Fuck! My first
time videos, they're my favourite kind of
videos. Just add the title 'my first
time' and make a stupid fucking face and
you got yourself millions of views boi!
how about-- how about an Alfie. How about--
Are you gonna click on this? Would you
click on this? My first-- my first TIME
AHHHH nothing sexual! Nothing sexual
though guys, it's family friendly!
I love this girl, she's probably my favourite
Not even trying to make it family friendly my
Er-- my first time giving head
- Hey guys it's Daisy here
And welcome back to my channel
So today's video is gonna be a story time
It is story time, it's gonna be all about
my first time giving head
*loud electro-song and EEEEEEEEEE*
(family-friendly femix plays) I don't-- how do I-- okay. - Now before you
watch this video, go ahead and subscribe down below
and go ahead and follow all
of my social media platforms. - I'm going to
respectfully decline on that offer, but I
do appreciate because it seemed like an enticing, an enticing video
- Shit. Shit. I'm ashy as hell.
Without further ado, I'd rather go ahead
and get lit. I am using this bong, I'm already..
- What? What just happened? Anyway guys my arm..
LET'S GET FUCKING HIGH!
Everyone that's old school
on YouTube has done a 'my first
time' video. I haven't done one yet,
even Dan did! - My first kiss
My first proper tongue kiss, I was eleven on a school trip and I
was playing spin the bottle with the
cool kids in somebody's bedroom and the bottle
landed on me and a girl, who I won't name
*sad music* It was me. I don't understand why you never called Daniel
What was wrong?
It was fate that the bottle landed on us.
Yeah, even-- even companies adopted this formula of
my 'first time' because of the
slightly sexual undertones. Tempure
did one. 'We asked couples about their
first time. -"Oh man" "Oh man!" "Well,
uhm..." "I think my first time was at my sisters". -Yeah!
"The guy at work just kept on talking about
how much he and his wife liked it" "Mhmm"
"I didn't quite know how to get into it, like..." "Oh man, it was..."
- They're talking about the MATTRESS not
anything else! GENIUS! Family-friendly..
Fuck. - Nice. You know what I mean?
That's hilarious, that's hilarious. That's so
hilarious that I think I might just jump
out the window and never -- this has been
great guys, I appreciate you..
Alright I'm back. - First person you subscribed
to on YouT.. Pewdiepie. GOD! These first time
tag videos are goddamn TERRIBLE!! I need
to make one myself and show everyone I
can do it.
Where's the fucking tag rules? Come on
where is it? There we go, your first tweet
Easy! It was to Nelson Mandela. I told him
I told him "yo dawg let's make a YouTube
channel. I think it's gonna be hella
tight." No reply. I don't understand what
was wrong with the tweet. Hey Nelson, if
you're watching, if you want to invest in
underwater rats, hit me-- hook me up dawg.
Is he still alive?
He's not alive is he?
My first YouTube video. Now a lot of people seem to think
it's the stupid minecraft video,
Minecraft is not the first video I did.
Shocking! Prepare for this news. because I
have a bunch of privated videos on my channel
that ain't nobody is ever going to see!!
and if those videos come out in public
I might just actually have to jump out
the window, like I was saying.
Call of Duty Black Ops. '"Hey guys it's me
PEEEEWDIEPIE.' Nope. Hell no. "What is up you guys? My
name is Pewdiepie..and apparently saying
that out loud is annoying.. haha" - Well I guess
seven years later, I still haven't
learned: 'PEEEWDIEPIE!' "WELCOME BACK-- hey guys..
Fucking hell. I was way cooler back then
"Kind of notice it when you said it but I
have to say it. That's just how it is."
I remember this
video very specifically, because it was
the very first time someone asked me to
play more of Amnesia. It was at the same
time I transitioned from Call of Duty to
doing horror or Let's Plays. And -- s-While
I was recording this, someone wrote me
being like "hey, when's the next episode
coming up?" and I'm like "yo Dawg it's
coming hell yeah...'
'It's going to be... you know, 'but
if it is so then it's kind of weird
because you can't shoot down and a
teammate's claymores you can't shoot
down their choppers or anything why
would you be able to shoot down the
fucking dogs
you know?..." hell yeah and I'm older I'm
also WRECKING this shit!! 37 to suckle nut
doses toes. Bitch...
Q: FIRST PERSON I subscribed to on YouTube? jacksepticeye
raywilliamjohnson. Don't fucking tell
anyone about that one okay?? Dark times.
also, come on, everyone subscribed to
raywilliamjohnson...
Q: FIRST FACEBOOK PROFILE PIC?
i'M LOVING THIS, this this is so easy I don't have to do
I just have to fucking answer questions -- I
don't have to prepare anything - the best
shit ever! Yeah no, that's DEFINATELY a
good picture (laughs) twenty-- 2007, 10 years ago
you can't even see me -- it-- it's so badly
you can't even fucking see me...
excellent choice of a picture Felix, I
think you really naided it -- nailed it
Can we try and lt it up so we.. like we
see how I actually looks enough... ok well
that's how I look like... ah-- now... ok.
a face only a mother can love! excellent.
Q: do you still talk to your first love?
(sad piano music starts) DAN. what happened? we never talk anymore...
I don't understand! where did it go wrong?
did you not like it?! Q: WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST JOB?
I used to work at a tennis court in the
middle of nowhere and ah... there was really
not much to do, but I would take care of
the cords. There was three of them, uuhm.. , a lot
of times it rained and I had
absolutely nothing to do, and, but sit
around and play guitar here on the
Nintendo DS, it was fucking... I'm pretty
good at it! I'm pretty good on guitar hero on DS
, yes I think that's my main
game -- you know if anyone challenged me
for a duel in any game ever,
I'd be like GUITAR HERO vs DS MOTHERFUCKER
(badass commercial guy voice) "You earn attacks that show up as icons
on your touchscreen. To launch these
attacks..." pewds: look that's DEFINETLY cool... (commercial guy continues) "simply tap them..."
(guy sings in a very high voice) OH noOOO, he just put my GUITAAAR on fIre!
(commercial guy continues) "...the pyrotechnic attack is very useful.
to put out the flames,
your opponent blOWS them out with it!"
pewds: yeah, you definitely needed a multiplayer mode for
this fucking game.
Q: WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
Uhm... we're back in the-- back
in the day. We would have you... -- you have to be 21 to buy
alcohol in Sweden unless
you're at a bar. So what we would do--
Don't do this by the way, -- but what we
would do was we'd call this guy, the.. I
don't know, this random -- number.
He would show up in a car, dump a "flak" ,
don't know what it's called in English, a
"flak" of beer.. -- and it was this weird
fucking like polish beer, not cooled...
and I remember just like... -- we would,
we would drink it like we were, -- like we were
fucking connoisseurs of beer, -- like *imitating himself sipping beer*
oh WOW! so gooOOOOd!!
OAAAAAAAAH that's so fUCKIN GOOOOD my gOD I lLOVE beer!!!!!!!
Q: WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CAR?
My mini! That I have here in UK, -- I bought it-- I got a
license when I was 21, so that's still a meme *MLG airhorns*
I know is... --good one,
Yeah! got a mini here.
Really like it, I don't have it anymore I
got a Volvo now! Hell yes!! representing
Sweden! that's right.
GOT' EM! I'm just kidding I have six Lambos.
Q: WHO WAS YOUR FIRST TEACHER?
Uhm, Maryanne. Hot babe *winks*
how ya doing baby. Hit me up. *keeps winking several times, each time with a different eye*
I don't know why I'm hitting on my old teacher, she's
probably like 80,70 years old.
Q: WHAT WAS THE FIRST CONCERT YOU EVER WENT TO?
This is really what people give a shit abouT?!
there's NOTHING sexual?!
Q: WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST KISS?
(sad piano music starts playing) *licks intensively* Sorry, I was just reminded of it, eh,
I was at this party, ehm... one time... and we - ehm-- were all sitting in a circle and then one,-
--one person was like "Hey we should do spin the bottle and... uhm"
I'm kidding, I'm kidding.
I was uh, -- I was really young, I was like
5 years old or some shit. So I don't really.. --
I don't think it counts, when you're that young.
Yeah no, it was with my first girlfriend
Emmy. I remember we used to go and there
was like this little shed in school right,
I don't know why I asked, .. -- said it
like you know what I'm talking about.
There was a little shed - we would hide in
there, and we would do what we in Sweden call
a "långtradare" , which is
basically the Lamborghini of kisses, okay?
It's basically, you just do a kiss for a
.. --very long time, like at least three
seconds. It's pretty, *MLG airhorns*-- it's pretty wild, ..uhm...
I think it's time to
wrap up this video! what do you think?
ALRIGHT then! *loud electro music and EEEEEEEEE STARTS* thank you for watching
MY FIRST TIME, a-.. and I hope you learned a lot
because I certainly did.
ALSO the FIRST time, I stuck a... *long pause*
WINDOW WINDoow