[Felix] Where the fuck is he?
[Ken] And then Felix swam away. Some people say he's still swimming to this day.
[F] Where is he?
[F] I think I shaked them.
[F] I think I shook 'em off, guys.
[F] AHHHH
*laughter*
[F] Alright, scootch the...ro - role playing.
[F] Put on your role playing hat because it's about to get...st - steamy.
[Brad] It was Friday.
[B] Friday morning. The date? Thirteenth.
*laughing*
[B] The date was unknown but I did know it was a Friday.
[B] We don't know who struck first but we do know...
[F] *laughing*
[F] How does it start? Here we go.
[Michael] That's how it starts.
[K] Higgens Haven. 1984.
[F] There were five...six boys. And a hot girl.
[B] One girl.
*laughter*
[F] Her name was Marzia. Oh..
[K] Oh shit!
[F] Marzia DIED
[F] And Felix's super upset.
[K] Damn.
[K] 'What y'all guys doin', y'all havin a campfire?'
*laughter*
[Character] Oh, god, what am I gonna do?
[F] What am I gonna do?
[B] Ken, you're the bad guy, right?
[K] I'm here for some views, baby.
[F] Ken.
[K] And can I be in a Pewdiepie video?
[F] 'I try to run to the cabin. For help.'
[F] But what they didn't know...is that I have a great fuckin' ass.
[F] I decided to enter the cabin.
[F] And then play the piano. Hey, my jacket is actually in this game. How 'bout that?
[K] Ho, ho, ho!
[K] Fuck y'all at?
[F] Hey! Ho! Jesus Christ, who's that?
[M] Good day.
[F] Good day. Good day to you. My lady.
[F] Now close the door, you crazy Mexican lady.
[M] Lock the door, lock the door!
[F] You fuckin' do it, bitch.
[F] Alright, you stay by the door and make sure it's safe.
[F] Alright, we should all do the safest thing and go upstairs to hide.
[F] That always seems to work.
[K] I'm the ghost of Christmas past.
[F] I fuckin' hear you in the game, dude.
[K] Yeah? You hear me?
[F] Ah!
[M] Hello?
[F] Ken, what the fuck are you doing?
[F] Heal me!
*various shouts and exclamations*
[F] Ow! My ass!
[F] Fuck!
[B] Oh, baby!
[K] Hell, yeah!
*laughter*
[F] Thanks for killing me right away.
[F] Thanks for killing me. I appreciate that.
[K] Can I be in a Pewdiepie video now?
[F] What the fuck are you doing to my body?
[K] Where y'all - where y'all going?
[K] C'mon back!
[B] I found a car.
[F] Oh, my god.
*indistinct chatter*
[F] Oh, my god, I got a weapon.
[F] Aw, shit, I wasted it.
[K] Hey, y'all lost? Y'all need some directions?
[K] You wanna go bro? [B] *indistinct yelling*
[K] What the fuck?
[F] I'll distract him! Don't worry!
[K] Damn. Oh, shit, hanging up my Christmas tree.
[F] Oh, my god, you killed him!
[K] Oh, fuck! What the fuck?
[K] Bunch a' puny, slinken, yanky...fuckers,
[F] *shouting*
[F] Stop fucking my body up! Jesus Christ, what are you doing to it?
[M] Oh, Felix is the bad guy now...
[F] Well, it kind of sucked ass not to be, so.
[F] Hello, is anybody - hello, hello, hello?
[F] Is anybody out there?
[F] Oh, I see...
[F] I see......
[F] It's ya' boy.
[F] P to the Pie....
[B] *shouts* Oh, my god. Stay away from me.
[F] Got 'em!
[F] You wanna kiss, boy?
[F] Alright, where should we take him?
[F] Hey, what the fuck is this shit?
[B] That's right, it's your boy skinny Penis, bye...
[F] No, not Skinny Penis! Anyone but Skinny Penis!
[F] Whoa, what the fuck is this?
[F] I'm a fuckin' ghost.
*indistinct conversation*
[F] OOOH Surprise motherfucka'!
[K] Hey!
[F] Hey!
[K] What the fuck?
[F] Hey, how you doin'? Hi, how's it goin in there?
[K] Are you the ga - Are you the gardener?
[K] Uh, these hedges need to be trimmed, /sir/!
[F] Si, señor
[K] My father is /very/ rich! [F] How rich?
[K] And I don't - what the fuck? Oh, Jesus Christ. Fuck, I'm out of here. Oh, shit!
[K] No, get back in! Oh, god, oh. You'll never catch me!
[F] Open the door!
[F] Here's.....Jacksepticeye!
[K] Jason's knockin' at my door
[K] Oh, fuck!
[F] TOP OF THE MORNING TO YA.
[K] Ah, goddamn!
[K] Aw, shit!
[F] Get your fuckin' white ass in - god, dammit.
[F] Stop!
[F] God dammit, let me - !
[K] My father is - Ah! No!! Let me go!
[F] What about your dada, huh?
[K] *Shouting* [F] *Laughing*
*both laughing*
*sad music*
[F] Oh, no...
[K] Father...father...
[F] Alright, where are the rest? Where are you guys?
[K] Somebody's in a barn. I mean...I don't know that.
[B] No, I'm not. Wait, you can teleport.
[K] Michael run!
*various giggling*
[M] Please, I was a good boy!
[F] You're a fucking girl!
[F] Hey, there, pretty lady.
*sneaky music*
[M] I'm going in now.
*indistinct conversation*
[M] I swear, I'm not in there!
[F] Surprise, mothafucka'
[F] Did I kill you?
[F] I killed you? What the fuck?
[F] Surprise, mothafucka'
*indistinct conversation*
[F] Oh, there he is! Oh, okay.
[K] *shouting*
[M] Kiss him! Kiss!
[F] Gimme a fuckin' - ah! Jesus.
[F] Fuck your shitty car. This is not a Volvo.
[F] Where is he now?
*sneaky music*
[B] I will never tell you!
[M] *gasp*
[K] *giggling*
[F] Did I hear someone just gasp?
*giggling*
[F] Did I hear someone just...fuckin' gasp when I went here?
*various shouting*
[M] Run, run, ah!
*laughing*
[F] Hey!
[K] Ah Hey!
[F] You look /goood/
[F] You look real fuckin' good, man
[F] Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh....oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
[F] Oh, no. What happened?
[F] There he is!
[K] Oh, god!
[F] Run, baby! Throw your firecracker!
[F] Throw your firecrackerrrr
[K] I don't have any firecrackers!
[F] I'll throw my firecrackers!
[B as Marzia] Felix! I'm hungry!
[F] *giggling* Oh! No!
[F] No! Nooo! NOOOAGGHH
[K] Oh, my god! I'm comin' to save you!
[F] Let go of me, Marzia!
[F] Save Meh!
[F] Hey, Hank, what can I do for ya'?
[B as Marzia] Hey, I would like, uh, two number nines.
*various giggling and conversation*
[B as Marzia] Two number nines...
[K] Just kidden' fuck you.
[F] A number six. Extra dip.
[B as Marzia] Where is he, Felix? I'm feelin' too hungry to think straight.
[B as Marzia] I think I'm going to choke you to death.
[F] Please, Marzia!
[F] You'll never find me, Marzia.
[B as Marzia] Felix, I'm hungry. Take me to...a pizza place.
[F] My fucking face! Why are my eyes just popping out of my fuckin' face?
[F] Oh, my god. I'm jumping in!
[F] I'm swimmin'!
[F] Where is he? Where is he? Whereishe?
[F] I think I shaked them...I think I shook them off, guys.
[F] AHH!
*laughter*
[B as M] I finally found Felix and his friends. And killed them all!
[B as Marzia] Now I'm going to go home and make blood meat pasta. And make a video about it.
[B as Marzia] Subscribe to CutiepieMarzia!
[K] Jimmy, what's up?
[F] Give me a hug. I want a hug. Validate me.
[K] Alright, alright. Hug time!
[F] Oh, no I - I think you killed me.
[F] Oh, my god, you're choking me to death! What the fuck?
[F] Dude, I wanted a hug! Jesus.
[K] Pow bomb, baby.
*various shouts*
[F] Gaahh!
[F] For fuck's sake. We can't even build a fuck - aw, there he is. He teleported.
[B] So, you have finally come.
[K] I don't like the way you've been treating me, Brad.
[K] Bitch!
[F] Oh, my fucking god.
[K] Bitch!
[F] You fuckin' - ! Jesus Christ.
[F] Uh...are you guys working on this car?
[F] The same one? Where's the - where's the battery?
[F] Does anyone know?
[F] Probably at the barn.
[F] Just gonna have to spread out.
[M] I found a battery!
[F] Oh, you found a battery?
[F] Hey, Marzia! You wanna go on a road trip?
[F] Get in the car! Oh, my god!
[F] No! No!
[F] Kill him! Kill him!
[F] Oh, shit! No, I shot Ken! Oh, my god, I'm sorry!
[F] I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
[F] Get in the car!
[F] Oh, my god, let's get out of here!
[F] Wait, let's run him ov - mar - mar - mar - Where's Marzia? There she is.
[F] Oh!!
[F] Whoa, what the fuck!
[F] Start the engine! Start the engine! Start the engine!
[B as Marzia] Where did you - You lied to me!
[F] Bye, bitch!
[B as Marzia] Bro! You lied.
[F] Fuck!
[K] *laughing*
[F] Shit, shit, shit, shit.
[B as Marzia] You lied to me. You said I could come with on the road trip and you trash the car
[F] You can come on the roadtrip as promised! We're going to -
[B as Marzia] Well, how can we go on the roadtip now after you trashed the car?
[B as Marzia] You ruined my day.
[F] I'll buy a new one!
[F] Hey, Marzia, there's a - there's...there's a pug behind you.
[B as Marzia] Really? Where?
[F] Dammit.
[B as Marzia] I don't see.
[F] Just keep looking.
[B as Marzia] I can't see the pug. Ah!
[F] Got....Got 'em.
[F] You can't fucking kill Jason, what are you talking about?
[B as Marzia] Ow!
[F] Keep looking! There's like a lot of French Bulldogs...
[F] Hey, you don't have the mask anymore! Show - Look at me.
[F] Oh, my god, Marzia, you're beautiful!
[B as Marzia] I have no makeup on today. Don't film me.
[M] I found the phone! Come to me!
[F] Okay, beautiful Romanian, clearly woman. I will go with you.
[F] Whoa, Jesus Christ, what the fuck?
*various laughter*
[F] I found a phone, let's call the sheriff, Jacksepticeye!
[F] Is this Jacksepticeye?
[M] Oh, police arrive, five minutes!
[F] Five minutes. We've gotta survive five minutes, guys.
[F] Oh, Jesus!
[B as Marzia] Talking indistinctly
[F] Ken, Ken!
[F] Ken is crippled. Kill him! Not me!
[M] Don't do it. Don't be a dick.
[F] Kill the Romanian.
[F] Kill the Romanian!
*Various shouts*
[F] No, not Romanian!
[K] Oh, god!
[F] Oh! the cops are coming!
[F] The cops are coming! Hallelujah, we're saved, Ken!
[F] We can be together without Marzia!
*various shouting*
[F] Ah, shit!
[K] Oh, shit!
[F] There's the cops! The cops! Save me, cops!
[F] Fuck you, Ken, I'm getting out of here!
*indistinct shouts*
[K] What happened? I can't see.
[F] Did you get shot?
[F] Oh, there he is, he's back up!
[F] What the fuck?!
[K] Oh..!
[F] Yeaaahh!
[F] Nah, he's back up!
[B as Marzia] You may have escaped me this time, Felix and Ken.
[B as Marzia] But next time I will make pasta and meatballs off of your dead corpse.
[B as Marzia] Thanks for watching!
*various laughter*
[F] And that's the story... of how my girlfriend went fuckin' crazy.
[F] I hope you enjoyed this story time with Pewds.
[F] Please do watch another video right here.
[F] It's gonna be even better than this one.
[F] Click it now. Or else...something might happen...
It's going to...text me O...K...Watch it.
*giggles*