[tranquil whistling music]
[grass rustling]
starboylester on instagram
*spits*
There's a Pokemon right fucking here.
*sniffs*
The rarest Pokemon... of them all.
*spits*
I haven't showered...
I haven't taken a shit...
I'm constipated.
Hold on, lemme -- let me check my GPS.
Where is it?
It's nearby.
I found one!
[Dramatic Music]
You didn't see me, but here I am
They call me Beast Master 64.
I'm the greatest Pokemon hunter alive.
I've been on the hunt
for 84 days.
Where is it? [sniffs loudly]
What - what's this?!
I'm getting closer.
I was unarmed, outnumbered...
But I caught a Blastoise.
It had no arms
but I got that sucker.
No one sees me...
I am the danger.
You getting this?
You fucking getting this?
[unintelligible talking] Ow
[laughing]
Ow, my balls!
[laughing]
Ah!
...False alarm.
I used to have a Magikarp in my Pokedex.
It evolved to a Gyarados but I snapped its neck before it happened. [Snapping noise]
I still think about the sound.
It puts me to sleep.
A Machamp tried to wrestle me
but I got him.
With my ass hole
I punch a Charizard in the face, he never even got up
I stole a Pikachu from a child.
And then I...
ate it.
Beast Master 64!
I use a Geodude as a fucking football!
There's at least four Pokemons in this area.
Look there's one right there!
Do you see it?
[Camera man] Wait where?
Right there, between the benches.
It's a Snorlax.
*Pokemon Go music*
[Camera man] I don't see it
You're telling me you don't see it,
It's right fuckin' there mate!
*Pokemon Go music*
[Camera man] There's nothing there...
Some say it's a dangerous profession,
But I...I'm not--
WOAH, it's.. a go get down, get down!! *Pokemon Go music*
There's a Machamp right there.
Right fucking there, you see it?
*Pokemon Go music plays*
[Camera man] um, Mr Beast Master 64?
Say my name again.
[camera man] Uh, I don't think there's anything there....
[camera man] There's like nothing....
There's a fuckin'...
Machamp...
In two pieces.
You're telling me you're not seeing this?!
[Camera man] Pokemon aren't real!
I will eat his legs tonight!
You're telling me that's not real?
[Camera man] Pokemon aren't real! They're not here.
Pokemon are real.
They're right there.
[Camera man] There's no such thing!
Listen man, listen...
[Camera man] You can't just walk around outside and catch pokemon!
[Deep voice] No...
[Camera man] It's a game, it's a TV show!
[Camera man] It's not in real life!
Pokemon are real!
Shut up!
Shut the fuck up!
They're real, goddammit!
POKEMON ARE REAL!
OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES!
*scream of despair and frustration*
Wait a minute...
He's right...
No, no...
No..
*groans*
Why?!
*sobbing*
All these years, I've been hunting...
It was all in my head.
It was in here.
But if Pokemon aren't real...
How can our eyes be real?
Wait!
What the fuck is that?
[Camera man] That's a guy walking his dog.
That's a Pokemon!
That's a Pokemon, right there!
[camera man] That's a normal person with a dog--
That's a Pokemon!
Dogs are real, Pokemon are not--
That's my Pokemon!
[Gunshot]
[dramatic music]
*sigh*
If Pokemon aren't real...
Then dogs aren't real either...
*quiet sobbing*
*heavy breathing*
[Gunshot]