WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:02.160 --> 00:00:03.120 Am I dead? 00:00:13.220 --> 00:00:14.740 Why does my eyes hurt? 00:00:14.920 --> 00:00:16.740 (I've never used this before) 00:00:18.140 --> 00:00:18.640 The rules 00:00:19.500 --> 00:00:20.540 of the internet 00:00:21.180 --> 00:00:22.480 Yes, it does exists 00:00:23.480 --> 00:00:25.780 It's cringy as fuck, someone actually wrote this shit 00:00:26.560 --> 00:00:27.780 Rule #1 00:00:28.060 --> 00:00:30.540 There are no girls on the internet 00:00:30.600 --> 00:00:31.880 It's actually true 00:00:32.180 --> 00:00:34.660 Do not talk about /b/ 00:00:37.400 --> 00:00:38.880 I'm not gonna read the rest of it 00:00:39.100 --> 00:00:44.360 But there is one rule in particular that is still relevant to this day 00:00:45.220 --> 00:00:47.040 I'm talking of course 00:00:47.780 --> 00:00:49.220 About rule 34 00:00:49.220 --> 00:00:51.220 00:01:00.380 --> 00:01:04.000 There is porn of it, no exceptions 00:01:06.780 --> 00:01:10.720 So basically, if I would say something outrageous, 00:01:11.100 --> 00:01:13.160 like, pterodactyls 00:01:13.500 --> 00:01:15.160 Those fucking dinosaurs with the wings 00:01:15.420 --> 00:01:16.620 00:01:16.740 --> 00:01:17.700 OK let's search 00:01:17.720 --> 00:01:18.640 You know what? Why not? 00:01:18.640 --> 00:01:19.820 Pterodactyl porn 00:01:20.060 --> 00:01:21.580 Wait what the fuck is this? 00:01:23.240 --> 00:01:25.080 There's a video 00:01:25.800 --> 00:01:28.060 2 millions views that's... Oh my god! 00:01:28.840 --> 00:01:30.300 Oh my god! 00:01:31.060 --> 00:01:31.940 What the fuck? 00:01:32.460 --> 00:01:33.700 That was just a joke! 00:01:33.700 --> 00:01:37.980 I didn't think they would actually oh my god no! God! God dammit! Fuck! 00:01:38.320 --> 00:01:39.600 Who would accept this? 00:01:39.780 --> 00:01:41.280 Pterodactyls man! 00:01:41.780 --> 00:01:43.860 They used to be my favourite dinosaur! 00:01:43.860 --> 00:01:48.420 needless to say, don't flag this fucking video, just because of this, alright? 00:01:48.420 --> 00:01:51.000 ya'll just flag every video, even though I censor it! 00:01:51.420 --> 00:01:53.740 the joke of this video was supposed to be 00:01:54.040 --> 00:01:56.440 that I'm gonna search something, it's not gonna show up 00:01:56.440 --> 00:01:57.880 so we're gonna make it 00:01:58.100 --> 00:02:01.280 now there is this website, that uh, a friend 00:02:01.540 --> 00:02:02.060 00:02:02.320 --> 00:02:04.420 A friend told me about this one, I haven't heard of it 00:02:04.540 --> 00:02:06.200 It's uh, Rule 34 00:02:06.220 --> 00:02:07.180 So basically, 00:02:07.440 --> 00:02:10.220 Let's say if I would show, type PewDiePie here 00:02:10.300 --> 00:02:11.860 There should technically 00:02:12.040 --> 00:02:12.700 *Burps* 00:02:12.700 --> 00:02:14.440 Oh my god what the 00:02:14.560 --> 00:02:18.460 What...The...Fucking shit god damn it 00:02:18.980 --> 00:02:21.060 Why am I always the bottom bitch? 00:02:21.500 --> 00:02:22.860 Okay, alright, god, I can't 00:02:23.480 --> 00:02:25.320 Alright I'm gonna come up with something so crazy, 00:02:25.320 --> 00:02:28.240 There's not gonna be porn of it, we're gonna make it. 00:02:28.600 --> 00:02:30.200 We're gonna draw our own. 00:02:30.760 --> 00:02:32.520 Alright let's think here... 00:02:33.860 --> 00:02:43.520 * ALL THE HARD WORK, THAT WENT INTO IT* 00:02:44.180 --> 00:02:45.020 SNICKERS 00:02:45.260 --> 00:02:48.780 There's no fucking way, there is Snickers porn 00:02:50.720 --> 00:02:51.920 Oh my fucking god. 00:02:52.560 --> 00:02:53.120 Oh my god. 00:02:55.320 --> 00:02:55.820 Why. 00:02:57.220 --> 00:03:03.940 WOW!! AMERICAN SNACKS ARE HUGE!! I LOVE BIG AMERICAN COCK-OLATE! 00:03:04.200 --> 00:03:05.040 LAMPS 00:03:05.300 --> 00:03:07.860 Ain't nothing sexual about lamps. 00:03:08.300 --> 00:03:08.960 Oh my god 00:03:09.220 --> 00:03:09.780 Oh my god 00:03:10.120 --> 00:03:11.320 Of course, how the- 00:03:11.680 --> 00:03:12.800 How did I not see that 00:03:12.800 --> 00:03:14.320 What about a CD? 00:03:14.380 --> 00:03:14.880 What-- 00:03:15.040 --> 00:03:17.600 * death of soul laughter * 00:03:17.680 --> 00:03:18.980 God damn it. 00:03:19.460 --> 00:03:21.080 what about a SHOPPING CART! 00:03:21.300 --> 00:03:23.960 Ain't nothing sexual about a shopping cart. 00:03:24.260 --> 00:03:25.780 Oh for FUCK'S SAKE! 00:03:26.140 --> 00:03:28.200 ok what if- we gotta think deeper 00:03:28.240 --> 00:03:31.040 if we're gonna beat this game, we gotta think deeper 00:03:31.240 --> 00:03:35.480 now what possibly could not be sexualized 00:03:35.560 --> 00:03:37.780 think with me, HELP GOD DAMN IT! 00:03:38.220 --> 00:03:40.080 HELP ME GOD DAMN IT! 00:03:41.180 --> 00:03:42.220 Of course 00:03:42.500 --> 00:03:44.740 Something that is already sexual 00:03:45.660 --> 00:03:46.160 Butts 00:03:46.780 --> 00:03:47.460 C'mon 00:03:48.460 --> 00:03:49.080 C'MON 00:03:49.480 --> 00:03:51.540 * THE WAIT * 00:03:52.760 --> 00:03:53.800 YESSSSSSSSSS! 00:03:55.020 --> 00:03:56.300 I BEAT YOU! 00:03:59.180 --> 00:04:01.260 SO NOW, we're gonna make our own 00:04:01.380 --> 00:04:01.880 Mmkay 00:04:02.700 --> 00:04:04.200 Alright so here we go 00:04:05.400 --> 00:04:06.820 Man that's hard to... 00:04:07.900 --> 00:04:08.420 draw 00:04:09.040 --> 00:04:11.440 okay , so we got a butt here 00:04:11.960 --> 00:04:12.460 have a nice 00:04:12.640 --> 00:04:13.820 he has a nice 00:04:14.580 --> 00:04:15.080 uhh 00:04:15.440 --> 00:04:15.940 SUIT 00:04:16.340 --> 00:04:17.920 popping home from work 00:04:18.400 --> 00:04:20.480 i'm drawing a clevage on a butt 00:04:21.220 --> 00:04:22.400 this is great 00:04:22.780 --> 00:04:24.520 does the butts have butts? 00:04:24.580 --> 00:04:25.920 * QUESTION OF THE MILLENIUM! * 00:04:25.920 --> 00:04:27.900 yeah, yeah they, they must have butts 00:04:28.340 --> 00:04:30.100 okay well there you go 00:04:30.200 --> 00:04:33.160 we filled an empty hole of the internet today 00:04:33.380 --> 00:04:34.580 Should all be proud 00:04:34.660 --> 00:04:35.780 What about boobs? 00:04:38.880 --> 00:04:41.180 Oh my GOD, WE FOUND A LOOPHOLE! 00:04:41.520 --> 00:04:42.120 okay 00:04:42.220 --> 00:04:42.720 uhhh 00:04:46.800 --> 00:04:50.760 * ALL THAT HARD WORK & DETAILING * 00:04:55.960 --> 00:04:57.760 look at that they love each other 00:05:01.020 --> 00:05:02.840 oh god why 00:05:02.940 --> 00:05:03.840 Okay I got it 00:05:03.960 --> 00:05:05.040 Car 00:05:05.040 --> 00:05:07.120 Ain't nothing sexual about that 00:05:08.080 --> 00:05:10.000 HOLY FUCKING SHIT-I was wrong 00:05:10.360 --> 00:05:14.000 Now what in everything HOLY-THE FUCK IS THIS? 00:05:14.460 --> 00:05:17.620 * NEEDS TO CHILL * 00:05:17.960 --> 00:05:19.160 I wanna die 00:05:19.260 --> 00:05:20.620 Alright what about this 00:05:20.760 --> 00:05:21.940 CONTINENTS 00:05:21.940 --> 00:05:25.140 What the fuck... DON'T TURN SWEDEN INTO A PENIS! 00:05:25.700 --> 00:05:27.780 And a snail.... IS THAT A SNAIL? 00:05:27.980 --> 00:05:28.860 GOD DAMMITTTTTTTT 00:05:29.420 --> 00:05:30.300 UHHHHHHHHHH HA 00:05:30.540 --> 00:05:32.480 This can never be unseen 00:05:32.800 --> 00:05:33.780 Sweden 00:05:33.780 --> 00:05:35.780 Okay what's sexual about Sweden? 00:05:36.800 --> 00:05:40.600 What in the JESUS FUCKING CHRIST is wrong with you guys!!! 00:05:41.700 --> 00:05:43.060 What about a toilet? 00:05:43.060 --> 00:05:45.220 Please god don't ruin toilets for me 00:05:45.740 --> 00:05:47.740 OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! 00:05:47.760 --> 00:05:49.600 THAT IS FUCKED UP, ALRIGHT! 00:05:50.040 --> 00:05:51.220 OH MY GOD! 00:05:53.640 --> 00:05:56.160 I'm not even gonna show that because you're not gonna be a-- 00:05:56.160 --> 00:05:58.400 You're not gonna be a happier person. 00:05:59.020 --> 00:06:00.480 What about an iPad? 00:06:00.820 --> 00:06:01.880 *laugh that sounds like a baseball bat to the throat* 00:06:07.980 --> 00:06:10.400 What the fuck? 00:06:11.680 --> 00:06:13.580 Why would you do that? Why? 00:06:13.580 --> 00:06:16.420 THE PONY STUFF! IT'S SO FUCKING WEIRD! 00:06:16.480 --> 00:06:17.960 What about math? 00:06:20.420 --> 00:06:23.280 What're you fucking kidding me? 00:06:24.060 --> 00:06:25.960 Guide to making Rule 34 00:06:26.060 --> 00:06:27.280 Take a character 00:06:27.460 --> 00:06:29.620 Likely underage from the 1980's 00:06:29.760 --> 00:06:30.640 Jesus Christ 00:06:31.380 --> 00:06:32.720 Remove clothing 00:06:33.460 --> 00:06:36.480 Step 3: SPIT IN GOD'S EYE! 00:06:38.180 --> 00:06:40.180 Well I couldn't have put it in a better way myself 00:06:40.640 --> 00:06:42.820 What about a video game console? 00:06:42.820 --> 00:06:46.660 *laughter* 00:06:47.760 --> 00:06:50.020 There's the DS in the background too 00:06:50.480 --> 00:06:52.640 Who the fuck had a two Dreamcasts? 00:06:52.980 --> 00:06:54.980 Those shit were so expensive! 00:06:55.000 --> 00:06:57.140 What about rule 34 itself? 00:06:59.020 --> 00:07:01.820 oh my fucking god, people are fucking insane 00:07:01.820 --> 00:07:03.020 oh my god 00:07:03.020 --> 00:07:04.860 I can't do this shit anymore 00:07:07.680 --> 00:07:09.520 I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE! 00:07:12.060 --> 00:07:12.620 I'M DONE 00:07:13.040 --> 00:07:13.760 YA'LL SICK 00:07:14.120 --> 00:07:15.800 YA'LL SICK! NOW EXCUSE ME 00:07:15.800 --> 00:07:17.700 I'M GOING TO BLEACH MY EYES 00:07:17.960 --> 00:07:20.440 *MANY SCREAMS OF PAIN* 00:07:27.040 --> 00:07:27.960 I'M BLIND 00:07:28.100 --> 00:07:28.600 OKAY 00:07:29.200 --> 00:07:29.700 BROS 00:07:30.880 --> 00:07:32.140 Whatever you do 00:07:32.520 --> 00:07:34.860 DON'T FLAG THIS VIDEO 00:07:35.480 --> 00:07:37.800 It will all have been for nothing if you do 00:07:38.420 --> 00:07:39.220 #2 00:07:40.880 --> 00:07:41.440 I forgot 00:07:41.740 --> 00:07:44.040 NUMBER #3: Like this video 00:07:44.540 --> 00:07:47.220 Subscribe for more quality content like this 00:07:47.340 --> 00:07:50.120 And join me on my path to madness 00:07:50.120 --> 00:07:51.560 As always 00:07:51.840 --> 00:07:53.140 Brofist!