WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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Yesterday I asked you

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to roast my facial hair

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Roast my facial hair

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not for a video

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I said. Well you've just been played! This is for a video! You've been tricked!

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*LAUGHS* One of my great old epic trolls. You fell for it. You think I'm scared of your roasts?

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You think I'm scared? This is the most pristine,

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beautiful,

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silky

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..th-thing ever.

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and ain't nothing bad you can say about this.

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Oh, let's see what you guys are going to say: 'Oh, it looks like pubic hair, ooooooh.'

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You wish you could grow pubic hair like this!

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"Oh, It looks like someone killed a cat."

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Whatever. Fuck off. Okay here we go. Let's read what you said!

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Let's read what you said! Oh, I'm so scared.

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Number one: women respecter cam

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Caveman.

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Oh no, he called me a caveman. Oh, look at the tears. They're just go- they're just so ..Caveman

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If it looks like I'm crying, it's because it's fake tears.

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'Did someone say Jesus?'

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*laughs*

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Well, that's good to know! My beard looks like Jesus Christ!

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I thought this was a roast!

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Jesus Christ the most attractive man in humankind? That's how my beard looks like? I'll take it.

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Thank you. Oh look, we got Cr1TiKaL. It's actually him.

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The real one. Except it's not verified so it's... dammit it's not him. Fuck.

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*reads*

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*silent* call me

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*laugh* *reads*

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*LAUGHS*

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*reads*.

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Oh look at that, the pubie jokes! Well done! Well Done! I say

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*High Voice* "It looks like pubic hair!"

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You couldn't grow pubic hair on your ass

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Oh! here we go, Brad

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♪ I would have gve you all of my heart ♪

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♪ But there's someone who's torn it apart ♪

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♪ And he's taken just all that I have ♪

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♪ If you wanna try to love again ♪

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*song cuts off*

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That's just mean, man. Why would you? What are you implying here? These two gents have excellent facial hair!

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Okay?

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'A quick roast you ask? A quick diss track you receive.'

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Oh, hey look it's the cat comment! Sorry, limp biscuit! (Myth Crypt).

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I'm sorry, I didn't know you were still alive,

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limp dicknis bitch. Fuck you. Oh, okay

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I see. All right, all right. You you're drawing the-
the- the island. He's lost in an island comparison

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Give Tom Hanks a nice outfit,

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You know suit him up, do his hair. He'd look fucking poppin' and you know it.

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'Ouch.. don't roast facial hair man, use a razor'

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Can I die now?

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Oh here it is: 'u mean ur pubic hair on ur face?'

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Hahahaha! I hear that!

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HAHAHAHAHAHA!

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Pubic hair on the fa- *hysterical laughter*

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I can't roast what's already been burnt

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*reads*

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Listen here

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Listen here you, waman?

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Just because you're a whaman, I'm gonna go easy on you, but you

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I Bet if you could grow a beard

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*mutters* You would look like a little bitch

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Is Keemstar trying to roast my beard? Keemstar, I thought you were better than this. 'I have a pretty bad one

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I could say but I think it's best if I shave it'

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Oh I get it

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No, that was my genuine reaction there.

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I get it.

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'It looked like something I'd used to scrub the shit of my toi...' uuuh i- that's mean

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*reads in mocking voice*

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*Turbo and wastegate noise* fuck up

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'Bro, it looks like it could be its own person'

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It's actually kind of cute

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You made... You make out with that fucking sexy ass son of a bitch

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Let's get real here for a second. This is not a roast. This is a lift me up, baby, cuz you-- I'm so sexy

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Oh my God, that's disgusting 'Grow it a bit more and try this' what the fuck?

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Is he eating Ramen

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noodles out of his

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Okay, did you just swap?

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*laughs*

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What the fuck? It looks so weird

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ha ha

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Jesus Christ

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Please don't ever do that again

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*reads*

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*weird merrr noise*

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*reads*

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buuh

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Listen. I ain't balding. Do you see this hairline? Okay? Do you see this perfect fucking hairline? It's

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Stronger than a strongest Swedish viking, okay?

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Fuck you, man, okay? Ain't no insecurities here. Hah!

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perfect hair perfect

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facial hair perfect facial features a goddamn godlike

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Complex, thank you. Thank you. What the fuck is this

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Girlfriend Magazine 'Pewdiepie doesn't look like this anymore.'

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Don't jump on the hate on the beard train not girlfriend magazine

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Okay, so they they they picked some of the best roasts?

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Cavemen

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Wolverine and

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Wolverine

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Some fine journalism there

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Oh, look, Brad your fee-- your feature on Girlfriend Magazine, Brad, congrats. A new high for you brad congrats

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Well done, Brad. Well done.

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Thank you

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God damn it. God fucking dammit. I guess me and fucking Brad Pitt had the same God-awful

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What the fuck? God daMN IT!

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No, Felix, don't listen to them, your beard is beautiful.

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That's better

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Fuckin' hell. That's disgusting. Can someone photoshop away the eyebrows of that?

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*reads*

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Wow, what a well-constructed roast. Really-- really hit the nail on that one

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*reads*

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liked by Ecosia. 'the search engine that plants trees'

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Is this all you got? I literally scroll to the bottom, ok, yeah?

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Wow, incredible

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That's all you had?

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Nothing about how it can't connect?

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Nothing about how there's no growth here whatsoever?

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Nothing about how there's ginger bits in there?

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I have ginger in my DNA

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I discovered it now!

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But the beard is staying. That's right. I don't care what your little teenage sons of bitches think

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It's beautiful.

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And the more y'all hate on it the more it grows

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for every shit-post saying

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'Pewds, please shave'

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it grows another centimeter

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So keep them coming kids cuz I ain't afraid I'm not insecure about your bullshit

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May have failed last time

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I may have given in to the pressure of shaving and that was only because I was literally fucking kidnapped

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It was against my free will

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[video]For four months.

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Oh my God, that beard did not look good. Is it longer now?

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Must have more testosterone this time around

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He just added this video just to hit 10 minutes

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What a pathetic person

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(video) It is me

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Odin,

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I cannot let you do this Felix

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I have watched you look like a little bitch for 26 long years

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Look at this face

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It's pathetic

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Do not listen to your fans PewDiePie, half of them are clearly retarded
[Felix]*repeats*

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I'm fuckin' PewDiePie

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I do what I want. I got the most subscribers

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I'm gonna shave.

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Fine

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If you shave, I'll make it so that Marzia

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won't

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Felix 
Pewds: I'm surprised Wall Street didn't pick up on this, to be honest

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No one noticed this one?

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Nein!!

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Jesus Christ

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When was this?

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June 2016

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Okay, let's end the video here. Thank you SisterFisters. You can keep them coming

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Shave supporters, Non-shave supporters, let me know what in the comments down below.

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What do you think? What are your thoughts and comments?

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They will have no impact on my life and this choice- the decisions whatsoever.

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Leave a like if you want me to shave and leave a like if you want me to not shave.

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Thank you guys so much

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And I'll see your sisters *smooch* in another fister.