Name: Darkedgebloodsword
Weapon: Soul Katana (its flames grow the more souls it claims).
Favorite Band: Slipknot
Favorite Movie: The Dark Knight
Friends: Shaggy, 2Dope, Shrek, Pewdiepie
Enemies: Justin Bieber
Quote: "my heart is a black tormented hole of emptiness, how are you?"
Oh, oh Sonic...
Oh,
Good old Sonic. We're not so different you and I Sonic.
We've gone through our phases. Let's just put it. Let's just put it- put it- put to that.
There's a new Sonic game coming out, and I thought in the spirit of that, we would take a trip back,
Back in the past before this became this:
*why are we still here*
[Pewds] Now apparently, Sonic started off, eh, through a drawing competition.
And he wasn't the most favorable.. character.
SEGA created Sonic, because they wanted to compete with Nintendo...
...which was, the big shot console at the time.
Sonic even had a sexy woman girlfriend, (lol wut?)
Sonic was the coolest.
no sonic no dab plz (almost dabs but remembers it's still 1991)
[Sonic] Hey kid! Watcha doing watchin' this stuhewpid film?
[Sonci] Don't you wanna have fun, playing SEGA?
[Kid] SEGA? SEGA who?!
[Pewds] SA-SAY-GAH?!
[Mario] Show him!
[Pewds] OH!
[Annoucer Guy] It's new, It's wild! It's SEGA!
[Kid] Yea yea!
SEGA!
[Pewds] SEGA! *Giggling*
Well it worked! SEGA took over Nintendo.
Uhhh, with which the creation of Sonic, it was so massively popular.
And, uhh.. By the time Sonic 2 came out,
Nintendo was destroyed.
[AD] Now, when you buy the SEGA Genesis that comes with Sonic 1, you get Sonic 2 *the ting goes - * Absolutely free!
Sonic 2 handles stubborn stains, embarrassing bald spots no problem!
It even slices and dices makes thousands of julienne fries!
But wait! You can play it too!
This free Sonic 2 is of 54.99 value!
You get Two Sonics, for the price of one!
Sonic 2 fits easily into any Tacklebox!
Made from a space-age polymer plastic for years of family fun!
And pets love it too!
Buy the SEGA Genesis that comes-
*Record Scratch Sound*
[Pewds] The fuck is that face? Wh-what is that face?
These commercials cannot, hav- they tried terrifiying people into buying Sonic?
I-I-Is because it worked apparently? Took on the biggest... biggest guy on the market, Mario You know
Goddamn, well done Sonic. Well done, I remember used to play Sonic with my dad. It was a good time!
It was the first console.. I ever owned.
It was the first video game, I ever owned.
It was my first console: Sonic, (???) played it, was a lot of fun.
[SCSF Impression] AND YOU FRICKIN' FRICKS RUI-
Let's just say, things went south. Things went sou- ,really, Sonic 3 came out, it was really good.
Sonic (&) Knuckles, oh my god.
But then, something happened. Something happened!
There was- There was an error, in the timeline.
(Sonic R - Can You Feel The Sunshine?)
(Skip) It's gonna be a brighter day!!~
[Pewds sing-along] Can you feel the sunshine, does it brighten up, your day?
*dramatic pause of dissapointment*
Apparently, what happened was the Japanese team and the American team got split up.
And, they didn't make any more Sonic games after Sonic 3.
And they tried to fill out the franchise, because Sonic was still big. And they made all these games.
They made all this games, like Sonic R.
(Sonic R - Can You Feel The Sunshine?)
You frickin' fricks. And you ruined the good lord, of Jesus Christ: Sonic the Hedgehog.
And yea, y'know, Sonic never really came back to us.
The loss of Sonic,
Sonic's prime. It-It-It hurt a lot of good people out there... Okay, a lot of people suffered.
Because, their idol, was ruined. Their legendary Sonic, was destroyed.
And, as yo- I'm sure you're aware. One of theeee... Its created one of the most bizarre fanbases. Probably, probably of all time.
Anywhere you go, It's just weird.
It jus-
It just neve- *Chuckling* It just never ends.
(kill me please right now oh good lord Jesus)
It jus- It just keeps on goin'!
[Sammy] --You fan-fricks!
YOU GUYS ARE THE ONES! THAT RUINED SONIC! FOR EVERYONE!!
CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?!
*Breathing heavily*
WHAT THE FRICK, ARE YOU GUYS DOING?!
ASKING FOR ALL THIS FRICKING GARBAGE?!
Why do we need Sonic Adventure 3?!
Why do we need Sonic Heroes?!
[Pewds] Preach it!
[Sammy] Why do we need another "Boost to Win" title?!
[Pewds] Preach it, brother!
[Sammy] --why do we need another.. Sonic 2006-
[Pewds] No we don't!
[Sammy] -Sequel!
[Pewds] We don't need it!
[Sammy] WHY DO WE NEED ALL THAT?!
[Pewds] The answer is we don't!
[Sammy] CAN'T WE HAVE A 3D ENVIRONMENT CLASSIC SONIC GAME?!
FOR CRYING OUT FRICKIN' LOUD!!
You guys killed the Sonic series.
All of you, frickin' fan-fricks and your frickin' fantasies!
SPEW OUT AT YOU!-
[Pewds] This is nothing sexually tensioned about a hedgehog. There's just isn't, anything.
[Sammy] I FRICKIN' PULLED MY CHEST! I'M TIRED OF ALL YOU FRICKS!
I'm so frickin' mad! x2
I mean, you guys, you guys have offically-
[Pewds] Don't say it
[Sammy] - LOSE MY MARBLES!!
[Pewds] Do you understand, the pain you let Sonic go through?
And the fans, they suffa!
He lost his mothe- the man lost his marbles!
[Sammy] WHY CAN'T YOU GUYS..JUST ASK FOR A 3D ENVIRONMENT CLASSIC SONIC GAME?!
[Pewds] Well arguably the 3D...
-The 3D genre
Of.. Of video games, ruined the Sonic franchise.
It worked well for Mario, because Super Mario 64 was such a classic and well done game.
Would you have a game about going fast?
You don't need the other axis. You don't need the extra dimension.
And it never transitioned well for Sonic.
And it shows why Sonic Mania was such a good game, because it kept it to the basics. Kept its to its core
It kept what was good about it. Sometimes less is more, and Sonic is the prime example of that.
[Sammy] Because you frickin' fricks!
Jus-
[Pewds] Are you gonna expl-
[Sammy] -just ever be quenched.
Your.. And your FANTASIES! CAN EVER BE QUENCHED, CAN THEY?!
[Pewds] Probably tru-
[Sammy] YOU FRICKIN' FRICKS!
When will you learn..?
When will yo-
[Pewds] WHEN WILL Y-
[Sammy] -learn... That your ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES!!
[Pewds] *Laughing*
[Pewds imitation] WHEN WILL YOU LEARN..
WHEN WILL YOU LEARN?!
[Normal Pewds] Y'know, Sonic breaks th-the sound barrier from his speed, but..
This man just broke the sound barrier, from the pitch of his voice my god!
[Sammy] YOU GUYS!!
[Pewds] So, the Sonic fandom and how mistreated Sonic?
Has gotten really created, some.. some of the weirder-
-bits of the Internet I've ever seen.
Sonic single-handedly.. did this.
Have you guys heard of Chris-chan?
[Pewds] *I don-*
Maybe it's better if people don't.
A lot of people are already are familiar, but.
There's this lovely man. Look at him, he's beautiful!
And he's a huge fan of Sonic, which you can tell by his...
Stunningly beautiful, uhhh...
necklace.
And h-h-h-he dresses like uhhh, a jock. He looks a bit- You know what he looks a bit like?
Trey Parker. The creator of South Park yeh.
He created this.. Wonderful!... webcomic called Sonic the Hedgehog
VS.
Sonikchu.
Sonichu.
Which is a mix of... Pikachu.. and..
Sonic.
"THE WORLD'S MOST WAY PAST COOL COMIC!"
Chris-chan made this.
And he just had one thing to ask in return.
Just one thing, just one thing.
[Chris] Hello.
My name is, uhhh.. Christian Chandler. Age 22, at this time.
I will be 23 on Feburary 24th, 2005.
*nervous questioning-his-existence cough?*
Anyway, for uhh.. over a year now..
I've uhhh.. been trying to attract an 18-22 year old.
Boyfriend-free girl
Before, Feburary 24, 2004, which is this year.
Anywho, I've been trying for over a year, to attract a girl.
[Pewds] He just wants a girlfriend! Is that too much to ask?
Here's his.. Here's his demands.
"18-24-Years Old" Okay, fine.
"Boyfriend-Free" Seems reasonable.
Uhhh... "White"
(Please stop staring)
Alright, uhhh... "Within 20 Miles of Zip Code" And he.. posted his zip code. Okay, that's cool.
"Under 230 Pound(s?)" *Chuckling*
"Caring", "Pretty", "Cute".
Ehhhhh... Hopefully a virgin.
He posted this in his school. With the little Sonichu, thing, and uh you just have to follow the line.. to get there.
Chris-chan clearly has made the best...
*Sigh* The best, cartoon of all time.
"Sonic-chu".
And it seems only fair, that at least he can get a girlfriend.
"GO SONICHU! GO OUT AND ZAP TO THE EXTREME!"
See, he integrates himself.. into comics.
Which, is something... very... uhhh... very revolutionary, for it's time of course.
This was done a couple years ago.
"I WILL! THANK YOU, FATHER!"
Wait, ehh..
It's his child?
Sonichu's his child? I don't know how that works. (brain-child??)
Maybe he'd sees him as a father figure.
Because Pokémon, you just catch them.
But then he doesn't have a girlfriend..
There's a lot of missing pieces to this puzzle.
Uhhh.. People started noticing.. some slightly..
..homosexual references in the Son-
*Wheezing*
It's horrible. I shouldn't be laughing but the-
Th-They starting picking on some, ehhh.. some things here and there.
And they started bullying Chris-chan.
For, uhh... being a homosexual.
Chris-chan responded with ehh..
"If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be having sex with THREE WOMEN?"
And he attached a photo.. of himself.
Which is gonna be blurred, but he's wearing the medallion, so you know it's him.
"I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I WILL NOT BE VEERED INTO ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!!"
"I'm STRAIGHT! I'm STRAIGHT! YOU'RE the homos! EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!"
Now, this isn't straight.
I don't know, what straight is.
Ain't nothin' more straight than thumbing up, while you pump it up! Am I right?
So this is Chris-chan now, just to keep it clear on the topic.
"I am a Male Lesbian Intersex Transgender: You can Google "Lesbian Identified Male" for more info on the subject."
"I am most sincerely into Women, and I am Female in my soul."
And he even posted this.
"YES! MY LOVE QUEST IS FINALLY OVER!"
Heart at a 100%.
With, ehh. LGBT color, in, the back.
Lovely.
Let's cheer this bit up a bit and let's just dance.
*g l u e 7 0's Casin and “Shake That” by Nate Dogg and Eminem" remix* while furies dance in the background
*cries*
These subtitles were brought to you by "cinos" the 2nd most crazy Sonic fan.