WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:01.020 --> 00:00:03.300 Name: Darkedgebloodsword 00:00:03.680 --> 00:00:07.980 Weapon: Soul Katana (its flames grow the more souls it claims). 00:00:08.140 --> 00:00:10.140 Favorite Band: Slipknot 00:00:10.200 --> 00:00:12.440 Favorite Movie: The Dark Knight 00:00:12.540 --> 00:00:17.300 Friends: Shaggy, 2Dope, Shrek, Pewdiepie 00:00:17.520 --> 00:00:19.280 Enemies: Justin Bieber 00:00:19.380 --> 00:00:24.200 Quote: "my heart is a black tormented hole of emptiness, how are you?" 00:00:24.460 --> 00:00:26.260 Oh, oh Sonic... 00:00:26.260 --> 00:00:27.000 Oh, 00:00:27.000 --> 00:00:30.200 Good old Sonic. We're not so different you and I Sonic. 00:00:30.720 --> 00:00:35.900 We've gone through our phases. Let's just put it. Let's just put it- put it- put to that. 00:00:35.900 --> 00:00:41.600 There's a new Sonic game coming out, and I thought in the spirit of that, we would take a trip back, 00:00:42.120 --> 00:00:45.620 Back in the past before this became this: 00:00:45.620 --> 00:00:47.620 *why are we still here* 00:00:47.860 --> 00:00:51.300 [Pewds] Now apparently, Sonic started off, eh, through a drawing competition. 00:00:51.360 --> 00:00:53.980 And he wasn't the most favorable.. character. 00:00:55.420 --> 00:00:58.860 SEGA created Sonic, because they wanted to compete with Nintendo... 00:00:59.020 --> 00:01:02.020 ...which was, the big shot console at the time. 00:01:02.160 --> 00:01:05.560 Sonic even had a sexy woman girlfriend, (lol wut?) 00:01:05.600 --> 00:01:07.600 Sonic was the coolest. 00:01:09.940 --> 00:01:11.400 no sonic no dab plz (almost dabs but remembers it's still 1991) 00:01:22.960 --> 00:01:26.280 [Sonic] Hey kid! Watcha doing watchin' this stuhewpid film? 00:01:27.060 --> 00:01:29.300 [Sonci] Don't you wanna have fun, playing SEGA? 00:01:29.620 --> 00:01:31.160 [Kid] SEGA? SEGA who?! 00:01:31.240 --> 00:01:32.620 [Pewds] SA-SAY-GAH?! 00:01:32.920 --> 00:01:34.060 [Mario] Show him! 00:01:34.540 --> 00:01:35.580 [Pewds] OH! 00:01:36.960 --> 00:01:39.880 [Annoucer Guy] It's new, It's wild! It's SEGA! 00:01:40.040 --> 00:01:40.720 [Kid] Yea yea! 00:01:42.780 --> 00:01:43.800 SEGA! 00:01:43.880 --> 00:01:44.740 [Pewds] SEGA! *Giggling* 00:01:45.260 --> 00:01:47.980 Well it worked! SEGA took over Nintendo. 00:01:49.260 --> 00:01:54.020 Uhhh, with which the creation of Sonic, it was so massively popular. 00:01:54.140 --> 00:01:56.140 And, uhh.. By the time Sonic 2 came out, 00:01:56.320 --> 00:01:57.640 Nintendo was destroyed. 00:01:57.740 --> 00:02:02.100 [AD] Now, when you buy the SEGA Genesis that comes with Sonic 1, you get Sonic 2 *the ting goes - * Absolutely free! 00:02:02.540 --> 00:02:05.840 Sonic 2 handles stubborn stains, embarrassing bald spots no problem! 00:02:06.000 --> 00:02:09.360 It even slices and dices makes thousands of julienne fries! 00:02:09.480 --> 00:02:11.000 But wait! You can play it too! 00:02:11.160 --> 00:02:13.760 This free Sonic 2 is of 54.99 value! 00:02:13.800 --> 00:02:15.800 You get Two Sonics, for the price of one! 00:02:15.840 --> 00:02:17.840 Sonic 2 fits easily into any Tacklebox! 00:02:17.940 --> 00:02:20.460 Made from a space-age polymer plastic for years of family fun! 00:02:20.640 --> 00:02:21.860 And pets love it too! 00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:23.360 Buy the SEGA Genesis that comes- 00:02:23.360 --> 00:02:23.900 *Record Scratch Sound* 00:02:23.920 --> 00:02:26.740 [Pewds] The fuck is that face? Wh-what is that face? 00:02:26.820 --> 00:02:30.520 These commercials cannot, hav- they tried terrifiying people into buying Sonic? 00:02:30.740 --> 00:02:35.760 I-I-Is because it worked apparently? Took on the biggest... biggest guy on the market, Mario You know 00:02:36.360 --> 00:02:41.660 Goddamn, well done Sonic. Well done, I remember used to play Sonic with my dad. It was a good time! 00:02:41.660 --> 00:02:43.960 It was the first console.. I ever owned. 00:02:43.960 --> 00:02:46.640 It was the first video game, I ever owned. 00:02:46.680 --> 00:02:50.140 It was my first console: Sonic, (???) played it, was a lot of fun. 00:02:50.140 --> 00:02:52.480 [SCSF Impression] AND YOU FRICKIN' FRICKS RUI- 00:02:54.780 --> 00:03:01.180 Let's just say, things went south. Things went sou- ,really, Sonic 3 came out, it was really good. 00:03:01.260 --> 00:03:03.300 Sonic (&) Knuckles, oh my god. 00:03:03.340 --> 00:03:05.860 But then, something happened. Something happened! 00:03:06.600 --> 00:03:09.320 There was- There was an error, in the timeline. 00:03:09.420 --> 00:03:13.860 (Sonic R - Can You Feel The Sunshine?) 00:03:15.220 --> 00:03:19.720 (Skip) It's gonna be a brighter day!!~ 00:03:20.200 --> 00:03:25.400 [Pewds sing-along] Can you feel the sunshine, does it brighten up, your day? 00:03:26.140 --> 00:03:28.940 *dramatic pause of dissapointment* 00:03:29.340 --> 00:03:34.160 Apparently, what happened was the Japanese team and the American team got split up. 00:03:34.680 --> 00:03:38.100 And, they didn't make any more Sonic games after Sonic 3. 00:03:38.300 --> 00:03:43.240 And they tried to fill out the franchise, because Sonic was still big. And they made all these games. 00:03:43.460 --> 00:03:45.980 They made all this games, like Sonic R. 00:03:46.180 --> 00:03:46.740 (Sonic R - Can You Feel The Sunshine?) 00:03:46.880 --> 00:03:52.980 You frickin' fricks. And you ruined the good lord, of Jesus Christ: Sonic the Hedgehog. 00:03:53.280 --> 00:03:57.540 And yea, y'know, Sonic never really came back to us. 00:03:57.980 --> 00:03:59.540 The loss of Sonic, 00:04:00.180 --> 00:04:06.420 Sonic's prime. It-It-It hurt a lot of good people out there... Okay, a lot of people suffered. 00:04:07.560 --> 00:04:14.320 Because, their idol, was ruined. Their legendary Sonic, was destroyed. 00:04:17.040 --> 00:04:24.540 And, as yo- I'm sure you're aware. One of theeee... Its created one of the most bizarre fanbases. Probably, probably of all time. 00:04:24.680 --> 00:04:26.680 Anywhere you go, It's just weird. 00:04:28.280 --> 00:04:29.140 It jus- 00:04:30.840 --> 00:04:33.680 It just neve- *Chuckling* It just never ends. 00:04:34.500 --> 00:04:36.160 (kill me please right now oh good lord Jesus) 00:04:36.960 --> 00:04:40.040 It jus- It just keeps on goin'! 00:04:40.040 --> 00:04:41.600 [Sammy] --You fan-fricks! 00:04:41.940 --> 00:04:46.640 YOU GUYS ARE THE ONES! THAT RUINED SONIC! FOR EVERYONE!! 00:04:46.840 --> 00:04:48.320 CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?! 00:04:49.260 --> 00:04:50.300 *Breathing heavily* 00:04:50.380 --> 00:04:53.120 WHAT THE FRICK, ARE YOU GUYS DOING?! 00:04:54.400 --> 00:04:57.020 ASKING FOR ALL THIS FRICKING GARBAGE?! 00:04:58.180 --> 00:05:00.640 Why do we need Sonic Adventure 3?! 00:05:00.640 --> 00:05:02.640 Why do we need Sonic Heroes?! 00:05:02.640 --> 00:05:03.360 [Pewds] Preach it! 00:05:03.720 --> 00:05:06.940 [Sammy] Why do we need another "Boost to Win" title?! 00:05:06.940 --> 00:05:07.780 [Pewds] Preach it, brother! 00:05:07.780 --> 00:05:10.100 [Sammy] --why do we need another.. Sonic 2006- 00:05:10.120 --> 00:05:10.920 [Pewds] No we don't! 00:05:10.920 --> 00:05:11.420 [Sammy] -Sequel! 00:05:11.420 --> 00:05:12.180 [Pewds] We don't need it! 00:05:12.240 --> 00:05:13.460 [Sammy] WHY DO WE NEED ALL THAT?! 00:05:13.460 --> 00:05:14.660 [Pewds] The answer is we don't! 00:05:14.660 --> 00:05:18.340 [Sammy] CAN'T WE HAVE A 3D ENVIRONMENT CLASSIC SONIC GAME?! 00:05:18.480 --> 00:05:20.840 FOR CRYING OUT FRICKIN' LOUD!! 00:05:21.780 --> 00:05:24.260 You guys killed the Sonic series. 00:05:24.480 --> 00:05:28.180 All of you, frickin' fan-fricks and your frickin' fantasies! 00:05:28.940 --> 00:05:30.160 SPEW OUT AT YOU!- 00:05:30.160 --> 00:05:35.180 [Pewds] This is nothing sexually tensioned about a hedgehog. There's just isn't, anything. 00:05:35.520 --> 00:05:40.520 [Sammy] I FRICKIN' PULLED MY CHEST! I'M TIRED OF ALL YOU FRICKS! 00:05:41.100 --> 00:05:45.240 I'm so frickin' mad! x2 00:05:45.400 --> 00:05:49.600 I mean, you guys, you guys have offically- 00:05:49.660 --> 00:05:50.520 [Pewds] Don't say it 00:05:50.580 --> 00:05:52.260 [Sammy] - LOSE MY MARBLES!! 00:05:52.380 --> 00:05:55.140 [Pewds] Do you understand, the pain you let Sonic go through? 00:05:55.360 --> 00:05:57.160 And the fans, they suffa! 00:05:58.320 --> 00:06:00.820 He lost his mothe- the man lost his marbles! 00:06:01.380 --> 00:06:06.300 [Sammy] WHY CAN'T YOU GUYS..JUST ASK FOR A 3D ENVIRONMENT CLASSIC SONIC GAME?! 00:06:06.480 --> 00:06:08.480 [Pewds] Well arguably the 3D... 00:06:09.760 --> 00:06:11.560 -The 3D genre 00:06:11.580 --> 00:06:14.480 Of.. Of video games, ruined the Sonic franchise. 00:06:14.640 --> 00:06:19.120 It worked well for Mario, because Super Mario 64 was such a classic and well done game. 00:06:19.280 --> 00:06:21.820 Would you have a game about going fast? 00:06:21.840 --> 00:06:25.770 You don't need the other axis. You don't need the extra dimension. 00:06:25.980 --> 00:06:27.870 And it never transitioned well for Sonic. 00:06:27.940 --> 00:06:33.660 And it shows why Sonic Mania was such a good game, because it kept it to the basics. Kept its to its core 00:06:33.820 --> 00:06:40.140 It kept what was good about it. Sometimes less is more, and Sonic is the prime example of that. 00:06:40.340 --> 00:06:42.340 [Sammy] Because you frickin' fricks! 00:06:42.600 --> 00:06:43.100 Jus- 00:06:43.100 --> 00:06:43.820 [Pewds] Are you gonna expl- 00:06:43.820 --> 00:06:45.820 [Sammy] -just ever be quenched. 00:06:46.320 --> 00:06:51.160 Your.. And your FANTASIES! CAN EVER BE QUENCHED, CAN THEY?! 00:06:51.540 --> 00:06:52.340 [Pewds] Probably tru- 00:06:52.400 --> 00:06:54.020 [Sammy] YOU FRICKIN' FRICKS! 00:06:54.160 --> 00:06:55.460 When will you learn..? 00:06:55.840 --> 00:06:56.340 When will yo- 00:06:56.340 --> 00:06:56.840 [Pewds] WHEN WILL Y- 00:06:56.840 --> 00:06:59.800 [Sammy] -learn... That your ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES!! 00:07:00.020 --> 00:07:02.020 [Pewds] *Laughing* 00:07:02.240 --> 00:07:03.460 [Pewds imitation] WHEN WILL YOU LEARN.. 00:07:04.100 --> 00:07:05.460 WHEN WILL YOU LEARN?! 00:07:05.460 --> 00:07:09.080 [Normal Pewds] Y'know, Sonic breaks th-the sound barrier from his speed, but.. 00:07:09.140 --> 00:07:12.380 This man just broke the sound barrier, from the pitch of his voice my god! 00:07:12.380 --> 00:07:13.640 [Sammy] YOU GUYS!! 00:07:13.760 --> 00:07:17.560 [Pewds] So, the Sonic fandom and how mistreated Sonic? 00:07:18.320 --> 00:07:21.700 Has gotten really created, some.. some of the weirder- 00:07:22.140 --> 00:07:24.380 -bits of the Internet I've ever seen. 00:07:24.760 --> 00:07:27.700 Sonic single-handedly.. did this. 00:07:27.700 --> 00:07:29.340 Have you guys heard of Chris-chan? 00:07:29.340 --> 00:07:29.840 [Pewds] *I don-* 00:07:30.120 --> 00:07:31.840 Maybe it's better if people don't. 00:07:32.120 --> 00:07:34.120 A lot of people are already are familiar, but. 00:07:34.300 --> 00:07:36.760 There's this lovely man. Look at him, he's beautiful! 00:07:36.760 --> 00:07:39.220 And he's a huge fan of Sonic, which you can tell by his... 00:07:39.500 --> 00:07:42.100 Stunningly beautiful, uhhh... 00:07:42.340 --> 00:07:43.100 necklace. 00:07:43.180 --> 00:07:49.440 And h-h-h-he dresses like uhhh, a jock. He looks a bit- You know what he looks a bit like? 00:07:50.000 --> 00:07:52.400 Trey Parker. The creator of South Park yeh. 00:07:52.400 --> 00:07:57.940 He created this.. Wonderful!... webcomic called Sonic the Hedgehog 00:07:58.300 --> 00:07:59.120 VS. 00:07:59.480 --> 00:08:00.740 Sonikchu. 00:08:01.080 --> 00:08:01.980 Sonichu. 00:08:02.240 --> 00:08:07.280 Which is a mix of... Pikachu.. and.. 00:08:07.900 --> 00:08:08.660 Sonic. 00:08:08.860 --> 00:08:12.920 "THE WORLD'S MOST WAY PAST COOL COMIC!" 00:08:13.040 --> 00:08:14.420 Chris-chan made this. 00:08:14.840 --> 00:08:17.540 And he just had one thing to ask in return. 00:08:17.660 --> 00:08:19.080 Just one thing, just one thing. 00:08:19.780 --> 00:08:20.840 [Chris] Hello. 00:08:20.960 --> 00:08:24.940 My name is, uhhh.. Christian Chandler. Age 22, at this time. 00:08:25.060 --> 00:08:28.400 I will be 23 on Feburary 24th, 2005. 00:08:29.320 --> 00:08:29.840 *nervous questioning-his-existence cough?* 00:08:30.700 --> 00:08:32.760 Anyway, for uhh.. over a year now.. 00:08:32.760 --> 00:08:36.700 I've uhhh.. been trying to attract an 18-22 year old. 00:08:36.720 --> 00:08:39.300 Boyfriend-free girl 00:08:39.300 --> 00:08:43.360 Before, Feburary 24, 2004, which is this year. 00:08:44.100 --> 00:08:46.840 Anywho, I've been trying for over a year, to attract a girl. 00:08:47.340 --> 00:08:50.380 [Pewds] He just wants a girlfriend! Is that too much to ask? 00:08:50.460 --> 00:08:53.100 Here's his.. Here's his demands. 00:08:53.440 --> 00:08:56.360 "18-24-Years Old" Okay, fine. 00:08:56.640 --> 00:08:58.860 "Boyfriend-Free" Seems reasonable. 00:08:59.480 --> 00:09:00.200 Uhhh... "White" 00:09:01.640 --> 00:09:03.180 (Please stop staring) 00:09:03.640 --> 00:09:08.500 Alright, uhhh... "Within 20 Miles of Zip Code" And he.. posted his zip code. Okay, that's cool. 00:09:08.660 --> 00:09:11.220 "Under 230 Pound(s?)" *Chuckling* 00:09:11.860 --> 00:09:13.680 "Caring", "Pretty", "Cute". 00:09:13.940 --> 00:09:16.120 Ehhhhh... Hopefully a virgin. 00:09:18.640 --> 00:09:25.520 He posted this in his school. With the little Sonichu, thing, and uh you just have to follow the line.. to get there. 00:09:25.820 --> 00:09:27.820 Chris-chan clearly has made the best... 00:09:29.200 --> 00:09:31.500 *Sigh* The best, cartoon of all time. 00:09:31.640 --> 00:09:32.600 "Sonic-chu". 00:09:32.780 --> 00:09:35.660 And it seems only fair, that at least he can get a girlfriend. 00:09:35.660 --> 00:09:39.020 "GO SONICHU! GO OUT AND ZAP TO THE EXTREME!" 00:09:39.420 --> 00:09:41.420 See, he integrates himself.. into comics. 00:09:41.580 --> 00:09:47.420 Which, is something... very... uhhh... very revolutionary, for it's time of course. 00:09:47.560 --> 00:09:48.960 This was done a couple years ago. 00:09:49.300 --> 00:09:51.300 "I WILL! THANK YOU, FATHER!" 00:09:52.140 --> 00:09:52.940 Wait, ehh.. 00:09:54.600 --> 00:09:56.020 It's his child? 00:09:56.360 --> 00:09:59.560 Sonichu's his child? I don't know how that works. (brain-child??) 00:10:00.220 --> 00:10:02.940 Maybe he'd sees him as a father figure. 00:10:02.940 --> 00:10:04.720 Because Pokémon, you just catch them. 00:10:04.720 --> 00:10:07.100 But then he doesn't have a girlfriend.. 00:10:07.280 --> 00:10:09.280 There's a lot of missing pieces to this puzzle. 00:10:09.460 --> 00:10:12.960 Uhhh.. People started noticing.. some slightly.. 00:10:12.960 --> 00:10:15.180 ..homosexual references in the Son- 00:10:15.560 --> 00:10:17.560 *Wheezing* 00:10:18.140 --> 00:10:20.320 It's horrible. I shouldn't be laughing but the- 00:10:20.720 --> 00:10:24.920 Th-They starting picking on some, ehhh.. some things here and there. 00:10:24.960 --> 00:10:26.520 And they started bullying Chris-chan. 00:10:26.820 --> 00:10:29.100 For, uhh... being a homosexual. 00:10:29.340 --> 00:10:31.120 Chris-chan responded with ehh.. 00:10:31.120 --> 00:10:37.480 "If I was a homosexual or anything like that, would I not be having sex with THREE WOMEN?" 00:10:37.860 --> 00:10:41.340 And he attached a photo.. of himself. 00:10:42.300 --> 00:10:46.320 Which is gonna be blurred, but he's wearing the medallion, so you know it's him. 00:10:46.320 --> 00:10:53.400 "I AM STRAIGHT, DAMN IT! I WILL NOT BE VEERED INTO ANY OTHER DISGUSTINGLY GROTESQUE DIRECTION!!!!!" 00:10:53.720 --> 00:10:58.160 "I'm STRAIGHT! I'm STRAIGHT! YOU'RE the homos! EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!" 00:10:58.380 --> 00:10:59.820 Now, this isn't straight. 00:10:59.820 --> 00:11:01.820 I don't know, what straight is. 00:11:02.020 --> 00:11:06.440 Ain't nothin' more straight than thumbing up, while you pump it up! Am I right? 00:11:06.500 --> 00:11:10.540 So this is Chris-chan now, just to keep it clear on the topic. 00:11:10.540 --> 00:11:20.840 "I am a Male Lesbian Intersex Transgender: You can Google "Lesbian Identified Male" for more info on the subject." 00:11:21.620 --> 00:11:27.080 "I am most sincerely into Women, and I am Female in my soul." 00:11:27.120 --> 00:11:28.260 And he even posted this. 00:11:28.260 --> 00:11:31.100 "YES! MY LOVE QUEST IS FINALLY OVER!" 00:11:31.280 --> 00:11:32.900 Heart at a 100%. 00:11:33.120 --> 00:11:37.400 With, ehh. LGBT color, in, the back. 00:11:37.400 --> 00:11:38.020 Lovely. 00:11:38.180 --> 00:11:41.080 Let's cheer this bit up a bit and let's just dance. 00:11:41.660 --> 00:12:06.800 *g l u e 7 0's Casin and “Shake That” by Nate Dogg and Eminem" remix* while furies dance in the background 00:12:10.160 --> 00:12:18.980 *cries* 00:12:19.060 --> 00:12:19.640 These subtitles were brought to you by "cinos" the 2nd most crazy Sonic fan.