WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.000 *guitar music* 00:00:04.060 --> 00:00:04.560 yep 00:00:08.700 --> 00:00:10.000 Not interested 00:00:14.300 --> 00:00:15.300 No thank you 00:00:17.880 --> 00:00:18.380 Huh? 00:00:18.960 --> 00:00:19.460 Oh?! 00:00:19.700 --> 00:00:20.400 Oh? 00:00:21.200 --> 00:00:22.200 What is this?! 00:00:22.700 --> 00:00:27.700 "Five-year-old threatens to dethrone YouTube king PewDiePie?" 00:00:27.700 --> 00:00:31.760 Over my god damn dead BODY!!! 00:00:32.200 --> 00:00:34.700 Over my vegan BO---!!!! 00:00:34.700 --> 00:00:35.720 How could this be? 00:00:35.980 --> 00:00:37.180 Jefferson Graham 00:00:37.300 --> 00:00:38.000 huh? 00:00:38.100 --> 00:00:38.600 okay 00:00:39.000 --> 00:00:39.700 oh right... 00:00:40.320 --> 00:00:41.200 Jefferson Graham 00:00:41.680 --> 00:00:43.620 Five-year-old threatens... 00:00:43.620 --> 00:00:44.120 Pfft! 00:00:44.120 --> 00:00:46.200 Maybe this kid... Got what it takes 00:00:46.500 --> 00:00:47.200 Who am I? 00:00:47.280 --> 00:00:48.640 The next PewDiePie? 00:00:48.980 --> 00:00:49.480 Let's uh... 00:00:49.980 --> 00:00:51.380 Let's check out some content 00:00:51.760 --> 00:00:53.760 *Woman: Go go go go to bed! Go to bed!* 00:00:54.020 --> 00:00:54.700 *Happy music* 00:00:57.060 --> 00:00:59.100 *Alright then! Brush your teeth.* 00:00:59.780 --> 00:01:02.180 *Ryan's going in to take a bath!* 00:01:02.180 --> 00:01:03.540 He's got a tricycle I love those. 00:01:03.540 --> 00:01:04.900 *Ryan: Welcome to Ryan's toys review!* 00:01:06.420 --> 00:01:08.260 Fuck! I don't have an intro! 00:01:08.380 --> 00:01:08.920 Shit! 00:01:08.920 --> 00:01:10.300 Let's make one right now! 00:01:11.460 --> 00:01:14.580 *In a cringy kid's voice: Welcome to Felix's toys review!* 00:01:14.680 --> 00:01:16.040 Has it really gone to that po*voice-crack*int? 00:01:17.940 --> 00:01:19.500 Making fun of five-year-olds? 00:01:19.500 --> 00:01:23.440 ''Watch some of the videos and they'll remind you of the videos you make'' 00:01:23.440 --> 00:01:24.180 *Laughs a little* 00:01:24.420 --> 00:01:26.160 That's what I wanna watch 00:01:26.540 --> 00:01:29.000 I mean, why would I watch what I've made, 00:01:29.060 --> 00:01:31.380 when I can just watch other people make the same shit? 00:01:32.000 --> 00:01:32.660 That really... 00:01:32.700 --> 00:01:33.320 *laughs* 00:01:33.360 --> 00:01:34.300 That really certifies 00:01:34.520 --> 00:01:35.740 Oh shit... Oh my god... 00:01:35.860 --> 00:01:37.520 I just became one of those that says, 00:01:37.520 --> 00:01:40.680 ''Why would you watch someone else play video games when you can play it yourself'' 00:01:40.940 --> 00:01:41.940 *laughs* 00:01:43.240 --> 00:01:43.800 Shit... 00:01:44.600 --> 00:01:47.380 ''Youtube's biggest star is a 5-year-old that makes'' 00:01:47.380 --> 00:01:48.080 WAIT! 00:01:48.080 --> 00:01:49.180 The Verge as well?! 00:01:49.180 --> 00:01:50.360 What the... fuck is happening?! 00:01:50.740 --> 00:01:52.800 Are we talking about the same The Verge? 00:01:52.800 --> 00:01:55.300 The Verge that will take any opportunity they can to 00:01:55.300 --> 00:01:56.340 to shit on me? 00:01:56.340 --> 00:01:58.080 Oh okay that's interesting... 00:01:58.160 --> 00:02:02.500 ''PewDiePie and others took money from WarnerBros for positive game reviews'' 00:02:02.640 --> 00:02:04.800 A straight up lie that I debunked 00:02:07.300 --> 00:02:08.040 Fuck you! 00:02:08.040 --> 00:02:10.580 ''For the last 18 weeks and counting Ryan Toys Review'' 00:02:10.580 --> 00:02:12.560 ''has been the most popular channel on YouTube'' 00:02:13.460 --> 00:02:15.640 ''The youngest star YouTube has EVER seen'' 00:02:15.640 --> 00:02:17.480 Is that... Are we celebrating this? 00:02:17.560 --> 00:02:19.660 Are we celebrating that.. the fact that some... 00:02:19.720 --> 00:02:21.240 this mother is like 00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:24.140 You think he's getting any money off this? 00:02:24.320 --> 00:02:26.060 You think he's getting the toys? 00:02:26.140 --> 00:02:28.860 I also really like how they link every video ever 00:02:29.080 --> 00:02:30.600 in their description 00:02:30.820 --> 00:02:32.500 I really appreciate that 00:02:32.500 --> 00:02:35.340 ''The genre skyrocketed once kids became the hosts'' 00:02:35.560 --> 00:02:37.240 The kids are not the hosts 00:02:37.240 --> 00:02:39.920 Okay, let's watch a video and I'll show you what I mean 00:02:40.040 --> 00:02:41.700 *Woman: Yeah awesome!* 00:02:41.700 --> 00:02:43.620 *Ryan: What are we gonna get?* 00:02:43.840 --> 00:02:45.360 *Woman: I don't know!* 00:02:45.660 --> 00:02:47.460 *Who will you hatch?* 00:02:48.280 --> 00:02:50.240 See? She doesn't even let him finish 00:02:50.240 --> 00:02:52.020 he was clearly about to say something there! 00:02:52.380 --> 00:02:53.820 *Who will you hatch?* 00:02:53.940 --> 00:02:54.740 Look at him. 00:02:54.840 --> 00:02:55.800 *Woman talks* 00:02:55.860 --> 00:02:58.300 No, you don't matter cuz I MATTER!!! 00:02:58.300 --> 00:03:00.040 SHUT THE FUCK UP RYAN!!! 00:03:00.160 --> 00:03:02.960 *Ryan: These look like they might open!* 00:03:02.980 --> 00:03:05.620 *You can still hear the noises inside!* 00:03:05.620 --> 00:03:06.580 *Woman: Yeah!* 00:03:06.580 --> 00:03:07.820 Oh my god I think he... 00:03:07.820 --> 00:03:11.780 I think he came up with that sentence himself and no-one else told him to say that 00:03:11.780 --> 00:03:14.360 *You can still hear the noises inside!* 00:03:14.360 --> 00:03:15.060 *Yeah!* 00:03:15.360 --> 00:03:16.520 *Cringes* 00:03:16.660 --> 00:03:17.940 I don't... Like... 00:03:18.080 --> 00:03:19.180 I'm sure he loves it. 00:03:19.220 --> 00:03:19.720 You know 00:03:19.720 --> 00:03:20.220 I'm sure 00:03:20.220 --> 00:03:21.840 I would love... When I was a kid 00:03:21.860 --> 00:03:23.300 to open a bunch of toys 00:03:23.300 --> 00:03:25.060 but at the same time it's like 00:03:26.160 --> 00:03:28.280 It's... It's something off about it 00:03:28.440 --> 00:03:30.980 It's kinda like seeing child stars on television 00:03:30.980 --> 00:03:34.720 cause you know their parents are literally forcing them to do it 00:03:34.720 --> 00:03:36.660 and it's just something sad about it 00:03:36.660 --> 00:03:38.800 And I can't help getting the same vibe 00:03:38.980 --> 00:03:40.920 Obviously I don't know what goes on but 00:03:40.920 --> 00:03:42.060 *cringes* 00:03:42.060 --> 00:03:43.700 I watch it and i'm like ''UGH!'' 00:03:43.820 --> 00:03:46.680 ''Increasingly, it feels like Ryan is reading from a script'' 00:03:46.860 --> 00:03:47.540 *laughs* 00:03:47.600 --> 00:03:48.100 No 00:03:48.100 --> 00:03:50.100 The script being mother saying 00:03:50.100 --> 00:03:51.620 ''HEY, YOU FUCKING SEE THIS?!!'' 00:03:51.680 --> 00:03:53.440 ''Youtube stars are driving retail sales'' 00:03:53.440 --> 00:03:54.800 I can't argue with that 00:03:55.240 --> 00:03:58.200 ''Subliminal advertising at its finest'' 00:03:58.500 --> 00:04:00.020 ''Sponsored episodes'' 00:04:00.020 --> 00:04:00.560 Yeah 00:04:00.560 --> 00:04:01.220 It's clearly 00:04:01.220 --> 00:04:02.740 They're sponsored by Walmart 00:04:02.960 --> 00:04:03.860 It's 100% 00:04:03.940 --> 00:04:04.820 It's so clear 00:04:04.820 --> 00:04:05.320 like... 00:04:05.320 --> 00:04:07.360 watch this video over there like 00:04:07.620 --> 00:04:09.720 ''We got an exclusive Walmart egg!'' 00:04:09.880 --> 00:04:13.680 *Woman: And we even found a Walmart exclusive version too!* 00:04:13.800 --> 00:04:14.720 OOO 00:04:14.720 --> 00:04:16.980 Why would any kid give a shit about that? 00:04:17.100 --> 00:04:18.120 Explain that to me. 00:04:18.260 --> 00:04:18.760 Ok? 00:04:18.760 --> 00:04:21.620 Why would any kid give a shit about Walmart edition? 00:04:21.620 --> 00:04:22.860 It doesn't make any sense! 00:04:22.860 --> 00:04:29.220 And then you get the Verge posting ''He took money from WarnerBros for positive game reviews even though he didn't'' 00:04:29.320 --> 00:04:31.440 Talk about inadequate disclosure, huh? 00:04:31.640 --> 00:04:33.160 Ok well where is it here? 00:04:33.160 --> 00:04:36.600 ''Ryan's success in other words translates into more money'' 00:04:36.660 --> 00:04:37.680 For his parents! 00:04:37.780 --> 00:04:39.400 Oh, 'for a larger corporation'' 00:04:39.400 --> 00:04:40.080 Ok, ok alright 00:04:40.080 --> 00:04:42.680 So basically, there's a legal loophole 00:04:42.820 --> 00:04:46.920 That there's no way for the antics of an ordinary kid 00:04:46.920 --> 00:04:49.100 To be commercialised 00:04:49.100 --> 00:04:52.520 Many states have no rules around children performing 00:04:53.160 --> 00:04:56.520 They have no child labor laws around performance 00:04:56.720 --> 00:05:00.320 The channel isn't just Ryan playing with toys any more 00:05:00.320 --> 00:05:06.380 Whether he's going to Disneyland, getting a haircut or running a fever, his parents are the ones deciding how much- 00:05:07.640 --> 00:05:09.620 You see what I'm getting at here? 00:05:09.660 --> 00:05:13.820 Have you ever seen a video with 11 million views and 9000 likes? 00:05:15.200 --> 00:05:18.240 Please direct me to that video. Because it doesn't exist. 00:05:18.240 --> 00:05:21.320 These are not real people. These are not real views. 00:05:21.320 --> 00:05:23.080 There's only 1000 comments. 00:05:23.080 --> 00:05:25.300 Take a video where I had 11 million views: 00:05:28.280 --> 00:05:29.800 I got 22,000 comments. 00:05:30.700 --> 00:05:32.960 22,000. 1000. 00:05:34.140 --> 00:05:36.860 Most viewed video has 600 million views. 00:05:37.340 --> 00:05:38.640 What. The. Fuck. 00:05:39.040 --> 00:05:42.000 What the ac- excuse me. What the actual fuck. 00:05:42.020 --> 00:05:42.980 What the fuck. 00:05:42.980 --> 00:05:44.860 That's more than half of Call Me Maybe 00:05:44.860 --> 00:05:49.520 Are you saying- like everybody in the entire fucking world should know who this kid is. 00:05:49.520 --> 00:05:53.320 I bet most of you who've seen this video have no fucking clue. 00:05:53.320 --> 00:05:55.600 How do you get that amount of views? 00:05:56.160 --> 00:05:57.760 How can the Verge 00:06:00.020 --> 00:06:01.580 and USA Today 00:06:01.580 --> 00:06:06.000 Fail to realise this? How can they run such a full cover like this? 00:06:06.220 --> 00:06:07.800 And not mention it? 00:06:08.040 --> 00:06:11.160 You know, I'm not here to criticise this family 00:06:11.160 --> 00:06:13.540 I don't care. I genuinely don't care. 00:06:13.540 --> 00:06:16.700 Like, do whatever you want, don't get me wrong. This is not the point. 00:06:17.260 --> 00:06:21.920 The point that I want to make, which I am absolutely fucking stunned, 00:06:22.980 --> 00:06:30.120 That these two big-big journalist websites, The Verge and USA Today 00:06:30.160 --> 00:06:33.600 Like, where the fucking- look at this. Look at this. 00:06:35.340 --> 00:06:36.620 It's a fucking feature 00:06:36.620 --> 00:06:40.280 Let's see- maybe is 'bot' mentioned anywhere? No. 00:06:40.540 --> 00:06:42.700 Fake views? No. 00:06:42.960 --> 00:06:47.260 This whole article. Nowhere. 00:06:47.580 --> 00:06:50.660 So congrats. You payed for views. 00:06:51.220 --> 00:06:55.460 And that's how you get the title, "Oh! He's beating PewDiePie!" 00:06:55.460 --> 00:07:00.580 And I think that's what pisses me off so much because people want to fucking tear me down all the fucking time 00:07:00.580 --> 00:07:04.620 How can you call yourself a journalist and get it this fucking wrong? 00:07:05.000 --> 00:07:07.480 How can you be that fucking retarded? 00:07:09.180 --> 00:07:11.900 All you had to do was scroll the fuck down. 00:07:15.040 --> 00:07:17.920 You're so stupid. I fucking hate the media. 00:07:19.120 --> 00:07:21.040 It's fucking embarrassing. 00:07:23.520 --> 00:07:25.680 "In an cringy kid's voice: Welcome to Felix's Toy Reviews!" 00:07:26.860 --> 00:07:27.360 *baby noises* 00:07:27.860 --> 00:07:29.640 (off camera) Ok baby Felix can you do it again? 00:07:30.140 --> 00:07:30.640 00:07:30.640 --> 00:07:32.400 (off camera) More energy! 00:07:32.400 --> 00:07:34.400 (off camera) Ok? Mommy needs some dollar. 00:07:35.720 --> 00:07:36.700 More energy? 00:07:36.700 --> 00:07:38.440 (off camera) Mommy needs dollars, ok? 00:07:38.840 --> 00:07:43.800 (off camera) Erm, can you do it again baby but can you do it with more energy? 00:07:43.900 --> 00:07:44.780 More energy? 00:07:44.780 --> 00:07:46.800 (off camera) Yeah. Hey here's a Red Bull 00:07:46.800 --> 00:07:50.120 (off camera) Ok? Mommy needs some dollars so you need to look happy. 00:07:50.240 --> 00:07:52.960 (off camera) That's it. The whole thing. 00:07:52.960 --> 00:07:54.500 (off camera) There you go! 00:07:54.500 --> 00:07:55.960 It's too cold I can't drink it! 00:07:55.960 --> 00:07:57.980 (off camera) Do it again, but happy! 00:07:59.660 --> 00:08:01.020 Aaaaah! 00:08:01.760 --> 00:08:03.040 (off camera) Good! 00:08:04.680 --> 00:08:06.680 Furby is my new favourite toy. 00:08:06.680 --> 00:08:08.740 (off camera) Ok, Mommy's got you a Furby! 00:08:09.100 --> 00:08:09.740 Yeah! 00:08:09.740 --> 00:08:10.380 (off camera) Yeah! 00:08:10.380 --> 00:08:10.880 Yeah! 00:08:10.880 --> 00:08:12.260 (off camera) Yeah, aren't you excited? 00:08:12.440 --> 00:08:13.220 Yeah! 00:08:13.220 --> 00:08:13.960 (off camera) OK! 00:08:14.120 --> 00:08:15.720 Oh my god, this- 00:08:15.720 --> 00:08:18.080 (off camera) Don't ruin the box! Mommy's gotta return it. 00:08:18.560 --> 00:08:19.840 I don't get to play- 00:08:19.840 --> 00:08:21.280 (off camera) You don't get to keep it. No. 00:08:21.280 --> 00:08:22.900 (off camera) Mommy needs new nails. 00:08:22.900 --> 00:08:25.120 (off camera) OK, open it. Here's a knife. 00:08:25.120 --> 00:08:27.460 (off camera) For my eight year old son. 00:08:28.420 --> 00:08:29.140 Here we go. 00:08:30.180 --> 00:08:31.540 (off camera) Wooow! 00:08:32.120 --> 00:08:33.460 WOOOOOW! 00:08:33.820 --> 00:08:34.940 OOOH 00:08:36.000 --> 00:08:37.080 It's so cute! 00:08:37.080 --> 00:08:38.840 (off camera) Show it to the camera 00:08:39.180 --> 00:08:40.760 It's so, it's so cute 00:08:40.760 --> 00:08:41.720 (off camera) More energy. 00:08:41.880 --> 00:08:44.360 AAAH! So Cute! 00:08:44.440 --> 00:08:45.820 AAAAAH! 00:08:45.940 --> 00:08:47.300 But Mommy it's pink. 00:08:48.280 --> 00:08:49.420 I want blue. 00:08:50.600 --> 00:08:51.540 AAAAAH 00:08:51.580 --> 00:08:54.080 This one has a mask for when it's sleeping. 00:08:54.680 --> 00:08:57.000 (off camera) Wow isn't that great! 00:08:57.860 --> 00:08:59.560 AAAAAAAH 00:09:00.600 --> 00:09:01.380 OOOH! 00:09:03.420 --> 00:09:06.540 Furby: I wonder what I'll dream about tonight! 00:09:10.560 --> 00:09:11.260 You see? 00:09:13.800 --> 00:09:15.380 (off camera) Mommy wants you to burn him. 00:09:21.680 --> 00:09:24.080 Mommy I don't want to. It's my friend. 00:09:24.080 --> 00:09:25.340 (off camera) Kill your friend. 00:09:25.500 --> 00:09:27.980 But it's my friend! It's Mr Fuzzball! 00:09:27.980 --> 00:09:30.940 (off camera) The only way you can become a man is if you kill what you love. 00:09:30.940 --> 00:09:32.440 Is that what happened to Dad? 00:09:32.680 --> 00:09:33.820 Furby: Yaaas! 00:09:38.960 --> 00:09:40.400 (off camera) Kill it! 00:09:42.500 --> 00:09:43.000 Woah! 00:09:45.780 --> 00:09:46.280 AAH! 00:09:51.220 --> 00:09:54.580 (off camera) Ok! what did you think of your new toy? 00:09:55.180 --> 00:09:57.020 Why did you make me kill him? 00:09:57.020 --> 00:09:59.180 (off camera) Did you have fun with your new toy? 00:09:59.180 --> 00:10:02.160 He was my only friend. We were supposed to leave this town 00:10:02.160 --> 00:10:06.620 He was everything to me. We were supposed to go over to where the mountains meet the ocean 00:10:06.620 --> 00:10:08.480 And the desert meets the sky. 00:10:08.880 --> 00:10:12.220 I loved him. I loved him with all my heart. 00:10:12.240 --> 00:10:13.840 And you made me kill him. 00:10:17.240 --> 00:10:18.380 (off camera) Wait! What are you doing! 00:10:19.760 --> 00:10:22.320 Have you seen the hot knife challenge? 00:10:22.400 --> 00:10:24.160 (Off camera) Baby stop it! 00:10:24.160 --> 00:10:27.540 Have you seen the hot knife? How it cuts through anything? 00:10:27.540 --> 00:10:28.640 (off camera) Baby NO! 00:10:29.100 --> 00:10:30.900 AAAAAAH! 00:10:30.940 --> 00:10:32.860 GRRR! ARRRGH! 00:10:35.800 --> 00:10:38.760 I've been living off the grid for 30 minutes. 00:10:38.760 --> 00:10:41.760 I survived, thanks to Mr Fuzzball's knowledge. 00:10:41.760 --> 00:10:44.260 But after 30 long minutes, it all changed. 00:10:44.400 --> 00:10:46.540 Everything changed. 00:11:06.900 --> 00:11:11.380 I hope you enjoyed this video, and if you did, check out another one! 00:11:11.380 --> 00:11:14.640 I love WHITE QUEEN AJ 00:11:14.640 --> 00:11:17.940 I think you might- if you enjoyed this one, you might enjoy this one as well. 00:11:18.800 --> 00:11:22.820 That's great. Keep watching. Thanks for watching. 00:11:22.820 --> 00:11:28.159 Also remember to click the bell. Ding! I need to buy a bell or some shit that would be cool.