How's it going bros
We're gonna finish this game
and we're gonna finish it together
This is the last episode of the last guardian
I should have swallowed all the fuckin music
- that was in my mouth!
(clears throat)
...before I started this episode ---
--- Jesus fucking Christ! ---
I am sorry about yesterday's episode...
Okay,
it even got delayed because it pissed me off so fucking much.
Yeah, I wanted to die.
Now I know what that feels like.
Actually, I always do.
Let's --- let's, OK, here we go.
We pull this lever,
And then, if you look here:
There's the tower, that's our end goal.
We need to get to top of that shit.
That's all we gotta do today.
That's our goal.
That's all we gotta do.
Pfft!
Easy!
How the fuck do we jump...?
Ahh shit, the bridge is gone.
Alright, it looks like we're gonna have to take a detour.
That's fine.
Since I clearly have the worst A.I. of all time with me,
it's all good -
(as Trico) Shut the fuck up.
Doesn't fucking listen...
Oh... look who listens today huh...!
...how 'bout that.
C'mon. C'mon, just go -
- there we go.
Oh I get it. We're gonna get on top of *this* tower...
...and then we're gonna (winks) glide all the way over.
Cause uh
Trico has wings now.
They kinda grew a lot.
*wind whooooshes*
Let me look at your horns.
(mutters) Oh yeah, he's horny...
That's for sure.
(mutters) I'm twelve, that's also for sure.
Okay...
Alright.
(mutters) Maybe...
What is it now...?
Jeeesus...
Oh my god, what's happening?
Heyyy!!!
No.
Don't do that guys,
(mutters) 'cause I will fuck you up.
That's right.
What d'ya say?
Shoot 'em.
(imitates energy shots) Pew pew! Pew pew...
Well, that was fun.
Glad we did that.
Is there anyone else?
I can't really see.
D'ya think you can make this jump?
(imitates the boy)
(as Trico) Shut the fuck up. (laughs)
My new voice for the kid is the best.
Is he going for it?
Alright, he's going for it.
Alright.
He's fucking crazy.
So, it's cool we're jumping between the towers to get on top of 'em.
Just like real life, guys.
GO.
Go.
*Imitates bird* WEH!
WOOOOOOAAHHHH -
- MY GOD !
ARGHHHHH! (laughs)
(gasps like a moose)
(chortles)
Smooth.
Smooth as always, dude.
You.
You have a tr..
You have a real good tr..
Ahhhh.
Shhhhhit.
I shouldn't talk.
What just happened?
(as Trico) Ma fucken face.
(as Trico) Ma fucken face hurts.
Hey, next time hit the hole, okay?
That does not just apply for the ladies.
I'm so sorry, okay.
(imitates the boy)
Oh no.
Is there another fucking
eye somewhere?
Just come here,
Just come here.
Come here.
That's right.
(as Trico) Am I not the cutest dog?
(replies as the Boy) Shh shhh... Yes, you are.
I mean catdogfish.. (mutters) whateva.
No, come out, come out, come out.
Come out, come out.
I love how the light hits his feathers.
I know that's so.. like uh
That sounds stupid just commenting on that.
But it's cool.
Okay.
(imitates the boy)
Okay, he got it.
That's it, you got it.
Now jump.
(to audience) I am very low in patience today.
And in general.
Now I'm running out of... patience for you, Trico. Especially.
Alright? It was cool in the beginning, now I'm....
Now I'm starting to think you're a fuckin' --- oh my god ---
--- what now?
Ah geez, well okay, we can take care of this...
♫ Blinded by the light ♫
(Trico groans)
(Trico roars)
(imitates energy shots) Pew pew.
(imitates energy shots) Pew pew pew pew ---
(imitates energy shots) ---PEEEEW!
--- GOT 'EM!
Hell yeah, Trico ---
That was fucking --- er... (mutters) "dico".
(mutters) That's dope.. and Trico...
(mutters) But together... as one...
Oh my god, Trico!
You've got somethin' in yo ass.
Lemme take care of that ass for you.
AHH!
Aww...
(imitates the boy concerned about Trico)
Wait, the bridge is down!
How do we get the bridge up?
Fuck, this is tricky.
This is really fucking tricky.
You know, this'll be a lot easier for you if you could just fuggin' fly.
Okay, only I can go though here...
That's a bit strange... Oh! Okay...
But I can go up here...
Ugh, I hate... fuck.
This is cool to look at though.
What now?
Think I can hang off the edge?
I can.
(as Trico) Poods, where ya goin' ?
(as Trico) I can see ya bum ---
(as himself) Goddamnit.
(as Trico) Wear some panties next time.
What's he doin' ? Oh my god.
It's very epic.
I like the whole concept of just...
... progressing up ---
--- upwards into --- in a tower,
I dunno if it's stupid.
There's the bridge, okay.
(as Trico) Do I look sexy like this?
(as himself) Well, hopefully the bridge goes all the way...
...that would be nice...
...it doesn't.
But somewhat, you know.
Not bad... not bad.
I wonder if we can jump down
on to --- on Trico.
I al-- almost called him Enrico.
That would have been the real name,
the Spanish version of it ---
--- ah shit.
(in an Italian accent) Enreee-co.
(in a hybrid of Italian/French) C'est bella, Enrico. (It's beautiful, Enrico.)
(whispers) ...that's not Spanish...
(to Trico) Hey buddy, how you doin' ?
I'm on your face now.
(boy groans)
...what the fuck was that sound...
...are you a frog?
Okay.
Here we go.
It's bridge-jumping time, baby,
Here ---
--- Whoa! Okay...
He's really preparing now...
You don't wanna run-jump?
And hit your face again?
What the fuck...
These towers are so tall,
I think we're at the highest spot though.
Look over there, everything is so fucking cool.
There it is!
Nice...
(imitates boy saying Trico) Turrrrkeyyyy!
(imitates boy) Eh.
(as himeself) We did it.
Hell yeah, we did it.
Look at that.
We are just by the tower now.
(replying on behalf of Trico) Yes, you can...
(to the boy) Yes, you can.
(as Trico) Yes, I fokken can.
(as Trico) What do you think I am...? Stupid?
That has nothing to do with flying, but okay.
...jump...
...jump... jump.
...jump... jump. Jump.
...jump... jump. Jump. Jump!
...jump... jump. Jump. Jump! Jump!!
...jump... jump. Jump. Jump! Jump!! Jump!!!
...jump... jump. Jump. Jump! Jump!! Jump!!! Jump!!!!
...jump... jump. Jump. Jump! Jump!! Jump!!! Jump!!!! JUMP!
...jump... jump. Jump. Jump! Jump!! Jump!!! Jump!!!! JUMP! JUMP!!
...jump... jump. Jump. Jump! Jump!! Jump!!! Jump!!!! JUMP! JUMP!! JUMP!!!
--- this is gonna be epic ----
--- this is gonna be real epic, and I don't use that word lightly, okay.
Goddammit ---
--- what are you doing?
Shut up! I'm preparing.
Come on, Trico.
Come on.
Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on. COME ON.
(chanting) Trico!
(chanting) Trico! Trico!
(mutters in frustration) ... come on, just fuckin' do it...
Okay, fine. You know what?
FINE !
I'LL do it.
(as Trico) Jeez, what a sour asshole.
Fine...you know wha...I don't care.
This is so pretty.
I think this is one of my favourite parts.
Just to look at.
Just look at this view.
I don't understand.
How is it possible?
They leave these, like blue traces, to kinda help guide you, I noticed,
(mutters) which is appreciated.
There is another lever here,
if I can climb up here.
There you go, buddy.
I dunno what this does.
Wait, what!?
We gotta go higher ?
Why the fuck would we do this?
(to Trico) Don't get your tail squeezed.
Oh we gotta...
(to audience) Oh! I get it.
I see. I see.
(mutters) That should've been obvious.
This should be *really* fucking cool.
I am very excited for this.
I like how they did this.
Look at him...
...he's so pretty...
(as Trico) What --- !? Did you --- ?
(as Trico) Did you think I'm pretty?!
(as himself replying to Trico) What are you? Gay?
(snickers)
I don't know if Trico is a girl or a boy.
I don't know.
I'm just so impressed by looking at (into) the distance.
It really feels like...
...I'm lookin' far away...
I don't know how it's possible.
It's jumpin' time.
(orchestral BGM: dal niente)
(in anticipation) Oh!
(orchestral BGM: più forte) Do you hear the mus ---
(orchestral BGM: più forte) music's suddenly building up?
(orchestral BGM: crescendo) (boy gasps)
This is incredible.
I am so fuckin' pumped.
(orchestral BGM: crescendo)
That is a *long* ass jump.
(orchestral BGM: calando)
(orchestral BGM: al niente)
Okay, now jump.
You should know what to do...
(boy ordering Trico) (gusts of wind)
Is this it?
Is this the moment we've all been waiting for...?
(orchestral BGM: dal niente)
(Trico roars) YES IT IS !!
(orchestral BGM: crescendo)
(orchestral BGM: piano forte)
WO
WOO
WOOO
WOOOO
WOOOOO
WOOOOO-HO
WOOOOO-HOO!
COME ON!
TRICO!
(orchestral BGM: sforzando piano) OHHHH !!
(Trico swoops down)
WOOOO
WOOOO-HOO !
(orchestral BGM: crescendo)
(orchestral BGM: più forte)
Oh...
Oh... my...
Oh... my... god...
Oh... my... god... Yes!
We did it...!
(orchestral BGM: mezzo-forte piano)
(orchestral BGM: sforzando)
Nailed it...!
(casually) ...hey guys, what's up...?
(orchestral BGM: mezzo-forte piano)
...it's fightin' time...
Smack those bitches up.
So apparently those blue doors
is where they take you. You know, when they carry you up...
...they take you in there.
(gasps in disbelief)
That's how you die.
It's really weird.
It's really strange.
Get him, Trico ---
(Trico crashes into enemy in background)
--- Nice...
...now let's get these guys...
Nice.
Keep shootin' , Trico.
Got 'em!
Now one less...
That's right,
you don't
FUCK with us!
We're the fuckin' dream team ---
--- Oh they're not dead yet.
(battle cry)
(laugh of amusement)
Get 'im, Trico. I got 'im.
Why can't he fall off?
It's so annoying.
Ah, for fuck's sake...!
Ricky!
Oh, Jesus.
You got knocked the fuck out.
Oh, nice!
(orchestral BGM: sudden pause)
(as enemy soldier) Give me a hug!
(as the boy) No!
You did good, kid.
I mean, boy ---
--- and ---
--- deerdog ---
-- it's catmeatdogfish.
Look at the shadow there, it's so cool.
Okay, let's go.
We did it.
Ummm, let's check over here, maybe...
Oh, there's a snack over here... I'm sure of it... I don't know... (mumbles)
Where the hell am I going?
Is Trico following?
(as Trico) You're too fast for me!
(as Trico) How are you so fast with those tiny legs?
Wait, there is absolutely nothing around here.
Right.
Look at the shadow of the tower.
It's so cool.
I wonder if this is in the same universe as Shadow of the Colossus.
I wonder why this tower is so different...
Can I just press this...?
(narrator speaks)
Oh my god!
(as Trico) You fukken dumb, poods...
I don't know what else to say, really...
This is cool...
Uh... it's so bright and weird...
...like a white sand Egyptian cave or some shit...
...I don't know...
I don't know what to call this.
Ooh!
Here we go.
Oh my god, that's close.
Ugh. Disgusting holes.
Gotta wait for *Trico*
because he's the slowest fuckin' animal of all time.
(as Trico) I fokken 'eard that!
(as Trico) ... hey, how's it goin' everyone...
Trico Enrico.
It's cold in here.
Can you come?
(as Trico) I'm freezing. My fuckin' nuts are. And I am castrated.
(as himself) Up it is!
(mock PSA accent) This elevator: max amount is eight people.
(as Trico) ... aw shit.
(as Trico) ...I'm too fat.
Okay, well, let's blow the fuckin' ceiling up, how about that?
I don't think that worked.
Maybe we can... grab his tail and put it down.
(laughs)
(as boy) Ey... this tail is so big.
There it is.
Look at that!
(as Trico) ...oh that feels quite nice actually...
(as boy) See you later.
Did I pick the wrong one?
Nope, they're all the same.
WOOOOO!
Nice!
The tail is so cool.
(nervous laughter)
It looks so pretty...
"I need to stop saying that everything is so pretty"
--- I know, okay?
I know.
Oh my gahd.
There's evil soldiers.
I dunno what they want from me, okay?
Are we just gonna have to sneak...?
Fine, I'll sneak.
This game just became a stealth game.
Presumably we're just gonna put that there and they're gonna wake up
and then we're gonna have to run back to Trico's tail.
(mutters) ...this is too bad...
We know what's gonna happen.
Oh that was one of them --- okay.
This feels like kinda Star Wars when Obi Wan was doing all that stuff to the Death Star.
Am I the only one getting those vibes?
Okay.
Just me.
I get it.
I see. It's a little trickier than I thought.
Missed me, bitch!
(mutters) ...which one do I have to click...
Oh my god, there it is! There it is!
See --- y'see what I say?
That's the doors --- they take you to.
If you get into the door, you die.
Oh, that guy ---
(laughs)
I like how they're just standing there.
(as soldiers) I dunno what to do...
(as soldiers) Don't look at me, Carl ---
(as soldiers) ---- Arrghh!
(as soldiers) Carl.... I loved you...
He's comin' close!
He's comin' real clo ---
(as Trico) --- the ceiling!
(as Trico) It's opening!
(as Trico) Like my butthole!
(as Trico) Mein Gott, it's like it had Mexican food...
(as Trico) ... it's very...
(as Trico) ...fascinating.
(as Trico) Hurry up poods.
Okay, let's not fuck this jump up.
Oh... you wanna use ju-jitsu at me!?
Oh, you will *pay* the consequences.
I didn't have to kill you, but I kinda felt like it.
WOOT!
(mutters) ... oh Jesus...
We did it. Hey!
Actually did something...
...pretty smoothly for once.
How about that?
(as Trico) I've just been sitting here far too ---
(as Trico) --- how're you doin' poods?
Wouldn't that be nice if it takes us all the way to the top?
Wouldn't that be... just ---
--- swell.
Wouldn't that just be great.
That would make me happy.
I don't know about you,
but that would make be like ---
"Oh! That's nice ---
--- Something actually worked."
Alright, we passed the butthole.
Don't get your tail stuck now, Trico.
Alright, we keep goin' up.
Let's see here how far up can we go.
Okay, alright.
And that was about it.
What the fuck?
What happened there?
I swear I hold down the button.
What the fuck was that?
Ahh... jeez.
Oh my God there's so many...
(as boy) Get 'em, Trici!
(as boy) Get 'em --- Trici!
(as Trico) I'll fok you up!
(as Trico) I'll fok you up,
(as Trico) and I'll fok your Mom up,
(as Trico) and I'll fok your Mom,
(as Trico) and I'll fuck you up,
(as Trico) and I'll fuck you down.
Oh shit!
Fuck, there was the hole there.
Oh no, this is bad.
shit
Why they gotta be so many?!
Nice.
Go, Trico.
Nice.
Good job, Trico.
Oh, for fuck's sake...
Nice throw, dude.
(laughs)
Missed me.
(as soldier) Fuck, I hate that child --- He's so slippery!
Oh god, this is bad.
I'm really close to the gates.
Look ---
Oh, shit.
What happens in the door?
What happens?
Ugh, I don't wanna know...
Get 'em, Trico.
Now that's teamwork!
That was awesome.
That was an epic battle!
(Trico roars in triumph)
Good job, buddy.
See, now I appreciate 'im.
You were fuckin' awesome there dude.
I'm a little sad.
It's the end of the game;
it's almost over.
(as Trico) Don't be sad, pewds.
(as Trico) It's gonna be okay.
(as Trico) I'll still be with you.
(as Trico) Oh, you wanna blow that shit up?
(as Trico) That's fine, then.
Woah!
Trico, get outta the way ----
you're gonna get squished.
There's something here?
What?
What?!
Woah!
Trico, be careful.
(as Trico) Shuddup!
(as Trico) I'm not too fat.
Don't squeeze your tail, buddy.
(mutters) I dunno where this is goin'...
But I have a feeling this was all meant to happen.
Oh, this thing will take us all the way,huh.
Even with Trico on top...
... he's so fat ---
(as Trico) --- SHUT UP!
(as Trico) ...Still here, you b---
I dunno what's gonna happen...
...but I'm very curious.
I'm very excited...
Ah
Ahh
and-here-we-go!
(chuckles) He's so cute on top of that thing.
(laughs)
(as Trico) Wow, that was quite an enjoyable experience.
(as Trico) I would rate this elevator ---
(as Trico) --- six out of five,on yelp.
Ah, of course, I don't have yelp
I just like to eat people
Wow, the frame rate is about 4 or 5
What the fuck is happening
Remove the smoke
and I don't think it should be this laggy
wait for it to load maybe I don't know
there you go,that's better.
A lot of people died here
I wonder why
no it's barrels maybe this is where they use to keep trico
this does look like a cage,doesn't it?
that would make sense,right?
that they just use this to feed him
surely there would be trico's poop everywhere
*imitates kid* I found one
the final snack
well,who's been a good boy?huh?
*imitates trico* ME
here you go
there you go,good job
nice
just keep going like that
woah
come on we're almost there buddy
woah what the fuck is that?
uhhh is that a giant fan?
okay be careful trico
oh my god,I don't like this
should we blow it up or
nailed it! okay.Woah that looks cool
this is some matrix looking sh sci-fi shit man
maybe I can turn off the fans?
aao nice dude
he always does it so well
the master of the valley huh?
well that's me and my boy trico.Trico san
woah it reacts to me
woah
interesting
okay
is there anything we can do about that
ummm
ew
yup that's right
that's right you better shrink
that's what I tell my penis too
i'm kidding.Okay.
okay now what?
okay I think we did it
no
nice
I'm really like focused right now.I'm sorry if i'm not
saying much.I really just
you know?
wanna
do this properly for you bros
feel a lot of pressure,ya know?
the pressure is on so to
so to
so to speak
why would you go up there?
here we go
okay,we're by the blades
trico don't worry i'm here for you
i love you baby
I wanna be with you
forever and ever
*sings* ever and ever
okay I see what we have to do
we've to hit that thing again
to make it completely shut down
well
it doesn't look like we have much choice
bleph
this should OH my god
I wanna die
okay that actually worked
(laughs)
I didn't expect that okay
I thought we'd just fly off
or like throw up.I don't know.
oo here we go
woah we're on the top
we're out
oh my god this is very exciting
LOOK at this
Incredible
oh my god I gotta look at the view
this is a memorable moment
jesus
christ
oh my god
look at that
is that the ocean on the other side?
i'm just amazed by this
what happened here?
what is that?
alright what'd we
what'd we got?
what is that?
look at this shot,it's so pretty.
ahh this is making me motion sick just fuck
look there's here.I didn't see this
I don't think that was,that obvious
no I didn't do it prop...shit
I did it trico
no
come on,come on buddy we're almost at the top
nice
oh.Watch your tail.
ow
my reaction to those spinny things is like get off fast
but apparently no it was like no! stay there's one thing you have to notice
I hope these won't control trico
we did it together buddy
look at that it's so gorgeous
what a gorgeous ending
oh my god it cured my color blindness
look at this
woahhh
incredible
what'd he say it didn't give me a subtitle
we did it
and trico is alive
I love you
aww he looks so sad
we should be happy.we're getting outta here
oh I get it
wait what?
what just happened?
dubstep
dubstep happened
oh no it's the tower that calls them
we have to destroy that thing
shitt
can you shoot it?
oh he's getting tired of screaming.You hear it in the voice that's such a cool detail
what's happening?
oh my god all the birds
this can't be good
I knew it
woah the's so many
8
you're not bad
you don't have to do this
wwoah they collect the babies
that's what was supposed to happen to us
maybe they become the soldiers or
it's like a bird's nest
they become kegs?
have I been feeding
oh that's the reward they get the reward
they haven't been instructed to attacc
oh he sees that i'm a kid
ow
awh shit we need that
woah
aww no noo
fuck we gotta save him
where'd the plate go?
ow
where the fuck did it goo?
there it is
damn that shit went further than I thought
fuck
don't throw me off the building please
*gasps* * with O face*
what
oh he missed me
oh shit i'm climbing him
damnn
this is fuckin epic
fly back