WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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Felix: So today, family-friendly Felix is going to

00:00:03.160 --> 00:00:05.600
-do some instructional videos. I am-um

00:00:05.600 --> 00:00:09.600
m-my mission here is to spread the positive

00:00:09.600 --> 00:00:12.570
message of instructional videos.

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Instructional videos!

00:00:14.840 --> 00:00:17.880
Felix: I don't know if you've seen them, uhh... there's some really old

00:00:17.880 --> 00:00:20.440
ones. For example, this one is a guide-

00:00:20.440 --> 00:00:22.040
(Felix briefly forgets what the internet is)

00:00:22.060 --> 00:00:25.640
-to the internet. The family guide to computers.

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(Jazzy 90's Song Playing) "Twilight Zone to Star Trek" Felix:YES!!!! YES!!!

00:00:28.380 --> 00:00:33.060
"Hardware, Software, take a seat, if you dare! "

00:00:33.060 --> 00:00:33.860
"Power up!"

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"Download"

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"Database"

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"BREAK THE CODE"

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"CD ROM"

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Felix: It's A RAP!

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"Point-AND-CLICK!"

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"TAKE THE SPIN NOW YOU'RE IN REALLY TECHNO HIP"

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"ALL BECAUSE OF A COMPUTER CHIP!!!!" (song ends)

00:00:41.840 --> 00:00:44.620
Felix: Dayum that was tight.

00:00:42.960 --> 00:00:44.540
Felix: Dayum that was tight.

00:00:44.620 --> 00:00:47.580
(Another Jazzy Rendition Of The Theme With No Lyrics)

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Felix: The Jamison family.

00:00:49.520 --> 00:00:51.260
Felix: Remember the Jamison family?

00:00:51.560 --> 00:00:52.500
Mr. Jamison: It's another day in the-

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Felix: *laughing* ahhahahah what the fuck was

00:00:54.500 --> 00:00:55.740
Mr. Jamison: -life of my family.

00:00:55.740 --> 00:00:57.880
Felix: This is 28 minutes I'm barely getting started!

00:00:57.510 --> 00:01:00.149
hitting a little bit like yours, hi

00:00:57.880 --> 00:00:59.478
Mr. Jamison: It's a little bit like yours

00:00:59.478 --> 00:01:00.140
Mrs. Jamison: Hi!

00:01:00.140 --> 00:01:01.860
Felix: *Leafy voice* I wanna kill myself

00:01:00.149 --> 00:01:02.820
i wanna kill myself and if you're like

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Mrs. Jamison: And if you're like

00:01:02.820 --> 00:01:05.761
us until recently we didn't know much about computers. Felix in unison: We're the Jamisons

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But a few months ago we decided to join the information age.
Felix: YES

00:01:08.900 --> 00:01:11.860
Felix: Oh I love this so much I love it so much thank you.

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Mrs. Jamison: We'd like to share with you what our family has learned about computers.

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Boy: Well the first thing you need to do, is-

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Pewds: watch porn.

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Girl: It's really exciting

00:01:19.439 --> 00:01:21.299
to take the computer out of the box.

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Felix: I'm going for it

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*grunting and saying YEAH*

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Mr. Jamison: I recommend that first you make sure all the parts are there before you start to get underway.

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Mrs. Jamison: That's right, and everyone can help.

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Mrs. Jamison: You know they've made it so much easier than in

00:01:31.300 --> 00:01:32.000
the old days.

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Now most computer systems

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are sold with a lot of software programs

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already installed.

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Boi: And the installation

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of additional software is made automatic with
with

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with Microsoft Windows 95

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Microsoft Windows 95

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Felix (Distorted): Oh my- *Deep breath*

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Felix: Windows 95 *smacks lips* - The good old days

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windows 95, the good old days if you're

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Girl: If you're lucky your system will have color-coded

00:01:50.909 --> 00:01:52.460
lucky your system will have color-coded

00:01:52.470 --> 00:01:54.180
cables that enable you to put your PC-

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Felix: FUCK!
NOOO!

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Felix: GODDAMN HOW DO I PLUG THESE IN!?

00:02:01.720 --> 00:02:05.700
how am i supposed to know and the installation of additional

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Felix: *Angry voice* How am I supposed to know?????????

00:02:04.080 --> 00:02:06.540
Boi: And the installation of additional software-

00:02:06.540 --> 00:02:07.880
Felix: Why was this haircut out of all

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un-god forbidden haircuts popular I don't understand

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ungodforbidden haircuts popular I don't

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What do you guys think, is it working for me?

00:02:13.920 --> 00:02:16.800
I feel fucking anime as shit right now dawg.

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Mr. Jamison: If you're serious about-

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God not so fucking close.

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Mr. Jamison: You really need to start

00:02:20.790 --> 00:02:22.530
out with an understanding of the basics

00:02:22.530 --> 00:02:24.200
of your system and how to use each

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program so let's dive right in

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(Another rendition of the jazzy song) "All because of a computer chip!"

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Felix: J- Yess!!

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Felix: Yes! All because of a computer chip! (He pronounces chip "ship")

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All because of a computer's shit!

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And my family is a-

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family is it because and my mother is

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All because-

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And my mother is a fat bitc--

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Mrs. Jamison: One of the most basic computer

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applications is word processing!

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Mr. Jamison: In the good old days this was known as typing

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*Dumbass laugh*

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*Felix joins the laughter*

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*Inhales rapidly*

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*Laughter continues*

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HAHAHAHAHA

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*stopping*

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Girl: and I did the news letter for girl scouts complete with pictures.

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Daughter: And I didn't lose either for girl scouts

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Mr. Jamison: That's great

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Mrs. Jamison: That's great honey!

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*Felix scoffs*

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*And laughs too*

00:03:00.980 --> 00:03:02.980
Condescending that's- that's

00:03:03.180 --> 00:03:04.840
come back when you get an A

00:03:04.840 --> 00:03:05.460
Mrs. Jamison: Even though

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I work out of the home, professional word

00:03:07.080 --> 00:03:08.940
processing makes my company work as big

00:03:08.940 --> 00:03:10.220
as the others!

00:03:10.220 --> 00:03:11.250
Felix: Can you stop touching her?

00:03:11.250 --> 00:03:13.020
It's making me uncomfortable.

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Mrs. Jamison: One program

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that's included in many computer bundles

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is microsoft works. *Pause*

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Felix: What the fuck is

00:03:18.500 --> 00:03:19.360
peter doing?

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What the-

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Felix: Peter, what the hell man?

00:03:24.340 --> 00:03:25.760
Felix:Youf- you.. You weirdo!

00:03:25.940 --> 00:03:28.260
Mrs. Jamison: Like spell check and cut and paste makes

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your document look like it's professionally printed

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Felix: professionally printed *small laugh*

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Every time they type they don't know how to

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type they miss-type every fucking time

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Mrs.Jamison: (...) features like spell check and cut and

00:03:40.560 --> 00:03:42.260
paste make your document looks like it's

00:03:42.260 --> 00:03:43.940
professionally printed

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*laugh*

00:03:45.660 --> 00:03:48.000
Felix: He p- he click

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space (felix pronounces it pace) instead of- Look! It's not even straight

00:03:50.643 --> 00:03:52.290
Mrs.Jamison: and today many of these

00:03:52.290 --> 00:03:54.570
applications come bundled together with

00:03:54.570 --> 00:03:56.730
other programs in money-saving packages

00:03:56.730 --> 00:03:58.530
called suites and they can represent

00:03:58.530 --> 00:04:00.390
some real savings
Mr.Jamison: You know Ann (The Womans Name?) you get

00:04:00.390 --> 00:04:01.590
more today for two hundred and fifty

00:04:01.590 --> 00:04:03.150
dollars than you used to get for twice

00:04:03.150 --> 00:04:03.650
that amount

00:04:03.650 --> 00:04:05.650
(another jazzy rendition of the theme)

00:04:06.160 --> 00:04:07.340
Say you're thinking of opening up a new

00:04:07.350 --> 00:04:08.910
business and you want to see if you're

00:04:08.910 --> 00:04:10.890
on the road to success you should use a

00:04:10.890 --> 00:04:13.380
spreadsheet to plan your budget.

00:04:13.400 --> 00:04:14.720
Do you know what a spreadsheet is, Peter?

00:04:15.100 --> 00:04:16.200
Felix: *burp* no but

00:04:16.200 --> 00:04:18.420
I know what your mama spreads at night

00:04:18.420 --> 00:04:20.130
Mr: Well the first thing you need to

00:04:20.130 --> 00:04:21.820
determine is your system resource availability

00:04:22.000 --> 00:04:23.020
Felix: oh shit

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Girl: What's that?

00:04:24.120 --> 00:04:25.860
Boi: That's fancy computer talk for whether you have

00:04:25.860 --> 00:04:28.200
enough processing power, disc space and

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memory to handle the application you're going to run

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Felix: Just look at everyone,

00:04:32.370 --> 00:04:34.080
They have no idea what the fuck is going on

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It's so beautiful

00:04:35.900 --> 00:04:36.930
Mrs: With today's more

00:04:36.930 --> 00:04:38.970
powerful programs they do require a lot

00:04:38.970 --> 00:04:40.119
more memory and storage

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Mr: I still remember

00:04:40.919 --> 00:04:42.510
back in the old days of computers when

00:04:42.510 --> 00:04:44.420
forty megabytes was a lot

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*Felix baah*

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Boi: Geez Dad! That's

00:04:46.220 --> 00:04:47.880
ancient history!

00:04:47.880 --> 00:04:50.320
(Felix Mocking): Jeez DAD! That's Ancient HISTORY!!!!

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Felix (Still Mocking) : Get on my level bitch I got a

00:04:52.800 --> 00:04:55.100
six hundred megabyte Ram with 200

00:04:55.120 --> 00:04:58.800
gigahertz processor that will fucking

00:04:58.800 --> 00:05:02.540
fat your ass up dawg! its hella tight

00:05:02.640 --> 00:05:04.760
Did you have black and white televisions back then too?

00:05:04.760 --> 00:05:09.740
Felix (Still Mocking) He GOT black and white display on that shit dawg?????

00:05:09.740 --> 00:05:11.740
Felix (Still Mocking) What THE FUck are u fuckin POOR???

00:05:11.820 --> 00:05:15.000
Mrs: To install a suite of office applications you use the same type of

00:05:15.000 --> 00:05:16.590
installation process for most other programs.

00:05:16.590 --> 00:05:18.120
Felix: okay what is it ,what is it ,what is it!

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Mrs: you click on my computer Felix:OKAY

00:05:20.040 --> 00:05:20.610
 

00:05:20.610 --> 00:05:22.100
then select add and remove programs

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Felix: OK

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click ahead to install the application

00:05:24.240 --> 00:05:25.600
from your CD or disk!

00:05:25.600 --> 00:05:27.330
Felix: FUCK ITS TOO Fast

00:05:27.330 --> 00:05:28.400
Girl: -Default locations most of the time

00:05:28.560 --> 00:05:33.480
Felix: Did they say delete system32 is that what I'm supposed to- Ah... Ah...

00:05:33.480 --> 00:05:35.120
Mr: To Reboot you simply choose yes

00:05:35.120 --> 00:05:36.560
if the computer asks you whether to turn

00:05:36.560 --> 00:05:38.180
itself off and then on again

00:05:38.320 --> 00:05:43.320
Felix:Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa that seems a lil too complicated.

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Mr: Its the way the computer gets started with your program

00:05:44.850 --> 00:05:47.220
Girl: but what if you're still having trouble

00:05:47.220 --> 00:05:49.200
Pewdiepie: then you're fucking retarded

00:05:49.200 --> 00:05:50.940
Mrs: Here are some applications that can bring hours

00:05:50.940 --> 00:05:52.800
of enjoyment to every member of the family

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Felix: hours??!?

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Mrs: They're called graphics programs!

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Felix: Graphic Pro-

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Felix:Graphics! Graphics Programs!

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Mrs: they give you the chance to be really creative by using the

00:06:01.260 --> 00:06:02.790
computer to help you draw and paint

00:06:02.790 --> 00:06:03.510
digitally

00:06:03.510 --> 00:06:04.620
Felix:Whoa!

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Mr.: I love the Graphics on the computer

00:06:05.640 --> 00:06:07.200
Felix: WHOA!!!!!

00:06:07.200 --> 00:06:09.440
Felix: DUDE! thats some psycadellic shit!

00:06:09.440 --> 00:06:10.530
Mr.: I prepared this club's

00:06:10.530 --> 00:06:12.360
newsletter last month using microsoft

00:06:12.360 --> 00:06:14.620
publisher and there are other great home

00:06:14.660 --> 00:06:15.740
graphic software programs out there too

00:06:15.740 --> 00:06:17.660
Felix: DUUUUUUUUUUDE!!!! SICK

00:06:17.900 --> 00:06:18.840
Boy: How'd ya do it dad?

00:06:18.840 --> 00:06:21.220
Everyone was so impressed by how professional it looked!

00:06:21.220 --> 00:06:22.700
Felix (Mocking): PLEASE DAD

00:06:22.700 --> 00:06:27.000
TELL us the SECRET everyone was like 'DAWG! Duude-

00:06:27.000 --> 00:06:31.060
THIS is the sickest pro document I've ever SEEN"

00:06:31.060 --> 00:06:33.060
Felix (Still Mocking): DAD! PLEASE!

00:06:33.100 --> 00:06:36.320
Mrs: I even helped my sister create a new resume when she was looking for a job!

00:06:36.320 --> 00:06:38.240
Mr (awkwardly): *Clears Throat* Isn't she uh, still out of work?

00:06:38.240 --> 00:06:41.420
Felix: (Confused) What the fuck- What are they hinting at here?

00:06:41.420 --> 00:06:45.080
What does that mean? (Mocking) Ah she- (Confused)

00:06:45.160 --> 00:06:48.500
Felix: What the- look at peter(the boy), Peter always has the best face!

00:06:48.500 --> 00:06:50.920
Mrs: Depending on the application you'll have-

00:06:50.920 --> 00:06:53.940
Felix: How- why- Who looks at someone like that? I'm sorry.

00:06:53.940 --> 00:06:56.490
Felix (Mocking The Father): Thats right  bitch tell them about the graphic-

00:06:56.490 --> 00:06:57.660
computer program .

00:06:57.660 --> 00:06:59.220
(Another Jazzy Rendition) All because of computer chip (Felix sings along)

00:07:00.340 --> 00:07:02.640
Mrs: One of the most popular programs for

00:07:02.640 --> 00:07:04.940
home computers is money management,

00:07:04.940 --> 00:07:07.040
after all or most of us perplexed about where

00:07:07.050 --> 00:07:08.720
all the money goes??

00:07:08.720 --> 00:07:13.040
Felix (Laughing, almost whispering): Where does all the money go?

00:07:18.280 --> 00:07:21.460
Mrs: Its one of the things I like best now that I become a computer whiz

00:07:21.660 --> 00:07:24.500
Felix: Oh my god, the cringe, oh my god,

00:07:24.500 --> 00:07:28.360
the cringe, my god, the cringe, oh my god, oh my god

00:07:30.020 --> 00:07:33.700
Mr: Unfortunately viruses and our computers are as real as viruses in our families-

00:07:33.700 --> 00:07:34.240
Mrs: (Sneeze)

00:07:35.480 --> 00:07:37.880
Felix: Oh my god. The cringe.. Oh my god, kill me,

00:07:37.880 --> 00:07:40.820
Kill me! The mom needs to go, okay

00:07:41.200 --> 00:07:44.820
The mom needs to go. This is some-
 some Tyra Banks' level of comedy, man..

00:07:45.200 --> 00:08:04.880
(Tyra Banks pretends to have rabies footage)

00:08:06.800 --> 00:08:08.720
Girl: how often do we actually have the back things up?

00:08:08.780 --> 00:08:12.020
Boy: At school they told us we should do it every few minutes

00:08:12.020 --> 00:08:12.520
Felix: (Chuckling)

00:08:12.520 --> 00:08:13.110
*Intense Music* Felix: Jesus,

00:08:13.110 --> 00:08:17.340
Felix, Yelling: Back it up! it's been a few minutes!

00:08:17.340 --> 00:08:21.030
Back up! Back up! Back up! Or you are losing minutes here,

00:08:21.030 --> 00:08:23.480
Precious minutes!

00:08:23.480 --> 00:08:25.480
(Another Jazzy Rendition) All because of computer chip (Felix sings along)

00:08:26.730 --> 00:08:28.800
Boy: You know dad, almost all the cool stuff for

00:08:28.800 --> 00:08:30.750
computers these days comes on CD Roms!

00:08:30.760 --> 00:08:32.840
Boy: Games, shareware-

00:08:32.840 --> 00:08:35.320
Felix: 3D PINBALL! YES!

00:08:35.320 --> 00:08:41.200
Girl: I became better in math because i use Mighty Math: Calculating Crew, when i was only three.

00:08:42.400 --> 00:08:44.080
Felix: (Unimpressed) When you were only three, you were-

00:08:44.080 --> 00:08:48.200
playing this computer game. Sure buddy. Sure.

00:08:48.280 --> 00:08:49.320
Mrs: I do think that a little

00:08:49.320 --> 00:08:51.060
information on how to set up the new

00:08:51.060 --> 00:08:52.840
color printer would be helpful though.

00:08:52.920 --> 00:08:53.920
MR: I agree!

00:08:54.000 --> 00:08:54.560
Mrs: How about you Peter?

00:08:54.560 --> 00:08:55.440
Boy: I can handle it!

00:08:55.440 --> 00:09:05.520
(Badass music)

00:09:05.520 --> 00:09:07.520
(Jazzy Instrumental)

00:09:08.800 --> 00:09:13.960
Felix: "farewell" Oh no... Don't go...

00:09:15.960 --> 00:09:18.640
Felix: (Yelling) Yeah, come on, let Peter tell us about some more -

00:09:18.640 --> 00:09:20.840
computer programs. It's f*ckin-

00:09:20.840 --> 00:09:22.840
Jamison Family: (Together) See you next time!

00:09:22.980 --> 00:09:27.480
Felix (Imitating Kazoo Kid): Spee-cial Friend... Special Friend...
(Background music started)

00:09:27.480 --> 00:09:32.640
(Song) Twilight Zone to star trek!!! Hardware, software, take a seat-

00:09:32.640 --> 00:09:35.280
-if you DARE! Power up! Download!

00:09:35.280 --> 00:09:38.440
Database! Break the code! CD ROM! Super slip! POINT-AND-CLICK IT!

00:09:38.500 --> 00:09:40.420
Take a spin! Now you're in really techno hip

00:09:40.760 --> 00:09:42.240
All because of a computer chip!

00:09:42.860 --> 00:09:45.300
Pewds: YEAH! Great! Alright, I hope you enjoyed this..

00:09:45.309 --> 00:09:46.449
Let me know if you want me to do more,

00:09:46.449 --> 00:09:48.730
leave a like! and uh, yeah I hope you-

00:09:48.730 --> 00:09:51.880
I hope you enjoyed it. As always-

00:09:51.880 --> 00:09:55.160
Stay awesome- I mean (Grunting)

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Pewdiepie and Jazzy tune together: ALL BECAUSE OF A COMPUTER CHIP!!!

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Got damn this captioning shit is hard, love u all bros! I mean sister!