[elevator music]
[elevator music gives way to dramatic music]
No... God, no!
[dramatic music]
Please, not Malcolm! No, not another one!
[dramatic music]
Is it another challenge that you want, Malcolm?
Then I am ready. But wait...
I gotta put on my hater blockers. [laughs sarcastically]
I actually can't see anything.
[dramatic music continues] [Felix]: You think you can make me laugh?
Nothing makes me laugh.
[dramatic music]
[music ends abruptly] [Felix, distorted]: Let's begin.
[reading from screen]: "You're visiting Pewdiepie on OkCupid."
That's, like, a dating site. I know that.
I did not make that profile! [reading from screen]: "My self-summary:"
"...First and foremost I am a Sir. Always seem to find myself in the fr--" [snickers, then stops]
"...in the friendzone."
"...I'm a really nice guy that would rather spend a night cuddling than having sex."
"...I am a--" [snickers and whimpers] "...I am a--I'm--" [chuckles, then stops abruptly]
"...I am a proud atheist and attend many free-thinking rallies. Wake up, sheeple!"
"The first thing people usually notice about me:"
"...My fedora. I'm never seen without it. T--"
"...'Tis--" "...'Tis a part of me."
"...I spend a lot of time thinking about:"
"...How people can be so blind and follow organized religion and if I'll ever get out of the f--" [chuckles]
"On a typical Friday night, I am:"
"...Relaxing at home with a glass of brandy and my thoughts."
"The most private thing I'm willing to admit:"
"...I'm still a virgin and I watch anime."
...That's not true. Whatever, all right? Whatever.
You think...you think you're funny?
Didn't even laugh. So far, I'm fine.
Oh, you got a video next! That's cute. I'll play it.
[light music playing in the video]
[music abruptly stops]
[tensely] I'm fine! [snickers, then stops abruptly, catching himself]
That was not a laugh.
So far, I'm beating you at your own game, bitch! Malcolm! [blows kiss]
I bet you are a virgin and watch anime.
You're probably 8, so it actually makes sense. But whatever!
Next one. [reading from screen] "I have to be someone..."
"...on the internet because I'm..." [stops abruptly]
No! I'll have you know, I am very...
...popular in real life as well.
I have many friends.
[sad music] ...Shut up.
Oh, another video! That's cute.
Here we go.
[woman droning in video]
[woman screams, is cut off abruptly when the video ends]
[Felix chuckles]
[Felix groans]
Didn't laugh.
What the fuck was that...? [snickers lightly]
[snickers louder and sucks breath in sharply]
All right, next one!
[reading from screen] "Hey, PewDiePie!"
"...Kill yourself, pls."
"...PewDiePie found dead."
This is offensive to dead people. I'm gonna post this on Tumblr.
[sighs] Fuck you.
[Felix, voiceover]: "I saw this post on Tumblr, and I just want to say..."
"...this is extremely offensive, not only to me, but to the people of the universe who has ever died."
"...I feel triggered, hurt, and vulnerable."
[distorted noise]
Here we go.
[music plays in video] [Felix, reading]: "Samurai Cop."
"...He speaks fluent Japanese."
[man #1 in video]: They call him Samurai. He speaks fluent Japanese.
[man #2 in video]: Are you Fuj...Fujiama?
[man #3 in video]: What does "katana" mean? [man #2 in video]: It means "Japanese sword."
[upbeat, musical sting]
[Felix chuckles]
[gags, then breathes deeply]
[deadpan] Hilarious. Moving on!
[reading from screen] "Oh yeah, baby! Tell me what you want!"
"...Talk to me like you're a fucking idiot!"
"...PewDiePie is the best YouTube channel." "That's perfect!"
Hey, I mean, whatever gets her off, am I right? Pound it.
[upbeat, musical sting]
Oh, another video. Fine.
The videos are the hardest, man. I can't fuckin' do the videos.
[long silence]
[man screams, bells ring in video]
[snickers]
[snickers louder]
[reading screen] "Let's watch a Pewdiepie video starter pack."
Okay, cool shirt - hey, I got one of those!
Cool sunglasses. I got 'em!
[reads screen] "Autism..." [background music abruptly stops]
...I got it! [background music resumes]
Grape juice. My favorite!
[somber musical sting]
[reads screen] "How to watch a PewDiePie video:"
"...Method 1 out of 3. Commit suicide..." [music abruptly stops]
Oh, yeah? So you're telling me that 43 million people kill themselves?
That doesn't even make any sense!
[voice echoes as sinister music plays] That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
Man, this is too easy, come on. [reads screen] Turkish man...
[man in video] MEOW!
...And people call my videos retarded.
We did it!
[hiccups and reads screen] "And don't forget that PewDiePie sucks."
"...Only in it for the money. We've done good infiltrating his system."
"Now we move on to phase 2..."
[dramatic music] Wait, what? Phase 2?
[static]
[computerized voice]: Now my sleeper agents, it's time to be activated.
Initiate Phase 2. Code word: SEPTIC4LYF
The war has only just begun. Don't call me fat,
...because you're fat, too.
[music fades] [static]
That was another great video! Leave a like if you enjoyed.
Subscribe to become a Bro today!
Watch the other part of "Try Not to Laugh Challenge"!
Let me know if you did it or not. Did you complete the challenge? Be honest!
And as always... [kisses fist] ...Thank you Bros so much for watching my videos.
I really appreciate it! Stay awesome, Bros!
[outro music in the background as previous video plays]
[outro music]