WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en-GB 00:00:00.460 --> 00:00:03.960 *Coughing* 00:00:07.060 --> 00:00:08.660 What are you still doing here? 00:00:08.820 --> 00:00:09.480 YouTube, 00:00:10.140 --> 00:00:11.480 those sons of bitches, 00:00:11.980 --> 00:00:13.340 they took all my money. 00:00:14.760 --> 00:00:16.360 *Coughing* 00:00:16.780 --> 00:00:18.720 They demonetized all my videos, 00:00:18.960 --> 00:00:20.400 as you can see 00:00:21.120 --> 00:00:22.780 by this background. 00:00:24.540 --> 00:00:25.560 I'm living in the... 00:00:25.920 --> 00:00:27.380 I'm living in the slums. 00:00:27.580 --> 00:00:30.740 I'm eating Edgar's dog food, that's right I 00:00:30.740 --> 00:00:34.080 I, I made some bad investments. Ok, I-I 00:00:34.080 --> 00:00:35.600 I thought it was gonna work out. 00:00:35.720 --> 00:00:38.280 Who knew rats couldn't live underneath water? 00:00:38.760 --> 00:00:39.640 Ok, maybe I- 00:00:39.800 --> 00:00:42.555 ..Maybe I should've seen that one coming. God dammit, why'd I 00:00:42.555 --> 00:00:44.875 invest all my money in the rat – underwater rats? *CoUghS* 00:00:45.625 --> 00:00:46.625 Leprosy, 00:00:46.955 --> 00:00:48.375 I have leprosy now. 00:00:49.175 --> 00:00:52.095 I'm gonna have to get a new job, don't you understand 00:00:52.095 --> 00:00:55.195 the seriousensy of the situation? Why aren't you 00:00:55.200 --> 00:00:56.200 looking at me, huh? 00:00:56.280 --> 00:00:56.780 NO!!!! 00:00:57.220 --> 00:01:00.440 No, I have not sunken that low yet. I'm gonna have 00:01:00.440 --> 00:01:02.460 to find another job. 00:01:03.405 --> 00:01:06.545 What job am I qualified at? What talents do I have 00:01:06.545 --> 00:01:07.555 as a YouTuber? 00:01:07.555 --> 00:01:09.555 *snickers* 00:01:10.555 --> 00:01:12.725 That's a joke because YouTubers doesn't 00:01:12.725 --> 00:01:14.255 have talent. Photoshop! 00:01:15.165 --> 00:01:16.805 Photoshop, that's right. 00:01:17.145 --> 00:01:18.145 Ainsley. *Bing!* 00:01:18.660 --> 00:01:19.600 Photoshop. 00:01:20.080 --> 00:01:21.140 *Bing!* 00:01:22.560 --> 00:01:25.640 Let's see on Twitter, what people want me to 00:01:25.640 --> 00:01:26.420 PpPpP-hotoshop. 00:01:26.420 --> 00:01:28.800 DaddyOFive as a happy wholesome 00:01:28.820 --> 00:01:32.000 American family. Well that's just straight up impossible. 00:01:32.000 --> 00:01:33.740 Don't be ridiculous, Dan Bull. 00:01:33.740 --> 00:01:36.900 Cinnamon ToastKen. "The future of YouTube." Right there. 00:01:37.100 --> 00:01:38.680 Zooming in on the nipple. 00:01:38.840 --> 00:01:43.260 *Dramatic music plays* 00:01:43.900 --> 00:01:45.280 The real future of YouTube— 00:01:45.280 --> 00:01:47.200 you just go to the Trending tab 00:01:47.360 --> 00:01:49.180 and look at whatever cancer is on that shit. 00:01:49.180 --> 00:01:53.960 We got Roman Atwood, Vox, iJustine and WhatsUpMoms. 00:01:53.960 --> 00:01:57.420 "Photoshop Wall Street Journal into a good publication." 00:01:57.440 --> 00:01:59.820 Okay. That should be easy enough. 00:01:59.820 --> 00:02:01.400 I accept your challenge. 00:02:02.020 --> 00:02:04.160 All right, we have the Wall Street Journal logo here. 00:02:04.360 --> 00:02:08.340 Let's, uh, let's make some fine tuning adjustments. 00:02:08.800 --> 00:02:10.740 Change the letters a little bit. 00:02:11.280 --> 00:02:14.740 Rearrange, essentially just rearrange, 00:02:15.880 --> 00:02:17.820 what we're looking at here. 00:02:18.120 --> 00:02:18.760 Uhh! 00:02:19.265 --> 00:02:20.280 Wow! 00:02:21.200 --> 00:02:23.340 It's starting to look like something. 00:02:23.480 --> 00:02:25.340 Could it be a good publication? 00:02:25.560 --> 00:02:26.400 My God, let's 00:02:26.400 --> 00:02:27.560 add some colouring. 00:02:27.880 --> 00:02:28.380 Beautiful. 00:02:29.820 --> 00:02:32.120 Uhh, Dolan, that'll be 50 bucks, okay? 00:02:32.520 --> 00:02:33.560 You can PayPal me. *cheeky wink click* 00:02:34.040 --> 00:02:36.600 WhosChaos says "fuck me up". 00:02:36.720 --> 00:02:39.300 Well, this has already been Photoshopped, okay. 00:02:39.520 --> 00:02:40.860 You clearly used some fuckin' filter 00:02:41.080 --> 00:02:42.280 to smoothe out his skin. 00:02:42.580 --> 00:02:43.840 What are you fuckin'... 00:02:44.360 --> 00:02:45.500 All right, what can we do with this? 00:02:45.500 --> 00:02:46.500 I don't fuckin' know. 00:02:47.140 --> 00:02:48.140 I'm gonna be honest here. 00:02:50.400 --> 00:02:51.700 You look like shit. 00:02:52.240 --> 00:02:52.920 I'm sorry. 00:02:53.540 --> 00:02:54.260 You don't look great. 00:02:54.900 --> 00:02:55.420 But there... 00:02:55.900 --> 00:02:57.120 there is a solution, okay? 00:02:57.500 --> 00:02:59.140 I have a problem with 00:02:59.140 --> 00:03:00.980 the fact that you're trying to steal my hair. 00:03:01.200 --> 00:03:01.700 And 00:03:02.160 --> 00:03:02.880 But I will say 00:03:03.400 --> 00:03:05.000 you have a huge fucking nose 00:03:05.180 --> 00:03:06.700 and, you know, represent. 00:03:07.120 --> 00:03:09.160 As a fellow member of the 00:03:09.160 --> 00:03:11.020 big-ass nose community, 00:03:11.120 --> 00:03:12.200 I appreciate you 00:03:12.220 --> 00:03:13.520 and I wanna 00:03:13.540 --> 00:03:16.600 accentuate your best features – 00:03:17.640 --> 00:03:18.960 Why? I can't stop doing that. 00:03:19.500 --> 00:03:22.580 – by just lifting them up just a tiny bit. 00:03:22.760 --> 00:03:25.200 We don't want you to look weird or bad or anything. 00:03:25.420 --> 00:03:26.980 So let's just do that. 00:03:27.280 --> 00:03:29.180 So let's just grab that beautiful nose. 00:03:29.920 --> 00:03:31.280 And let's get rid of you. 00:03:32.340 --> 00:03:32.840 Wow 00:03:33.160 --> 00:03:37.200 That looks—wow can you tell I'm good at Photoshop? 00:03:39.560 --> 00:03:41.020 Oh my God! 00:03:41.320 --> 00:03:42.920 It looks so real. 00:03:43.640 --> 00:03:45.620 Can't you tell by the pixels? 00:03:45.960 --> 00:03:48.560 Yep, I'm definitely not regretting 00:03:48.700 --> 00:03:50.380 spending time on this one. 00:03:50.860 --> 00:03:54.500 I definitely think this was worth the effort. 00:03:54.920 --> 00:03:55.880 "make him happy" 00:03:55.940 --> 00:03:57.760 Who cries on camera? 00:03:58.700 --> 00:04:00.240 What a goddamn loser. 00:04:00.860 --> 00:04:02.760 I can't allow that to happen. 00:04:02.760 --> 00:04:04.240 I will do it for free. 00:04:04.620 --> 00:04:05.420 This should be easy. 00:04:10.720 --> 00:04:12.500 Ah, fuck! I fucked it up. 00:04:13.180 --> 00:04:14.000 I fucked it up. 00:04:14.660 --> 00:04:15.540 Goddammit. 00:04:15.840 --> 00:04:16.800 I'm not cut out for this. 00:04:19.140 --> 00:04:22.680 jasmine g: "Make me into a doge please" 00:04:23.140 --> 00:04:27.120 "notice me senpai it's my dream to be in one of ur vids" 00:04:27.320 --> 00:04:30.800 Well, your wish is my command, as long as you PayPal. 00:04:30.980 --> 00:04:32.480 I have a feeling she's gonna regret this. 00:04:32.960 --> 00:04:34.380 I just found the perfect doge, 00:04:35.880 --> 00:04:36.500 the perfect. 00:04:37.080 --> 00:04:39.440 I mean already I can't tell the difference. 00:04:40.440 --> 00:04:41.680 All right, let's start with the eyes. 00:04:41.960 --> 00:04:43.580 Make it, make it nice and simple. 00:04:43.900 --> 00:04:46.460 To be honest, already you look 00:04:46.880 --> 00:04:47.840 ten times better. 00:04:48.140 --> 00:04:49.980 Felix, the plastic surgeon. 00:04:51.360 --> 00:04:53.180 Here to fulfil all your needs. 00:04:54.020 --> 00:04:55.480 Moving on to the nose, 00:04:55.480 --> 00:04:56.780 that looks great. 00:04:56.780 --> 00:04:58.200 I love my life. 00:04:58.320 --> 00:04:59.320 Thank you for asking. 00:04:59.640 --> 00:05:01.640 Yes, I think we're getting somewhere. 00:05:01.960 --> 00:05:03.960 Next time, it'd be really great if you could send me 00:05:04.080 --> 00:05:05.860 like a little lower res photo. 00:05:06.520 --> 00:05:08.140 That would be really helpful, thank you. 00:05:08.140 --> 00:05:09.720 It looks like we're gonna have to give you 00:05:09.840 --> 00:05:11.260 a complete new set of teeth. 00:05:11.660 --> 00:05:12.180 Yes. 00:05:13.460 --> 00:05:15.180 Yes. Now just the ears. 00:05:15.180 --> 00:05:16.540 I don't see your ears. 00:05:16.540 --> 00:05:18.260 I'm just gonna have to guess. 00:05:18.260 --> 00:05:20.260 Actually, nevermind, there is a little ear tit. 00:05:20.260 --> 00:05:22.140 That's all we gotta work with. 00:05:22.140 --> 00:05:25.060 That's all we were doing… yes. 00:05:25.440 --> 00:05:26.800 Proper dog ears. 00:05:28.660 --> 00:05:29.700 Wow, look at that! 00:05:29.700 --> 00:05:31.620 And you were already wearing a necklace 00:05:31.620 --> 00:05:35.060 so there, there you go! 00:05:35.360 --> 00:05:36.400 Oh my God. 00:05:36.600 --> 00:05:37.420 Jesus Christ. 00:05:37.840 --> 00:05:39.760 Let's have a little look-see – before. 00:05:40.920 --> 00:05:41.420 After. 00:05:41.700 --> 00:05:44.080 My God, you look great, honey! 00:05:44.380 --> 00:05:46.660 That'll be 50 bucks! Thank you. 00:05:46.660 --> 00:05:47.360 Oh my God. 00:05:47.360 --> 00:05:49.060 If this continues, I might be able 00:05:49.060 --> 00:05:50.000 to support myself. 00:05:50.100 --> 00:05:51.760 "make me into a helicopter" 00:05:51.760 --> 00:05:52.340 You know what? 00:05:52.600 --> 00:05:54.860 I feel privileged to help you 00:05:54.860 --> 00:05:58.620 in your transition into an Apache helicopter. 00:05:58.820 --> 00:05:59.720 You're so brave. 00:05:59.720 --> 00:06:01.320 Let's take your – 00:06:01.380 --> 00:06:03.040 sorry, don't mean to be rude but 00:06:03.160 --> 00:06:04.280 you have weird-ass fingers. 00:06:04.280 --> 00:06:04.960 Disgusting. 00:06:04.960 --> 00:06:06.520 But they will make you fly. 00:06:06.920 --> 00:06:08.240 Fuck, like did you have to cover up 00:06:08.240 --> 00:06:09.920 your whole goddamn face? 00:06:10.480 --> 00:06:11.960 Wow, so brave. 00:06:11.980 --> 00:06:13.980 Okay, what a great... 00:06:16.300 --> 00:06:19.080 Goddammit, so fucking dumb. 00:06:19.800 --> 00:06:21.780 Oh my God. Okay. 00:06:21.780 --> 00:06:23.880 *claps* 00:06:23.980 --> 00:06:26.320 Another satisfied customer. 00:06:27.400 --> 00:06:27.900 Wow. 00:06:28.060 --> 00:06:29.540 It feels great that I can make 00:06:29.540 --> 00:06:30.620 people feel good. 00:06:30.620 --> 00:06:32.660 "Can you give me big muscular arms" 00:06:33.080 --> 00:06:35.960 A poor soul in pain, in need. 00:06:36.740 --> 00:06:38.280 He doesn't have any arms. 00:06:38.460 --> 00:06:39.660 It will be my honour, 00:06:39.820 --> 00:06:40.620 my privilege 00:06:41.360 --> 00:06:42.220 and my duty. 00:06:42.360 --> 00:06:43.600 You know, some people say that 00:06:43.900 --> 00:06:44.520 using 00:06:44.820 --> 00:06:46.460 Photoshop-generated arms 00:06:46.660 --> 00:06:48.000 is unethical, 00:06:48.000 --> 00:06:49.040 dangerous, 00:06:50.260 --> 00:06:53.640 can cause life, life-threatening disease. 00:06:53.780 --> 00:06:55.180 No. I say no. 00:06:55.480 --> 00:06:57.260 There's nothing wrong with it. 00:06:57.880 --> 00:07:00.660 There's nothing wrong with having arms. 00:07:01.420 --> 00:07:04.280 And if you have a problem with having arms, 00:07:04.280 --> 00:07:06.620 you've got a problem with me 00:07:07.800 --> 00:07:09.760 cos I have arms. 00:07:09.980 --> 00:07:12.180 What the fuck am I talking about? 00:07:12.200 --> 00:07:14.220 Dude, you're gonna look so swell! 00:07:14.580 --> 00:07:16.160 Who needs to workout 00:07:16.940 --> 00:07:18.700 when you look this good! 00:07:19.680 --> 00:07:21.260 When you look this good, boy! 00:07:21.740 --> 00:07:22.940 Damn, dawg. 00:07:23.780 --> 00:07:25.780 You gonna fuck them hoes up. 00:07:26.460 --> 00:07:29.160 Shit, man, you look fuckin' hella tight. 00:07:29.620 --> 00:07:32.320 Holy shit, dawg, you look amazing. 00:07:34.720 --> 00:07:37.860 Another satisfied customer. 00:07:38.360 --> 00:07:39.500 Thank you. 00:07:39.700 --> 00:07:41.840 "Give Gerard his eyebrows back" 00:07:41.840 --> 00:07:44.040 What happened to Gerard's eyebrows? 00:07:44.400 --> 00:07:45.760 You know what, not my 00:07:46.240 --> 00:07:47.600 not, none of my bus— 00:07:48.580 --> 00:07:50.160 none of my busi[ness]. 00:07:50.320 --> 00:07:51.460 I have always wondered 00:07:51.660 --> 00:07:53.660 I know you were think— 00:07:53.660 --> 00:07:54.840 you thought the same thing. 00:07:55.020 --> 00:07:56.360 I've always wondered 00:07:56.600 --> 00:07:58.080 what would it be like 00:07:58.380 --> 00:07:59.560 to have— 00:07:59.980 --> 00:08:02.300 okay, let's say it, let's say it on three. 00:08:03.480 --> 00:08:04.080 One, 00:08:04.400 --> 00:08:04.900 two, 00:08:05.240 --> 00:08:06.600 caterpillar eyebrows. 00:08:06.800 --> 00:08:07.300 Yes! 00:08:08.060 --> 00:08:09.180 On point. 00:08:09.180 --> 00:08:10.780 Hell—high five. 00:08:11.120 --> 00:08:13.720 Caterpillar eyebrows 00:08:14.500 --> 00:08:16.500 is the new hippest trend 00:08:16.980 --> 00:08:18.820 that a lot of people don't know about. 00:08:19.140 --> 00:08:21.380 I was a fan of caterpillars 00:08:21.720 --> 00:08:22.600 before 00:08:23.100 --> 00:08:25.160 caterpillars were cool, okay. 00:08:25.480 --> 00:08:27.180 All right, all right. 00:08:27.460 --> 00:08:29.620 Caterpillars is my thing. 00:08:29.880 --> 00:08:33.120 It's what I define my identity around, caterpillars. 00:08:33.640 --> 00:08:34.560 I've been thinking about this 00:08:34.580 --> 00:08:36.300 caterpillar thing for a long time 00:08:36.440 --> 00:08:37.780 and I want you to know, Gerard, 00:08:37.780 --> 00:08:39.040 if you actually want me to 00:08:39.040 --> 00:08:40.500 set, hit, hit you up 00:08:40.620 --> 00:08:42.200 with some caterpillar eyebrows. 00:08:42.380 --> 00:08:44.380 I can give you a discount 00:08:44.380 --> 00:08:46.740 just cos I really like your music. 00:08:47.200 --> 00:08:49.740 Would you like some caterpillar eyebrows? 00:08:50.920 --> 00:08:51.940 Would— 00:08:53.180 --> 00:08:54.360 And come now you get 00:08:54.520 --> 00:08:56.100 two caterpillars for free. 00:08:56.160 --> 00:08:58.160 You get one caterpillar ready for free. 00:08:59.120 --> 00:09:01.700 As a friend, you get a friend, a caterpillar friend. 00:09:01.700 --> 00:09:02.540 Wow, he looks— 00:09:03.180 --> 00:09:04.120 he looks good. 00:09:05.040 --> 00:09:06.160 He looks really good. 00:09:07.080 --> 00:09:08.320 It feels rewarding. 00:09:08.320 --> 00:09:10.420 "It's Edgar's turn to be in the middle." 00:09:12.360 --> 00:09:13.360 He's so cute. 00:09:13.980 --> 00:09:15.120 Jesus, guys, chill. 00:09:15.120 --> 00:09:16.360 It was PooDiePie. 00:09:16.580 --> 00:09:17.380 Come on, Wall Street, 00:09:17.400 --> 00:09:18.720 you want PooDiePie, I swear. 00:09:18.960 --> 00:09:20.960 I can tell you everything about him. 00:09:21.280 --> 00:09:22.920 What the fuck. 00:09:23.740 --> 00:09:24.600 "fix this" 00:09:25.760 --> 00:09:26.940 Okay, no prob. 00:09:29.100 --> 00:09:30.040 You're welcome. 00:09:30.300 --> 00:09:31.000 You're welcome. 00:09:31.280 --> 00:09:32.780 That'll be another 50. 00:09:33.000 --> 00:09:34.480 Here's a classic example of 00:09:35.000 --> 00:09:36.840 'how the fuck am I supposed to do that?' 00:09:36.840 --> 00:09:38.840 "Turn me into this pug" 00:09:38.840 --> 00:09:40.440 Okay, well you're covering your whole goddamn— 00:09:40.440 --> 00:09:41.560 you have glasses 00:09:41.560 --> 00:09:43.700 and a fuckin' mug in your face. 00:09:44.280 --> 00:09:46.100 How am I supposed to do that? 00:09:46.320 --> 00:09:47.780 Now just because you 00:09:48.200 --> 00:09:50.120 made such a dumb suggestion, 00:09:51.040 --> 00:09:53.560 I'm gonna turn this cup into the pug. 00:09:53.560 --> 00:09:55.920 Look what an amazing time that pug, 00:09:55.920 --> 00:09:57.920 that *pfft** mug has. 00:09:57.920 --> 00:09:59.120 What the fuck am I doing. 00:09:59.120 --> 00:09:59.980 Goddammit. 00:10:00.340 --> 00:10:01.980 The fuckin' unmonitization, man. 00:10:02.160 --> 00:10:02.740 I don't know what to do. 00:10:03.120 --> 00:10:04.120 I don't know what to do, 00:10:04.360 --> 00:10:05.400 but now I know. 00:10:05.760 --> 00:10:08.900 Thanks to you guys and my amazing talent, 00:10:08.900 --> 00:10:10.500 we can work this out together. 00:10:10.940 --> 00:10:11.820 Appreciate ya 00:10:11.820 --> 00:10:13.160 and, as always, 00:10:13.480 --> 00:10:14.200 a little— 00:10:14.200 --> 00:10:15.760 Ha! Came in with that one!