WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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(♩ " LOUD WINDOWS XP LOG IN SOUND"♩)

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J: Yeah
P: Day 1?

00:00:05.380 --> 00:00:05.940
P: Oh, My G-

00:00:06.180 --> 00:00:06.760
"Orgasms"

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P: Oh, you picked the skeleton too!!

00:00:08.960 --> 00:00:09.460
♫Spooky♫

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♫Scary♫

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♫Skeleton♫

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♫Sends♫

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♫Shivers♫

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♫Down♫

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♫Your♫

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♫Spine♫

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[P and J]: YEAH!

00:00:15.860 --> 00:00:17.100
J: Course I picked the skeleton

00:00:17.100 --> 00:00:18.500
J: Why wouldn't I pick the best character?

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[Laughs]

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P: They stole the overlay from

00:00:20.760 --> 00:00:21.620
P: Left 4 Dead! [Laughs]

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J: Yeah I TOLD you!

00:00:23.260 --> 00:00:24.280
J: It's so weird looking

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[INHALES]

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J: And all the buttons are the same as well!

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J: AYE

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J: I got a bone to pick wit' you, buddy!

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P: Good one, buddy!

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[Both laugh maniacally]

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P: Okay

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P: We're supposed to talk to

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P: the farmer.

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J: Yeah

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"Press X."

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J: You're not looking so good, dude!

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P: Ummmm

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[Farmer]: Hey, friend

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P: Hey

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[Farmer]: Welcome to my farm.

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[Farmer]: You gotta kill all those creatures out there.

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[Farmer]: I know it seems cruel.

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P: Oh God!

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P: WAIT! THEY'RE NOT DOIN' ANYTHING, JACK!

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P: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOIN?

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P: STOP!!!

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P: THEY'RE NOT--

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P: THEY'RE INNOCENT!

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P: JESUS

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P: CHRI--

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["Inside" music]

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Pewds: It's still alive

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Pewds: I'm sorry buddy

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Pewds: C'mon

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Pewds: Let's get you out of here

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Pewds: I'll get you out, my friend..

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Pewds: Awh...

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Pewds: Poor thing!

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[Overlay of Sorsha's vegan rant]

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P: CHRIST

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J: NO THEY'RE NOT

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J: THERE'S 8 ENEMIES!

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J: LOOK-- 
P: KILL EM

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P: KILL EM! (bangbang)

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P: KILL EM'!

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P: OH MY GOD THEY DON'T HAVE A FACE!

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P: New weapon in the barn!

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J: WEAPON IN THE BARN!

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P: Yeah!

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J : Mine, mine
P: No, mine (Like true seagulls)

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P: Hey dont kick the head, what the--
J : *Laughs*

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P: Ak-47 Time, baby.

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P: OHHHH my god it flies

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P: Oh look at this!

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P: Jack it's...

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P: Jack it's flying!

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(high pitch voice) look at this

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[Distorted Titanic theme]

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[Dunnn]

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P: Oh my God look at that over there...

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J: Yeah, its some sort of, like, grinder or something

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P: Oh my God
J: Can we make sausages?

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[Both] Oh Jesus Christ!
J: What the fuck?!

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[Farmer]: If you didn't notice,

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P: Oh God

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[Farmer]: There's a couple water pumps out there on the farm.

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[Pewds and Jack]: Yea.

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[Farmer]: You can drink from them to heal yourself.

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J: Wooo!

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J: Oh come on! 
P: [laughs] The timing!

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[Inhale]
J: I need... I need to drink it

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P: Why is this game good? It's so shi-- [Laughs]

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J: What's the-- what's the point of the meat grinder?

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P: If you hit them, they slide like...

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P: OOOOH MYYY GOOOOD!
J: [Laughing] What the fuck! Oh, I'm all covered in goo now!

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["Inside" music]

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Pewds: Poor thing.

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Pewds: Did you know pigs are really intelligent?

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Pewds: I found that out recently, and it made me feel like the worst person ever.

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[Pig squealing]

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P: Go piggy!!

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J: Gaaah! We just made piggy--
P: Yeah!! look at this one!

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[Gunshots] 
J: ?! Get out! Stop that!

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P: It's dead.

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P: Oooh. 
J: Woooh.

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P: [Imitating] Woooh.

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J: [High pitched] OOOOHHH!!!
P: [Imitating] OOOOOHHHHH!!!!!

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J: [Screaming] OOOOHHHHHHH!!!!!
P: [Imitating] OOOOOOOOHHHH!!!!!!!

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J: Yeah. This is exactly what people think YouTube commentary is, anyway.

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[Laughs]

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[Farmer]: Alright, alright.

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P: [Mocking] Alright.
J: [Laughing]

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P: Is this Matthew Mcconaughey?!
J: Alright, alright, alright!

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[Farmer]: There are other things you need to learn.

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[Farmer]: That one's pretty important.

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[Dunn]

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J: What?

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P: Spank that ass!
J: Killin' it!!

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P: Yeah, boi!
J: Oh, I think it can only die if it hits the powerline!

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Hey Jack, catch!
J: Oh, why'd they crumble?

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J: Poont! Four-love! Fifteen...love!

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P: Dammit!
J: Oh, God, it gets faster the more you hit 'em!

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[Both chuckle]

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[Romantic music]
You have such a beautiful smile...

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J: There's like a shit all over your... skull..

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Yea, well so do you, asshole.

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P: We got a revolver now
[Farmer]: Well I guess you deserve this

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J: Oooooh

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[Farmer]: I put explosives ammo on all the weapons today

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P: Ohhh!

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[Farmer]: Its time for some revenge

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P: Its our birthday!

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J: ?? nice! I like how you hold the revolver like "Nyeh"

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[Both laugh]

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J: "Put em' up see!"

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P: Hands up boi!

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P: Jesus christ

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J: What the fuck

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J: Awww yeahehehehehe!

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P: [Sarcastically] No this game is not ridiculous at all! Really!

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[MLGish Montage incoming]

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[Insert Dank memes here]

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P: Fuck Pokémon GO I got myself a piggiezard

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J: Yeah! Blood and Bacon is where its at! 
(Get a core message Jack! WTF are you doing?)

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P: Heyyyyy

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P: What happened?

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P: He went inside! (Thats what she said?)

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J: He went on top of it

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P: The hell? Oh my God he's on the..

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J: Here we go! Meat grinding! 
(Seriously, what the fuck are you doing?)

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[Jack laughs]

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P: What?

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J: It's fuckin' insane

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J: Can I have some items? Oh we need a hundred and four!

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P: What?

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J: We need more! What are you doing?

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P: I'm trying to get it in!
(That's what she... nevermind)

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J: (I don't know what to write here)

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J: There we go

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J: Now you look at the grinder down here and were almost to a hundred and four

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P: Ooooohhh! (Pewds is amazed!)

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P: OOOooohhhh! (Pewds is REALLY amazed!)

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[Slams pig in the "grinder"]

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J: Nice!

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P: Noice!

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J: Oh! Oooohh!

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J: Shoot the grenade and shoot the button!

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P: I got a grenade! [Jack cheering in the background]

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P: Mine! (Like a true seagull)

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P: Igottagrenade! Jack!

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J: Howdya get a grenade?

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P: Igottanade!

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J: Think he's over there go get em'!

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P: Bleeaaaahh! (He meant "Fire in the hole" in giblish)

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[Inspirational music]

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[Micheal Bay worthy scene]

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J: Amazing!

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J: That was so cool!

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P: That was awesome!

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J: Imma go talk to Farmer bro. Farmer Dave!

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J: Sup Dave!

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[Farmer]: I don't wanna scare ya

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[Farmer]: But I think things are gonna get a little bit more tough on you

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P: I'm scared D:

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J: Three piggie

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J: Ahhhh!

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[Pffft]

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P: The physics are so flawless!

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J: Yeah!

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J: Why do they still run when their heads are shot off they're not chickens!

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P: Or maybe they are

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[Farmer]: Get out there and have some fun

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[Farmer]: Don't let me hold you back

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P: No

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J: God I turned his voice volume up

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Hakuna matata madafakas! (Sepiroth theme starts)

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J: Holy fuck!
P: OH! WOAH!

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P: WOAH! What the fuck thats creepy as hell

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J: That's fucking terrifying

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P: Close it (Aww hell naw!)

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J: Grenade!

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P: Close it! D:

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P: Close it!

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[Jack laughs]

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P: Fuck that

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J: Yeah! Nope nope nope

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P: I'm just gonna sleep this one out

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J: He's not moving! D:

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P: I'm dying :o

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P: I'm dying ?_?

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J: ?? doing?

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P: I don't...

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Pumbaa(???): I am the neat pretty(?) piggie

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[Sounds of Pewds dying from ebolo]

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P: Wha? I bugged out

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Pumbaa(???): ....on talking

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Pumbaa(???): about myself

00:05:29.220 --> 00:05:30.760
P: What? Is happening? (Confused Pewds is confused)

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Pumbaa(???): ...head until you shot me down

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J: Uhhmm... Felix? (You ok m8?)

00:05:36.280 --> 00:05:37.200
Pumbaa(???): ...Blah blah

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J: What is happening?

00:05:38.080 --> 00:05:39.860
P: I DONT KNOW!

00:05:40.080 --> 00:05:40.600
J: Did you get him?

00:05:41.320 --> 00:05:41.960
P: I don't think so

00:05:41.960 --> 00:05:42.460
(No shit? You barely even damaged the fucker)

00:05:42.580 --> 00:05:43.120
J: Uhhmmm..

00:05:44.560 --> 00:05:45.060
J: Weird..

00:05:45.920 --> 00:05:47.840
[Intense focus]

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[Maximum concentration]

00:05:48.760 --> 00:05:49.900
J: Drop it ya big piggie bitch!

00:05:49.900 --> 00:05:50.400
P: Uh oh..

00:05:51.080 --> 00:05:51.600
J: [Scream of pain]

00:05:51.920 --> 00:05:52.420
J: I'm down! D:

00:05:52.420 --> 00:05:54.420
P: Ohh my God Jack NO!

00:05:55.040 --> 00:05:55.620
J: Help me! D:

00:05:55.860 --> 00:05:56.360
P: Im...

00:05:56.360 --> 00:05:57.600
Pumbaa(???): ...is no hope!

00:05:57.600 --> 00:05:58.360
(Sepiroth theme intensifies)

00:05:58.360 --> 00:06:00.420
Pumbaa(???): Just darkness and death..

00:06:00.420 --> 00:06:02.620
P: Ok i'm really slow

00:06:02.760 --> 00:06:03.740
J: We gotta be careful!

00:06:03.740 --> 00:06:04.820
J: Thank you!
P: Uhhhh

00:06:04.820 --> 00:06:06.420
P: Up you go you boney bitch!

00:06:06.760 --> 00:06:08.360
P: Just better keep shooting him

00:06:08.560 --> 00:06:09.160
[Jack panicking]

00:06:09.620 --> 00:06:10.540
P: He's taking more damage now

00:06:10.620 --> 00:06:11.740
[Jack warcries]

00:06:11.940 --> 00:06:13.540
P: Shoot her!

00:06:13.540 --> 00:06:14.840
P: You shot his ass?

00:06:15.300 --> 00:06:16.200
J: I did I shot his ass!

00:06:16.200 --> 00:06:19.000
P: That's brilliant why didn't we think of that before

00:06:19.800 --> 00:06:20.880
J: SHOT HIM IN THE ASS!

00:06:20.880 --> 00:06:22.880
P: Keep shooting *laughs*

00:06:22.880 --> 00:06:23.760
P: Dontlethimheal!

00:06:24.140 --> 00:06:26.080
P: Shoot the ass! Oh my God he literally has no ass D:

00:06:26.420 --> 00:06:28.120
P: He's Taylor Swift (Shots fired?) what the fuck happened?

00:06:28.640 --> 00:06:30.120
J: Shoot her!

00:06:30.220 --> 00:06:30.720
[Laughs]

00:06:31.040 --> 00:06:33.860
P: Oh GOD ITS COMING FOR ME NOOOOooOOOoo!

00:06:34.520 --> 00:06:35.060
J: Gonna be fine!

00:06:35.460 --> 00:06:36.260
J: I believe in you!

00:06:36.760 --> 00:06:39.340
P: No. Literally I'm not fine! Keep shooting please

00:06:40.340 --> 00:06:41.360
J: I need to find a well!

00:06:42.100 --> 00:06:43.500
P: Ffs just shot! D:

00:06:43.820 --> 00:06:45.440
P: I found a well, it's right here fuck you :D

00:06:45.440 --> 00:06:45.940
[Jack dying]

00:06:45.940 --> 00:06:48.160
P: Fuck you i'm getting the well *laughs* piece of shit!

00:06:48.480 --> 00:06:49.180
P: That's what you get!

00:06:49.180 --> 00:06:49.680
J: Felix no! D:

00:06:49.680 --> 00:06:51.460
P: Oh now you need my help?

00:06:51.620 --> 00:06:52.620
P: No no no no!

00:06:52.620 --> 00:06:54.440
P: No you need me? You need me?

00:06:56.220 --> 00:06:57.220
J: Yes! We did it!

00:06:57.540 --> 00:06:58.720
[Cheering]

00:07:01.260 --> 00:07:02.700
P: You *Jack cheering* assless piggy

00:07:03.500 --> 00:07:04.120
J: Sti- still down

00:07:04.480 --> 00:07:04.980
P: Uhhh..

00:07:05.460 --> 00:07:07.040
P: Hey buddy, how-how ya doin back there?

00:07:07.160 --> 00:07:08.000
J: I'm almost dead

00:07:08.180 --> 00:07:09.340
P: Need a heend?

00:07:09.800 --> 00:07:11.780
J: I need two boney hands please

00:07:12.100 --> 00:07:12.820
P: There ya go buddy!

00:07:13.560 --> 00:07:14.160
P: Ha hah!

00:07:14.340 --> 00:07:15.100
J: Oh look at his legs!

00:07:15.180 --> 00:07:15.940
J: Oh no!

00:07:16.320 --> 00:07:17.800
J: Haha, *gun sfx* heheh

00:07:18.120 --> 00:07:19.820
[Both laughing]

00:07:21.120 --> 00:07:22.520
J: That was a fun adventure!

00:07:22.560 --> 00:07:23.320
P: Yeah!

00:07:23.600 --> 00:07:25.680
[Sorsha flashbacks]

00:07:25.900 --> 00:07:26.940
Subtitler: Ear rape warning. Lower yer volumes!

00:07:27.480 --> 00:07:30.520
[Loud static noise]

00:07:30.560 --> 00:07:31.060
*Inside flashback*

00:07:31.060 --> 00:07:32.340
Pewds: ...can get myself outta here

00:07:34.740 --> 00:07:35.820
Pewds: You wanna come with me buddy?

00:07:36.980 --> 00:07:37.940
Pewds: Just your jou-

00:07:38.360 --> 00:07:40.900
Since he forgot i'm gonna do it for him

00:07:41.780 --> 00:07:43.780
Like and favorite if you enjoyed

00:07:43.900 --> 00:07:46.100
Subscribe to become a bro today

00:07:46.200 --> 00:07:48.920
and as always, stay awesome bros!

00:07:49.020 --> 00:07:50.480
*Insert brofist here*