WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

00:00:00.060 --> 00:00:03.440
Remember when Vine died? And everyone was like...

00:00:03.460 --> 00:00:03.960
*Sneezes?*

00:00:05.260 --> 00:00:11.960
This doesn't affect ME in any way possible. So uh... Look at all these cry- crying Viners.

00:00:11.960 --> 00:00:13.460
That's hilarious:)

00:00:13.460 --> 00:00:13.960
(Laughs slightly)

00:00:14.260 --> 00:00:19.760
Where are the-, why are they even crying you know? If YouTube died, I'd be the first one to celebrate!

00:00:19.760 --> 00:00:25.980
I got a Moët au Chandon Charles & Diana 1961 bottle ready to pop open

00:00:25.980 --> 00:00:28.300
and celebrate any time Google pull-

00:00:28.900 --> 00:00:29.400
Plugs-

00:00:29.700 --> 00:00:30.800
Hits the pl-

00:00:30.800 --> 00:00:33.560
Whatever the expression is, I don't speak English.

00:00:33.560 --> 00:00:34.060
Apparently.

00:00:35.000 --> 00:00:37.060
Gabi: Twitter decided to delete Vine.

00:00:37.060 --> 00:00:40.500
But we didn't really think of the long-term effects, you know?

00:00:41.440 --> 00:00:45.100
What are the long-term effects of Vine dying going to be? Well...

00:00:46.500 --> 00:00:47.640
I'll tell you what...

00:00:47.880 --> 00:00:48.980
Lele: hEY GUYZZ

00:00:48.980 --> 00:00:51.020
Vine refugees. >:( They're ev-

00:00:51.030 --> 00:00:51.940
They’re everywhere.

00:00:51.940 --> 00:01:00.300
They spread all across the Internet. Some went to YouTube. Some went to Instagram where they can continue spreading their six-second content in a new way.

00:01:00.300 --> 00:01:01.100
Look.

00:01:01.540 --> 00:01:07.580
I'm making these hilarious repetitive content with sexual references that is generally unfunny.

00:01:07.660 --> 00:01:09.160
Plz accept meh:'(

00:01:09.160 --> 00:01:10.360
Exhibit number one...

00:01:10.360 --> 00:01:11.480
The Paul Brothers.

00:01:11.480 --> 00:01:13.320
We don't need to talk too much 'bout them

00:01:13.360 --> 00:01:14.040
wheel- we'll- I've-

00:01:14.040 --> 00:01:14.920
already have and

00:01:16.340 --> 00:01:16.840
(...and?)

00:01:16.840 --> 00:01:18.840
The damage is done.

00:01:18.840 --> 00:01:20.840
"♪ ho ho ho ♪"

00:01:20.840 --> 00:01:22.360
"cʰʳᶦˢˢᵐᵃˢˢᵗᶦᵐᵉ!"

00:01:22.360 --> 00:01:22.860
"ᵃᵃʰᵃʰᵃʰᵃʰᵃʰᵃʰᵃ"

00:01:23.000 --> 00:01:26.740
My favorite vine refugee has to be

00:01:27.060 --> 00:01:27.740
Piques (It's "peaks" I think but PKs works too:)

00:01:28.260 --> 00:01:29.490
Piques...

00:01:29.490 --> 00:01:30.860
Piques.

00:01:30.860 --> 00:01:32.300
Piques is my man

00:01:32.300 --> 00:01:38.040
I love Piques. Piques was an amazing Viner that refugeed into Instagram.

00:01:38.460 --> 00:01:43.840
Which, if you ask me, seems to be the wrong move to take. I know that you can make a lot of money on Instagram

00:01:43.840 --> 00:01:47.000
very easily, but at the same time. It's not very monetizable.

00:01:47.000 --> 00:01:51.380
I don't- I don't see a lot of #ads happening here. Piques does-

00:01:51.380 --> 00:01:52.020
uhh...

00:01:52.020 --> 00:01:54.920
Wha- uehu- what you do on Instagram, which is-

00:01:54.920 --> 00:01:55.700
uhh...

00:01:55.700 --> 00:01:58.380
yourself sitting on, or in front of, cars. :/

00:01:59.180 --> 00:02:03.280
With a funny caption like: "When she says 'sit on my face:)' ".

00:02:03.280 --> 00:02:10.000
*Canned Laughter*

00:02:10.700 --> 00:02:13.720
Or "I'm blue. If I was green I would die."

00:02:13.720 --> 00:02:15.420
*Louder Canned Laughter*

00:02:15.980 --> 00:02:21.520
Or "When you have a nice car, but you're ugly. Tag and ugly friend."

00:02:21.520 --> 00:02:23.220
*On-the-verge-of-suicide Canned Laughter*

00:02:23.220 --> 00:02:26.560
Uh...What really shines in Piques's content is...

00:02:27.180 --> 00:02:27.680
*Tries to give compliment without stating the obvious*

00:02:27.680 --> 00:02:32.080
The sexual-ness of it, which really thr-
 uh- thrives the thumbnails. (What?)

00:02:32.080 --> 00:02:36.000
"Babe, I want a new purse, can I have some money?"

00:02:36.960 --> 00:02:37.460
(He should have stopped there:)

00:02:37.460 --> 00:02:42.360
Like a lot of people watch these for the hot babes in the thumbnail...

00:02:42.360 --> 00:02:43.460
*Air quotes* Uh...

00:02:43.460 --> 00:02:48.780
Babes? We could qu- quotate- quotation- I have lost- I'm- I'm gonna hit a stroke soon.

00:02:48.800 --> 00:02:51.140
I can't talk anymore. Jesus Christ.

00:02:51.140 --> 00:02:52.560
I watched it for-

00:02:53.220 --> 00:02:54.300
...for the...

00:02:54.840 --> 00:02:56.480
(The) Piques's arm hair.

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That's where babies are born.

00:02:57.960 --> 00:02:58.840
"No!"

00:02:59.580 --> 00:03:01.860
"...I'll let you put it in my butt...?"

00:03:01.860 --> 00:03:02.360
(King Bach Vine SFX)

00:03:02.980 --> 00:03:07.200
♪ ((Go Get The Money by Young Dolph blasts unironically)) ♪

00:03:07.300 --> 00:03:08.300
((trascriptor's note: help

00:03:08.780 --> 00:03:09.280
*What is this?*

00:03:09.620 --> 00:03:11.580
(Both subtitlers and Felix are now dead inside...)

00:03:12.700 --> 00:03:13.200
kay-

00:03:13.200 --> 00:03:13.700
couldn't-

00:03:14.400 --> 00:03:14.900
ⁿᵒ...

00:03:15.120 --> 00:03:17.120
...couldn't- wouldn't- wouldn't it be...

00:03:17.760 --> 00:03:19.540
cheaper just to get a prostitute?

00:03:19.740 --> 00:03:20.740
AND I KNOW what you're thinking-

00:03:20.740 --> 00:03:23.340
"I wonder if there's a part two to this video..."

00:03:23.840 --> 00:03:25.480
Don't worry. There is.

00:03:25.920 --> 00:03:26.720
There is a part 2. (Sadly:(   )

00:03:27.040 --> 00:03:29.040
"Baabe? I need some money. I want some new shoes."

00:03:30.080 --> 00:03:31.280
"Hell no"

00:03:32.100 --> 00:03:34.100
"...I'll let you play with these...?"

00:03:35.640 --> 00:03:39.700
♪ ((Go Get The Money by Young Dolph blasts unironically...again)) ♪

00:03:40.940 --> 00:03:41.440
beh-

00:03:42.780 --> 00:03:43.400
ugnh-

00:03:43.720 --> 00:03:45.020
*breathes in*

00:03:45.140 --> 00:03:45.640
...

00:03:46.100 --> 00:03:46.980
-I don't...-

00:03:49.200 --> 00:03:50.980
-just need to...

00:03:52.740 --> 00:03:53.240
sit down...

00:03:55.540 --> 00:03:57.400
(bUT cAn YoU d0 tHiS?)

00:03:57.780 --> 00:03:59.580
*Whispers* Soo fucking cancerrr.

00:03:59.620 --> 00:04:00.520
"hELl nO!"

00:04:00.680 --> 00:04:02.680
But I know what you're thinking.

00:04:02.680 --> 00:04:03.180
ehh- uh- feh-

00:04:03.180 --> 00:04:06.220
-I need to know what happens next; is there a part three of this?

00:04:06.220 --> 00:04:07.220
*Whispers again* Of course there is!

00:04:07.660 --> 00:04:09.660
"Will you buy it for me?"

00:04:09.820 --> 00:04:12.500
"Uhhh, no, and stop asking me for shit."

00:04:13.140 --> 00:04:14.540
"I'll let you put in my butt again."

00:04:14.980 --> 00:04:17.260
GOHEHGETTEHMONEY GO GET THE MONEH

00:04:17.500 --> 00:04:18.500
*pat pat* (mEMe ReVIeW)

00:04:18.700 --> 00:04:19.200
*pat*

00:04:19.640 --> 00:04:22.240
FUCK. I want to die. Goddamnit...

00:04:22.360 --> 00:04:25.600
((Go Get The Money by Young Dolph blasts unironically...again...as the transcriptor lifts a gun to her head)) ♪

00:04:25.860 --> 00:04:28.600
There's so many. Oh my God. We're barely getting started.

00:04:28.840 --> 00:04:30.680
♪ opera music ♪

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♪♪

00:04:37.400 --> 00:04:40.540
♪♪

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Second transcriber: Ok, what the actual fuck? How is that even possible?!

00:04:41.780 --> 00:04:42.760
♪♪

00:04:50.660 --> 00:04:51.820
Nice...

00:04:51.980 --> 00:04:52.800
He's so light-headed... (Sorry, I really wanted to make that pun:)

00:04:54.260 --> 00:04:55.440
What was the joke?

00:04:55.600 --> 00:04:58.000
What was the joke? The joke was-

00:04:58.200 --> 00:04:58.700
uhhh...

00:04:59.440 --> 00:04:59.940
uhh... (Subtitles are a big ass effort btw:/)

00:04:59.940 --> 00:05:01.940
-the joke was-

00:05:02.960 --> 00:05:04.960
Excellent use of- uhh...

00:05:05.210 --> 00:05:09.669
...thumbnail, by the way. You can't show that on YouTube. We'll have to blur it, but-

00:05:09.669 --> 00:05:10.460
uhh...

00:05:10.460 --> 00:05:11.380
10/10 (IGN)

00:05:11.660 --> 00:05:12.740
♪ Bad to The Bone intro riff plays ♪

00:05:12.740 --> 00:05:14.740
Let's see, uhh, what the joke is. Okay. Okay.

00:05:15.700 --> 00:05:16.200
(Oh shit, dude! Nice!)

00:05:16.940 --> 00:05:17.540
(Wait... let me look again just to make sure those are real...)

00:05:18.280 --> 00:05:19.380
*Car honks*

00:05:19.520 --> 00:05:21.540
(Observe and be amazed! The world's first flying car! Being tested by an ex-Viner refugee Instagramer named Piques! [We've never heard of him, either.])

00:05:21.540 --> 00:05:22.040
Oh-

00:05:22.260 --> 00:05:22.760
Wait-

00:05:23.640 --> 00:05:24.280
Never mind.

00:05:25.680 --> 00:05:27.440
"I cracked so hard."

00:05:27.440 --> 00:05:28.320
Me too.

00:05:28.760 --> 00:05:30.320
♪ A Thousand Miles intro piano plays ♪

00:05:37.580 --> 00:05:39.160
"Oh- god-"

00:05:39.160 --> 00:05:39.660
Inaudible music in background*

00:05:41.060 --> 00:05:42.940
Oh, look. It's the same joke twice.

00:05:42.940 --> 00:05:44.520
You know I used to have a...

00:05:44.720 --> 00:05:48.000
I used to have a gun as a prop.

00:05:48.000 --> 00:05:49.432
That's up there again what I would...

00:05:49.432 --> 00:05:50.980
I would put it in my mouth...( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

00:05:51.840 --> 00:05:53.840
...and then I would shoot myself.

00:05:54.740 --> 00:05:58.800
Can't do that anymore because any video I did that with would get demonetized.

00:05:59.080 --> 00:06:01.700
*Reminiscing about all the money he's missed out on...*

00:06:02.020 --> 00:06:03.680
Now I wish I had an actual gun.

00:06:04.040 --> 00:06:05.920
Now as previously mentioned a lot of uh-

00:06:06.320 --> 00:06:10.120
Vine refugees went into vlogging as you already probably know...

00:06:11.340 --> 00:06:13.340
Let's go and check out one of them. (Amanda Cerny)

00:06:17.300 --> 00:06:19.300
If you ever want to do subtitles, make sure you have an hour's worth of time because these take FOREVER.

00:06:28.840 --> 00:06:30.200
Nothing but....

00:06:31.440 --> 00:06:37.520
...bills, bills, bills and more bills... that is life." *zooms in...

00:06:37.840 --> 00:06:40.460
What is this, Twitch IRL seg- section?

00:06:40.780 --> 00:06:43.420
Let me just place this camera right here... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

00:06:44.380 --> 00:06:46.380
uhhuh- ah- I'm just gonna-

00:06:46.860 --> 00:06:47.660
I'm just gonna-

00:06:48.020 --> 00:06:49.600
Don't look, naughty boys!

00:06:50.000 --> 00:06:50.500
Pewds why???

00:06:50.760 --> 00:06:58.020
Like, I'm all for accepting refugees. That's something very important that I believe in... but this is just too much.

00:06:58.920 --> 00:07:01.520
Now a lot of people have been ripping into my girl,

00:07:02.310 --> 00:07:03.620
Lele Pons.

00:07:03.620 --> 00:07:08.354
She's been criticized a lot lately by the YouTube Community, and I don't understand.

00:07:08.354 --> 00:07:09.650
I don't understand why.

00:07:10.260 --> 00:07:11.400
Why?

00:07:11.400 --> 00:07:12.000
Whaih?

00:07:12.200 --> 00:07:15.360
Uh- maybe you've heard of her... uh, she owned Vine. She was basically the-

00:07:15.600 --> 00:07:16.360
uhh...

00:07:16.360 --> 00:07:18.260
"Get hit by everything".

00:07:18.260 --> 00:07:19.420
That's funny.

00:07:20.580 --> 00:07:21.080
Right?

00:07:21.080 --> 00:07:21.580
Well, give it back.

00:07:21.580 --> 00:07:22.080
Yeah, obviously...

00:07:22.080 --> 00:07:22.580
So where is my-

00:07:23.500 --> 00:07:24.000
Whoaaaa...

00:07:24.280 --> 00:07:25.000
Honk, Honk

00:07:25.000 --> 00:07:25.600
MAH PENCIL!!!

00:07:26.720 --> 00:07:30.200
She's a master, MASTER of physical comedy

00:07:30.200 --> 00:07:30.700
(Warning headphone users*)

00:07:30.700 --> 00:07:31.200
(You have been warned...*)

00:07:35.820 --> 00:07:37.340
*slight laughter*

00:07:38.260 --> 00:07:40.240
(Smile...*)

00:07:41.500 --> 00:07:43.500
I love when people fall. It's so funny.

00:07:45.440 --> 00:07:47.440
(Behold... the first ever human cat named Lele Pons!)

00:07:48.820 --> 00:07:54.760
But I'm here to defENd Lele Pons cause the criticism that she's getting is unjustified.

00:07:55.340 --> 00:08:00.720
Okay, you don't understand Lele Pons like I understand Lele Pons.

00:08:00.720 --> 00:08:02.300
*deep enhale*

00:08:02.300 --> 00:08:03.040
*Deep exhale*

00:08:03.200 --> 00:08:08.440
And people are just salty that Lele Pons was in the YouTube rewind and-

00:08:09.320 --> 00:08:12.220
...you weren't in YouTube rewind. You salty?

00:08:13.260 --> 00:08:15.260
"We've got two special guests with us."

00:08:15.700 --> 00:08:17.920
And people are just saying: "Wow, her face looks-"

00:08:18.520 --> 00:08:21.960
"What's wrong with her face? My God!" And I say...

00:08:25.220 --> 00:08:32.720
You guys don't understand what an amazing person she is. She literally donated her hair towards charity.

00:08:38.060 --> 00:08:45.140
Sorry- she donated her hair *extensions* to charity. And though those are pretty expensive, so-

00:08:46.520 --> 00:08:47.620
(I bet beard extensions cost more ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

00:08:47.620 --> 00:08:55.020
That's pretty nice of her to do. Do you guys like not being bullied? Don't worry! Lele Pons is here to help.

00:08:55.030 --> 00:08:59.739
It's the first video that shows up when searching how not to get bullied.

00:09:05.030 --> 00:09:07.329
People are criticizing this video a lot, but...

00:09:08.360 --> 00:09:10.130
...you don't understand...

00:09:10.130 --> 00:09:16.660
...Lele Pons like I understand Les- Lele Pons, okay? She did not just make this vlog; she directed it,

00:09:17.380 --> 00:09:24.520
She- w- she edited it, she wrote it and she acted in it. That takes talent.

00:09:24.580 --> 00:09:25.860
Okay, where she's been-

00:09:25.860 --> 00:09:28.040
She's basically the next Tommy Wiseau.

00:09:28.320 --> 00:09:29.600
"You know what they say..."

00:09:29.960 --> 00:09:30.800
"HEY GUYS!" ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

00:09:30.960 --> 00:09:32.440
Kid 1: "They're wrong; Social Studies sucks!"

00:09:32.720 --> 00:09:36.040
Kid 2: "Wait... let's just stop fighting. Where's the teacher?"

00:09:38.440 --> 00:09:40.440
"Oh my god." "She's pretty."

00:09:41.360 --> 00:09:41.860
...

00:09:41.860 --> 00:09:43.860
She wrote that.

00:09:44.140 --> 00:09:46.220
She wrote that about herself.

00:09:46.220 --> 00:09:51.540
It really reminds me of "The Room". You know how everyone in "The Room" says that Lisa is attractive?

00:09:51.860 --> 00:09:53.800
Violin Music*

00:09:54.220 --> 00:09:55.840
"Wow, you look so sexy. "

00:09:55.840 --> 00:09:56.840
Lele Pons.

00:09:57.040 --> 00:09:58.660
"I'm not here to tell you that tomorrow you're not gonna get bullied!

00:09:58.660 --> 00:10:00.093
Y'all are probably get bullied!

00:10:00.100 --> 00:10:01.840
Especially you, you whiny nincompoop! "

00:10:01.840 --> 00:10:02.500
"I don't even know-

00:10:02.500 --> 00:10:03.000
If-

00:10:03.000 --> 00:10:04.000
Immagodacolag-

00:10:04.000 --> 00:10:04.500
And- imgonagetbulied-

00:10:04.500 --> 00:10:06.100
cauzimgonagetbulied

00:10:06.100 --> 00:10:07.260
And then- anthenthepeepolwhoosed-"

00:10:07.260 --> 00:10:11.580
I can't understand a single word he's saying. This is a great sketch.

00:10:12.320 --> 00:10:15.540
"Mu- Ms- Ms. Pons? I just wanna say you're very beautifully and um-"

00:10:15.540 --> 00:10:16.040
"Shut up ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

00:10:17.160 --> 00:10:18.120
Again.

00:10:18.320 --> 00:10:23.980
Again. She's- shefpushuhsuhpuhfufhs...

00:10:24.700 --> 00:10:28.140
Okay, let's see... what should I write? Twelve-year-old says: "I am pretty."

00:10:29.200 --> 00:10:31.220
Okay, that's good.. And then we have

00:10:31.320 --> 00:10:31.820
Uh...

00:10:31.820 --> 00:10:36.600
Twelve-year-old says: "I am pretty" again. Yes, that's right. People need to know that I'm pretty.

00:10:36.600 --> 00:10:37.400
I'm Lele Pons.

00:10:37.500 --> 00:10:38.880
And people are loving it.

00:10:39.080 --> 00:10:40.940
Hahaha, that's cool.

00:10:40.940 --> 00:10:42.040
Hahaha

00:10:42.040 --> 00:10:46.006
...and Jesus Christ, I guess. I guess I should start making sketches.

00:10:46.006 --> 00:10:47.380
Just kidding.

00:10:47.380 --> 00:10:48.520
I get way more views

00:10:48.520 --> 00:10:49.440
hEheheheh( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

00:10:49.440 --> 00:10:50.800
"Ooh... it's a little turbuleeeeent"

00:10:50.800 --> 00:10:51.760
"TURBULENCE!"

00:10:52.680 --> 00:10:55.840
"voice over intercom: we're experiencing some turbulence please take your seats"

00:10:56.440 --> 00:10:57.260
(SCREAMING)

00:10:57.700 --> 00:10:58.980
Spanish Music* (*Subscribe to pewds*)

00:10:59.300 --> 00:11:02.880
You ever watch your 5 minute video and wondered... "Ehh- what was the point of that?"

00:11:02.880 --> 00:11:04.300
(That's all your videos!)

00:11:04.300 --> 00:11:07.180
Oh-oh- my videos. Oh- yea- you're really funny. They're ten minutes.

00:11:07.180 --> 00:11:07.880
Shut the fuck up.

00:11:07.880 --> 00:11:10.140
I'm always looking for the punchline. I don't...

00:11:10.740 --> 00:11:11.820
Why?

00:11:11.820 --> 00:11:14.560
There's never... there's never there's never any punch line.

00:11:14.560 --> 00:11:16.560
"...after I won the Latino Hunger Games, I was traumatized..."

00:11:16.860 --> 00:11:21.520
"And I knew you were the only one that can stop it. Like you did in the US District." (You mean D.C.?)

00:11:22.090 --> 00:11:22.993
" *sighs* "So...

00:11:22.993 --> 00:11:24.090
...are you in Miss?"

00:11:25.200 --> 00:11:27.340
"They don't call me Katniss Everdeen for nothing"

00:11:27.940 --> 00:11:34.020
*Spanish Music

00:11:34.020 --> 00:11:35.040
((This song..))

00:11:35.880 --> 00:11:37.560
What was the joke?

00:11:37.560 --> 00:11:39.680
"I have never clicked so fast, I love you girl."

00:11:40.440 --> 00:11:46.620
To be fair, you know, people- people clearly enjoy this content for good reasons, which I have explained.

00:11:46.620 --> 00:11:52.620
And I'm glad that people just get entertained by this because they should be. Because it's amazing.

00:11:53.170 --> 00:11:58.260
Uhh... and to be fair, at least as bad as it is an-and as cancerous as it is, At least...

00:11:59.140 --> 00:12:01.140
...it's original content

00:12:01.140 --> 00:12:01.870
:'(((((((

00:12:01.870 --> 00:12:03.860
Except it's the same joke.

00:12:03.870 --> 00:12:05.160
egugheghhhhhhhhgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh-

00:12:05.160 --> 00:12:06.180
Over and over.

00:12:06.180 --> 00:12:09.940
Leave a like if you enjoyed this video and donate to my Patreon. (You have a Patreon?)

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It's down in the description.

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(Serious) The joke here is that I don't have a Patreon, but I would love to get one. (Oh:/)

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(One last good-hearted laugh:)

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(this is going to be the NEXT BIG JOKE!)