WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.280 [Distorted Windows start-up music] 00:00:06.640 --> 00:00:09.820 So you've found my secret, huh? 00:00:09.820 --> 00:00:11.680 [Bell chimes] 00:00:11.680 --> 00:00:12.640 WHY. 00:00:12.660 --> 00:00:15.280 WHY do you want to know my secret? 00:00:15.280 --> 00:00:18.020 [Bell chimes, louder] 00:00:18.540 --> 00:00:20.300 Yeah, well, you're right. 00:00:21.380 --> 00:00:23.280 T r y p o p h o b i a . 00:00:23.280 --> 00:00:27.920 [Organ plays, choir sings] 00:00:29.620 --> 00:00:31.780 Why does this un-godly thing... 00:00:31.780 --> 00:00:32.280 ...exist? 00:00:32.560 --> 00:00:33.700 I've seen it all. 00:00:33.900 --> 00:00:34.720 Pimple poppin'. 00:00:34.720 --> 00:00:35.240 [Distorted noise] 00:00:35.240 --> 00:00:36.740 Toe nails losing. 00:00:36.740 --> 00:00:37.960 [Distorted noise] 00:00:37.960 --> 00:00:40.120 BUT AIN'T NOTHING COME EVEN CLOSE 00:00:40.500 --> 00:00:41.340 to trypo... 00:00:41.620 --> 00:00:42.720 [whispers] ...mother fucking... 00:00:44.920 --> 00:00:46.120 [whispers] ...phobia... 00:00:46.840 --> 00:00:51.140 ♫DON'T WANNA CLOSE MY EYES♫ 00:00:51.140 --> 00:00:54.140 ♫I DON'T WANNA FALL ASLEEP♫ 00:00:54.140 --> 00:00:56.400 ♫'CAUSE I MISS YOU, BABY♫ 00:00:56.400 --> 00:00:59.040 ♫AND I DON'T WANNA MISS A THING♫ 00:00:59.040 --> 00:00:59.880 Alright, here we go. 00:01:02.660 --> 00:01:05.880 [Narration]: "In the course of half a billion years of evolution," 00:01:05.880 --> 00:01:10.040 "a Suriname toad has eggs that hatch in pockets on her back." 00:01:10.040 --> 00:01:10.760 OHHHHH. 00:01:10.760 --> 00:01:12.760 "Skin care, as it were." 00:01:14.080 --> 00:01:15.160 OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH 00:01:15.160 --> 00:01:16.440 "They're now leaving the--" 00:01:16.440 --> 00:01:17.120 [Pewds gagging] 00:01:19.020 --> 00:01:19.940 Just kill it! 00:01:19.940 --> 00:01:22.900 This is why we invented flamethrowers. 00:01:22.900 --> 00:01:24.320 F-F-FLAME AWAY, BOIS 00:01:24.680 --> 00:01:26.580 If it was me - If it was a Pokemon battle... 00:01:26.940 --> 00:01:29.140 Me VS Surinam toad 00:01:29.320 --> 00:01:30.280 I'd be dead! 00:01:30.460 --> 00:01:33.080 I'd just accept my fate, and die... 00:01:33.960 --> 00:01:34.880 Die fast. 00:01:36.220 --> 00:01:40.480 ooooohhhhhHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 00:01:40.680 --> 00:01:41.640 WHY!!!!!!!! 00:01:41.840 --> 00:01:43.200 What is with HOLES? 00:01:43.420 --> 00:01:44.940 And why am I so scared of them? 00:01:45.140 --> 00:01:46.880 except a ceRTAIN TYPE OF THEM. 00:01:46.880 --> 00:01:47.620 [Distorted] IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN 00:01:47.620 --> 00:01:50.880 Now these look like buttholes, that multiplied... 00:01:50.920 --> 00:01:52.680 ...and I can respect that. 00:01:52.680 --> 00:01:54.960 So I don't have a problem with this- the butthole thing. 00:01:55.600 --> 00:01:56.500 What is this? 00:01:59.680 --> 00:02:01.620 . . . 00:02:01.620 --> 00:02:02.760 What the fuck is that? 00:02:02.760 --> 00:02:03.880 I don't know what it is. 00:02:03.880 --> 00:02:05.380 I don't care if it lives. 00:02:05.380 --> 00:02:07.360 But it needs to fuckin' DIE. 00:02:07.360 --> 00:02:09.620 I hate holes. I just hate holes! 00:02:09.860 --> 00:02:10.980 I... what can I say- 00:02:10.980 --> 00:02:11.700 ooOOOHHH!!!!!!! 00:02:11.700 --> 00:02:12.300 AAHHH!! 00:02:12.300 --> 00:02:13.100 God...! 00:02:13.100 --> 00:02:14.940 *gorilla sound* 00:02:14.960 --> 00:02:15.920 You're a SWEDISH... 00:02:15.920 --> 00:02:16.760 ...fuckin'... 00:02:16.760 --> 00:02:17.500 ...VIKING. 00:02:17.500 --> 00:02:19.120 You gotta get over your phobia, man. 00:02:19.180 --> 00:02:20.460 You gotta get over it. 00:02:22.300 --> 00:02:23.520 Ohhh...... 00:02:23.980 --> 00:02:25.440 [Inhales] 00:02:25.820 --> 00:02:26.940 ooohhhh... 00:02:27.800 --> 00:02:30.880 I know it's macaroni... but it looks so fuckin' nasty 00:02:31.100 --> 00:02:32.960 Let's move onto the next one! 00:02:34.440 --> 00:02:35.340 Oh, God! 00:02:49.140 --> 00:02:50.380 [High pitched scream] 00:02:52.480 --> 00:02:53.520 I wanna die now! 00:02:56.140 --> 00:03:03.920 [sad piano music] 00:03:03.920 --> 00:03:05.280 Michael: What happened? 00:03:07.780 --> 00:03:09.440 Life is not worth living.... 00:03:11.960 --> 00:03:12.880 Michael? 00:03:13.040 --> 00:03:13.760 Michael: yeh? 00:03:14.060 --> 00:03:15.700 Give my channel to Edgar. 00:03:18.140 --> 00:03:19.340 It's not worth it. 00:03:19.580 --> 00:03:20.720 It's not worth living... 00:03:21.140 --> 00:03:22.280 ...on this planet. 00:03:24.960 --> 00:03:26.000 I'm scared. [Laughs] 00:03:26.580 --> 00:03:29.020 He's not even wearing fuckin' gloves. 00:03:33.180 --> 00:03:35.180 He's not even wearing gloves... 00:03:35.180 --> 00:03:38.700 By the end of this video, that man, will be ME. 00:03:38.940 --> 00:03:40.160 That man is my 00:03:40.260 --> 00:03:41.300 HE-RO. 00:03:41.420 --> 00:03:43.540 What the fu- this is a Google Maps link... 00:03:44.920 --> 00:03:46.240 ...What the fuck is thi- 00:03:46.240 --> 00:03:48.720 eeeEEEWWWAAAAAHHHH 00:03:48.720 --> 00:03:50.140 We need to BOMB THAT PLACE 00:03:50.140 --> 00:03:51.340 RIGHT FUCKIN' NOW. 00:03:52.660 --> 00:03:54.320 --CALLING --[Computer voice] Calling: Ethan Bradberry... 00:03:54.320 --> 00:03:55.640 CALLING MR. PRESIDENT. 00:03:55.640 --> 00:03:57.320 [Computer voice] Calling: Mr. President. 00:03:57.320 --> 00:03:58.600 I have the coordinates.. 00:03:58.840 --> 00:04:01.500 49... 04'41... 00:04:02.060 --> 00:04:02.760 0... 00:04:02.920 --> 00:04:03.660 North... 00:04:03.660 --> 00:04:05.660 BLAST THAT SHIT TO SPACE!! [Explosion] 00:04:05.660 --> 00:04:08.620 What fuckin' country... can contain this EVIL... 00:04:08.620 --> 00:04:11.680 what fuckin' PLACE on this PLANET can contain-- 00:04:11.680 --> 00:04:12.500 THAT is HELL. 00:04:12.500 --> 00:04:14.500 That sort of... 00:04:14.500 --> 00:04:15.720 WASHINGTON!! 00:04:15.720 --> 00:04:18.800 [soft cheery music] 00:04:18.800 --> 00:04:20.740 oh God, it's mozzarella, isn't it..? 00:04:20.740 --> 00:04:22.700 But goddamn, do I hate it... 00:04:22.700 --> 00:04:24.700 FOOD Is something--you're--eh--don't-- 00:04:24.700 --> 00:04:27.600 STOP RUINING FOOD FOR ME. Thank you very fuckin' much. 00:04:27.600 --> 00:04:30.080 Oh, you're still with me? Cause.. this- this is HARD, man... 00:04:30.080 --> 00:04:32.600 I- I -I un... I understand that I'm not the 00:04:32.600 --> 00:04:33.320 UUAGH 00:04:33.320 --> 00:04:34.340 Alright, a video... 00:04:35.220 --> 00:04:36.520 Earwax... 00:04:36.520 --> 00:04:42.820 [Soft cheery music continues] 00:04:45.580 --> 00:04:46.360 oh no... 00:04:47.300 --> 00:04:48.440 Oh, NO... 00:04:48.440 --> 00:04:51.620 Who MADE this?.. you fuckin'... fuckin' weirdo.. 00:04:52.320 --> 00:04:54.440 the fuck- why does it look like popcorn?? 00:04:54.440 --> 00:04:56.440 Is that a BABY in his ear?! 00:04:57.900 --> 00:04:59.800 [Sadly] Why is there a BABY in there... 00:04:59.960 --> 00:05:00.900 GET IT ALL OUT. 00:05:01.540 --> 00:05:02.260 GET IT ALL OUT... 00:05:03.820 --> 00:05:04.680 Oh god.. 00:05:04.680 --> 00:05:07.400 Just clean your fuckin' EARS, man! 00:05:09.180 --> 00:05:11.100 Why would you do that to your face? 00:05:11.100 --> 00:05:12.780 "Best Halloween costume ever" 00:05:12.780 --> 00:05:14.360 Worst... the worst 00:05:14.360 --> 00:05:15.120 It's the WORST.. 00:05:15.120 --> 00:05:16.380 Oh, it's- eUgh.. 00:05:17.460 --> 00:05:19.880 It's FLOWERS and it's supposed to be BEAUtiful, but 00:05:19.880 --> 00:05:20.800 GODDAMN. 00:05:20.800 --> 00:05:22.460 Oh, this is rubber bands... 00:05:24.120 --> 00:05:25.480 This one is weird... 00:05:28.300 --> 00:05:30.020 Oh my GOD. Hello. 00:05:30.580 --> 00:05:32.080 It's me in the morning, ladies. 00:05:32.520 --> 00:05:33.260 Sorry... 00:05:34.700 --> 00:05:35.700 [Laughs] 00:05:35.700 --> 00:05:37.500 Yup, that's me right after.. 00:05:37.500 --> 00:05:41.240 ♫Don't know where it goes, but it's home to me 00:05:41.240 --> 00:05:42.320 [Distorted] ♫And I wal--♫ 00:05:42.320 --> 00:05:44.020 We got one more. One more... 00:05:44.020 --> 00:05:44.860 To be a MAN. 00:05:45.260 --> 00:05:46.220 One more... 00:05:46.360 --> 00:05:47.880 To have some fuckin' BALLS. 00:05:47.880 --> 00:05:48.700 On your chin. 00:05:48.700 --> 00:05:50.700 One more, baby. C'mon. C'mon! 00:05:50.700 --> 00:05:51.360 [Barks] 00:05:51.360 --> 00:05:52.460 This is weird toys... 00:05:52.460 --> 00:05:53.520 It can't be that bad... 00:05:55.560 --> 00:05:57.560 [laughs] 00:05:58.060 --> 00:05:59.260 [laughing] Why... 00:05:59.260 --> 00:06:00.840 Not even Barbie deserved this... 00:06:03.940 --> 00:06:06.580 [Pewds, echoing, over serene music] The Earth is beautiful... 00:06:07.300 --> 00:06:09.980 The Earth is a beautiful... place... 00:06:09.980 --> 00:06:11.840 *MARINA INTENSIFIES* 00:06:12.040 --> 00:06:15.280 There is no such THING.. as irregular... holes.. 00:06:15.280 --> 00:06:17.600 [Marina Joyce, distorted]: "I believe in love." 00:06:18.940 --> 00:06:20.780 [Whispers] There is no such thing... 00:06:20.780 --> 00:06:24.000 [Marina]: MY DREAM IS TO BUILD A TEMPLE IN PERU 00:06:24.500 --> 00:06:27.200 [Marina, slowed down]: T E M P L E I N P E R U 00:06:27.200 --> 00:06:28.280 [Sniffs] 00:06:29.340 --> 00:06:30.320 I'm crying. 00:06:30.320 --> 00:06:32.720 ALRIGHT, Hope you enjoyed this video, if ya did 00:06:33.260 --> 00:06:36.020 Slam that like on, so I get more likes because... 00:06:36.020 --> 00:06:38.020 I don't know, I guess it helps???? 00:06:38.020 --> 00:06:41.240 Biggest channel on YouTube, have no fuckin' clue how this site works. 00:06:41.240 --> 00:06:43.720 Uh, let me know, though, or whatever, alright? 00:06:43.720 --> 00:06:46.880 Maybe leave a comment, maybe hit subscribe twice?? 00:06:46.880 --> 00:06:48.720 FUCK WITH THE SYSTEM... I don't know. 00:06:48.720 --> 00:06:51.020 But, as always, thank you so much for watching *smoochy smooch* 00:06:51.260 --> 00:06:53.020 Stay awesome, bros. 00:06:54.140 --> 00:06:55.280 [Slurp] 00:06:55.280 --> 00:06:57.740 Got a lotta saliva coming out. 00:06:57.740 --> 00:06:58.780 [Slurp] 00:06:58.780 --> 00:07:04.420 [Horror music] 00:07:04.420 --> 00:07:06.840 "Try not to laugh 'che-lle-nege'" 00:07:06.840 --> 00:07:09.520 "Collected by GaryTheViking" 00:07:09.520 --> 00:07:10.500 Is that Leafy? 00:07:10.500 --> 00:07:12.500 Alright, here we go. 00:07:14.180 --> 00:07:16.060 [Woman's voice]: They ask you how you are, and you just have to say that you're fine, 00:07:16.060 --> 00:07:18.060 when you're not really fine, but you just can't--