WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.420 Let's get into this game. Hey chair, how you doin'? 00:00:04.080 --> 00:00:04.580 *silence* 00:00:05.180 --> 00:00:06.240 what a great game.... 00:00:06.600 --> 00:00:10.220 CHAAAAAAAAAAAIR 00:00:10.380 --> 00:00:11.820 Alright, so in this game... 00:00:12.840 --> 00:00:14.200 TRUMP IS ABOUT TO DIE! 00:00:15.580 --> 00:00:16.300 00:00:17.960 --> 00:00:18.000 no 00:00:18.000 --> 00:00:19.240 Noo no *laughs* 00:00:19.460 --> 00:00:22.840 Okay. So in this game, I'm supposed to save Trump's life 00:00:23.740 --> 00:00:25.100 Oh; I am ... crawling 00:00:25.420 --> 00:00:26.060 00:00:26.280 --> 00:00:28.400 I am crawling to save Trumps' life 00:00:28.600 --> 00:00:29.600 (wait) Oh I'm back on track. 00:00:29.880 --> 00:00:30.520 Here we go 00:00:30.560 --> 00:00:34.520 *we don't need another hero starts playing* 00:00:35.780 --> 00:00:36.680 00:00:36.740 --> 00:00:37.900 'Welp; Trump is dead yey 00:00:39.080 --> 00:00:41.220 But his hair ... did not suffer! 00:00:41.420 --> 00:00:45.620 NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO *tina turner in the background* 00:00:45.860 --> 00:00:47.220 SHIT THAT'S AWKWARD 00:00:48.540 --> 00:00:49.900 Let me try that again! 00:00:49.900 --> 00:00:51.320 NOOOOOOOOOOOO *tina* 00:00:51.420 --> 00:00:52.560 *laughs* 00:00:52.940 --> 00:00:54.000 Trump! You may wanna- 00:00:54.000 --> 00:00:54.960 you may wanna- 00:00:54.960 --> 00:00:55.680 *gunshot* 00:00:56.640 --> 00:00:57.760 ... saved his life 00:00:58.160 --> 00:00:59.300 i'm a true American hero 00:00:59.640 --> 00:01:01.480 TRUMP GIVE ME A HUG 00:01:01.860 --> 00:01:04.600 MISSION FAILED... WE'LL GET HIM NEXT TIME 00:01:04.760 --> 00:01:05.260 HEY TRUMP 00:01:05.900 --> 00:01:07.500 you see that.. uh..... laserscope 00:01:07.500 --> 00:01:09.460 just move a lil bit to your left 00:01:10.200 --> 00:01:11.480 00:01:13.660 --> 00:01:15.180 and now we fuck 00:01:15.300 --> 00:01:16.260 STUPID CHAIRS 00:01:16.260 --> 00:01:18.020 *THROWS DAT ASS IN A CIRCLE* 00:01:18.360 --> 00:01:18.920 OHHHHHH 00:01:19.720 --> 00:01:21.000 HOOOOOOOOOLY SHIT 00:01:21.620 --> 00:01:23.120 THAT WAS FUCKING AWESOME 00:01:23.860 --> 00:01:25.520 YEEE OH YEEEEAH 00:01:25.520 --> 00:01:27.280 FUCK YEAH I'M THE PRESIDENT NOW 00:01:27.700 --> 00:01:29.620 oh boy... oH BOY 00:01:31.580 --> 00:01:32.620 *breaks a wall* 00:01:33.700 --> 00:01:34.700 *laughs* 00:01:35.320 --> 00:01:36.220 OHHH MAN 00:01:36.740 --> 00:01:40.400 this is the best game I've played in a very long time; I gotta say 00:01:40.400 --> 00:01:42.280 00:01:42.860 --> 00:01:44.920 :OHMYGOD I GOT IT WITH MY CROTCH 00:01:45.160 --> 00:01:45.880 i saved hi- 00:01:45.880 --> 00:01:46.380 *laughs* 00:01:46.380 --> 00:01:47.480 oh Jesus Christ 00:01:47.840 --> 00:01:49.440 he's fucken terrifying 00:01:49.800 --> 00:01:52.000 this is the greatest game i've ever played 00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:52.880 and i've played a LOT of games 00:01:53.500 --> 00:01:54.380 *starts dancing* 00:01:54.380 --> 00:01:54.440 c'mon dance with me Trump 00:01:54.440 --> 00:01:55.680 Come on, dance with me Trump! 00:01:55.980 --> 00:01:56.620 OHH YEEEE 00:01:57.300 --> 00:01:57.320 WHAT THE HELL IS THIS 00:01:57.320 --> 00:01:58.840 What the hell is this! 00:01:59.300 --> 00:02:01.620 OOOOH OOOH HE'S MOTORBOATING HIM 00:02:02.140 --> 00:02:03.660 HE'S MOTORBOATING HIM 00:02:03.780 --> 00:02:04.500 DO IT AGAIN 00:02:04.760 --> 00:02:05.560 DO IT AGAIN! 00:02:05.580 --> 00:02:07.500 C'MON TRUMP GET IT C'MON TRUMP 00:02:07.820 --> 00:02:08.540 EAT HIS A$$ 00:02:09.300 --> 00:02:11.020 O HE'S LIKING IT OOOO 00:02:11.520 --> 00:02:12.380 OHH BOI 00:02:13.260 --> 00:02:14.460 ...... 00:02:14.760 --> 00:02:15.520 Oh yeah 00:02:16.480 --> 00:02:17.420 *laughs* 00:02:17.420 --> 00:02:19.800 oh this is what happens when Trump becomes president 00:02:19.800 --> 00:02:20.760 00:02:21.160 --> 00:02:22.040 aw shit c'mon 00:02:22.040 --> 00:02:23.360 i just wanted the money 00:02:23.360 --> 00:02:25.060 that's right Trump keep dancing 00:02:25.740 --> 00:02:26.540 he's got the moves (like Jagger) 00:02:27.460 --> 00:02:28.420 heee's got the moves 00:02:28.680 --> 00:02:29.900 uts uts ah 00:02:30.120 --> 00:02:34.780 *FLASHDANCE : SHES A MANIAC MANIAC ON THE FLOOOOR* 00:02:36.060 --> 00:02:38.000 *funky dance editing* 00:02:41.280 --> 00:02:42.180 *throws himself* 00:02:43.080 --> 00:02:43.620 aight here we- 00:02:43.620 --> 00:02:44.880 AW SHIT I'M UPSTAIRS 00:02:45.780 --> 00:02:46.280 FUCK 00:02:46.900 --> 00:02:47.400 FUUCK 00:02:47.960 --> 00:02:48.460 GET UP 00:02:48.940 --> 00:02:49.580 GEEEET UP 00:02:49.820 --> 00:02:51.060 *movie scene* get up 00:02:51.120 --> 00:02:53.760 *hero music* 00:02:53.880 --> 00:02:55.620 tRUMP NOOOOO 00:02:55.620 --> 00:02:56.660 what is happening? 00:02:57.060 --> 00:02:58.740 OH! AW SHIT THERE'S- 00:02:59.160 --> 00:03:00.120 THEY GOT BOMBS 00:03:00.440 --> 00:03:01.700 FOR FUCKS SAKE 00:03:01.960 --> 00:03:03.720 I'm not paid enough for this 00:03:04.040 --> 00:03:04.880 *sad music* no! 00:03:04.880 --> 00:03:05.520 Trump... 00:03:06.100 --> 00:03:07.540 you gotta live man 00:03:08.120 --> 00:03:08.620 .. 00:03:08.900 --> 00:03:15.840 *intense music* 00:03:15.840 --> 00:03:17.920 Oh my god, what is happening? 00:03:17.920 --> 00:03:19.200 *music intensifies* 00:03:19.200 --> 00:03:19.920 TRUMP LIVES 00:03:19.920 --> 00:03:22.080 *music intensifies* 00:03:22.080 --> 00:03:22.640 I don't- 00:03:23.320 --> 00:03:24.200 well what am- 00:03:24.400 --> 00:03:24.900 if Tr- 00:03:25.000 --> 00:03:25.560 oh oH- 00:03:25.560 --> 00:03:27.480 *MUSIC* 00:03:27.480 --> 00:03:28.340 I guess i did it 00:03:28.340 --> 00:03:29.520 I guess I did it 00:03:29.520 --> 00:03:30.200 Ok great 00:03:39.000 --> 00:03:43.000 There's a man who leads a life of danger 00:03:45.000 --> 00:03:49.500 To everyone he meets he stays a stranger 00:03:50.500 --> 00:03:53.000 With every move he makes 00:03:54.000 --> 00:03:56.000 And all the chance he takes 00:03:57.000 --> 00:04:01.000 Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow 00:04:02.000 --> 00:04:03.000 Secret... 00:04:03.500 --> 00:04:05.000 ...Agent Man 00:04:05.000 --> 00:04:06.000 Secret... 00:04:06.500 --> 00:04:08.000 ...Agent Man 00:04:08.000 --> 00:04:10.560 shooting his dick.. that's just cruel alright 00:04:11.160 --> 00:04:12.240 no one deserves that. 00:04:12.620 --> 00:04:13.560 ... 00:04:13.920 --> 00:04:14.560 here we go 00:04:15.100 --> 00:04:15.600 ... 00:04:16.020 --> 00:04:17.720 Aw fuck, wrong button! 00:04:18.000 --> 00:04:18.500 SHIT 00:04:18.500 --> 00:04:21.500 can we just take a moment to appreciate game developers creating 00:04:21.720 --> 00:04:22.920 really good games 00:04:23.100 --> 00:04:24.040 we had a rough year with 00:04:24.040 --> 00:04:24.540 ... 00:04:24.900 --> 00:04:26.440 broken promises like No Man's Sky 00:04:26.540 --> 00:04:27.040 but.. 00:04:27.680 --> 00:04:30.640 here's a game that finally lifts up to the hype.. ya know 00:04:31.280 --> 00:04:31.840 alright 00:04:32.400 --> 00:04:33.840 doin' it for the money 00:04:33.840 --> 00:04:35.780 *malcolm1466 voice* ONLY IN IT FOR THE MONEY 00:04:37.940 --> 00:04:39.600 OK now this is getting ridiculous 00:04:40.300 --> 00:04:41.820 i can't walk on the sand 00:04:43.420 --> 00:04:45.580 *pewds is really concentrating* 00:04:47.040 --> 00:04:47.660 OHH WOW 00:04:52.820 --> 00:04:54.500 OH FUCK RIGHT IN THE SPINE 00:04:55.120 --> 00:04:56.520 dude! his hair is fucking nice 00:04:56.520 --> 00:04:57.300 how's your hair? 00:04:57.760 --> 00:04:59.020 how's your hair Mr. Trump? 00:05:01.720 --> 00:05:02.360 Oh boy 00:05:02.520 --> 00:05:04.560 it's- it's an honor and a privilege Sir 00:05:04.840 --> 00:05:06.200 to be eating your asshole 00:05:06.640 --> 00:05:08.680 oh oH not even- 00:05:08.920 --> 00:05:10.100 I TRUMP THE TRUMP 00:05:10.360 --> 00:05:12.100 now this is quality gameplay 00:05:12.520 --> 00:05:13.800 now this is just quality 00:05:13.800 --> 00:05:14.860 aaaaaaaand seven 00:05:15.580 --> 00:05:16.080 .... 00:05:17.080 --> 00:05:17.580 oh 00:05:18.640 --> 00:05:19.920 was that a giant taco? 00:05:19.920 --> 00:05:22.300 how do i protect Trump .. from the Taco? 00:05:24.140 --> 00:05:24.860 OH one Taco 00:05:26.400 --> 00:05:27.600 c'mon the other Taco 00:05:27.600 --> 00:05:28.920 there's another Taco coming 00:05:29.880 --> 00:05:31.160 OOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH 00:05:31.380 --> 00:05:32.720 HELL YEEEEEEEAH 00:05:33.000 --> 00:05:33.640 FUCK YEAHH 00:05:33.640 --> 00:05:34.140 *throws himself* 00:05:34.540 --> 00:05:35.400 STAGE DIVE 00:05:35.620 --> 00:05:36.120 oh oH- 00:05:36.360 --> 00:05:37.080 front flip 00:05:38.040 --> 00:05:38.540 aW SHIT 00:05:38.700 --> 00:05:39.420 FRONT FLIP 00:05:39.800 --> 00:05:40.300 aw shit 00:05:40.380 --> 00:05:40.880 shit 00:05:40.880 --> 00:05:41.520 shit 00:05:41.520 --> 00:05:42.240 front flip 00:05:42.580 --> 00:05:43.220 NAILED IT 00:05:43.740 --> 00:05:44.800 FRRRONT FLIP 00:05:45.520 --> 00:05:46.120 FRONT FLIP 00:05:46.700 --> 00:05:47.420 FRONT FLIP 00:05:47.740 --> 00:05:48.300 FRONT FLIP 00:05:48.820 --> 00:05:49.540 FRONT FLIP 00:05:50.000 --> 00:05:52.540 GOOOOOOO 00:05:53.180 --> 00:05:53.960 OHHHHHHH 00:05:53.960 --> 00:05:55.080 *some skrillex music starts playing* 00:05:55.080 --> 00:05:55.580 YEAH 00:05:56.860 --> 00:05:58.300 oh man I'm good at this game 00:05:58.300 --> 00:06:00.680 oh shit I got fucking money, I got whiskey 00:06:00.680 --> 00:06:01.300 I'm living the liFE 00:06:01.580 --> 00:06:03.340 aw shit he's going to China 00:06:04.480 --> 00:06:06.560 fuck those Chinese workers man 00:06:06.780 --> 00:06:07.340 how am i supposed- 00:06:07.700 --> 00:06:08.420 OHHHHHHHHH 00:06:08.420 --> 00:06:08.920 KAY 00:06:09.000 --> 00:06:09.500 i got it 00:06:09.500 --> 00:06:10.060 alright 00:06:10.180 --> 00:06:11.460 just ride the pizza 00:06:12.980 --> 00:06:14.420 ride the pizza 4 Trump 00:06:14.980 --> 00:06:17.060 i don't know what these are but- 00:06:18.200 --> 00:06:19.220 but i saved Trump 00:06:19.540 --> 00:06:20.820 now what the fuck is this? 00:06:20.980 --> 00:06:22.100 where even is he? 00:06:23.560 --> 00:06:25.440 what is he- is he killing himself? 00:06:26.160 --> 00:06:27.220 he's killing himself 00:06:27.640 --> 00:06:28.760 aight, front flip 00:06:29.140 --> 00:06:29.700 front- 00:06:29.700 --> 00:06:30.460 *laughs* 00:06:30.800 --> 00:06:31.520 front flip 00:06:31.800 --> 00:06:32.520 front flip 00:06:34.640 --> 00:06:35.360 FRONT FLIP 00:06:35.920 --> 00:06:36.960 THROW YOURSELF 00:06:37.740 --> 00:06:38.240 ... 00:06:39.040 --> 00:06:45.900 *Titanic theme* 00:06:45.900 --> 00:06:47.100 Fuck, so close. 00:06:47.100 --> 00:06:54.180 *TITANIC* 00:06:54.180 --> 00:06:59.120 *TITANIC* 00:07:03.200 --> 00:07:05.700 i don't..really..know what i'm doing at this point 00:07:05.960 --> 00:07:24.640 *sin* 00:07:24.780 --> 00:07:25.340 *beep* 00:07:25.800 --> 00:07:26.860 oh not this fucking shit agai- 00:07:26.860 --> 00:07:27.800 what is he doing now 00:07:28.400 --> 00:07:30.320 WHAT IS HE EVEN DOING NO- AH 00:07:31.420 --> 00:07:33.520 you know sometimes i think he deserves to die 00:07:33.520 --> 00:07:34.400 just sometimes 00:07:34.680 --> 00:07:35.400 aight here we go 00:07:35.400 --> 00:07:36.100 front flip 00:07:36.600 --> 00:07:37.320 shit fron- 00:07:37.800 --> 00:07:38.300 fuck 00:07:38.300 --> 00:07:40.900 he jumps down in a fucking cup of noodles 00:07:41.060 --> 00:07:42.800 now this game has gone too far 00:07:43.820 --> 00:07:44.860 *laughs* fuckk 00:07:45.540 --> 00:07:46.660 god dammit Trump 00:07:46.880 --> 00:07:48.460 why am i still even playing this game 00:07:48.460 --> 00:07:49.160 at this one point 00:07:49.580 --> 00:07:50.080 like 00:07:50.300 --> 00:07:52.660 it's a great game but gr- NO 00:07:52.660 --> 00:07:53.720 SHIT THAT WAS SO CLOSE 00:07:53.720 --> 00:07:55.540 THAT WOULD'VE BEEN SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL 00:07:55.540 --> 00:07:57.880 *starts singing* I don't wanna close my Trump 00:07:59.080 --> 00:08:00.760 I don't wanna fall asleep 00:08:00.760 --> 00:08:02.200 'cause I Trump my babe 00:08:02.940 --> 00:08:05.720 and i trump trumpy trumpy trump 00:08:06.040 --> 00:08:19.160 *i don't wanna miss a thing starts playing* 00:08:19.280 --> 00:08:20.460 AAAAHHHHHHHH 00:08:20.660 --> 00:08:21.220 DUDE 00:08:21.220 --> 00:08:23.300 THAT WAS SO FUCKING CLOSE MAN 00:08:23.840 --> 00:08:26.000 you just have to fucking crawl?! 00:08:26.080 --> 00:08:27.920 well watch this then Trump! 00:08:28.340 --> 00:08:29.060 FRONT FLIP 00:08:29.120 --> 00:08:29.620 SHIT 00:08:29.920 --> 00:08:39.000 *Tina Turner - We don't need another hero* 00:08:39.140 --> 00:08:39.820 BUM 00:08:40.120 --> 00:08:42.140 Ooh, hey 00:08:42.300 --> 00:08:43.500 you saw that Trump? 00:08:44.200 --> 00:08:45.640 Trump just walks away 00:08:46.040 --> 00:08:49.380 nothing happened here... i was not trying to kill myself 00:08:49.380 --> 00:08:50.440 where will Trump go? 00:08:50.440 --> 00:08:52.060 on his next adventure, no one knows. 00:08:52.380 --> 00:08:55.300 will he find a giant pizza to kill himself in next?? 00:08:55.800 --> 00:08:58.680 WATCH NEXT EPISODE OF TRUMP KILLS HIMSELF! 00:09:01.380 --> 00:09:04.260 WATCH NEXT EPISODE OF SUICIDAL TRUMP! 00:09:06.460 --> 00:09:10.380 WATCH NEXT EPISODE OF CRIPPLING DEPRESSION: DONALD TRUMP 00:09:13.260 --> 00:09:15.980 ''You have accepted Rump into your life?'' 00:09:16.540 --> 00:09:17.100 oh i have 00:09:21.380 --> 00:09:23.460 I'm not voting either alright? Calm down. 00:09:23.600 --> 00:09:24.960 OH FUCK ME I GOTTA 00:09:24.960 --> 00:09:25.620 FRONT FLIP 00:09:25.740 --> 00:09:26.240 SHIT 00:09:26.240 --> 00:09:27.200 I GOTTA JUMP?! 00:09:27.360 --> 00:09:27.860 NO 00:09:27.860 --> 00:09:29.800 TRUMP HANG IN THERE BUDDY 00:09:29.800 --> 00:09:31.760 PAPA PEWDS IS COMING FOR YA 00:09:31.760 --> 00:09:32.960 HAMG IN THERE TRUMP 00:09:32.960 --> 00:09:33.920 I GOT YOU BUDDY 00:09:34.240 --> 00:09:34.860 I GOT YOU 00:09:35.100 --> 00:09:35.980 I JUST GOTTA- 00:09:36.240 --> 00:09:38.260 HAAAANG IN THERE BUDDY 00:09:38.880 --> 00:09:40.800 NOOOOOOO I MISSED 00:09:41.500 --> 00:09:42.460 NOOOOOOOOO 00:09:42.460 --> 00:09:44.700 why play the game how it's meant to be? 00:09:45.040 --> 00:09:45.620 idk 00:09:45.840 --> 00:09:46.400 i don't- 00:09:46.500 --> 00:09:47.000 i- 00:09:49.400 --> 00:09:49.960 DID IT 00:09:49.960 --> 00:09:52.040 *laughs* 00:09:52.120 --> 00:09:52.920 NAILED IT 00:09:53.420 --> 00:09:54.860 you're fine Mr President 00:09:55.000 --> 00:09:57.720 aight now this game has just gotten weird 00:09:57.720 --> 00:10:00.240 before it was weird now it's just fucking weird- 00:10:00.240 --> 00:10:00.740 CHAIR 00:10:01.280 --> 00:10:01.780 FUCK 00:10:02.200 --> 00:10:02.840 AY I DID IT 00:10:03.120 --> 00:10:04.640 AAAAAAAAND EATING ASS 00:10:04.840 --> 00:10:07.580 *secret agent man* 00:10:10.660 --> 00:10:12.160 i mean.. i can't interrupt this... 00:10:12.160 --> 00:10:14.480 it just looks like they're having a great time 00:10:14.960 --> 00:10:16.500 you know what i'll just join the party 00:10:16.640 --> 00:10:18.840 *distorted music* 00:10:21.160 --> 00:10:22.360 *elevator music* 00:10:23.820 --> 00:10:25.180 00:10:25.360 --> 00:10:27.360 00:10:28.240 --> 00:10:30.500 00:10:31.220 --> 00:10:33.380 00:10:34.440 --> 00:10:36.040