Applejack: Well, thank y'all kindly for helping me with harvesting these here apples Twilight!
Twilight: That's quite alright, Applejack!
You did save my life after all. It was the least I could do!
Spike: Hey! I was the one who got all the apples!
You just read books all day!
Twilight: That's true Spike. But since you aren't actually a pony and therefore you don't get rights,
You don't matter! And thus, I get all the credit!
Spike: Oh, screw you Twilight!
*Burp*
Twilight: What does the letter say?
Spike: Uh...
It's soaked and smells like red wine, but I'll do my best.
Celestia: Hello Twilight, my... 'faithful' student.
I am extending a formal invitation to the Sub-Par Stampeding Celebration,
Celebration spelt with an S.
I will be sending you two tickets.
"Now... Why am I inviting you?" You may ask,
Because these events are always so very...
VERY boring...
And the first thing I think of, when I think mind-numbingly boring...
Is you!
So you can bring one,
And only ONE friend.
And if you bring any more, other ponies might think you have friends,
which we both know would be ridiculous.
Yours sincerely, or whatever, Celestia.
P.S. No Pets Allowed.
Spike: So! Two tickets.
You're gonna take me, right Twilight?
Twilight: You know; See I would Spike,
but uhm, Celestia said “no pets allowed”.
So, uh, fuck you.
Spike: You know Twilight, it's people like you who are sending dragon rights back a thou-
Applejack: You know, Twilight! I do believe that ya'll should give me that ticket!
I do believe it would be QUITE the good idea.
Twilight: Why would it be a good idea to give you the ticket?
Applejack: Money, peppersphere.
I could make a lot of money selling up my apples at a marked up price.
Twilight: Tha- That seems a little bit greedy don't you think?
Applejack: You wanna know what's greedy?
That 82% apple tax for exporting apples!
That's some... Grade A bullshit right there!
Rainbow: Hey everyone!
Applejack: Uh, now why are ya'll crashing head first into the ground there Rainbow?
Rainbow: Well someone in Cloudsdale said:
"If I threw a rock at the ground I would miss!"
They also said I was as dumb as a rock,
so I threw myself at the ground to prove them wrong!
Twilight: I-
I don't even- Uhm-
I- I don't even have words.
Rainbow: Hey Twilight can I go to the Celebration spelt with an S with you?
I need to find out how Celestia made a blue clone of herself.
Twilight: Uh, C- Could you repeat yourself... A second-?
You wan- You wanna try that again?
Rainbow: Ever since we killed Nightmare Moon, Celestia has been walking with her clone or something!
They like, do things together with their magic and the wings
and now the blue one raises the moon!
Well, if Princess Celestia can make a clone of herself just to make life easier,
why can’t she make me a clone so I can make her life easier?
Twilight: Well I- I'm gonna go...
Get some food. Alright? And you're gonna sit here,
And you're gonna sh-
And you're gonna keep NOT talking.
I'm gonna go ge- eat my lunch in a quiet and controlled manner.
Hey Spike,
you destroy every worthy aspect of my life.
How should we destroy the second ticket?
Spike: First off, Rude.
Second off, why burn it?
Twilight: Because rumors spread like wild-
*SMASH*
Pinkie: Oooh!
Tickets to the Sub-par Stampeding Celebration, celebration spelt with an S! CAN I COME?
Rarity: Oh! Did somebody say the Sub-par Stampeding Celebration?!
Do you know what kinds of expensive things I could ste-
BORROW from there!
Oh I would just be rolling in bits!
(Go fast, bun bun.)
Twilight: Fluttershy, did you just steal my fucking ticket?
Fluttershy: Well, um, actually…
Evilshy: My fucking piece of shit bunny stole the fucking ticket
But fine! Blame it on me you bitch.
Fucking fought a war and I gotta deal with your shit, fucks sake.
Fluttersaint: Now, now!
She was just asking nicely and probably didn’t notice.
We should just play nice.
Being rude isn’t fun!
Evilshy: Gaah, fine!
Gonna fucking stab her in her sleep one day.
Fluttershy: Angel kinda stole your ticket.
... I didn’t really steal it.
Twilight: You know... I WAS going to burn the tickets,
but because you asked so very nicely,
I'm gonna consider letting you come, Fluttershy!
Fluttershy: Yay, thank you good side!
Twilight: What did you just say-
Rainbow: Hang on a second!
Twilight: Goddamnit Rainbow!
Applejack: Now hold on one second!
All Rainbow wants to do is talk to Celestia about something she’ll never get!
Ya'll ruining my chance to have a chat to the princess about this goddamn Apple Tax!
(Squabbling Intensifies)
(Swiggity Stampedy, comin for that Tickety~)
Twilight: SHUT UUUUUUUUUP!!!
Pinkie: And this one time at at band camp, when Octavia tried to-
Twilight: Pinkie, we are a kid show.
Rarity: Oh but darl-
Twilight: SHHHHHH!
Do you hear that?
Do you hear that? It’s the sound of me not giving a single fuck about your begging!
You know what else is that sound?
My stomach being hungry.
So fuck all of you,
I’m getting some lunch!
Waiter: I am here to take your order.
Twilight: Food!
Waiter: I’d recommend some water.
But whatever makes your stomach fat-
Er, happy.
Twilight: Did he just call me fat?
Spike: You know this place doesn't serve dragons.
I can't believe this!
Twilight: I really cannot decide who to give this fucking ticket to!
Spike: Just give it to me!
Twilight: Celestia said no pets Spike, so shut up!
Look, anyways, look. I’m starving at this rate-
I- I’m just gonna eat the tickets!
This is what I'm gonna do.
Waiter: Here is your food.
Waiter: You know, it's about to start raining.
Do you want me to bring a forklift?
Twilight: Oh, fuck you!
Rainbow: Hi Twilight!
Twilight: Oh, real mature!
You trying to win the ticket too?
Rainbow: What? No!
Just patching up this hole in the cloud.
Twilight: Sure you are, Rainbow. Sure.
Rainbow: Later!
Twilight: Ugh! For fucks' sake.
Rarity: Oh hey Twilight!
Do you want walk with me under my umbrella?
Twilight: Oh- Sorry about that.
Rarity: Oh nooo! It's fine darling!
I’ll just leave the shot for a second and I’ll be fine! Now...
Time for a makeover~
So, would you like a makeover, darling?
Twilight: That depends Rarity,
do I have to trade a certain ticket for it?
Rarity: Of course not, darling!
You have to pay for the makeover, top rate!
Twilight: I am not gonna succumb to your trickery!
I am getting some lunch!
Applejack: Did somepony say lunch?
Have a go!
Twilight, take your pick!
Twilight: I will buy...
Literally ALL of it.
Applejack: Uhm, ok that's bit much...
Eeehm... It’ll cost you about...
327 bits!
Twilight: You're not very good at this bribery thing, are you?
Applejack: What bribery? I'm just sellin ya' apples.
Twilight: UUUUGH!
Applejack: Uh... Ya'll not buying then?
Twilight: I love getting favours as much as anypony else,
but I refuse to accept this bribery!
Oh, Fluttershy, you can’t possibly be bribing me.
Evilshy: Just mug the ticket off of her! By Celestia it shouldn’t be this fucking hard.
Fluttersaint: But crime is illegal!
Maybe we should just beg, that seems to work.
Fluttershy: No, but I’d really like it if you could let me come?
I’ll do anything for it!
Twilight: Ha!
Real funny Fluttershy, hahah...
Uh, you’re not getting the ticket though.
Fluttershy: No really!
I even got Angel to help! I’ll do anything!
Twilight: F-Fluttershy, this is-
This is getting kinda a little bit awkward…
Fluttershy (Evil): GO FOR THE BIG GUNS YOU SHIT.
Fluttershy: Seriously! I’ll do anything for you, even murder!
Twilight: What the fucking hell, Fluttershy...
Pinkie: Quickly, everyone grab her!
.̷͕̘t͓̦͢ͅo̱̲͎͚l͈͚̩̰r͇̙͝et̘̙̻̘n̵͕̮a̛̻̰͎̼̘͉C̭̹ ̖͇̀f̻̮̤͡o̘̜̝̤̹̦̖ ͈̫͍͇̤͈g̕n̛̺̜̮̝͕ị̻͙̖̗̫͞ǹ͖̖̤̩̖̙̗ru̙͚̕b̶̪͕̺̩ ̫ẹ̟̫̼̝̫̦h̘̞̰̞t͓̻̳͕ ̝̕o̷͎t̠̪̼͙̥͖ ̛̝͎͎t͕̭̣̬͙s̴̥̠̻̫̳͇e̴͎̣͕͙̤̖̙u̵q̼̩̀e̢r͜ ̧̳̰̳̮̫y̱̻͎m͠ ̬̬̱̗̗͔̭͟ḓ͝ȩ̲͓ì͍̞̗ͅn͔͕̜ȩ̰̰̳̗d̶ ͇̩̰͎͚͕̗o̰̜̮̻̺̕h̟̙͚͈̻̕w͚̭̩̖ ̫͍͓̖͜ḛ͚͕̙n̻̫̲͚͕̫͓o̸̞̼̝͇͙ ͙e̗̼̪̼h̷t̳̳͍ ͓̭̭̼̘͎̟o҉t̷͔̺̹̬ ͍̬̰̤̟ͅh̡̦̺̪͖t̘̺͎̹̦͔̮a͓ẹ̩d
̧,̘̦̱ͅl̥̝̞̲̤͕͉͡l̬͈̜̘͔ͅá͍͕̤c̤̩̱ ̩͔̬͘ͅy̜͚͜m̯̮̙̤̖̥̕ ̢̙̘̘͖ͅr̮̘̼̪a͜e̫̣͇̳͘h̴̳̻̜ ̥̮͓̙͖̲̯d҉̳i̛͙͈̩̼̳o͕̯͎̖v̱͈͞ ̰͜e̜͖h̡̯̙̣̣͍t ̶̻̝͚̭̲f͙̲o̖͡ ͔̗r̨̦̞̠̟̹e̟̦̖̟̦̦̘l̸u͏̖̩̜͉͇͉̗R̠̣͉̩̳͕
Twilight: Is there anypony here who doesn’t care about these freaking tickets?!
Background Pony #42: What are the tickets for?
Pinkie: The Sub-Par Stampeding Celebration, celebration spelt with an S!
Background Pony #42: Ugh, the Sub-Par Stampeding Celebration, celebration spelt with an S?
That party sucks!
Background Pony #1337: Yeah, the Sub-Par Stampeding Celebration, celebration spelt with an S is so boring!
Twilight: Let’s just go back in the tree and stay there!
Spike: Agreed.
Spike: Was teleporting necessary?
Twilight: Oh I'm sorry Spike, I thought a big strong dragon could handle such a simple teleportation spell.
Spike: I hate you. I hate you so much.
*CRASH*
*CRASH CRASH*
*CRASHACHANGA*
(O_O)
Twilight: Oh my Celestia, STOP STALKING ME!
YOU ARE NOT GETTING THESE FUCKING TICKETS!
Applejack: Now listen peppersphere,
Ya'll do know nopony here has been trying to bribe you at all,
we’ve just been trying to be good friends.
So...
I do think ya'll should probably calm your shit.
Cuz... Nopony really likes the Sub-par Stampeding Celebration, celebration spelt with an S.
Uh, apart from Fluttershy apparently.
Fluttershy: Just saying that what I said I’d do for the ticket is still doable, if you want.
(Don't look. Please.)
Twilight: Well, I- I kinda feel like a douchebag now.
Uhm, Spike, go- go get a piece of paper! I'm gonna write a letter to Princess Celestia.
“Dear Celestia...
Surprisingly enough, my friends aren't complete dickbags
who would try to manipulate me into giving them things,
and I shouldn't assume that everyone is a big of a douchebag as me.
Also, apparently the Sub-par Stampeding Celebration, celebration spelt with an S actually sucks...
So I'm gonna be returning the tickets.”
*BURP*
(That was quick)
Twilight: What does it say, Spike?
Luna: "I know you said you were not interested in going to the party,
but when I inquired when I contact- I mean Celestia as to why he had to go, she said something along the lines of:
“Eat a dick.”
So I look forward to seeing you anyway because fuck her and fuck everyone else.
Yours truly, Princess Luna."
Twlight: Remember Spike! She said no pets allowed!
Spike: *Mumble*
“Oh yes, and Spike? Celestia told me to tell you that still no pets allow-”
Oh, fuck you Celestia!
(Captions are hard.)
(Day 1: Gloomy overhead, free day tomorrow! See ya!)