hello everyone my name is Ethan
Allen you're listening to all
cornering a spot gas
today's March 29, 2018
and it all before actually go
ahead and start moving over to
the heading to work in the three
years from now I decided to
restrain using a summer you
actually do like to check up on
me and seeing how the money is
going
as far as the scandal, is ranges
fine, check the hamstring right
now
in its riders per one final
listeners and Irvine, the gory
so I actually wanted to talk
about my dream I have a sign
from
those who do not know from my
father passed away November last
year the inside
to 17 of
and he passed away from as far
as has been pull them aware of
us are problems that could have
been prevented if
proper people were around com
her father was there with his
caretaker
was unable to do our job
properly and
there's been some bad blood from
as well
anyway last night I actually
will have an idea
to the region's cold sweat
practically
on
noticing that my of my father
was an act of
just smiling laughing hunting
areas of that
mealy waking me up from my
slumber and merely making me a
teardrop
no one thing that something that
bugs me a lot about the
, lost is that being a motion
person I am I know that I'm not
notice any time so that is to be
expected
I am no African psychologist in
any form but it's based on what
I am a
I've known for all over all the
years, listen, listen to other
people talk about their loss and
people will tell me their
stories specially the only
, when my father passed away at
one time ago when they were
surrounded do with it and I
talked to them trying to give
the emotional support
granted I was
just rewarded when my father
passed away
because me and my father at work
at odds special bill were as I
work for him doing server
management and everything
now this client city does have
unfairly manage on the hill and
make sure thing rinses flying
the idea now the sole and so
forth
sell I am pretty sure that
after all this is said and I
know I'm still doing worth some
residual,
grieving that will safely happen
until contract with passed away
and integrate thing to talk
about but
honestly it's the only thing can
really think about
the level that and something I
wanted to share
of
specially been at the end of my
vacation this was a loss and I
really wanted, went back to work
being white chopped down from
the string
who once a nightmare once a
great reminders and pleasant
terrain where
my subconscious is siding to
remind me of my father hoping
that one of the NT is something
deep deep in there that wants to
see him again and
that's true I do wish to see my
Father Hancock, time
but that's something that cannot
be done
there is no ability or
technology that we have an
agreement to get the than what
how are we
able to wield such power
as the ignorance of doing such a
thing
as Havas Robert Klein corbel you
for community being able to
resurrect the dead is
especially for Canadian people
that are unable to handle the
responsibility
would
cause for a distraught in
distress
for everyone around
the people of what it if it was
a person acting for the right
people and try to kill the
base honestly
don't beat people up there and
say only anyone can be revived
therefore killing of a
death is meaningless when death
becomes meaningless
we don't value line and the more
we can reduce I do whatever we
want the killing to one series
of punishment for definitely my
mind is still the punishment
of
there and you get these death is
boys could happen regardless of
who you are special even if you
are transcendental been that
never came back and always 12 B
and sooner or later you find
that out of the resistance and
wanted to die
than it would become more of
this week released then
, back in a torment of the in
and approve the
the end of your this is one of
the year
so
I hate being a downer on to be
honest and honestly I'm sorry if
I really put down some of them
in its favor talk about this, I
apologize in advance because
believe me in this
horrible view of stuff is its
IE cannot
rule for the life and you want
anyone to one
and that's that this is this
could be considered only minor
to some of the darker shade
people have to deal with
specially
those kids that got shot in
their school, and all will run a
it was an acceptable use to me a
psychological might
because
those kids that have to deal
with people saying that their
chaos of actors and stuff like
that,
of sided flight just jump into
politics like this I would seem
to do that all the time but
I can't justify
of how do the things people say
about people who suffered
like people think that the
holocaust been having it and I
find that
infuriating my grandmother was
was alive during those times and
they happened and they happen
all the pretty clearly
people were rounded up people
were put in camps
and
her radius things happened a lot
of people died
and when people tell me that all
was not true
art,
and
it it sends me in so many for
ways to anger, I'm pretty sure
that
I want
people to
move
to the truth of the matter
knowing that he actually did
happen if people are trying to
cross the scores knowledge
in saying that although this
happen when in actuality and
people say let go of the Jews
are better, and choose fair for
Kings water
they got persecuted they got
me thinking all one but they're
so bad
in a terse press the
granted dealing with from
dreams and
and everything
hurts a lot
I just really wanted to move
forward from my father's death
and not come back to it so much
and the reason for talking about
is that I do not have been out
for myself more so
than do more damage than I would
have
I'm pretty sure that
when I come back to it and talk
about it to a friend's they're
going to tell me what I need to
hear and sometimes some of the
wall and tell me that I need to
get over it
now
is only and I think that that
they're hardly anyone in my
friend circle that would say
that
, maybe the younger ones I no,
out of ignorance would say some
like that because they don't
want me to feel this way
and
I would not put against them is
are trying to make them feel
better
but that would infuriate
that would use of
because how much
investment of my my own
psychological investment into a
specially when it's my own
father
is something that I don't take
lightly, I don't take
up everything I have went
everything I was pleased to
announce something that
still broken
record
he would want so much more than
when I was
the person who tried it on the
Kajima my brother's ~ and that
he wants me to live in a large
and a much more than I do not
want to go
from which
the classroom setting infuriates
me because of how
ineffective evidence
how I would have to deal with
death would I want to grow and
expand because of my own merits
on the grounds that I'm playing
this
hard I am plane life very
differently
and
if I make it then there is
little excuse if people could
say however
there's a lot of things that can
be said about
how ineffectual that things are
bad rented a lot of things I
know now is from the good times
I've been in school and that of
the fundamentals are highly
necessary to even be able to
exist in the world in this will
that we're in
a lot of things beyond those
fundamentals I've learned atop
myself with a lot of things was
servers lot of things with
computers I caught myself doing
why why I went in find the
information on my own
time and my own, curiosity to go
further
now
on
my
arm motions of the matter
specially one
I want to prove that I am more
than what people think I am
an ace only thing that I can
only do that I need to do myself
granted
if someone was to give me help
and offer me a job or give me
money and stuff like that
granted
and it may be becoming
hypocritical Mason that's not
saying that I would take that
which I would
, but that doesn't stop me from
going even further and beyond
what those assistance
I want to
work
and believe me when people
especially those who are hiring
is so much dresses involved just
are the hiring process
the money not only passing
control the paperwork I've been
in that situation where I had to
make a decision for someone
because they did know whom to
hire and since I didn't live in
the area they can just hire me
and I would take their position
of something that was pretty
just Manual labor
and they just want to know so
they can choose to get over it
and not to do with the stress
afterwards and I had to go
through simple process of Tass
and one that would would be good
you would not be
and that's where the lead to the
stream of thing that what can I
take from this that will improve
the
what can I do to learn from this
what can it do to make
me stronger in the sense of not
becoming did not know why am
something this too was connected
to his emotions ever since he
was born
blood being able to go beyond
that and learn something new
about oneself specially where I
came from
and my father is technically a
foundation one for my new birth
mother my birth father
of the center long time ago
and my mother solicitous day
which are issued collar
IE does decide
to take this
and embrace what I can from the
situation in a China push it
away because I'm worried that
would have an idea to
and
if I keep hiding from it it's
gonna make it easier for that to
happen
and that that's from my
my experience how I understand
myself
because over time I'm going to
see me like
I learned something great
from observing what I know
I learned from adapting
in a signal of people should do
but I can contribute 82 as far
as I possibly can
within reason to try in learning
more about myself and others
around me because I was
so while I was very inefficient
and very childish
there we unable to communicate
and socialize with others I was
a loner I was unable to it that
but for most of all those years
I was worried that I was so far
behind fullback two greats
before I decided that no longer
go to high school anymore
that
I would finally tried to pay it
might have
played it would not be a very
easy one to make
I had so much backtracking that
to do even after leaving high
school
that I was so far behind
someone had to help me to find a
job and when I didn't I loved it
I still had a lot as a body
problems that cause me to have
so many issues even with my
previous coup employer at
McDonald's and then finally
those fears still left me to
this day even though I've gotten
money approved in check
those people with Tommy so many
things and I choose not to
listen and I come back and think
the
I wasn't really not listening if
I can remember everything they
said is I was just too stubborn
to actually put into motion
analysis to knew of a child
I was too scared to grow up
so I wanted to do so many things
I wanted to be so great I wanted
to repeal the stand on the
topless cliff the tallest none
and be able to proclaim with my
championship
my coal mine triumphs over
everything this stands in my way
I want to be able to beat more
than what im
I does not want to be some slick
and high school dropout those
unable to go anywhere
but honestly
a high school was only a part of
it
I ultimately even after when you
leave high school
you were in a new world my
friend
and honestly regardless how easy
you've got it is a lot of stuff
you have to learn and you have
to be quick on your feet because
people will smack you down
but there's people out there and
if you find them they will be
the ones that will be standing
next to insane
demos that all rages the things
to your enemies steady to
speeding up at them for howl
Luecke howled disrespectful
betray you
were able to save this is not
right you'll need to deserve
much better
regardless of where position you
are and
something strong and something
unique and can only be granted
at the grandeur of something
that you are
by 17 of your experience that
you experienced and perceive it
in your life you learn if you
would that
and that's something that I wish
to learn from
from my father
it was his lessons
not only my from my mother from
the mistakes they made by
absurd, and I learned what I can
do better this sooner or later I
want to be a father I want to be
a better one
or maybe as great or greater
than my own father
granted there's mistakes you
made the right question for all
my life and they still do
but what can I do about that
other day in the pudding of what
I'm no into action
and that's what I wanted to do
thank you for listening to that
rent a room
quite appreciate if you stick
around for the whole thing
of the many people watching the
stream at the moment and if
you're listening to this,
according
, thank you
a few updates on to give up
before and this from Idei watch
a few episodes try to keep a
backup I'm still back in season
five idea to watch 67 and eight
,
a demo fares and a 1906 and
seven have not seen at all and
if there's a lot of things that
happened I haven't seen the
reason, Starbuck, starlight, go
into the situation of the
redemption
I don't see that I know what
happens but I just haven't seen
it unfold and that's something I
need a deal from as far as
what has happened last of the
day before is that I was going
to stream actually did the
stream or frame, which rose from
312
three film at work by textile we
still have the setting for all
our radius turned and the Serna
playing tracheal, and recover
its content, a radio bridge and
I will be playing
on a Mac shooting of a planner
age game on a local radio and
can't
horribly frustrated from from
some games that, when the two to
watch her play themselves
specially marked a buyer for
instance us are planning another
similar to the follies of get
over it
there's no way in hell people
are in a may keep when I came
into the spot for me I have to
play it
that can add down nests that the
keyless
but
at this means I know what I need
a plane to get myself infuriated
on
for those who want to know where
our network and working well,
did well as you know it's like
they are secondhand, thrift
store kind of thing they take
their nations, if you and us to
most likely run into a 1211:
in some way because as many
different corporate
, corporate to
groups in different parts the
world and I work and one of an
Orinda
and we're all of you and
"be aware that we'd say people
industries of the Columbia
Willamette
dressing up five times fast on
my work there is actually become
another interesting because
I was told by one specialist for
my feet because and constant
flow and what to do any further
from their cell on thing about
trying to seek other work
without warning for buying
store Manager Kam that I don't
wanna do
but only way many of the two
weaknesses if I have another
implement the Caribbean of
places can reduce my work, one
on my feet
, preferably best job or a
minor, warehouse job that pays a
lot more than a work less powers
meaning that I'd be on my feet
for alas that would normally be
and possibly do more paperwork
because of your
own hole to be a vigil at the
manager position at a job
because I'm actually very
freezing, efficient with
micromanaging
and
bits, interesting because I keep
on try to stop myself are
micromanaging because Tenneco
and honest lead were supervisor
working there but everyone
missed lay-up gave us do that,
you can be more fishing here,
nor fishing here
and sometimes I just bought
myself over the place where we
needed the most like all the
small stuff that insecurity need
to stop and you are usually one
tries to do it so we're on track
and we don't overwhelm the
specific areas specialist summer
coming up is coming. They're
so that is something else and
run with fortunes that run from
a job com DJ in a small site
than I can happen with me, even
though I do have a studio
microphone
separates quality but you can
hear me the sole time so
possibly you like it a quality
is less few pockets and then
recipients because of that
from
so far all of the radio this
growth we've done by the time of
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motivation in me so happy to
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Syria are not that far away, to
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that could be better but are you
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honestly and begins more rage
cost of the special no rating as
I like to know range only been
very very angry, and to bring
action, isn't it the largest
rest of the especially abundant
rain view sent to do about the
workers on his breaking ball out
when a woman in a
relaxed way
so
on thank you all for listening
in this broadcast, for review
and soon a boss in the next few
days of memory is a regular
thing because I currently have a
position and
mentioned are comfortable to do
strange more often on
for those who are worried don't
being com I actually don't
, I actually this is how I
manage my own
, motions and
get myself out of depression
because I've always
announcements of railing sell it
to worry about than to worry
about it, not that bad, usually
when I get that I will I will
contact the necessary people
tell me
but I do appreciate your concern
if you have any
com you can now be the common
talk about, and the situation
you go with any family members
that have passed away there are
close to
I do like to know your story and
possibly able to
a comment on anything that