Luka knelt and licked the rim of the pubechair. It tasted like peaches and made her enlarged clitoris quiver. This was certainly a stool woven of her discarded pubes. That was that. She knew now the situation she was in, or at the least, had some sort of grasp on the peril at hand. Luka was used to dealing with fans... This was another story. This was something that she absolutely knew she could not contain if left unchecked. The beast turned and met her gaze. It was the first time she looked the manbaby in the eye and she was now certain, more than ever, that her very worst fears had been realized. This was no mere mortal man. This was no fan, nor was it a fanatic. It was... a weeaboo.

"Ohayo, Luka-chan," the mouthbreather said.

"Okay, what's your name?" Luka asked.

"I--uh hold on," the manchild fumbled his maple spaghetti pancake mix. "Oh, they call me DEMO, b-but you can just call me Demo Deesy cus I'm my penis is easy," he thrusted his hips like a stupid idiot, why did I do that. I mean why did he do that.

The manbaby reached up into his sleeve and held out a finger as if to say "just one moment." He scrambled around up inside the armpit of his NERV shirt that he wore all the time because he was a huge Evangelion fan but like he wasn't pretentious or anything, he just really liked it. Luka was growing impatient. He was getting nervous, but he could feel the sharp edges of his limited edition Japanese holographic Charizard that he got off of eBay for $24 USD and pulled it out of his shirt at break neck speed like a lone samurai of great Nippon drawing his katana, splashing Luka in the face with a modest reserve of armpit sweat.

"Is THIS your card!?" The man shouted with authority.

"No, you fucking idiot."

"Oh, I--well most people think that first gen was the bes--"

"Do you have a car, or something? I need to get home."

"N-No."

"Okay well do you have an extra bed or something?"

"We can play Xbox One, the all in one inclusive gaming and entertainment system complete with Skype and NFL Sunday Ticket."

Luka's surmounting anger outweighed her pity. She was not far from her breaking point when she remembered something peculiar. Upon leaving the market that day with her Oreos and an entire roast ham that she had eaten half of and stored the rest within her spacious anal cavity, she received a mysterious phone call. When she answered, there was nothing but static which eventually segued into heavy breathing. Breathing that sounded a lot like this man's. She eyed him with hostility and he thrusted his hips once more. Why was he thrusting his hips? Did he think it made him look cool? Because it made him look really stupid and I think it's a defensive mechanism or something. The blizzard began to let up and Luka asked if she could go outside since he had the keys and had barred the door.

"But Luka, it's Christmas. Aishiteru," I pleaded with her. But she did not want to listen because she was being a tsundere, not a bitch, a tsundere, because she's not some 3DPD and thus can't be a bitch.

"You make me want to commit Sudoku," she said, but didn't mean.

I lunged for her belly button but she ninja flipped over my massive bear shoulders (I had been lifting a lot recently, she was mirin') because she's from Japan and I fell and almost drowned in the maple syrup spaghetti ocean that had been silently accumulating in the center of the room. Luka was hanging from the ceiling. The entire room was filling with maple spaghetti. Luka begged me to open the door, but I just couldn't let her go, and really sad piano music started playing. For some reason Luka took off her boots and held them above her head which didn't make a whole lot of sense to me but whatever, women, am I right fellas? So we started drowning and lo and behold Luka's anal cavity is actually way larger than I had anticipated. Along with half a roast ham, she began swallowing up all of the maplesketti and nearly sucked me in as well. I may have actually tried to get in and she closed the butt portal before I could enter.

Luka kneed me in the chin and stole my key and ran for the door. I was down and out for the most part, but I could still form words. And I knew that whatever words I formed would be imperative to keeping my waifu by my side.

"CONJUNCTION JUNCTION WHATS YOUR FUNCTION?"

But it was too late. Luka had pulled over because that ass was too fat, and buttblasted my syrupghetti all over the forest before running for the hills. I wasn't even the ichigo to her shortcake, while she was the entire doki doki to my kokoro. My soul wept and I thought of one last sick ass rhyme to leave with the world before meeting my demise, as the weight of my own autism would surely crush the very life out of me.

Just a shy guy.
You were my senpai.
And I know that I'm to blame.

Just a cool guy.
Who wants your hair pie.
And as I lay here, feeling shame.

I wonder why.
As I'm soon to die.
That you just lost The Game.