WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.040 DARK SOUL! 00:00:01.420 --> 00:00:04.780 Now, the IGN guide says that Deprived is the most powerful class, 00:00:05.040 --> 00:00:07.180 I don't believe in handicapping myself 00:00:07.280 --> 00:00:08.300 with this bullshit. 00:00:11.240 --> 00:00:12.400 "In the Age of....-" 00:00:12.400 --> 00:00:14.880 Who gives a shit, it's an RPG, boys. 00:00:15.160 --> 00:00:16.040 Story doesn't matter. 00:00:16.320 --> 00:00:18.320 It's ALL about the action baby. 00:00:18.520 --> 00:00:19.960 Now let's get down to business. 00:00:21.220 --> 00:00:24.040 Eww! That's-ew! That's me?! 00:00:24.040 --> 00:00:27.480 If I was a rapper, I'd be the rapper "Ratman" 00:00:27.480 --> 00:00:30.040 What the fuck is wrong with my guy? 00:00:30.040 --> 00:00:32.040 I'm dead even before the game starts. 00:00:33.580 --> 00:00:36.720 Oh, that's the first- that's the first enemy. 00:00:36.720 --> 00:00:38.720 Oh blah blah blah beh bah bah bah. 00:00:38.720 --> 00:00:40.140 Yes. 00:00:40.140 --> 00:00:42.140 *bleh bleh regrettably bleh bleh...* 00:00:43.480 --> 00:00:45.980 Shut the fuck up! Jesus Christ! 00:00:45.980 --> 00:00:47.680 This guy never stops! 00:00:47.680 --> 00:00:49.680 -and killed him in one hit. 00:00:49.680 --> 00:00:51.680 Uh, the game is too easy, kids. 00:00:51.680 --> 00:00:54.360 You're going to need a harder game if you wanna get past Dunk. 00:00:54.360 --> 00:00:55.180 That's all I'm saying. 00:00:55.180 --> 00:00:57.180 Firelink Shrine 00:00:58.160 --> 00:00:59.960 Bleh! What do we have here? 00:00:59.960 --> 00:01:00.980 Bleh bleh bleh bleh bleh! 00:01:00.980 --> 00:01:01.880 What do we have here? 00:01:01.880 --> 00:01:03.880 Whadda we a little BITCH! 00:01:03.880 --> 00:01:05.880 Awwww....no 00:01:06.880 --> 00:01:07.880 IGN tricked me. 00:01:08.560 --> 00:01:09.800 The best class is the... 00:01:10.040 --> 00:01:11.560 The Armor... smith. 00:01:13.220 --> 00:01:14.140 Uh oh! 00:01:15.300 --> 00:01:15.800 Fuck! 00:01:16.280 --> 00:01:17.220 He keeps coming after me, 00:01:17.340 --> 00:01:18.080 He never stops! 00:01:18.660 --> 00:01:19.160 Wut?! 00:01:20.580 --> 00:01:22.040 Ah! Dammit! He's still alive. 00:01:22.740 --> 00:01:24.740 *laughter* Here we go. 00:01:25.760 --> 00:01:27.100 En garde, my liege 00:01:27.460 --> 00:01:28.700 HEE... YAH! 00:01:29.060 --> 00:01:29.560 HOO! 00:01:30.300 --> 00:01:32.300 See ya! You fucking amateur! 00:01:32.620 --> 00:01:33.180 Bah! 00:01:34.500 --> 00:01:35.820 I guess you can say he's *FIRED*! 00:01:35.960 --> 00:01:37.540 Most people don't know how to make this jump, 00:01:37.640 --> 00:01:39.220 I am not most people... 00:01:43.760 --> 00:01:45.760 (....Guess you can say I'm fired....) 00:01:45.800 --> 00:01:47.080 This is the best part of the whole game, 00:01:47.360 --> 00:01:49.100 We're just killin' the tables. 00:01:49.840 --> 00:01:50.340 -The ROCK. 00:01:50.900 --> 00:01:55.500 Is cookin' *laugh* open the door, open the door! *laugh* oh god... 00:01:56.400 --> 00:01:57.820 He can't make it out. 00:01:57.820 --> 00:01:59.820 He can't even make it out of his own door! 00:02:00.120 --> 00:02:00.660 You fucking idiot! 00:02:01.960 --> 00:02:03.540 You fucking amateur! 00:02:04.120 --> 00:02:06.000 You can't even make it out of your own door. 00:02:06.100 --> 00:02:07.200 You asshole! 00:02:07.200 --> 00:02:09.200 *laughing* 00:02:09.640 --> 00:02:10.660 Oh, man. 00:02:10.660 --> 00:02:12.360 This game is not hard! 00:02:12.360 --> 00:02:13.900 This game is for little kids. I can fuc- 00:02:14.020 --> 00:02:14.880 Look at this, 00:02:14.880 --> 00:02:16.720 He can't even make it out it's own- 00:02:18.860 --> 00:02:20.860 Taurus Demon is a powerful boss. 00:02:21.680 --> 00:02:22.440 Powerful- OH 00:02:23.000 --> 00:02:25.060 Fffuck yooou! 00:02:25.540 --> 00:02:27.640 [Soul Edge Narrator] The legend will never die. 00:02:28.400 --> 00:02:30.800 BWEH! Killed him in one hit. 00:02:30.800 --> 00:02:32.900 Business as usual, folks. 00:02:33.000 --> 00:02:35.200 I should be the IGN Guide. 00:02:35.440 --> 00:02:37.000 -Can't wield it. 00:02:37.200 --> 00:02:37.760 Like I - 00:02:37.960 --> 00:02:38.460 W- 00:02:38.960 --> 00:02:40.180 Two damage?! 00:02:42.800 --> 00:02:44.300 Got you now! 00:02:44.300 --> 00:02:46.300 Jesus Christ! 00:02:46.300 --> 00:02:47.900 I don't wanna see that shit! 00:02:48.000 --> 00:02:49.340 Almost there... 00:02:50.700 --> 00:02:52.700 Almost there... 00:02:54.020 --> 00:02:56.020 Almost there... 00:02:56.940 --> 00:02:58.940 Almost got him... 00:02:59.160 --> 00:03:01.020 That- Aw... 00:03:01.020 --> 00:03:02.600 The Capra Demon 00:03:02.620 --> 00:03:05.320 Can be one of the most intimidating bosses in Demon's Souls 00:03:05.720 --> 00:03:07.900 Unless you kill him in one hit like I- 00:03:08.400 --> 00:03:10.400 How is your...rump roast? 00:03:11.240 --> 00:03:14.900 Kee- Wam- Pow! Just butchered that guy 00:03:15.200 --> 00:03:15.700 Get it!? 00:03:15.700 --> 00:03:17.820 Twitch whatchu doing in jail?! 00:03:17.820 --> 00:03:19.520 Summoning phantom... 00:03:20.460 --> 00:03:23.800 Game, you've been summoning phantom for about three hours now... 00:03:24.460 --> 00:03:24.960 I'm trying to just- 00:03:25.200 --> 00:03:26.220 Summon Holy Hecarim, 00:03:26.320 --> 00:03:28.320 Summon Barack Obama, 00:03:28.500 --> 00:03:30.800 Summon fucking Bill Clinton, Chewbacca! 00:03:30.800 --> 00:03:31.680 I don't give a fuck! 00:03:31.760 --> 00:03:36.260 You've been summoning phantom since the Phantom Menace came out back in 1926! 00:03:37.240 --> 00:03:39.240 On -fucking on the caveman walls! 00:03:39.280 --> 00:03:41.240 Fine, fine, I'll do by myself. 00:03:41.660 --> 00:03:45.540 I do by my-I-I-I-I-I-I-I'll do by myself 00:03:46.180 --> 00:03:46.780 I'll do by myself. 00:03:47.040 --> 00:03:49.200 Ram-da-dada-da-da.....Pause the game one second. 00:03:50.100 --> 00:03:55.560 Uhh, Time out, let's just apply the Gold Pine Resin to my sword. 00:03:55.560 --> 00:03:59.320 And that'll kill the Gaping Dragon in one hit. 00:03:59.320 --> 00:04:01.520 And nobody was surprised. 00:04:01.580 --> 00:04:04.540 This is how the game was meant to be experienced, 00:04:05.460 --> 00:04:06.540 Here we go! 00:04:07.040 --> 00:04:09.000 I think there's somebody chasing me. 00:04:09.440 --> 00:04:11.040 I have no idea of what's happenin- 00:04:11.100 --> 00:04:12.240 A BUTTERFLY?! 00:04:12.240 --> 00:04:15.080 What am I? A seven-year-old girl?! 00:04:15.500 --> 00:04:17.220 Put on a real man's game, 00:04:17.220 --> 00:04:20.360 Like Ghouls 'n' Ghost- now this is- now this is a hard game, okay? 00:04:20.360 --> 00:04:24.080 And is a challengin- NOPE! Nope. Demon's Souls! 00:04:24.080 --> 00:04:26.500 I'll summon a Co-Op partner for this part. 00:04:26.500 --> 00:04:27.440 Get it guys? 00:04:27.440 --> 00:04:29.440 What the hell? It worked! 00:04:30.340 --> 00:04:31.680 Right this way, partner. 00:04:31.680 --> 00:04:33.680 EEEEEW! God. 00:04:33.680 --> 00:04:35.680 EEEEEEW, GROSS! 00:04:36.820 --> 00:04:37.680 Yuck! 00:04:37.680 --> 00:04:38.500 Oh no! 00:04:39.420 --> 00:04:41.620 I'll never be able to defeat Molten Man. 00:04:42.000 --> 00:04:42.500 Yah! 00:04:43.220 --> 00:04:44.920 Unless he just- keeps his hand here 00:04:46.080 --> 00:04:46.920 Byah! Wha- 00:04:47.820 --> 00:04:48.320 Huh?! 00:04:49.360 --> 00:04:51.360 I really did kill that guy in one hit! 00:04:51.360 --> 00:04:54.240 Heh, Hih! This broken-ass game! 00:04:54.240 --> 00:04:58.560 Nobody mind me, I am just a, baby egg! 00:04:58.560 --> 00:05:00.560 Awaiting for my mother to pick m- 00:05:00.560 --> 00:05:02.560 (whispering) He's fallen for it, guys! 00:05:02.560 --> 00:05:04.560 (laughter) 00:05:04.560 --> 00:05:08.000 *laugh* YOU ID- I'M NOT AN EGG AT ALL! HAHAHAHAHAHA 00:05:08.000 --> 00:05:10.000 You're a wizard, Dark Souls. 00:05:10.000 --> 00:05:13.260 Here I am, where I first fought the first boss, 00:05:14.020 --> 00:05:18.960 Ragnarok, and now I have to fight his brother, Stray Dre- 00:05:19.460 --> 00:05:21.040 He killed ME in one hit! 00:05:21.300 --> 00:05:22.760 "Yer a ringwraith Dark-" 00:05:22.760 --> 00:05:23.480 *Unintelligible* 00:05:23.480 --> 00:05:24.300 Bunny. 00:05:24.880 --> 00:05:25.480 BITCH! 00:05:26.600 --> 00:05:28.600 Uh-Oh! Busted. 00:05:28.600 --> 00:05:32.700 Oh- (laugh) 00:05:32.700 --> 00:05:45.180 *rambling the Indiana Jones theme* 00:05:45.180 --> 00:05:47.180 We called the dog India- 00:05:47.180 --> 00:05:52.060 (Music that plays when opening a chest in TLOZ) 00:05:52.360 --> 00:05:56.980 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! 00:05:57.600 --> 00:05:58.580 *gruhn* 00:05:59.560 --> 00:06:01.060 GRRRR- FUCK YOU! 00:06:01.740 --> 00:06:03.900 Oh- Now I pissed 'im off. 00:06:03.900 --> 00:06:06.740 Ha Haaa, come to daddy! 00:06:07.140 --> 00:06:09.140 The Covetous Serpent's Ring 00:06:09.480 --> 00:06:10.060 Finally, 00:06:10.060 --> 00:06:11.640 in my possession. 00:06:12.600 --> 00:06:13.560 Whoa... 00:06:14.600 --> 00:06:15.820 For ME?! 00:06:17.880 --> 00:06:18.580 Oh 00:06:19.560 --> 00:06:20.800 Oh, no. 00:06:21.300 --> 00:06:22.700 Oh my GAWD! 00:06:22.700 --> 00:06:24.700 I can't even get up! 00:06:24.700 --> 00:06:26.700 Let me heal- Just let me heal? Ok... 00:06:27.020 --> 00:06:29.020 Lemme get up, lemme get up, lemme get up, lemme get up- 00:06:29.020 --> 00:06:30.820 You SHIT dog. 00:06:30.820 --> 00:06:32.820 The weakness is, you gotta get under the dog. 00:06:32.820 --> 00:06:34.820 You just roll under, like this- 00:06:35.500 --> 00:06:36.720 COCKSUCKER! 00:06:38.260 --> 00:06:40.260 Got'em now, here we go, here we go- 00:06:40.260 --> 00:06:41.540 Shtrike the legs! 00:06:41.540 --> 00:06:42.840 Aww, he's limping! 00:06:42.840 --> 00:06:44.300 Awwwww. 00:06:44.300 --> 00:06:45.700 Did somebody hurt you- 00:06:45.700 --> 00:06:49.640 Get over 'ere, you LITTLE FUCKER! YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT DOG, I HATE YOU! 00:06:49.640 --> 00:06:52.020 I HATE YOU! WOOOO!