WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

00:00:07.327 --> 00:00:09.338
[Screeching tires]

00:00:11.004 --> 00:00:13.782
♪  ♪

00:00:15.300 --> 00:00:18.300
 [phone ring]

00:00:18.928 --> 00:00:21.387
Gwaa! Bwaa! What?! What?
Oh.

00:00:22.114 --> 00:00:24.301
Scout, it's Pauling.
Tell me you got the briefcase.

00:00:24.444 --> 00:00:25.344
Yeah sure.

00:00:25.474 --> 00:00:27.168
And nobody saw you?

00:00:27.264 --> 00:00:29.590
Ah. Basically nobody.

00:00:29.658 --> 00:00:30.875
Scout, I'm here right now.

00:00:31.409 --> 00:00:32.653
Well, that's a funny story...

00:00:32.666 --> 00:00:35.901
Hello, Mrs. Pauling!
We killed everyone and took a briefcase!

00:00:36.219 --> 00:00:39.250
Not everybody, Soldier.
You left seven witnesses, guys.

00:00:39.385 --> 00:00:40.086
[Gunshot]

00:00:40.351 --> 00:00:41.409
Six.

00:00:45.088 --> 00:00:47.176
Pauling :
Look, just keep the briefcase safe, okay?

00:00:47.309 --> 00:00:48.645
Have a good weekend, guys.

00:00:48.804 --> 00:00:51.245
Goodbye, Mrs. Pauling!
I'm leaving the van now!

00:00:51.344 --> 00:00:53.036
Bye bye. Okay then.

00:00:53.277 --> 00:00:55.859
Hey, hey, Mrs. Pauling!
 Before you go. Ahh—

00:00:57.027 --> 00:00:59.266
[Scout stammering]

00:00:59.425 --> 00:01:00.556
Scout. What? Say something.

00:01:00.774 --> 00:01:04.575
You're probably real
busy this weekend, right?

00:01:04.703 --> 00:01:06.130
Funny you should mention that. Um.

00:01:06.209 --> 00:01:09.622
Looks like I will be
burying bodies all weekend.

00:01:09.781 --> 00:01:11.289
So that you don't go to jail.

00:01:11.349 --> 00:01:14.162
Oh g-good. So we're both busy.

00:01:17.678 --> 00:01:18.868
[sirens]

00:01:18.908 --> 00:01:20.297
Oh. Got to go.

00:01:22.440 --> 00:01:25.590
Lot of people busy with business.

00:01:25.699 --> 00:01:27.855
SPY:
Asking out that dial tone again, I see.

00:01:27.921 --> 00:01:28.861
Go to hell, Spy!

00:01:34.161 --> 00:01:37.654
Hey, look at all this.
What have you two eggheads been workin' on?

00:01:39.034 --> 00:01:40.288
Nice catch.

00:01:40.971 --> 00:01:45.004
Yeah. Listen. Ah... We've been running some
experiments on the teleporter.

00:01:45.162 --> 00:01:47.599
Well yeah.
Y'all ought a take a look at this.

00:01:47.773 --> 00:01:49.654
[Teleporter sounds]

00:01:52.038 --> 00:01:53.894
Scout:
Wow. You can teleport bread.

00:01:53.927 --> 00:01:57.196
That is. Big news. Um.
Is the Demo back with the beer yet?

00:01:57.529 --> 00:02:00.164
Whaaaa! What the hell is that?!

00:02:00.641 --> 00:02:01.413
Tumors.

00:02:03.569 --> 00:02:05.442
Y'all know what this means right?

00:02:05.673 --> 00:02:06.696
Soldier:
Ahhhhhhh!

00:02:06.718 --> 00:02:09.543
We cannot teleport bread anymore!

00:02:09.668 --> 00:02:12.603
Engineer:
Whoa! Whoa... Not exactly, Soldier.

00:02:12.652 --> 00:02:15.263
You teleport as much bread as you like.

00:02:15.993 --> 00:02:17.081
That goes for all of ya.

00:02:17.543 --> 00:02:21.012
If there's something any of y'all
wanted to do before you—

00:02:21.297 --> 00:02:25.309
Well. Died.
Now would be a good time.

00:02:26.046 --> 00:02:28.949
Spy:
How long before these tumors kill us?

00:02:29.083 --> 00:02:33.417
Well, let's see. We all use the
teleporter let's say six times a day.

00:02:33.495 --> 00:02:36.988
Times four years.
Minus we're not bread. Hmm.

00:02:37.747 --> 00:02:40.594
Three days. Yes.
We all have—

00:02:40.626 --> 00:02:42.459
three days to live!

00:02:44.430 --> 00:02:49.138
Wooooooooooooo!! Wooooo! Woo.

00:02:50.778 --> 00:02:51.459
What?

00:03:00.029 --> 00:03:02.429
Spy: This is a bucket.

00:03:02.694 --> 00:03:03.851
 Dear god.

00:03:03.975 --> 00:03:04.810
There's more.

00:03:04.935 --> 00:03:06.092
No!

00:03:06.597 --> 00:03:09.659
It contains the dying wish
of every man here.

00:03:10.486 --> 00:03:13.540
Scout. You did collect
everyone's dying wish?

00:03:13.729 --> 00:03:14.454
You bet!

00:03:14.671 --> 00:03:18.525
Excellent. Gentlemen, synchronize
your death watches.

00:03:19.058 --> 00:03:20.495
[beeps]

00:03:21.333 --> 00:03:26.313
We have seventy hours to live.
For most men no time at all.

00:03:27.097 --> 00:03:29.684
We are not most men.

00:03:30.043 --> 00:03:35.370
We are mercenaries. We
have the resources. The will.

00:03:35.370 --> 00:03:37.320
To make these hours count!

00:03:38.436 --> 00:03:42.146
The clock is ticking, gentlemen.
Let's begin.

00:03:43.497 --> 00:03:47.917
Our first dying wish is Scout's. He's—

00:03:47.977 --> 00:03:51.449
drawn a picture of
me getting hit by a car.

00:03:51.960 --> 00:03:54.480
I have something radiating off of me.

00:03:54.624 --> 00:03:57.590
Yeah, those are stink lines. That's why
the car hit him. Cause he smells.

00:03:57.868 --> 00:04:00.160
Yes I see. Here you've drawn
me having—

00:04:00.179 --> 00:04:02.665
sexual congress with the Eiffel Tower.

00:04:02.844 --> 00:04:05.749
The Eiffel Tower having
sexual congress with me.

00:04:05.941 --> 00:04:08.560
Both of us relaxing post-coitus.

00:04:08.750 --> 00:04:09.655
[silent mouthing]

00:04:09.786 --> 00:04:12.841
I'm crying and the Eiffel tower has stink
lines coming off of it.

00:04:12.960 --> 00:04:15.817
Did anyone besides Scout put a
 card into the bucket?!

00:04:16.214 --> 00:04:17.602
Scout:  Classic scout.
[giggling]

00:04:17.643 --> 00:04:20.619
Fantastic. This was a huge
waste of my time.

00:04:20.698 --> 00:04:21.690
You did not read mine.

00:04:21.968 --> 00:04:23.595
[Sigh] Does it say you want the bucket?

00:04:23.655 --> 00:04:24.195
Yes!

00:04:27.032 --> 00:04:29.096
See you all in hell!

00:04:38.689 --> 00:04:39.641
[Gasp]

00:04:51.182 --> 00:04:52.710
[Door knock]

00:04:53.206 --> 00:04:54.138
Go away.

00:04:55.212 --> 00:04:58.129
Hey, ah, got a second?

00:04:58.347 --> 00:05:01.541
Oh, Scout. Please.
Go [bleep] yourself.

00:05:01.713 --> 00:05:05.668
Yeah. Hey that's, that's funny.
Um. Anyway I—

00:05:05.728 --> 00:05:06.522
[Scream]

00:05:06.581 --> 00:05:09.418
Wait! Wait! Wait! Ow.
Come on, Spy.

00:05:09.498 --> 00:05:12.514
I'm wedging my head through a door here
to tell you I'm sorry.

00:05:14.596 --> 00:05:15.866
Make it quick.

00:05:16.822 --> 00:05:20.611
So I did write down a last wish.

00:05:21.127 --> 00:05:26.068
I'd, ahh. I'd like to
go on a date with Mrs. Pauling.

00:05:26.472 --> 00:05:28.488
You? You're terrible with girls.

00:05:28.627 --> 00:05:32.129
What? No. No. No. Spy, look at this.

00:05:32.348 --> 00:05:35.323
And this. And this here.
Spy, look at all of this.

00:05:35.403 --> 00:05:37.605
Heh. No. I'm great with girls.

00:05:37.705 --> 00:05:39.567
We got buckets of chicken.
Wanna do it?

00:05:39.647 --> 00:05:40.301
Eh. Okay.

00:05:40.400 --> 00:05:44.666
You, Spy. You are amazing with ladies.

00:05:44.944 --> 00:05:49.249
You know, classy ones. The kind that
smell good and can read.

00:05:49.348 --> 00:05:52.821
And always have their glasses on just
kind of crooked. You know?

00:05:52.940 --> 00:05:54.984
The ones that don't go for a guy like me.

00:05:55.301 --> 00:05:58.053
Hmm, and why is that, do you think?

00:05:58.655 --> 00:05:59.964
C'mon, Spy, I don't know.

00:05:59.964 --> 00:06:02.900
Well, a mystery we will take
to our graves then. Goodbye.

00:06:03.289 --> 00:06:04.699
Wait. Wait. Ah. [Sigh]

00:06:04.897 --> 00:06:10.673
Okay. Look. Fine.
Spy. This never leaves this room. [Sigh]

00:06:11.169 --> 00:06:15.782
You are better than me. All right?
I need your help.

00:06:17.020 --> 00:06:19.798
I'll do it on one condition.

00:06:21.839 --> 00:06:26.085
[Mic re-verb]

00:06:26.621 --> 00:06:29.041
Say that again.

00:06:46.987 --> 00:06:47.920
Seduce me.

00:06:50.043 --> 00:06:50.757
You?

00:06:50.956 --> 00:06:52.028
Seduce me.

00:06:52.167 --> 00:06:53.813
What, Spy? I ain't gonna...

00:06:53.831 --> 00:06:54.783
Seduce me!

00:06:54.982 --> 00:06:56.906
Right. Right. Okay.

00:07:00.180 --> 00:07:04.009
Hey there, good lookin'.
I got a bucket of chicken.

00:07:04.148 --> 00:07:07.243
I'm not one of your friend chicken tramps!

00:07:07.367 --> 00:07:11.494
I'm a woman. I like my men dangerous.
Mysterious.

00:07:11.613 --> 00:07:15.284
You want to be my lover?! Earn it.
Seduce me!

00:07:16.512 --> 00:07:55.400
♪  ♪

00:07:58.363 --> 00:08:01.398
Spy: Final question. You have a dinner
date for seven.

00:08:01.935 --> 00:08:03.820
What time do you arrive?

00:08:04.276 --> 00:08:08.661
Seven. A.M. Case the restaurant, run
background checks on the staff.

00:08:08.760 --> 00:08:10.804
Can the cook be trusted? If not I got to
kill him.

00:08:10.943 --> 00:08:14.455
Dispose of the body, replace him with
my own guy, no later than 4:30.

00:08:15.776 --> 00:08:16.729
You're ready.

00:08:16.817 --> 00:08:17.509
Really?

00:08:17.679 --> 00:08:22.259
No. Everything you just said
was insane and we are out of time.

00:08:22.792 --> 00:08:25.298
Congratulations. You're a failure.

00:08:25.893 --> 00:08:29.136
Oh. I failed, did I?

00:08:29.295 --> 00:08:29.861
Yes.

00:08:30.001 --> 00:08:30.761
Did I?

00:08:30.874 --> 00:08:31.351
Yes.

00:08:31.475 --> 00:08:32.031
Did I?

00:08:32.054 --> 00:08:33.063
Scout, where is this going?

00:08:33.119 --> 00:08:36.316
Where it's going is I don't need you.
I'll put this date on myself.

00:08:37.031 --> 00:08:37.893
Yourself?

00:08:37.995 --> 00:08:39.979
That's right, fancy pants, myself.

00:08:40.312 --> 00:08:43.632
So why don't you take your little
failure, roll it up sideways and...

00:08:43.837 --> 00:08:45.175
Okay, crap, I got to go.

00:08:46.207 --> 00:08:47.159
Screw you though.

00:08:49.350 --> 00:08:53.387
[Alarms]

00:08:59.968 --> 00:09:00.796
Y'all ready?

00:09:01.057 --> 00:09:02.077
Ready!

00:09:11.332 --> 00:09:11.990
Oh.

00:09:12.159 --> 00:09:12.658
[roar]

00:09:12.727 --> 00:09:13.305
[scream]

00:09:14.450 --> 00:09:15.312
Ah hell.

00:09:19.992 --> 00:09:26.675
[Alarms]

00:09:28.101 --> 00:09:30.029
You're ready. All right.
[Deep breath]

00:09:31.367 --> 00:09:31.865
Ahhhh!

00:09:32.141 --> 00:09:35.543
Mrs. Pauling. What an unexpected surprise.

00:09:35.566 --> 00:09:39.081
They took the briefcase.
Don't worry, we can fix this.

00:09:39.331 --> 00:09:42.358
We'll get it back and the
Administrator never has to know.

00:09:42.630 --> 00:09:45.496
You look. You look...

00:09:45.984 --> 00:09:47.435
Ahhhh.

00:09:47.492 --> 00:09:48.274
Demo: Drunk!

00:09:48.411 --> 00:09:50.327
Soldier: Round! Soft! No, round!
Demo: Blurry!

00:09:50.417 --> 00:09:51.279
Ravishing.

00:09:51.313 --> 00:09:52.860
Pauling: Uh huh. You too.

00:09:53.076 --> 00:09:56.953
Hold on. That's the briefcase right there.
Scout, you...

00:09:57.484 --> 00:09:58.414
Are you having a prom?

00:09:59.423 --> 00:10:02.723
Yeah. Nah. Yeah ah. Well the.
Yeah, the thing is.

00:10:02.913 --> 00:10:06.994
Guys! Hey fellas, listen!
It's just bread that gets tumors.

00:10:07.029 --> 00:10:10.881
It's not even tumors. It's some
form of self aware beauty mark that—

00:10:10.915 --> 00:10:14.804
that only metastasizes
in an environment of pure wheat.

00:10:14.907 --> 00:10:15.928
Here, watch this.

00:10:16.832 --> 00:10:19.711
Oh look. It hates me so much.

00:10:19.757 --> 00:10:21.185
[laughing]

00:10:21.480 --> 00:10:25.686
So we're fine. As long
as nobody teleports any bread.

00:10:26.142 --> 00:10:26.853
Question.

00:10:26.933 --> 00:10:28.531
What's your question, Soldier?

00:10:28.791 --> 00:10:30.084
I teleported bread.

00:10:30.209 --> 00:10:30.833
What?

00:10:31.172 --> 00:10:31.910
You told me to.

00:10:32.318 --> 00:10:33.995
How much?

00:10:34.379 --> 00:10:36.703
I have done nothing but
teleport bread for three days.

00:10:36.763 --> 00:10:39.379
Where?! Where have you  been sending it?!

00:10:39.459 --> 00:10:42.067
[Rumble]

00:10:42.528 --> 00:10:47.791
Scout. I get one day off a year
and you just wasted it on—

00:10:48.925 --> 00:10:51.167
this! Goodbye.

00:10:51.213 --> 00:10:55.098
Wait! Wait! Wait! Ah. Why don't we
discuss it over diner?

00:10:55.189 --> 00:10:56.293
[Roar]

00:10:56.327 --> 00:10:57.711
What the hell is that?!

00:11:20.418 --> 00:11:21.654
Mrs. Pauling, run!

00:11:25.326 --> 00:11:26.346
Now, doctor!

00:12:06.572 --> 00:12:08.238
I think it's going pretty well.

00:12:09.599 --> 00:12:10.619
Now go.

00:12:10.861 --> 00:12:14.138
Hey, Mrs. Pauling. Oh, I am so sorry.

00:12:14.194 --> 00:12:17.155
God, Scout, what for? Pressing the
one button you're never supposed to press?

00:12:17.168 --> 00:12:19.049
Do you have any idea
what's in a briefcase that...

00:12:19.077 --> 00:12:20.169
Oh! Oh! Give me your watch!

00:12:20.285 --> 00:12:23.030
Yeah. Exactly. See that is where
 this all starts.

00:12:23.382 --> 00:12:24.584
No, actually wait...

00:12:24.619 --> 00:12:25.832
[Scream]

00:12:26.826 --> 00:12:30.344
Ha! Ha! Ha! I teleported bread!

00:12:37.232 --> 00:12:39.528
So that brings me to the point
of this story, which is I like you and—

00:12:39.528 --> 00:12:40.526
you should probably be sitting for this.

00:12:40.591 --> 00:12:43.379
Guys! Close the blast doors!

00:12:44.987 --> 00:12:47.198
Mrs. Pauling. Look, my last
few hours I just wanted...

00:12:47.800 --> 00:12:49.376
[Roar]

00:12:49.704 --> 00:12:50.691
Come on!

00:12:50.839 --> 00:12:52.142
Um. Never mind!

00:12:52.188 --> 00:12:53.050
Pauling: Run!

00:12:54.596 --> 00:12:55.435
Oh god!

00:13:26.073 --> 00:13:28.579
[Screaming]

00:13:37.850 --> 00:13:39.301
Ahhhh.

00:13:40.068 --> 00:13:43.409
Ah. Mrs. Pauling, you all right?

00:13:44.101 --> 00:13:45.780
I can't feel anything below my neck.

00:13:45.893 --> 00:13:46.415
Oh God.

00:13:46.913 --> 00:13:49.615
Oh. Now I can feel it. Ow. Ow.

00:13:49.695 --> 00:13:53.109
Oh God, I am so sorry. This is...

00:13:53.210 --> 00:13:56.886
That was so much fun.

00:13:56.977 --> 00:13:57.736
You're not mad?

00:13:57.826 --> 00:14:00.564
I was furious. Oh my God, you
set off the briefcase alarm and—

00:14:00.610 --> 00:14:03.172
you were having a prom for some reason.
 But then there was this monster and—

00:14:03.229 --> 00:14:04.790
we shot it and we built a bomb
and I think my leg's broken.

00:14:04.790 --> 00:14:05.447
Can we do this again?

00:14:05.493 --> 00:14:06.378
Yeah, sure.

00:14:06.854 --> 00:14:09.291
Wait, nah. We can't. I'm going to be dead.

00:14:09.588 --> 00:14:10.393
Wait, what?

00:14:10.472 --> 00:14:14.135
Good news! We're not dying!
We are going to live forever!

00:14:14.910 --> 00:14:18.742
I didn't say that!
I just said we're not filled with tumors!

00:14:19.088 --> 00:14:20.051
Oh thank god.

00:14:21.787 --> 00:14:24.463
So ya Mrs. Pauling. I guess it's a date.

00:14:24.633 --> 00:14:27.169
Actually this was my
only day off this year.

00:14:27.204 --> 00:14:27.567
Oh.

00:14:27.657 --> 00:14:29.785
Oh, but you can ride
along with me on some jobs.

00:14:31.210 --> 00:14:35.138
Pauling: Tomorrow I'm belt sanding the
finger prints off a pile of corpses.

00:14:35.207 --> 00:14:35.955
Scout: Ah. No.

00:14:36.024 --> 00:14:38.155
Pauling: Oh you can help me yank the molars
out of a box of heads.

00:14:38.265 --> 00:14:38.787
Scout: No to that.

00:14:39.285 --> 00:14:43.764
Well, on Friday I have to kill someone who
pressed a briefcase alarm button and...oh.

00:14:44.932 --> 00:14:46.135
You're already going to be at that one.