I expect no bugs I expect no bugs
*Laughs*
There will be no bugs in this game.
*Laughs* Why would you ever expect that?
There will be no bugs at all and it will be totally clean...
Unexpected the expected.
Nuh-uh, there will be no...
Um...
NPCs that spawn under water...
And... And... Yeah... You can talk to them
*NPC screams*
Yeah
Look at this sexy dame! And her stupid baby.
And her stupid baby ruining the shot!
Her stupid baby with his dumb haircut.
Yeah, that kid looks like me when I was that age, and then the nukes fell on me and I became what I am.
*Wilhelm scream*
Oh look, there's your wife.
I feel...
Like these are the two most boring looking people that have ever existed in the world
I think we can make boring-er. I think we can~
*Laughs*
*Jazz plays in the background*
Can- I just messed your fucking mouth up? Yeah, you get a giant upper lip.
And a s-
Oh no, not the whole-
Yank it! Yank it! Yank your stupid face.
Yeah, we're never going to adhere to boring guy rules. We've got to go big.
That's a bit better. That's a forehead.
That's, uh-
That's a forehead and a half.
Vegeta-like
Let's just throw ever single, fucking-
*Laughs* Why not?
Like, every single one and see what we get out of it. Oh yeah!
A lot of people in the bunker say we're a controversial couple...
That's... Yeah...
Because your guy- Because she beats me.
*Laughs*
*Jazz continues to play*
Ah! Good morning, sir!
Your coffee!
And!
Today's newspaper!
*Glass shatters*
Not interested...
Enjoy your coffee, sir!
*T.V. static*
*Some weird, old-timey Japanese show plays*
There's no news... More of the same with- Chinese are blowing up the Earth again.
Ah! *Baby crying* Sound's like someone made a stinky.
Oh no! Our baby shat its pants!
*Door bell rings*
Good morning!
Just get out of my fucking face sales-man. I don't want Bell Internet.
No! No worrys, sir. No worries at all, I'm not selling anything.
Not today...
I'm here today, to tell you, that because of your family's service to our country...
You have been pre-selected for entrance into the local vault!
Vault "one-eleven"
It should be vault "one-twelve". Go away.
Come on, hun, It's just a little paperwork. Let him fill it out, and it's done.
*Smacks* God, you stay out of this!
*Punched*
*Crash*
Jeez...
Why do your pants gotta be so high, girl?
I said "No!"
*Punches wall*
Well, can't go wrong with "Fuckface". (No) How do you want to make your stats?
Oh...
Who gives a shit, let's make him all luck... Luck and strength...
Lucky- He's lucky- He's lucky that he's so strong
He's lucky that he's so strong~ *Laughs*
And then, uh...
Mr. Fuckface! If I may...
Shaun requires your personal attention.
A boy needs his father, after all.
Oh, man...
You heard Codsworth, go on...
Fine, Mrs. Fuckface~
Oh my god, I hope the baby's like a fucking mutant.
Aww, it's like "No, I wanted the damn-"
SHAAAAAAAAUN!!!
Yeah, there we go.
It's th- Yeah, I see how it is.
Noone likes babies
*Laughs*
I was "I just took a long flight where I saw some women that really disliked their babies."
"Oh no, I wish I could throw this baby out the window of this airplane."
"I wish I could shove this back in."
You okay?
Didn't forget how to handle the baby, did we?
How ya doin', Fuckface?
I'm going to spin this fucking mobile.
Spin the mobile!
I'm doing it.
Remember Shawn, never play games on mobile. Never.
Sir? Mum? You should come and see this...
*Nuclear sirens and emergency broadcast plays*
*Screaming and panic*
Oh my god! Yeah ye-yeah
Everything's great. Everyone, run.
The Fuckface family will make it.
We will survive!
We're going to do it. And our glorious, fuckfaced Shaun-baby.
Look how fast...
...Fuckface can run. *Maniacal laughter*
I can run so fast- Wow, I can lose my wife and child this way.
*Nuclear explosion ensues*
Oh no! My character should be completely blind.
Right now... *Laughs*
Nah, it's okay.
Like, he only got a little whiff of it.
I mean we're all pre-order... pff-pre-order... We're all pre-war babies.
Yeah, we're all- we're all pre-order babies. *laughs*
Would you like to put a-a-a- would you like to have a protection plan on your baby?
Uh... n-no...
It's just for three dollars, though.
*Tense music*
Now give us your frozen pops-a-baby... baby-sickle...
No, we need it.
*headshot*
Well, that was a mistake... *Rips up insurance papers*
SHAAAAAUN!!!
Nooooooo~ Frozen dead lady...
*Machinery noises*
I can save you from your bullet shot wound in your fa-
*Crash*
Ooh...
Oh it's- Yeah.
This is- Think about Shaun.
Oh, Shaun's such a shit.
*Laughs*
I'll get Shaun back for you.
*Bug noises*
*Crunch*
I can kill you, you fucking roaches, with my fists. Fuckin- Look at all that
Look at all that nuclear blood goo.
I'm a fucking man. Yeah.
Take that you fuck.
God, I looked too fast and I thought, instead of rad-roaches...
...it said papa-roach.
Yeah, that's what I was supposed to take it at, it's gonna get us.
...Fighting all these roaches, and they'd be like:
"Cut my life into pieces!"
*Crunch* Oh, wait, we're they English?
No, but that's how he sung it. Oh, okay.
"This is my last resort!"
God...
Aww, a cool skeleton! Activate him!
Yeah, he's been working really hard at this hospital. How hard?
To the bone~
Fuck off...
Yeah...
I should.
If I'm born or alive during it... Yeah?
Like, I'm still not going to do things if I find that they're too icky or gooey.
Yeah...
*Chill guitar plays*
As I live and breath!
*Sigh of relief* Oh, it's...
It's really you-
*smash*
That that, you fuck.
Aww, this is the complicated dumb shit.
Oh yeah, you gotta build our, fucking, super-cool base.
Yeah, I'm not good at that.
Let's scrap that whole stove.
Just fucking tear up my whole life.
Just, fucking whatever.
My fridge? I don't need that.
Why- I don't need that either.
Sir, why did you make your baby crib by the water heater?
Eeh, save some money...
Yeah, it heats the baby, it heats the house.
Heat the baby~ T-two birds with one stone.
Heat the baby~
Sir, I don't think your baby needs to hit 200 degrees.
Yeah, well... Don't tell me how to run my life.
Don't tell me how to raise my kid. ...Raise my child.
If I want my fucking baby to be 200 degrees, you aint telling me what for.
*Explosion* IT'S CALL OF DUTY DOG!!!
*bark*
Oh man...
Hey dog!
*bark*
Good, I was like...
"What time until dog?"
I'll be sweeping up the floors later.
*crunch*
*Optimistic music plays*
Come on, littlest hobo, go bring me that sniper rifle.
Do it, do a good job.
Oh please, I need it.
I guess I'll just follow him then, I guess. He knows where to go.
*Thunk*
No he doesn't, he was- Uh, or he's going to slightly...
...be on a weird angle
Good job, dog.
*bark*
*Stealth music plays*
It's not fair! I helped whack the guy, I should get a share.
Come on. I just want a little taste.
Bother someone else.
Come ooooon... You'd promised you'd share!
*Action music and punching sounds*
Get some, motherfucker!
*Punching continues*
I'm gonna tear your fucking throat out.
Oh god...
I-I'm looking at a...
...a god-damn painting of Cal's body.
Oh god...
What the hell did I do to him?
Don't think about it stay calm. It wasn't your fault. You did what you had to do.
Wait, I'm detected by who?
Uh... By sunlight?
Oh shit... I don't know.
Hey! You shouldn't be here!
*Gunshots*
Like the Mario 3 sun.
You see me human? This is your death!
Fuck!
*mini-nuke explosion*
Well, we're- YEAAAAH!
Fuckfac- ooooh...
Fuckface bit the fuck.
Look at this piece of shit.
It's a piece of shit.
We just strapped a tube to a bit of chainsaw.
I don't give a fuck what that thing is-
Ah, shit!
*Unrepentant jazz music plays*
YOU DIE NOW, HUMAN!!!
*Explosions*
*Gunfire*
*shot the sun*
AAAAAHHH!!!
Diamond City has stood united for over 150 years.
God bless this city. God bless the worl-
*nuke*
*All around me are familiar faces*
You're a hero, Fuckface. *Laughs*
Well look who's back.
Shoot 'em! Shoot 'em all!
Light 'em up!
*More gunfire*
Go for the eyes!
All right, fuck it.
Hey, I have a molotov cocktail, I bet I could fucking...
You don't know how to do that?
I don't know how to throw it.
Yeah.
That's great...
*mumbles incomprehensibly*
*Thunk* Oh, jesus.
Times up, bitch!
*Growls*
*Viscous dog attack noises*
*pain*
I have no idea how to throw that stupid fucking thing...
I might not have it equipped, you're right.
Oh, there I go. I feel really good now. Yeah yeah.
Literal fear is no- We're going to quicksave.
When you hold a pool que in your hand
Now I'm going to hit them with this fucking thing.
*The sound of completely missing their targets*
Go!
*Glass break*
*extreme pain*
Shit!
*Pow*
*Bang*
*Pew*
*Incomprehensible pain*
*The smell of burning corpse*
Shit!
We're losing people!
Got this, keep going.
*Imagine the taste of dirty hands*
Flush 'em out!
Eat this!
*dawning comprehension *
Lets get the hell out of he-
*BOOM*
*Ear ringing*
*Groan cough hack*
*Growl* What the fu-
*Another viscous dog attack*
*wow*
End of the line.
N-Nooo...
Nailed it.
Motherfucker!
You're gonna fucking pay for this!
*Bang*
*Pop*
*Click click shit*
Oh shit! Dude!
I need help
*Machinedog fire*
Oh, fuck this.
*Rambodog continues*
*meme*
Good job, dog. *bark*
Augh, fuck me. Bullet in the kne-
Take that, you shit.
I'm the strongest.
Look how strong I am. That's you wife!
No! No! N-No! No!
*wife smash*
Nah, she's good
It's going to be really embarassing when someone comes by and sees like how these guys died.
Man, my pool-que-fu is so strong.
Yeah.
Oh yeah, Dogmeat, did you find something in this corner?
Yeah.
Or are you talking about this thing, this big robot that I'm going to get into right now?
*plot*
Oh my god!
How embarrassing...
*sunbutt slam*
Wow, you think that guy would have noticed a seven foot tall mega rob-
*Death approaches*
Oh shit!
*ROAAAAAAAR*
Hold on, no, hold on.
Okay, where did that...
...I recall deathclaws looking not like Diablo
They actually looked just like Diablo.
I-I remember the ones in Fallout 3 looking dorkier than this.
Yeah, that's what they look like.
*sasha*
*the sound of doing absolutely nothing to damage a deathclaw*
*Distracting fire*
*Pew*
*Popcap funtime*
*plan B is plan A, but point-blank*
*Luna getting her shit kicked in*
Hold on, what if I could shoot- Aw, jesus...
Oh, I don't have enough AP. I need to save up my AP for a big critical attack like a hero.
Yeah, yeah, ooh...
*Dramatic*
*Brick hit*
*Aggravation*
*Intense growling*
Naw, it's cool, my dog's got it.
*Bark of confidence*
*Top 10 anime showdowns*
I do have a question for you, Todd. Can Dogmeat die?
He cannot die. Okay...
*Todd lies again*
Nooooooooo!!!
*Revenge ensues*
*don't worry, they're using nerf darts*
Yeah, they don't like getting shot in the head. Here's a critical.
*Victory music*
*The sound of their hearts breaking*
Barely hurt him at all... Yeah...
Alright, let's try that one again. *yawn*
You should... um... try to shoot him in the head one to two- two- seventy thousand more times. I don't know.
What!? Fuck!
*Bark*
Flush 'em out!