WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:00.060 --> 00:00:02.320 [Celestia]:Oh, shit! [Luna]:Wait, wait, watch, watch- 00:00:02.320 --> 00:00:04.320 [The Two Shitlords]: Oooooh! 00:00:05.740 --> 00:00:06.940 Friday the 13th 00:00:06.940 --> 00:00:09.320 One of Atlas' best games! 00:00:09.480 --> 00:00:09.980 What? 00:00:16.840 --> 00:00:17.340 Alright! 00:00:17.340 --> 00:00:17.920 Oh shit! 00:00:17.940 --> 00:00:18.440 Okay. 00:00:18.440 --> 00:00:19.740 Why are there monsters? 00:00:19.740 --> 00:00:21.180 They're- They- Okay, as a kid, 00:00:21.180 --> 00:00:23.380 I just assumed these were Sasquatches. 00:00:23.380 --> 00:00:24.960 Yeah? Just ignore them. 00:00:24.980 --> 00:00:25.880 No, you need them. 00:00:25.880 --> 00:00:27.420 Cuz... that's the only way you get items. 00:00:27.420 --> 00:00:28.860 Oh, fuck this. 00:00:28.980 --> 00:00:32.080 And you want to get rid of the fucking rock 00:00:32.080 --> 00:00:34.260 [Luna]:As soon as fucking possible. [Celestia]:No shit, because the rock- 00:00:34.260 --> 00:00:35.180 Yeah!! [Painful screech] 00:00:35.460 --> 00:00:36.900 Whoa, whoa? 00:00:36.910 --> 00:00:38.000 Whoa! 00:00:38.000 --> 00:00:38.556 No, this is just- 00:00:38.560 --> 00:00:40.300 Are you a dream warrior now? 00:00:40.640 --> 00:00:41.640 [Alarm] What's... What's that? 00:00:42.120 --> 00:00:43.440 The Jason alarm! 00:00:43.440 --> 00:00:44.700 What is the Jason alarm? 00:00:44.720 --> 00:00:48.040 He's killing kids in that flashing cabin. 00:00:48.040 --> 00:00:50.660 Then you gotta fight Jason like a dream warrior like Laurence Fish-- 00:00:50.660 --> 00:00:52.740 You gotta fight him like fucking Punch Out! 00:00:52.740 --> 00:00:53.660 What? 00:01:02.400 --> 00:01:05.100 Oh my god! It's actually Punch Out. 00:01:06.100 --> 00:01:08.060 What is this weird horse shit? 00:01:08.340 --> 00:01:09.400 Where's his knife? 00:01:11.000 --> 00:01:12.280 Ahhh! He fucking killed me! 00:01:12.600 --> 00:01:13.500 Ah, he's super tough. 00:01:13.500 --> 00:01:15.240 Super tough! 00:01:15.240 --> 00:01:17.880 Now you gonna play a different character. 00:01:17.880 --> 00:01:20.300 Okay, I gotta remember who's got a good jump. 00:01:20.740 --> 00:01:21.800 Oh, it's a bad jump. 00:01:22.500 --> 00:01:23.880 I need the knife. 00:01:23.880 --> 00:01:25.560 You need the knife so bad. 00:01:25.840 --> 00:01:27.200 My rules are: 00:01:27.200 --> 00:01:28.000 Get the knife, 00:01:28.040 --> 00:01:29.160 Yeah? 00:01:29.200 --> 00:01:30.340 Get the knife, 00:01:30.400 --> 00:01:31.260 And get the knife? 00:01:31.260 --> 00:01:31.940 Get the knife. 00:01:31.940 --> 00:01:32.560 Oh, shit. 00:01:32.940 --> 00:01:34.120 Children! 00:01:34.120 --> 00:01:35.880 Oh god. He's at the lake! 00:01:35.880 --> 00:01:36.980 You gotta go left. 00:01:37.260 --> 00:01:38.360 Ya gotta haul ass. 00:01:38.360 --> 00:01:39.740 To Lollapalooza, but I have to- 00:01:39.740 --> 00:01:41.020 There's the knife! 00:01:41.020 --> 00:01:41.740 Oh shit! 00:01:41.880 --> 00:01:42.520 Thank you! 00:01:42.740 --> 00:01:43.940 Hurry your ass off. 00:01:43.940 --> 00:01:45.100 I'm going, I'm going. 00:01:45.100 --> 00:01:46.640 You need to save the babies. 00:01:47.480 --> 00:01:48.580 "Thank you!" 00:01:48.900 --> 00:01:51.760 These aren't kids that you can like get anything from. 00:01:51.760 --> 00:01:52.260 Oh. 00:01:52.260 --> 00:01:53.280 They're on energies so like- 00:01:53.280 --> 00:01:54.220 Take from them. 00:01:54.660 --> 00:01:55.700 [Hoarse laughter] 00:01:56.420 --> 00:01:58.240 Take everything! 00:01:58.240 --> 00:01:58.960 Nothing. 00:01:58.960 --> 00:02:00.340 No, they don't want it. 00:02:00.420 --> 00:02:02.100 Can you fight Jason in here too- or what? 00:02:02.220 --> 00:02:02.720 AH! 00:02:02.720 --> 00:02:03.980 OHSHIT! He got a machete! 00:02:04.440 --> 00:02:05.900 Ah, is that a machete? Really? 00:02:05.900 --> 00:02:06.500 Yeah. 00:02:06.900 --> 00:02:08.020 It's not a very good looking machete. 00:02:08.880 --> 00:02:10.720 But weirdly it makes it easier to fight... 00:02:10.720 --> 00:02:11.220 Oh! 00:02:11.220 --> 00:02:12.020 So okay- 00:02:12.120 --> 00:02:13.620 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:02:14.100 --> 00:02:14.880 So fast! 00:02:14.880 --> 00:02:16.040 He's so fast! 00:02:16.360 --> 00:02:17.120 Yeah! 00:02:17.560 --> 00:02:18.400 He's dead as shit. 00:02:18.400 --> 00:02:19.160 You're doing it. 00:02:19.160 --> 00:02:20.320 You win... for now. 00:02:21.880 --> 00:02:24.480 This is not true to the spirit of Jason. 00:02:24.580 --> 00:02:25.620 What would be? 00:02:25.620 --> 00:02:27.480 He kills you and you die! 00:02:27.860 --> 00:02:29.480 "Thank you," Debbie says. 00:02:29.480 --> 00:02:31.700 And now Debbie and you bone. 00:02:31.840 --> 00:02:32.340 So-- 00:02:32.340 --> 00:02:33.000 Super hard. 00:02:33.000 --> 00:02:33.500 I wish. 00:02:33.500 --> 00:02:34.820 There is no character in-- 00:02:34.820 --> 00:02:36.500 Heeyyyyyy, gurl. 00:02:36.540 --> 00:02:38.540 Y'know what saves you from Jason? 00:02:38.540 --> 00:02:40.420 Co-pu-la-tion! 00:02:40.420 --> 00:02:41.540 This dick! 00:02:41.970 --> 00:02:43.890 So what do you do now? 00:02:44.800 --> 00:02:47.120 You have to wander to the house and Jason might be in there. 00:02:47.780 --> 00:02:48.720 Axe! 00:02:48.720 --> 00:02:49.900 This is bullshit. 00:02:51.360 --> 00:02:52.420 This is dumb. 00:02:53.040 --> 00:02:53.960 Why? 00:02:53.960 --> 00:02:54.800 Why what? 00:02:54.800 --> 00:02:56.960 Why would he switch up from his machete? 00:02:57.440 --> 00:02:59.220 I-, Maybe he lost it? 00:02:59.220 --> 00:03:00.440 It's his favorite. 00:03:02.440 --> 00:03:04.020 Laura, you're my favorite. 00:03:04.220 --> 00:03:04.940 Was she? 00:03:05.720 --> 00:03:08.100 Oh, let's go hang out in the forest. Let's fuck with Jason's mom. 00:03:08.100 --> 00:03:10.620 You're not gonna live. You're gonna die. 00:03:10.980 --> 00:03:14.240 Because you can find Jason's mom's sweater in the forest. 00:03:15.520 --> 00:03:16.760 Oh, I'm not doing good. 00:03:16.760 --> 00:03:17.620 You're so dumb. 00:03:17.620 --> 00:03:18.420 Not doing good. 00:03:18.420 --> 00:03:20.500 It'll be-- that's-- there! There it is! 00:03:20.740 --> 00:03:24.800 Now you're in the evil dark scary forest where that ninja game takes place. 00:03:24.800 --> 00:03:25.300 Ooo! 00:03:34.080 --> 00:03:34.740 Ohhh! 00:03:34.740 --> 00:03:36.080 Wow, wow. 00:03:38.580 --> 00:03:44.100 I did not know that Jason has a team of hyper-intelligent fox dogs. 00:03:44.100 --> 00:03:46.280 Yeah, well, what good killer wouldn't? 00:03:46.280 --> 00:03:46.860 *bark* 00:03:49.660 --> 00:03:51.300 [Luna]: Krissi's fast as shit. 00:03:51.300 --> 00:03:51.980 [Celestia]: Look at her. 00:03:52.300 --> 00:03:58.340 She got all that... strong legs from working on the track team. 00:04:02.500 --> 00:04:06.860 I mean to say that she was on track, not that she was working on the team. 00:04:07.000 --> 00:04:08.700 That's exactly what you said. 00:04:08.700 --> 00:04:09.200 Yeah. 00:04:09.640 --> 00:04:11.720 Which is... which is gross. 00:04:11.720 --> 00:04:12.820 It's not great. 00:04:14.320 --> 00:04:15.480 It'd probably be pretty great. 00:04:15.480 --> 00:04:17.300 Ah, noooo. 00:04:17.300 --> 00:04:17.860 I-I knew- I knew! [Rambling] 00:04:17.860 --> 00:04:19.440 You're not... you're not cautious. 00:04:19.600 --> 00:04:22.260 Ughhh George- You're my one dude left. 00:04:22.260 --> 00:04:24.180 That's why Jason's better at Punch Out than you. 00:04:33.320 --> 00:04:34.760 George looks like shit! 00:04:35.840 --> 00:04:37.300 He's like, "Yeeeah!" 00:04:37.300 --> 00:04:39.240 "Jason come get this shit!" 00:04:39.240 --> 00:04:40.400 "Bitch!" 00:05:05.980 --> 00:05:08.080 You and your friends are dead! 00:05:08.300 --> 00:05:09.720 Game Over! 00:05:09.720 --> 00:05:10.840 Fucking dead! 00:05:10.840 --> 00:05:12.600 I really wish you were dead... 00:05:12.600 --> 00:05:13.400 Nah!