Back again, I see!
I don't know if you've realized,
but every time you reset time,
pun intended,
I'll be pulled back with you
waiting to alter history!
Y'know, you're really wrecking the timeline,
No I'm not!
Yes you are!
You're just saying that to make me feel bad
so I'll stop wrecking the timeline!
Okay; I have dealt with some dense magical idiots
But what exactly is your purpose,
if you don't think you're screwing up time as we know it?
Ho, I was worried you wouldn't ask me about my
tragic backstory.
I didn't mean justification
for why you're such a piece of crap.
Well, a long time ago,
when I was very young,
I was friends with a little boy.
When one day,
he moved away.
Is that it?
Okay, wait, I didn't tell it right,
Did you not know how to write letters, or...
Well, let me explain:
This is gonna sound really weird,
so let me get it all out there,
Okay.
Go.
So: I remember him having
the cutest bottom,
but the thing is,
-We're talking a little kid, right?
This is why I said
you have to let me finish.
I imagine him as an adult now,
(See?)
and-and, you know how when you grow up,
your body grows out,
and you become more attractive.
Uh...
Well, I imagine that
had we stayed in touch,
that probably would've happened.
But instead, Sunburst found out
that his talent was magic,
and he ran away to
Celestia's school for kids with special needs.
Kids with special talents.
Wait, did you say Sunburst?
Sunburst!
With buttcheeks as round as the moon,
and just as far out of my grasps.
Yeah!
I went to school with him.
No you didn't.
Yeah, I did.
He was in my class.
He got herpes.
He was like a solid
seven out of ten before that.
Seven out of ten?
But-but he must've--well, but what about
This imagination might be
a little out there.
Huh,
Well there goes my whole motivation.
Yeah,
So, anyway,
I'm the god of
[intentionally incomprehensible]
and I can keep doing this for eternity.
But I figure you've got, like,
forty years.
Not if I ascend to godhood as well!
Nah,
I'm just gonna keep pulling you back here.
Y'know, if you you want,
I could re-introduce you to Sunburst.
I mean,
He still has herpes, but,
he's taking medicine for it.
Y'know,
That's okay.
I guess I did romanticize a bit.
We haven't kept in touch,
so it would be a bit
y'know, awkward now.
Maybe it's time to let go of Sunburst.
Maybe you and I could just be friends!
Well, let's review:
you started a cult,
you stole my cutie mark,
you tried to brainwash me,
you broke into my..
tree castle,
and you tried to destroy time itself.
Well, when you put it that way,
it sounds pretty bad,
but I had a pretty dark childhood
-well, with my friend moving away and all-
so I think you can excuse my motivations
-No. No.
I can't let this go.
Starlight Glimmer,
I Princess Sparkle,
by the power vested in me by godhood,
do hereby sentence you
to six consecutive life sentences
as friends with the elements of harmony.
Huh,
When you put it that way
it almost sounds like some kind of punishment.
Yeah,
Wednesday is monopoly night.
I suggest you bring a lot of scotch
and a garbage bag.