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The mind is a funny thing. We pull a lot of tricks on ourselves to bolster our own egos and remain confident in spite of all contradictory evidence. However, for the record, I should point out that Allen has successfully dated women and has some really hilarious stories about a few of his past relationships.

Allen really did find that rag laying in the public hallway of our apartment complex, though. It MIGHT have been ours originally, but if it wasn't, it's ours now. Eventually we plan to apply this same finders-keepers rule to a couch.