WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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*An offkey version of the MLP theme*

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*A foreboding theme, heavy emphasis on the low notes*

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*Repeating angelic chanting + NAS theme*

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*Chanting becomes more punctuated and spread out*

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*Chanting begins to shift offkey*

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*Drums and cymbal with bass, indicating a factory*

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*A very dark and sinster theme*

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*Shifts to a postive and upbeat theme*

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Hello, Twilight.

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Oh my gosh, Rarity thank God you're here. I am so bored! I have cleaned and polished the magic table three times today.

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Oh, really? You do that? I thought it was magically self-cleaning.

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It's a mysterious and Arcane magical artifact; aside from detecting small amounts of emotional stress anywhere in the world, nobody knows what it does.

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Oh that reminds me. Do you think we should keep eating breakfast on it, like we have been?

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I dunno.

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You don't think the Magic seeps into the pancakes, do you?

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Well, you guys comin' over for breakfast is pretty much my entire social life!

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It's like, I-It's like you can you know it's, it's probably fine.

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Hmm.

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Well, you know when I was bored,

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I once played connect the dots with the bumps on my ceiling. Oh, but I know something you can do.

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Twilight, can you collect taxes?

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Taxes?

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Yeah, you know, when ponies give you money, because you're the princess?

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Oh.

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Oh, I have a history book about this.

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*magic noises*

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Once upon a time,

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legends say that, long ago, there was such a thing, called "taxes".

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On Celestuary 24th, the legal plan was uttered forth. That ponies paid the princess on the basis of their legal worth.

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A pony was appointed,

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but the plan became disjointed when he couldn't get a penny, 'cause he couldn't count past 20.

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The problem was abated with a warble and a garble,

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when the pony they'd related choked to death upon a marble.

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Sweetie nearly died from that, but I was there to slap her back.

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I guess that's good, but try to focus, here the story comes to locus.

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A new collector comes to town. Got his numbers written down.

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Sees himself from door to door, ponies ask him what it's for.

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For the princess, he replies. Ponies say they'd rather die. Slammed the door upon his face.

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He declares they'll find their place! To the courts he drags them all, entire town will take the fall.

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Ponies lose the legal battle. They don't know their lawyer prattle.

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But one thing they had was pitch, and the mind to pitch a fit.

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Throw some torches in the mix, and things are looking down a bit.

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Upon the stake, collector hoisted, where his pants were bluntly moistened.

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Dragged him out to center square, where they deigned to set him there.

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Light your fire, say a prayer.

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All gods watching anywhere, let this burning sate your needs. Forget about these taxing deeds.

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All our leaders, here and now, those in future reading how, how we set this fool aflame, can we really take the blame ?

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Simple creatures, one and all. Only one should take the fall.

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Remember now, this thing we do, and we can say there wasn't two.

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That collector was the last of all collectors in the past,

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here, within the story penned about his gruesome, gory end.

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Now this book no longer waxes 'bout the tale of pony taxes.

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I love books so much.

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Yeah, yeah, we know you do. That's why we bought that self-help book, to help you get over this. Did it work?

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I-I-I didn't really read it...

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We are just practically throwing money away on you!

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I don't have a problem!

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I-I'm sure y-you could probably write a friendship BOOK about the problems you don't have with books.

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But speaking of friendship, do you suppose that you could collect taxes for a friendship reason?

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Well, I suppose I am the friendship princess, so I have to say yes, or otherwise,

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I'm just objectively admitting that the only thing I do as princess is make a great toy!

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Oh my god, that's adorable! I love it!

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Yeah, the griffins have been making 'em.

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Well- Well, their kids have been...

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for, like, affordable pricing...

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Okay, well I have an affordable, multi-step plan for the tax money.

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This looks really ambitious.

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I mean, because you're gonna have a really tough time explaining what you're trying to do, with just these drawings.

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I plan to open as many boutiques as I can count.

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There's only three here - that's how many you are already own.

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Oh.

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Well, I got bored of drawing.

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Lately, I've been feeling really bored about living.

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You think that's normal? I feel like it kinda' came up on me gradually.

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I dunno, Twilight. You're, like, at the top.

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Try to strive for something better than princess, maybe?

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The point is, I'm gonna' need a lot of money.

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How much money are you gonna' need, exactly?

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How high can you count?

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Well, I can count to 100.

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That much! 100!

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But, recently, I've been studying a new, theoretical number, called the Twi-hundred.

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Oh- heh. Oh, that's what I thought you said bef-.That's how much I need.

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A Twi-hundred is when you count to 100, 100 times.

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Isn't that just 100?

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Nooo.

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But you said you count to 100, 100 times, so don't you just get to 100 every time?

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*magic noises*

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Okay, you see these marbles?

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*gasp* Is this a Twi-hundred marbles? There's so many...

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No, no, no, no. This is, like, 30 marbles.

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Oh yeah, no, I-I knew that. That's still a lot of marbles, though.

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I have a theory that all numbers are just smaller parts of other numbers.

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*slap*

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I'm sorry, I thought you were gonna' try to swallow that. Just reflex.

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Just, watch this.

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*magic splitting sounds*

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Why did you break your marble, Twilight?! I'm not gonna' buy you another one!

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Okay, I'm j-. I'm sorry, I scold Sweetie Belle so often, I'm jus- I-I... Go ahead.

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How many marbles is this?

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It's- It's one broken marble.

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No! It's two!

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You can't just change one into two, Twilight! Otherwise, cats and dogs are gonna get gay-married!

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But, Rarity! We could collect Twi-hundred taxes, and- and there might even be more than Twi-Hundred taxes inside that Twi-Hundred!

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*gasp*

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Wait, could we really?

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Oh, uh... I got a little excited. It's all theoretical.

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What- what if I told you I might be wrong?

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I am incredibly excited right now, and I would be extremely let-down!

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If you had to estimate exactly how let-down... Like, how let-down do you think we're talking?

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I will inhale a marble, just to spite you!

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Okay! That's- that's kind of what I thought, sooo, that's our conflict for today.

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Let's figure out how to collect taxes.

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So, you'll do it?

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Well, I mean,

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This is why ponies become rulers, right? To help their friends get things they wouldn't have access to without their royal power?

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I mean. If that's not pure, wholesome friendship, I don't know what else to call it.

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*techno music*